Shim Changmin

When Junsu and I walked out of the emergency department, Junsu instinctively held onto my hand and didn't let go. I was too miserable. I thought my heart would never heal again after what happened to Jaejoong. I promised myself I would do something tomorrow at the college. People need to know. I couldn't bear to keep this secret any longer. It was eating me from inside and I am afraid I would go crazy if I let it control me.

We sat side by side in the taxi. When the taxi arrived, Junsu anchored me to enter the vehicle. I was still silent, unable to say or act anything. I was too stunned with Yunho's presence. I felt Junsu squeezed my hand softly. I looked down at him and he smiled weakly. This past few weeks had been so tough on him. With Junho always out of town because of his trainings, he said he had become lonely. He spent his night time with me and lots of time he accidentally slept with me due to his fatigue.

When we arrived, I practically dragged my feet so I could catch up with Junsu. We still didn't talk about what happened. There was an unsolved issue that Junsu kept hidden from me and I knew better not to stir the issue up. Somehow Junsu still cared about Jaejoong but he didn't quite like it if I spend all my time for his best friend only. But I couldn't ask my heart to love anyone I want. I couldn't force someone to love me either, so I would end up hurt at last.

When Junsu went away to his own room and I walked to my current room, we only bid goodbye with a nod to each other, not like always. Junsu was always talkative and he would talk my ear off and smiled brightly even after he was being bullied severely. But tonight he was like a different person. He was in shock.

I turned around and saw Junsu paced slowly to the door. I could see the bruise on his left ankle and right calf.

Did I not give enough attention to his injuries? What have I done wrong?

"Jun..." I wanted to call out for him but stopped midway. My heart felt heavy because he didn't act all cheery tonight. I walked into my room and stripped. My head couldn't get Junsu out. I kept reminded of his stoic face when he left me and the sad one when he held onto my hand. I sat on the make-do bed and closed my eyes.

I let him down, didn't I?

I brushed the thoughts off as I prepared myself to take a bath. I should do something, maybe tell him that I need to reconstruct my feelings back. And I need his help. Jaejoong wasn't someone who was easy to be forgotten, unless your determination is really strong.

There was actually a bathroom inside the playhouse that I was living in, but I didn't like to use it because the water heater was broken. But tonight, I don't care. Something needs to make my head straight again, so I used the bathroom. When I tested it using my big toe, it was cold but I think I could withstand it. I slipped under the shower and started bathing. I wouldn't last long, though. Suddenly, the door was knocked from the outside.

"Hmm?"

"Hyung, it's Yoochun!" Junsu yelled. "He wants to talk to you about Yunho-ssi," I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my waist. It was really refreshing but when I opened the door there's wind blowing and I shivered. I was still wet. Junsu was shocked to see me actually bathing in there. He gave the phone to me.

"Hmm?"

"Changmin-ssi, do you know what Yunho-ssi will do if he wants to take his own life?"

"What?" That was impossible! As far as I knew, Yunho had nothing to lose. He had the most stable career, and he was going to marry the Heiress!

"Do you have Yunho's phone number?" Yoochun's voice sounded panicked. It made me anxious too. But nothing in the background gave me any clue of where Yoochun was right now.

"I'll text you," I remembered his number by heart just in case an emergency happened. He was the closest one to me after Umma and Grandma even with all our quarrels and childish fights. It's not like I really hate him that I wanted him to die.

It was just...

"Thank you," he hung up. I looked at Junsu's phone and texted a set of number to Yoochun's. Then I gave the phone back to Junsu. Our hands brushed together. Junsu took a deep breath and bowed down before he set his pace away from me.

"Junsu!" he didn't stop.

Seriously, what was inside his head? One time he was okay and laughing, and the next he was sad and angry and avoided my eyes.

But first I need to finish what I was doing.

***

I put on new pair of clothes to sleep. I went to Junsu's house and greeted his Umma who was cooking in the kitchen. Junsu was watching television and he didn't notice me entering. Junsu's Umma was so beautiful, she was in her late forties but her skin was so nice and barely had any wrinkles. Maybe because Korean women had very delicate and beautiful skin, so Junsu's Umma was no exception.

"Are you already hungry, Min-ah?" my nickname by Junsu's Umma was that. At first, I was embarrassed, but now I'm flattered. It meant that I had been accepted in the family and she welcomed me as Junsu's friend.

"It's okay if you want to cook more food," she laughed and softly hit right shoulder blade. I nervously averted my eyes towards Junsu, he didn't stir from his position. Junsu's Umma who was oblivious to my awkwardness asked me to cut the oranges to pieces. I obliged and sat down on the chair.

I couldn't stay here. I need to clarify things with Junsu. Junsu thought I was being me again, worrying about Jaejoong while actually I am concerned about him. When I finished doing the task, I put down the knife and walked to Junsu. I sat down on the sofa beside him and fixed my eyes towards the television. It was just news, and the news wasn't interesting at all to me.

"Junsu-yah..." he didn't answer. I grasped his hand gently but he snatched it almost immediately. I was taken aback but I quickly calmed myself. Something was wrong. Junsu was never like this. "Junsu, what happened..."

"Why don't you tell me?" Junsu cut me off. I looked at him. He was still looking at the television. His voice was low but threatening.

"Tell you what?" I had my own guesses but I wanted to leave it to him.

"You know what I've been talking about," Junsu got up from his seat and walked to the door. I followed him, eager to continue our heated conversation. He stopped at a veranda, when I spun him around. He shot daggers at me, and I wondered how he could be from adorable to scary. "Stop doing what you like to do to me!"

"Junsu, calm down. What is the matter?"

"Why don't you tell me about him?"

"Who?"

"Jaejoong! He's not on scholarship, right? He's some freaking rich kid with freaking rich family that...was I being deceived all the time? I had been here, supporting him and helping him in any source available and he can't even tell me who he really is?"

"What's the big deal about it that you get so worked up? It's nothing, really!" he looked like he had been hit on the face even though actually I could still see the old bruises and cuts on his face.

"Nothing? We are friends!" Junsu raised his voice. "Friendships are built on trust and honesty, and I am the only person who is being true and honest but not Jae,"

"You don't understand, Junsu. He might have his own reasons,"

"At least you know!"

"I knew about it accidentally. He didn't intend to tell me either. We kind of met at a function..."

"So you really knew about him?" Junsu hugged himself. "Why don't you tell me?" his puppy dog eyes were doing it to me. I could see he was so heartbroken but nothing could be done now. "You might as well laugh at me now!" he hit my arms forcefully. I flinched but I would never get mad. Not today. Now was Junsu's time. He was the one who needed attention.

"I'm sorry, okay? But the secret wasn't my place to reveal, I couldn't tell you because it's Jaejoong's secret,"

"Then what about me?" I froze there.

"What kind of question is that?" he hit me again. His face was totally red right now. "Junsu!"

"Stop pretending like you don't know!" I really, really don't know and I didn't pretend to do anything. So I just stared blankly and dumbly at Junsu. "I want you out of my house by the end of this week,"

"What!?" he couldn't be doing this to me! "You can't..."

"All you care about is him and you haven't been honest with me. I was offended by the fact that you know he's rich and you chose not to tell me..."

"I told you..."

"I'm not finished!! Then why do you choose to be here in my middle class place? Are you making fun of me? Are you having your laugh silently behind me?" I was speechless. "Well, you know what? I'm done with whatever stuffs you drag me in, but I can't care about you anymore,"

"Why?" it hurts. Junsu wouldn't care about me anymore. Somehow I think it hurts more than when Jaejoong rejected me.

"Because you hurt me too much. More than when they hit and bully me," Junsu tried to gather his pace. I tried to stop him by calling his name but he wouldn't respond.

What have I done wrong?

You know what you have done wrong, another voice chimed in invading my mind.

I watched Junsu, and saw him walked silently in front of me.

I can't let him go. I can't let him let me go. We had too much communications going on and it had been quite a while that I considered us as in a friendship, a relationship that I had so little trust before. Junsu changed it the moment he made me that coffee and offered it to me.

I sprang forward and he almost screamed when I embraced his waist from behind. I put my chin on his shoulder.

"I don't want to leave." I whispered.

"That's not a request," he replied, his voice was shaking like before we were close. He had developed his sense of fear of me back. No, I don’t want him to be scared of me again.

"It's because I don't want you to avoid me. I don't want you to be far away from me, unreachable. I want to be someone you can lean on like how I always depended on you even if you don't notice it. And...I don't want you to forget me, ever,"

We were silent. It might be because he wanted to counterattack me. I don't care. I don't want to leave.

"Why do you care if I don't want to see you anymore?" he asked. I was silent for a while, not because I had to think of the answer but I had to gather all my courage.

"Because I don't want you to fall in love with someone else,"

"What?!" he spun around, totally shocked. He pushed my taller body and I saw him blushed to the max. "I'm not gay, if that's what you're implying!"

"I know. But I don't want you to look at other person except me. I want you and only you to take care of me," he looked confused. Well, at first I was confused too but now I knew better. "I love you,"

It hit him like a tornado. He gasped, and put both hands on his mouth so I didn't know whether he was smiling or forming a big 'o'.

I pulled both his hands and leaned in. At first he tried to dodge me, but I held his face firmly and kissed him square in the mouth.

Ah...this is not a brotherly love anymore. My heart was broken but fixed now with him by my side.

We broke apart and his big eyes were staring at me. He was still blushing. I smirked at him.

"Are you playing with me? Because if this is..." I silenced him with another kiss. This time the kiss was longer and more passionate. He clawed at my face and I let go of him. He gasped.

"I love you. Jaejoong is a matter of the past but I love you now. I know it might sound farfetched because it happened so fast but I couldn't think of anything else but you. I've been in denial all this time because the first thing I want to do when I drank your coffee, I want to know you. I want to like you like I love the taste of the coffee. I want to taste you like how I loved to know about the outer space. And now when I have you, I don't want to let go. Ever. Again. Please don't say you will let go of me because I would be in misery if you weren't there for me."

"Pabo." at least he laughed. "What about Jaejoong, then?"

"Why are you still jealous about Jae?"

"I'm not. I'm stepping on the reality of our situation. We are not a couple that will be blessed with kisses and hugs from everyone we know," he choked on his own tears, and somehow I felt like crying too. There's a lump in my throat and if I'm not careful I could end up just like him. "Look what happened now, hyung. People wanted to kill us,"

"I'll take care of it. I'll do anything, just please don't ask me to leave," I sounded desperate, I acted desperate. I was desperate.

He shook his head. He looked more scared than ever. I held onto his hands, and I kissed the top of his head.

"I'll tell them who I am. I'll reveal it."

"What about your reputation? You are an heir, hyung! What about your family?"

"I am always a person with a rash decision but I am smart, Junsu. I have the smartest brain one can ever possess, so it's going to be okay. Everything will work out fine," I reassured him but who knows what I actually had in my mind. I had no idea how this would turn out. It's sure will kick start a storm, and better yet, my heir status would be reconsidered. Plus, my father was here. He would swindle his way up.

But everything would be fine if I have Junsu.

A/N everything would be fine if I have Junsu... i really, really like sweet, romantic Changmin! what about you, readers!

i'm sorry about the sudden change in Changmin's heart, but he really deserves to be with Junsu, and actually I meant to pair him with Junsu but I couldn't see any other circumstances to make their relationship even better. i hope you guys like it this way! and sorry for the short update, and i'll try my best to update the next chapter which would tell the story of when Yoochun meets Yunho!

anyway, thanks guys for reading and supporting the story which had dragged on for years!!! kamsahamnida *bows down*