Jiyeon’s POV

Even though how much elation I felt for Ailee, I didn’t get to have a drink. Don’t even assume that I was being too picky or plastic, it’s just that as a CCM artist, we were trained to discipline ourselves from our food intakes and therefore maintaining a balanced diet and so, for the long years that I’ve been under the supervision of Core Contents Media, I’ve learnt to restrain myself from any food/drink that might harm my health and proper nutrition. And so, having drinks at any cause is a big no no. And maybe because of the disciplinary actions I’ve undergone, aside from the fact that I’ve learnt taekwondo for 7 years, not for bragging but I’m one of the strongest idols out there physically, I can manhandle as much as anyone I want, well technically but of course I don’t do that.

So back to the party, to at least not hurt Ailee’s ego due to my not drinking mode though I can just have banana milk for all I want, I took a glass of tequila and placed it in front of me just in case they’d notice that I wasn’t up for drinking. For the record, I won’t drink, it’s just a front while we all talk and eat and anyway, they’re too busy getting drunk so it won’t even matter if I don’t drink; it’s just a matter of visual thingy. So instead of drinking, I was intent on watching someone drinking like there’s no tomorrow whom just moments ago, I warned not to drink too much. When he caught me watching, he held my gaze for a few moments and something strange registered through those very eyes which are staring at me right now. I don’t know what to make out of it whether remorse or frustration or even fear, it’s something remotely close to that, if you get what I mean? I’m not even sure myself. Whatever that was, I was troubled, and I was the first one to break our eye contact; ‘cause despite it all, I couldn’t risk us getting caught with how deep our gazes locked.

Absentmindedly, I downed the very drink in front of me. Despite all the blabbering I’ve had with all the discipline, I ended up being completely overthrown with my emotions; I think I took another drink, not just for my front this time but I downed it completely. I felt that by doing so, at the least, I could share whatever it is that he was going through; I couldn’t comfort him where he’s so out of my reach. I couldn’t risk exposing whatever it is that we have just because I want to go into his side to comfort him. That’s just unbearable and yet all I could do was to drink.

When I was about to take another glass to drink, someone stopped me, seizing my arms. I looked up seeing Jinwoon oppa and I was clearly annoyed at his being kill-joy,

“Wae? Whash wrong wif you?” Uh-oh. It’s more like there’s something wrong with me. I think I just slurred. Not good. This is what happens when I drink! That’s why I really don’t drink at any cause, it’s not that I was being too obedient or disciplined, forget whatever I said earlier, I just said it because I felt the need to give whatever that was expected for me to say with an idol’s rationale but in fact, I hate it when I’m becoming this awful speaker and shameful drinker. Really, I’m having this exaggerated drunken state of speaking and once, I ended up puking the hell out of my intestines immediately after the drink; that’s why I promised myself not to drink ever again.

“That’s why,” Jinwoon oppa accusingly told me. He didn’t even bother explaining because it was so obvious that I couldn’t handle drinking any more than I’d already have.

I gulped hoping that somehow I would find my voice back to normal, “You weally don’t hurve to beeee kirr-joy ooppa,” No way. I thought I had gained control of my slurred speech but I guess 2 whole glasses of Tequila in two shots were too much for me; too strong actually. I swear I really don’t drink.

“Enough is enough,” he sounded just like my dad. How in the world could that happen? Blame it on that tequila. Ugh. But that’s probable though, that he could still sound like my abuji, I think. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s being all too worked up about this; he’s too concern and it’s bothering me already. So I needed to get a little of space away from him.

At the corner of my eyes, I saw JB oppa’s facial expression darken. Believe it or not, even with my drunken state, I could clearly tell that he’s pissed off at the sight of Jinwoon-oppa near me. And so, even though I felt so dizzy and hazy to stand, I tried walking my way out of Jinwoon oppa’s reach. I don’t want to add up in JB oppa’s dilemmas. But before anything of that happens, I passed out. Lovely. What a scene I must have caused. What a sight to see. Ugh. I’m hopeless. This has got to be listed as one of the major reasons why I shouldn’t really drink even in extreme cases! Dang it. Instead of comforting JB oppa, I even gave him additional headache. I wonder how he reacted…

Hmmmm. The next thing I knew was that I was dreaming. I wasn’t even asleep, just unconscious. The hell? Asleep or unconscious, it’s all the same but it still makes no sense that I know that I’m dreaming. Weird and ironic. Worst things really happen when I do drink. I reminded myself once more to never ever drink again. And how I managed to still process that thought in the middle of dreaming, go figure.

In the dream, I was about to dance in front of a very large mob in a hallyu concert. When the music hit on, I started dancing but something was very off just about everything.  Guess I was right; because after a few seconds of dancing, my body wasn’t even warmed up, I saw them switched off their lightsticks all at the same time- this is what they call black ocean. And before I knew it, I was soaked wet with egg yolks, egg shells entangled with my hair and stuck through my clothes all because of a number of eggs they’ve thrown at me. I don’t understand why I suffered such disrespect from my audience. I was so stunned that I didn’t even try to protect myself from the incoming eggs hurled at me; I couldn’t move even an inch. After a whole round of 5 minutes of throwing eggs upon me, they’ve move on with tomatoes and that’s where I came back to my senses; I tried moving out the stage but I was helpless, I seemed glued to it. Panic rose immediately afterwards, horror struck in every bit of my cell. They were unstoppable; they were taking pleasure in throwing tomatoes at me. And then I began to wonder, where’s my manager at this moment of crisis? Where’s my t-ara unnies? And so I screamed for help. I cried for my manager. No answer; the mob was still busy chucking with all their might all those tomatoes at the stage, particularly at me. I cried for every single member of t-ara but no one came nor answered. I then started to have problems with the intake of oxygen; I was having a hard time breathing now. My body’s sore and numb all over. I tried with all my might to get out of the stage but still to no avail. I seriously needed someone to help me! And so, I decided to take the risk and call for oppa’s name for my rescue.

“JB oppa!!! Oppa!” I cried. And then I heard a voice,

“My Jiyeon..”

My heart rejoiced because I knew JB oppa will always be there for me. I searched through the crowd where he might possibly be, unmindful of the tomatoes and eggs hurled upon me, but I see no one.

I suddenly felt scorching pain in my heart. Did I just imagine his voice? So, I cried once again,

“JB oppa! Eottoke?’’

And then my eyes fluttered open. Large beads of sweat were lining on my temple. I guess I’m awake now. Thank goodness it was only a dream.  I looked around and found myself leaning on a chest. My heart was erratic at the sight of it, temporarily forgetting about the dream. His right arm was my pillow.  As I looked up to see who he was, a pair of familiar eyes was intently looking at me and he smiled genuinely.

I shed a tear at the sight of it, reminding me that it was just but a bad dream and I was perfectly safe in his arms.

“Ssssshhh. It’s just a dream. I’m here now,” and he kissed those tears away.

I snuggled closer, and before I knew it, three words surprisingly left my mouth, “I love you.”