“Why can’t you ask for my help?”

 

I turned around and saw a different Rian in front of me; she was now Lee Jikyung, JB’s first love. Jiyeon looked really vulnerable with the make-over. It made her look a lot more striking, the naivety and innocence suit her best. But I suddenly felt a pang of guilt rush through me when I noticed the sadness emanating from her eyes; she clearly misunderstood what she overheard about me not wanting her help.

 

“JB-ssi?” she called for me? Oh wait, I think I’ve stared too much..

 

“No—no. It’s n-not what you think,” I stuttered for I don’t know how to clear her misconception about earlier. I don’t know how to make her feel better. I’m quite hopeless.

 

“Then why?” there’s still a hint of melancholy in her voice.

 

“It’s just that..” I took a deep breath and decided to tell her the help that I need. But I wouldn’t really tell her that the reason for me not wanting her help is my fear of having the chance to get too close to her when we’re not in the filming, the fear of wanting more from her when she decided to help me, the fear of not able to resist my overwhelming feelings when I’m with her, I don’t have the nerve to tell her all that but instead; I would rather risk my pride as an actor.

 

Maybe telling her half of the truth would suffice just to clear the misunderstanding, I looked down,

“Well, I have a crying scene coming up today but I don’t..” I gulped and continued, “ I don’t know how to cry,” I bit my lower lip, feeling so ashamed having it admitted to Jiyeon; I actually risked revealing my shameless side of being an actor.

 

“Chincha?”I looked up, seeing her expression incomprehensible.

 

“Neh. I was just ashamed of the fact that I couldn’t shed a tear that’s why I can’t ask for your help. But since you’ve misunderstood, I felt the need to tell it to you. It’s really nothing like what you thought earlier.” Yeah, you could curse the director now for hiring such an incompetent actor like me.

 

“Oh. Sorry. I really thought you weren’t confident enough for what I could actually offer. I thought..”  her voice trailed off, “Well, I could help you if you want,” she happily offered! Am I dreaming? If I do, let me sleep more, don’t wake me up yet! :D

 

The way her eyes looked hopeful that I would accept her help was priceless! I am such a damn lucky guy! She didn’t even mock me or anything for being unable to cry. Instead, she was actually willing to help me? She’s an angel in disguise, I swear!

 

“Oh why, thank you. It’s my greatest pleasure to be learning from a veteran,” I couldn’t help my excitement of how she’s more than willing to extend a hand to someone like me.

 

“Veteran? Not really,” her cheeks colored faintly.  Aigoo, she’s even cuter when she blushed in her lee jikyung look. She’s really a modest one.

 

There happened an awkward silence which engulfed us for a couple of seconds.

 

“So,. Where do we start?” I broke the ice.

 

“Well,”

 

“JB,Rian and Haesung, get ready.” We heard the director call for us.

 

While walking our way towards the set, we talked, “What do you want, technical or emotional?”

 

I don’t really go for the emotional thing so I chose, “Technical.”

 

“I want you to focus your eyes on one spot, try not blinking for a few seconds. And you’ll soon shed a tear. Try it,” If I wasn’t mistaken, she was so excited to teach me, she seemed so enthusiastic about it.

 

I then focused on one spot, like what she told me, but she was so focused on me too, she was looking at me way too melting that I couldn’t actually focus.

 

PAK.

 

I just earned a playful slap from her, “Yah! Concentrate. Again.”

 

“I’m trying,”

 

I refocused my vision on something else, I was trying not to blink,

 

1..

 

 

2..

 

 

3..

 

 

4..

 

 

5…

 

Then my eyes started to itch.

 

“Don’t blink.”

 

It’s hard but with her encouragement, I could still sustain my eyes not blinking,

 

 

9..

 

 

10..

 

“Don’t blink your eyes yet, you’re almost there.”

Soon after, I suddenly felt the fluid starting to form around the corners of my eyes.

 

 

18..

 

19...

 

 

20..

 

I could totally feel my eyes sting that I badly wanted to blink my eyes already,

 

“Now, blink.”

 

I blinked. I felt the continuous flow of tears from eyes. Like what? I’m literally crying now. I looked at her with a smile on my face, “I am really crying.”

 

“Yes!” she nodded excitedly and added, “You now look like crying out of tears of joy! Daebak! ”

 

“It actually worked?” I couldn’t believe it!                                                     

 

“Yes, of course! Charisso! But you have to practice more so that you’d be able to shed tears in less than 20 seconds or even in  less than 10!”

 

“Kumowaya,Jiyeon-ssi!”

 

“No problem! You still wanna know the emotional part?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“There are two ways in here, this will be just brief. First, try putting yourself in the shoes of your character. What do you think will you feel if that actually happened to you? What will you do if ever you face the same situation? Feel everything your role has to offer. Feel the character inside you. Make him live a part of you. And sure enough it wouldn’t be that hard to cry.“

 

That’s why all of her roles made me feel the right emotions because of the depth she lays in her acting. I don’t know if I could actually do that but if I really had to do it, I guess I’ll give a try.

 

“In 5 minutes..” the director reminded me. “JB and Haesung, on my cue.. Rian, stand by.”

 

“and the second?” I’m quite eager now for the emotional one; the way she’s telling me her acting tips, it felt like I’m learning a part of her too. ‘Cause y’know acting is her passion.

 

She smiled, “This is gonna be brief too. The second requires a personal touch of your life. Think of the most painful experience you ever had, think back of how you felt, feel it again, let your feelings flow carelessly.. Imagine how devastated you were, how everything seemed to be out of your grasp, how wrong everything seemed to be and then let it all out; use this feelings to act naturally. Act everything out like it just happened fresh and anew. I bet it would trigger your emotions and in no time, tears will fall uncontrollably.”

 

“Whoa. In any case, do you actually conduct an acting workshop?”I couldn’t help but admire more this girl.

 

She giggled, “ Yah.. Don’t be kidding me.”

 

“But you sounded like a pro acting mentor. No kidding,” I stated with high regard.

 

“JB-ssi,” she wasn’t really enjoying compliments when she really deserved one. To what extent is her modesty actually? I kept getting amused by this girl.

 

“Anyway, I’m really grateful Jiyeon. I hope I can use it well.” I thanked her awkwardly.

 

“Don’t mention it. You could always ask me if you needed my help for anything.  Though I wouldn’t be sure if I would be of great help but I’ll make it to a point to try my best. Don’t be hesitant again the next time, okay”

 

“Neh,” I ineptly replied. Hopefully, I’d have the courage to do so, especially knowing how she’s so willing to give a hand.

 

“JB,Haesung, in your places,” our director then notified us.

 

“Remember what I taught you, you could actually do all those three simultaneously, hwaiting!” Jiyeon whispered to me before we finally start the scene.

 

“Lights.. Camera.. Action!”

 

I could entirely sense Jiyeon’s full attention on me; her gaze was making me unable to gather together my thoughts. Jaebum, don’t lose it. Aisshh.

 

“CUT!”

 

I’m ruined. How could I face Jiyeon now? The scene wasn’t even starting properly and yet, aigoo..

 

“JB, you looked like you’re about to space out, are you okay?”

 

“Neh. Sorry about that direct, I’m fine.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Then I spotted Jiyeon, I smiled awkwardly, she mouthed the words, “You can do it!”

 

“Yes, I’m more than okay, director-nim,” I assured them.

 

“Ready.Action!”

 

I stoop my head. I reminded myself of everything Jiyeon told me. It’s hard when it’s the real deal already. It sounded easy when she was telling me. But I tried my best..

 

Sora noona then gave me the rubic cube, “This is for you, try to turn this, you feel better.”

 

I could actually feel it already but there’s something missing.. Somehow, I was still doing okay I guess ‘cause our director wasn’t showing any sign to cut the scene so I just continued with my act although it felt lacking in some ways.

I got then the rubic cube from sora noona , “Try to turn this, you will feel better, especially when you want to cry.” She then walked away while I continued my half-assed crying. Sorry for the word but I really felt that there’s something lacking in it, but maybe our director forgave me because I’m still a rookie actor after all. And we’re rushing to film because he was gone for 5 days. We can’t afford to lose any more time just because of me.

 

“CUT! Next, Rian and Haesung, on my cue. Stand by, JB.”

 

Rian was rushing to meet JB and somehow, without Haesung and Rian knowing it, they had actually crossed paths two years ago. They nailed it flawlessly.  And it was my turn again. This time with Jiyeon.

 

“JB and Rian, on my signal.”

 

I stoop my head again, following every little thing Jiyeon instructed me earlier. Jiyeon then joined me on the scene; I suddenly felt both of her hands around me. She rested her chin on my shoulder. Thank goodness, I actually had my head bowed down this time around or else our director would have yelled “cut” again if he saw how I got distracted.

 

“I heard about your father. Your debut stage… It would have been nice if he could have seen it. He was so waiting for it.” What is this feeling? Why do I suddenly feel so emotional?And.. and.. , I think I’m going to cry for reals any minute soon. Jiyeon’s acting is so professional, she’s getting me affected with her acting skills.

 

“Let’s.. break-up,” whoa. It actually hurt saying those words. It bothers me how I felt like the pain from breaking up with Jiyeon was raw. “I made a promise to my father,” I suddenly felt that she was taking her hand off my shoulder gradually, “that I would become the best. So that I can stand on my debut stage, I couldn’t even be there for his deathbed,” she was silently crying continuously, “The promise I made to become the best, I want to keep at least that promise to him.”

I wanted to punch JB right now. I mean, is it really reasonable enough to break up with Rian like that? She was even there trying to comfort him and yet he had to break her heart like that? She’s the only one he had now that he’s father was gone and yet he’s letting her go just like that. Sometimes  I really don’t understand my character.

 

Rian remained speechless after JB officially broke up with her. She continued to cry helplessly. The way Jiyeon was crying, I wanted to comfort her but that would be against the script. I won’t do anything troublesome or else, I’d be doomed. I continued to cry too in ways I don’t understand.

 

“Cut! Good job you two! Keep it up!”

 

We both immediately dried our tears. Jiyeon turned to me soon after, “Well done JB-ssi! I knew it, you’re a fast-learner!”

I wanted to tell her I didn’t manage to apply precisely what she taught; it’s only because of her acting skills that I kinda pulled off crying. But of course, it would be a shame telling that so, “ No. It’s the other way around. You’re the good teacher here.”

 

“There you are again,” she sighed, she’s consistently being modest, ”Honestly, for a first-timer, you did really well. I’m sure our director’s very impressed too!” she gave me her two thumbs-up then a ring on her phone cut our conversation, “Oh well, sorry, I have to pick up this call,”

 

“It’s okay. Thanks again!”  She gave me a wink in reply and proceeded to her call.

 

Although I feel very cheerful right now, somehow bits of the emotions on the scene earlier kept nagging me. Why do I feel awful? Did I invest too much of my emotions this time? Aisshh, me and my weird self again.

 

---

There you go for another chapter! Comment and Subscribe! ♥

 

Cheers!