Jung Yunho

I did what that particular Yoochun asked me to do. I am not fond of him, nor that I am very close to him but I knew he was going to tell me the truth about Kim Jaejoong, the boy I was in love with.

Kim Jaejoong...Kim Jaejoong. When I was waiting inside the Japanese restaurant where Yoochun asked me stay, the name echoed inside my head like ripples in the water after a handful of pebbles were thrown in. They would stop eventually but the emotions would stay. The feelings that I had when I was remembering him was overwhelming me. I couldn't think of anything else.

There were two bottles of liquor on the small table. I haven't got drunk yet, it takes more for me to be one. I gritted my teeth. The echoes rang more loudly than ever, rising equivalently with the amount of liquor I drank. It's getting dizzier and I'm getting more impatient.

I looked at my watch and it was past ten. The restaurant would already be closed to new customers but because I'm a rich man and Yoochun would most probably use his name too it would be no problem.

I scratched my head. What's wrong with Jaejoong?

When the question popped inside my head, the door to the room where I was waiting opened. The boy I was anticipating entered. Even though he was the same age as Jaejoong he looked much more matured than him. He was more worn out and if one caught just one glance at him he brought a charismatic aura that only half of heirs had. He was one of the most promising talents in our industry, I remembered someone saying that about him.

He didn't smile when I grinned foolishly at him. He sat down on the floor, and I knew right then that he was trained in this sector. He was trained on how to act as a real heir, of course everything was informal, but the delicacy of his movement and his body language didn't give much information. He was open to suggestion but still as mysterious.

I am near drunk, I wanted to commit suicide if this boy didn't convince me not to, I am going to end my life now but my heart eager to know about his real personality.

That's how he works.

That's how he was trained and later on he would use this business appeal in his work. He would achieve success.

"Are you drunk?" I laughed at his remark. I wasn't drunk, but I looked like one. Thank you dear Jaejoong for doing this to me.

"Would you like to have some soju?"

"No, thank you. I'm not of age yet,” I laughed. Why was I being this nervous? My heart was racing and my mind couldn't think properly. Why should I live this way? I am Jung ing Yunho! I had never been this weak!

"Well, do you want something? I'll order something for you," I was just going to press the bell to call for any waiter he stopped me. He just poured the water from a jug that was already on the table into a small glass, provided if my guest would like liquor too. He drank the content in one go.

"Listen, Jung Yunho-ssi. I am Kim Jaejoong's best friend and I knew him the best, even more than his parents ever did. If you want to listen to someone's advice about him, it's me. He didn't even know himself that well than I did, and vice versa, so I want you to listen very carefully," his words flow out smoothly and without hesitance, making the hair on the nape of my neck became stiff and erected.

"Would you tell me everything about him?"

"I would only tell you to prevent you from harming yourself not because I want to betray him. I am as loyal as a dog can be but I wouldn't risk another life."

I didn't answer. I just looked at him dumbly.

"How much do you love him?" he asked, like it was a very casual question for everyone to answer.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Do you think I really care about it?" he scoffed. I didn't mean to sound vain but apparently I did.

"So much that it hurts when he always turn his back towards me every time I said I love him,"

"But he already slept with you, and don't you think you should try a bit harder?"

"I want to die for him, isn't that sufficient enough for him to understand how much I love him?" he shook his head.

"Then what do you want next after you die? You won't get anything,"

"I know!"

"Then why are you being so stupid?" I didn't answer, I drank from the bottle, and this time I finished it.

"Because if I couldn't have him..."

"You're not the only victim," he cut me off. I put the bottle down. "He did this before and time and time again, people were put under his spell and committed suicide," my eyes went wide. What was he saying?

"Wh..."

"Jaejoong was popular in our school for being a chaebol. But he was popular too because of his beauty. A lot of times girls committed suicide after they confessed to Jaejoong." Yoochun heaved a heavy sigh. His eyes were wet, but no tears yet on his cheeks. He looked so distant. "Every time that happened, I had to cover everything up because Jaejoong couldn't handle the burden that he brought upon plus he had never fall in love,"

He had never fall in love? Really?

"But he did. Once." I looked at him in disbelief.

"Is that why he couldn't love me? Because he has a girl?"

"No. Jung Yunho, you have to be patient and don't make assumptions like that. If he had or ever had a girlfriend, he would never bother to even talk to you or let you sleep with him," I was taken aback. "The boy he was in love with died. He practically killed him because of his crazy head."

"What?"

"He would never be satisfied with only being with the person he loves. He has a funny way to love somebody, I might say now that it is not funny anymore." Yoochun looked directly into my eyes. "It is creepy and disheartening. He might look all innocent but once you say you love him, his heart would stop functioning and his greed would take over."

"What are you talking about? Impossible!"

"I know him, Yunho-ssi! He is my best friend and you should know about this," he was serious. His eyes pierced the most fragile piece of my heart. "He's returning the favour to you. He is loving you back..."

"You mean, he loves me?"

"Will you let me finish?"

"Sorry. I will." he looked irritated. I saw him shot daggers at me and I immediately cowered.

"He's going to love you back and if the greed took over him, be afraid that he would only want you to him only. It was the most possessive trait one can ever have," he stopped to take a deep breath. "The last person he loved died because of it. He's not jealous or anything, only possessive. That's why when he told you to stay away from him since the start you have to follow the advice."

I stayed silent. Yoochun looked tired. His shoulders were slumped like there was a whole tonne of weight over them. I ordered another bottle and asked for an orange juice for Yoochun. Yoochun didn't decline nor did he agree with it.

"Don't do anything stupid, yet. I heard about your engagement with Go Ara. If she knew about the reason for your suicide was for a boy, what would become of her?"

I shrugged. Who the hell cares about Go Ara right now? She was just a mistake I was about to make. But our friendship wouldn't last if this marriage didn't work. Since this evening there had been almost a hundred messages and missed calls from her. She wanted to tell me something but I had blocked her way to reach out to me. Maybe it's important but maybe it was important for her but not for me, but who cares? The glass in my head about him was shattered. My world was spinning, and my whole body shivered.

"Wasn't that just what monsters do?"

"He's not a monster. Take it back," he looked at me, his eyes glared at me.

"Eh?" I don't know if I was too drunk or really, I saw Yoochun was going to hit me with the bottle.

"He's not a monster. He is only insecure and lonely."

***

Eventually Yoochun left after I asked him what I should do next. He shrugged and said I wasn't brave enough to fight for Jaejoong because the second Jaejoong pushed me away I ran to Go Ara and decided to marry her. I told him it was because of my family's decision, and Yoochun concluded that I didn't have what it takes to handle Jaejoong.

He even mentioned the story of the boy who Jaejoong was in love with and I was so jealous. Yoochun scoffed.

'Even a high-school boy has the guts, he embraced everything that Jaejoong was and wasn't and not afraid to show it, instead of you who just kept hiding behind your family name.'

What was so special about Jaejoong? Finally I think. I was crazy, and I made insane decisions because of him, and I wasn't good enough?

I laughed. And I laughed. God, it was so funny.

I had drunk enough bottles to last for a week. I didn't care anymore about my image. Once Yoochun left, I tried to leave too and I just put my credit card on the table to settle everything. My feet felt like jelly, I could barely make a single step without stumbling.

The restaurant's manager asked if I would like any to go home. To my surprise, I shouted and screamed saying I didn't need anyone's pity. I would manage myself, thank you very much. It was much more pitiful when you had to be dragged out and you were awfully drunk and threatened to throw anytime soon. My steps were wobbled, my head was spinning and my ears could barely hear and my brain couldn't interpret what they meant, which was a problem.

Eventually, I was able to stand on the outside ground, or might I say been kicked out even though politely. I was drunk, although I didn't count how much I'd had. Yoochun was nowhere to be found. I declined everything, being crazy because I thought I would never live again. I took out my cell phone and saw no one had cared to call me, or text me, not even Go Ara. I scoffed, well even she would grow fed up with my ignorant self. She knew something was wrong with me but she willingly accepted me.

I vomited when I saw any garbage bin. I was so drained, of energy, of love.

I saved him today, but why wasn't there any gratitude for me? Why wasn't I being appreciated by him? Why was I being like this when I supposed to have my good time with him?

And then I remembered Changmin. He saved Jae's life twice but Jae had never felt gratitude. Was it because both of us told him that we love him? Why did love make him this cruel?

I cried and I cried. I didn't want to bother with this heart break anymore. I didn't want my life anymore. The engagement, the company legacy, Grandma, Jaejoong, I wanted to leave them because it's getting unbearable. I was living but inside I couldn't even breathe without him by my side. He consumed me to that extent.

But I couldn't back away. If he's not mine, I couldn't bear seeing him with other man, or woman, whichever he prefers. But I had no guts to force him to be with him. That wasn't me.

I walked alongside the road. It was already very late and there's not much vehicles outside. I dragged my legs to the edge of the pavement, and held out both hands to my side like I was preparing myself to dive into deep, cold water. Of course, there's no water here. I closed my eyes, and blocked all the noises that could reach my ears. With me in this state, my special senses couldn't help me at all. Everything was so blurred. Everything was so...

Suddenly my phone rang. I planned not to answer it but I had dodged enough phone calls to last me a life time so I just picked up just in case.

It was Go Ara.

"Yunho?" her voice was soothing and child-like, as usual. I replied with a cough. "Thank God. I thought something happened to you when you don't answer your phone."

"What is it?"

"Yunho-ssi, something about our marriage. I need to tell you something,"

"The elders are forwarding. So what?"

"It's not only that. It's about you, Yunho. Can you please come home and talk to me?"

"Why?" I started to weep. "I'm sorry, Ara but I can't do this anymore." there was a silence from the other side. A very long silence. No voices, no sigh. Guess I'm screwed when I fooled around like this with her. But who actually am I fooling?

"Where are you right now?" her voice was still gentle when she decided to talk again.

"It doesn't matter." I didn't want her to see me in this state. It was too embarrassing and humiliating.

"Yunho. I know something's wrong since the first day the elders decided to marry us off,"

"I had to keep my promises." I heard her sigh. Even her sigh sounded so gentle and soothing. I closed my eyes, picturing her. Why couldn't I love her the way I love Jaejoong? If I could, I would be the happiest person on Earth. Go Ara was a treasure, everyone in the industry dreamt of her marrying their son and here I am, rejecting her over and over again until I myself was so ashamed of myself.

Thank you, Jaejoong for making my life train wreckage.

I should have back away the first time. I should have seen the warning in his eyes, and now I'm stuck.

Help me. Jaejoong, please help me.

"Yunho, are you there? Are you still okay? Do you want me to fetch you?"

"I'm sorry. But, I need to figure out something. Goodbye,"

a/n finally....