Jung Yunho

I was left dumb struck at the hotel room. I watched as they left as they pleased. Only the staff came back and apologised for intruding my privacy. But I could sense that he was disgusted by the fact that I just slept with a boy. He might think that I'm a e now. To be exact, a gay e which was a thing that was much frowned upon here in Korea.

I didn't put on any clothes even after the staff had left. I climbed onto the bed and pulled the blanket all over me. The smell of the and his perfume still lingered on his used pillow. I snuggled my nose into it, desperately clinging onto the scent that had lured me into this tortuous love. I hadn't experience something like this; love that could bring me down a rough road but yet I couldn't let go. The effect that the kid had on me was gripping both my wrists, forcing me to do what it wanted to do.

I couldn't sleep that night. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I couldn't brush the image of him pleading me to stop and the way he moved when the pleasure overwhelmed him. I missed his sounds, his moans and his smile. Hell, he did bring me to even when he didn't say anything at all. He was silent the whole way, wanting to not give me the pleasure or access to what he was feeling. He was always in control, always elegant. His pale, milky white skin that endured my nibbles tasted so sweet. He wasn't like girls at all; I could find myself wanting to just lost inside him.

Why did I fall in love with him?

The question always haunted me like an unwanted ghost.

***

I left the hotel with the same shirt as last night. I stopped a taxi and went home. I didn't want to bath at first because I don't want his scent to be lost forever but I fought it. I could never forget if I didn't do it. The kid would be most likely to disappear again after this.

I called in sick and then I wasted the whole day sleeping.

***

When I woke up, I had no sense of time at all. I felt like a monster, all stressed out and ugly. I snoozed for what it felt like forever.

I then went out to take fresh air. Nothing was really interesting so I went back home and found Grandma at the living room with Appa and Umma. They were dying to tell me something by the way they were looking so formal and uneasy. I instantly reminded of the kid. Did they found out about last night or the night where I was chased out of Kim Hyuk Tae's house?

I sat in front of them.

"Yunho-ah..." Grandma started first. "We are having a plan for you. A really big one."

"What?" I suddenly felt uncomfortable too just like the three elders.

"We want you to get married," the blood drained from my face. I looked at Grandma who had uttered the words to find any signs of her joking. There was none. She wasn't playing around. I looked at Umma and Appa. They were serious in marrying me off.

"But..."

"She was a good friend of yours," Umma said.

"I never have a friend who wants to be my bride!" I retorted, feeling confused and enraged by their sudden decision.

"She is kind and nice to you. She will be a perfect bride," Grandma added. I looked at her and she made that face that I knew I could never resist. Grandma was the closest person to me, even closer than Umma and Appa.

I sighed.

"Who is it?"

"Go Ara." I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I stared at Grandma and then to Umma and Appa. I know that they must had objected the decision first by the look on their faces but Grandma was very persistent.

"She's a nice girl with a lady-like attitude," Umma added, maybe had to back Grandma up when I didn't say anything. Appa stayed there not moving and not talking too. I knew he had been in this situation; he married Umma just after a matchmaking session that Grandma arranged.

He's lucky, though.

"I don't know, Grandma." I said, my voice sounded so weak and gullible.

"But please, for the sake of me, hmm?" Grandma said and I flashed her smile as weak as my voice. Umma watched me stood up. Appa still didn't say anything.

"I just...there's a lot in my mind that I have to figure out," which included the kid, of course. He had my head all messed up since he entered my life. No, I rephrased, he never intended to meddle in my life but I was the one who asked for it. I should have back down before it's too late.

"Yunho-ah, she's a nice girl," Grandma said again.

"I know. I'm her best friend," I swung my legs and left to my room. Five minutes had not passed yet when Appa entered my room. I was sitting on the couch, I just switched my PS2 on. Appa came in and sat at the couch that was across me, where my friends will sit at if they came in to play games with me.

"Why don't you just marry the girl?" Appa's voice was stern.

"Her name is Go Ara."

"It's better to marry her than be with that boy." I was shocked. I turned to Appa, my mouth gaped open. How...? "I met Kim Hyuk Tae after he announced that he wanted to delay our associations' plan,"

I found it hard to talk.

"I asked him what the reason was. He said it was you." I looked at my feet. They were pale. "He didn't say what have you done but he asked me to make you stay away from his son."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"I wasn't sure. If a father asked another man to stay away from his son, it might be serious." my jaw clenched. "I don't want to assume things, but I had to know. If I ask you, you won't tell me."

"I'm sorry that I had been a disappointment to you." I said sounding resentful. "What exactly in your head when Kim Hyuk Tae didn't want me to be near to his son?"

"I don't think you're gay, Yunho." I rolled my eyes. The word itself made me cringed; if someone asks me whether I would like a guy one year ago I would rather die.

"Why?" I wasn't interested anymore in playing games. Hell, since when I still adore PS2 when there's a person named Kim Jaejoong out there?

"Umma didn't need to know such details," Appa spreaded his arms on the couch, his back flat on the surface.

"I'm her son."

"She might not want a gay son, she wants you to marry Go Ara," Appa said it like he had rehearsed it times and times again before. I scoffed.

"Really? So, what about you? You are not disgusted? Not that I'm saying I'm gay, though." I was quite surprised by what I said. Appa looked at me for a second and then he smiled.

"I'm not forcing you to admit anything, son. I'm here to advise you to marry Go Ara. She's a nice girl and if you marry her, our company will have the opportunity to ally with Kim Hyuk Tae again."

"Why does it have that effect?"

"It will prove that you are not interested in his son in any erted ways," Appa stared at me like he actually knew something but I quickly brushed it off. "That way he will be okay to collaborate with us,"

But will the marriage really give the effect that they desired? What about my feelings then? What about my own love life?

it. I don't even have one. All I did was just chasing after Kim Jaejoong and when I finally able to make love to him, everything started to meddle back into my life.

I let out a heavy sigh. Appa patted my shoulder before he left.

"Think about it, son. You are the heir. You have to do what it takes to inherit the legacy. A mistake can ruin your whole life and our family."

***

What more could I say after that? I then found myself called Go Ara and she agreed to meet. We met thirty minutes later at a local restaurant where she had chosen.

"I assumed you've received the news well," I said first when both of us had settled down. She shrugged shyly.

"I don't know, Yunho. We've known each other for years," she ordered light meal. Maybe because it was late and she was dieting in the moment.

"They said best friends should marry each other."

"Do you want to marry me?" Go Ara asked, her eyes were glistening as we stared at each other. "If it is because you have importance that you need to protect, I'll do it for you." I laughed nervously. I rubbed my eyes, ah, it stings.

"I don't know. I'm confused right now," my shoulder slouched. The waiter came and put on the food we asked in front of us. I sipped the plain water and thought again. "What do you say when you knew about this?"

"I am an obedient daughter. I understood that every man that my parents introduced to me would be very good,"

"You are very innocent and naive,"

"And you're the best that had ever occurred to me," Go Ara cut me off. I looked at her. She seemed shy and she was blushing. I gulped. This should not happen. Go Ara didn't know who the person I really am. "I'm sorry if I startled you."

"Ara-yah..."

"It's inevitable. What more could I do when the marriage already been shoved into my face?" her voice was trembling. I felt pitiful of her but my heart was as hard as a stone. I love her but as a dongsaeng, I couldn't love her more than that. There's someone else in my heart.

I looked down upon my meal and we sat there eating in silence. I couldn't find any words to say to her even though I was the one who asked her out. She was a very sporting person, she understood me very well. She didn't say anything and instinctively she knew by being acceptable of everything she would live a life of a good obedient daughter. The pasta that I ordered tasted dull and bitter, as if mocking me. She didn't seem like she enjoyed the food too but we weren't complaining anything.

Finally she put down her eating utensils and looked up at me. I stopped chewing.

"There's something I need to tell you." she said calmly even though her face told me otherwise. I nodded and swallowed the food that was in my mouth. "I agree with this marriage because I don't want to be in love."

"Come again?" I almost choked. I didn't understand.

She slipped a strand of her hair behind her ear. The earrings that she wore tonight were beautiful. They were made of diamonds and they were sparkling when the lights hit them.

"I was in love before and I suffered from it. I don't want it to ever happen again. If I marry you, I know I can assure myself that love would not hurt me, because I could not be in love with you." I didn't say anything. "Being with you is the most precious time I ever had in my life, and I didn't want to ruin that because I've fallen for you."

"But didn't it hurt to spend your life time with a person you don't love?"

"What love can bring is not happiness all the time. Love is painful, I've learnt about it and I don't want to experience it anymore." love is painful. I could read it in her eyes. They were hurting. She was holding back the tears. "Even when I tried to not think about it, I will because my heart won't let me."

I sighed. My appetite had died. I put down my spoon and took her hand.

"Do you realise what you're talking about?" she nodded. "This is not a child's play,"

"I know. But I have to mend my heart,"

"Then what? You'll start falling for me when we get married?" I didn't mean to be blunt but this is for the greater good. I couldn't let a girl suffer just because a business collaboration.

"I don't know." she cowered. "But I need to protect myself."

Somehow she reminded me of Jaejoong. Did he refuse to be with anyone because he was trying to protect himself?

I remembered he asked me to wear . Supposed, if he wasn't in a same relationship, he would not know that we needed condoms too. I almost forgot but it was because he was the first male I ever made love with.

Does it mean he'd done this before?

I seriously, seriously needed to throw up just by thinking he had been with other guy.

Did Changmin him too? Maybe that's why Changmin was there? And who the who took him away from me last night?

The possibilities made me mad. I was angry even though I knew it wasn't my place. I had no rights to tell him what he should do, or hate him because of his past but the emotion made me lose my patience.

"Yunho?" her soft voice brought me back to the ground. I gazed at her for a second and I called the waiter. I paid the bill and I led Go Ara out.

It was raining outside. I glanced at Go Ara. She threw me a faint smile, like she was really tired. We didn't bring any umbrella, and as a gentleman I pulled off my jacket and gave it to Go Ara. She took it and wrapped it around herself. I stood there beside her, both of us at lost of what to say.

"Do you think we will be happy if we marry each other?" her voice cracked. I looked at her and I shook my head. "I'm sorry I was only thinking of myself."

I pulled her hand and squeezed it. Her small hand felt very tiny against mine. She watched the raindrops, at the same time my heart was pounding really hard inside my chest. I brought it close to my face and kissed the back of her hand. She was shocked.

"Why did you do it?"

"I don't know. I just..." I sighed and gingerly I pushed her fringe aside, revealing her pale white skin. It was similar to Jaejoong. I fought hard with the storm that enraged inside of me when I think of him, when the situation would not allow us to be together. What if Jaejoong born a girl? I would be the first person who will court him and love him the way he deserved.

I bent down and kissed her forehead. This could be a substitute. Could she be as lovable as the kid? Would I be able to imagine she was him for the rest of my life if I choose her? Would I be able to fall out of love of him?

I felt my tears started to well because the longing I felt for him. I squeezed Go Ara's hand tighter, trying to find a new kind of strength that I knew I would never find in Go Ara.

I stepped in the rain. I don't care if I just recovered, I wanted to heal this aching heart. How could they be so cruel to do this to us?

I looked at Go Ara. She was crying.

"Hey..." she looked as vulnerable as how Jaejoong was when I kissed him. I touched her cheek, my thumb slowly caressed the skin under her eyes where the tears were. I kissed her there. She choked and I put my arms around her. I was crying but she didn't know it. Maybe she was crying because she knew I implicitly rejected the idea of us getting married. I sighed. The rain had helped to conceal the tears I cried. My heart hurts. It hurts even more when Go Ara buried her face there and hugged me back. We were soaked to the bone but none of us wanted, no, knew what to do.

Hallo, everyone! It's been a while and last time I didn't even have time to say something or leave any note (maybe that's why no one cared to comment and i've become sad) but don't worry. the story is getting more complicated now with Go Ara in the picture.

and i haven't got time to reply to comments, but I'll do it tomorrow. because today is my birthday so I thought please give me supports for this story!! pretty, please? thank you very much!

*off to celebrate birthday all alone *