...

I've been noticing changes in me. They have all been great new acquisitions, but this one has been by far the most confusing and painful. I've known LuHan for a decade, and I don't know precisely when it was that I began to see him as something else. After that day, LuHan had been the mayor prize to achieve in my life; he would be the one to make me complete. But, I never told him how I felt; it could ruin our unique friendship, and even worst, I wasn't ready to be rejected by my first and only crush. Always acting as his tomboyish sister, LuHan would never know that beneath that laughing girl was a weeping woman. When he got kidnapped, I felt as my whole world came tumbling down; it was unconceivable losing the person I had planned to love forever. I came to the game, and even after meeting Kai, Luhan had always been my #1 priority. But then I started getting these weird feelings every time I got near JongIn. From comfort to fast heart beating, Kai had managed to give me a series of feelings that my mind, soul, and body recognized as pleasant. At first I didn't know what they were, but now that I think about it, those symptoms where the same ones Luhan had produced in me in my early teen years... But maybe my conscious was mixing up emotions and sentiments. JongIn was an attractive boy, just like LuHan, yet they're both opposites in every way. I looked at him like a little brother, even though I'm older only by a few months. As the game progressed, I saw how he became closer to me, and eventually felt more like an older brother; protective in extreme ways. So, if I know I love Kai as a brother and LuHan as a lover, why does this topic keep hunting me? WHY!? Why do I keep dreaming about Luhan dying, Kai kissing me, and most recently both of them fighting? And speaking about such nightmare, a new incognito appears into the picture: why did SuHo appear in my dream?...Could it be I'm developing feelings for him? I mean, SuHo is one of the most beautiful persons I have ever seen; plus, his angelic physique just makes him the more lovable and easily acceptable into ones heart. But, that doesn't mean I've fallen in love with him; I've just met him! If there is something I DO feel for SuHo is pity and solidarism; being an orphan and losing one's purpose in life must be traumatizing. So maybe my motherly instincts are flourishing once again, telling me to protect this poor man who only seeks attention. Maybe that’s why he appeared in my dream saying that weird message. Maybe JunMyun is the one trying to bring peace in between Kai and LuHan; a sort of guardian angel that is in disguise trying to help me sort my feelings out. I have to accept, SuHo is indeed a savior; the way he saved me back there in the fight with the Exotics was very admirable...

So now I've come to a conclusion: I believe my conscious is indeed broken, or has a bad case of mix-ups; it's obvious that there can't be 3 men in my heart with the same title. So, just for my comfort let me recap on everything. I love LuHan as a man, Kai as a brother, and SuHo as a son... that leaves the rest of the guys with the "friend" tag. Okay! Now I feel better. Yeah! I was just making a big fuss over nothing; it can't get any clearer than this! Good thing the Bacon Lord didn’t give me any “feels”; I mean, I lost my first kiss to him after all. I touched the locket I had around my neck; the one BaekHyun was wearing. Still, I felt as if he would have been a great friend…

Now that I was more relieved, I could think a little better regarding the journey. I took the time to chat with Lia a bit, just trying to kill time; our destination was still some distance away. She was telling me how much she had learned in this game; not regarding common knowledge, but on how to be more thankful for what she had. Being blind since birth, she was use to not doing specific activities or sharing certain opinions at times. Sometimes it was hard for her to live a comfortable life while being surrounded by not-blind people. On occasions she wished she could see; she wondered why her eyes and not her voice or her hearing. She found it funny when people asked what color her irises were; she answered, but not because she had seen them before, but because that's what she had been told. Then she came here and was more than happy that she couldn't see. With everything she was informed about the horrible deeds the Exotics did in and out of the prisons, she wasn't ready to witness that convulsed part of the world. She was thankful that she had a unique hearing, and thus a voice that she could use to alert others... or simply use to terminate her existence. And as a reward, she got to experience how the hearing-impaired communicate with others; that was what gave her a new understanding on her situation. She concluded that there wasn't a disability that was better or worse than the other, because they all go through the same suffering: discrimination. And so, she had decided that if she ever left the game alive, she would begin a movement with the sole purpose to propagate equality for everyone. Because she saw that even when people are in need, like the players in the game, marginalization is always present in people's psyche...

It was touching to see how this teenage girl expressed herself with so much sincerity and spirituality. It’s not every day you encounter courageous woman who take on such serious tasks for the well being of others; specially a person that happens to live that same situation. It amazes me how someone younger than me had just taught me a valuable lesson, even without that being her intention. I had just been breaking my head and heart trying to decipher my feelings for LuHan and Kai, thinking I had it hard; but then I see who the ones who really have difficult situations are. And it got me thinking, we humans are an insatiable race. We have so much, yet we want more or we want it better. And sometimes people don’t get anything and have to live with what they have left. And so I believe these kinds of people, these people that are called invalid, disabled, abnormal... Each one of them, with their own difficulty and differences, are for me angels... God sends these angels down to earth to try and show us that we are erring in our ways. Tell us that we need to put a stop to our compulsive madness and materialistic obsession, and start seeing with the heart. We don’t have to be kidnapped into the Shadow Games to see just how corrupted our planet is! I see it as a sort of trade with God: the Lord takes something away in order to teach society a moral, and as a reward He turns them into angels…

And so I went from an emotionally disturbed woman to a grateful soul; suddenly I saw a brighter future. I shouldn't care about what type of feelings I have for each person, but instead, I must feel blessed to have them all alive, even if they aren’t completely healthy. I felt as a strong, warm feeling whirled inside me, making me full of happiness and gratitude. Just then, I knew something far beyond humane was alongside me, protecting us all every step of the way...

Kai, who was leading the pack, had slowed down so I could catch up to him. He continued his pace once we were next to each other; he just wanted to know if we were doing okay.

MJ: We're good, thanks... Hey Kai, I just remembered, you didn't apologize to JunMyun after you almost sew his face with your fist... I think someone needs to go somewhere... right?

Seeing JongIn reminded me of the encounter he had with SuHo some hours ago. And it was only appropriate to go make up after the terrible misunderstanding. JongIn face-palmed himself, asking if he really needed to do such a thing. This guy was indeed hardheaded.

MJ: YES! Yes you do. Now go make peace with your comrade. Say you’re sorry and that you were just confused, but that you didn't mean harm. (He then gestures that what if he DID mean harm). KAI! Seriously!! You are one misbehaved child. GO! And I won't take any excuses.

He tried to hold the process by whining and coming up with other reasons why he shouldn't apologize, but I always ended up pointing my finger towards the back, where SuHo was suppose to be. JongIn finally sighted and furrowed his brows towards me, pulling his horse's reins and turning it around to go meet his "friend". I sighted as well, trying to understand thin boy's arrogant position towards his hyung. If there was a way to show him SuHo isn’t a threat to me or our relation... Anyways, I had other things to think about instead of worrying over a little pride and prejudice. I continued to look upfront, trying to measure if we were getting closer to the mysterious ruins, or whatever they were. And indeed we were closer, since the monument raised before us more majestically than before. But the excitement didn't last long, for Kai came galloping at a fast rate back towards me, getting in the way of my horse and thus making it stop abruptly. The others next to me and behind stopped their wild beasts as well.

MJ: JONGN! What in the world is going on?! If you don't want to apologize don't do it! It doesn't really matter because you won't do it from the heart! SHEESH!! You don't have to be so stubborn about it...

The tanned boy gave a sudden yelp, catching me of guard with his deep voice. He seemed desperate to tell me something, but apparently didn't know how to gesture it out. He eventgually pointed with a persistent finger towards the back of the group. I turned around to find nothing wrong; only our fellow mates mounted on their horses. I turned back to face Kai and ask what was the problem, but he had already come to my side. Still each of us on our own animal, he reached over towards me, taking my face in his hands and bringing it close to his face. His eyes were wide open in worry, as he moved his lips in silence, pronouncing a heart-stopping phrase... I began to breathe with difficulty and turned my head around once again to the back, confirming what JongIn had said.

MJ: JUNMYUN AND CHANYEOL ARE GONE!!! THEY DISAPPEARED!!

Everyone else in the group turned their heads and horses onto the same direction, gasping in surprise and horror at the sudden disappearance of the two men. I told them all to look in every direction to see if the pair had fallen behind or simply fallen off their transportation. Kai, being able to wield his one-passenger beast better, ran some meters back into the trail we had left. While everyone else looked onto the horizon and scrutinized the surrounding, I began to call both missing men out loud. What could have happened?! How is it possible that they disappeared without a sound!! A single warning or notice!! Me and my stupid day-dreaming! I had to be more attentive of the others; they can't speak so it was my responsibility to minimize their danger exposure.... I had to be at the back, guarding from behind, while Kai was at the front. Now look at the mess I've gotten everyone in! Just then Kai came back with no news on the men, making me grieve. The only way to find them was to split up; but it was too dangerous separating in the middle of nowhere at night. It had been risky enough JongIn running out alone; whatever we did we had to stay together to prevent any further loses…. But where?! Where would we look for JunMyun and Chanyeol?! Even though the land was more flat than elevated, the darkness and sanded-winds wouldn’t let us search with precision. What if they got lost a long time ago? They would be far away from where we are now! But far worse than the distance was the circumstances. What could have happened to them that no one noticed when they departed from the group? Everyone was still looking around, trying to find any signs; I continued calling out their names, until I thought I heard something in the distance. I told the others to stay still and sharpen their hearing; I remained silent opening my senses to the unknown. At first nothing could be heard, only the wind’s soft whistling. But after half a minute the sound came again; it was like a muffled choke of breath. Lia quickly tapped my right leg as she touched her left ear; she had heard it as well. A while went by until it was heard again, this time Lay, LanFang, and Kai had heard it. We all quickly huddled up and discussed where the sound might be coming from, or what could it be. We concluded it was a sort of animal, because it didn’t sound very human; as for the direction it was coming from the right. We didn’t know if the sound had anything to do with the lost men, but for now was the only thing we could try. Kai suggested he go alone and see what it was, but I told him it was better that we all went together. Since we have our destination right on eye sight, it isn’t necessary to leave people behind as reference. And so, we all got out of route and began to run towards the right. I was in the lead with Lia, since she was the one with a better hearing; Kai was at the back, preventing if anything went wrong. Everyone was gazing to all the horizons the land had to offer trying to find any evidence to where our comrades could be. Maybe it was due to our horse’s running that we couldn’t hear any further sounds, but after running for a while we stopped to see if we could perceive any noise. Eventually, the sound came; it was closer, but it seemed weaker at the same time. Whatever was producing the whine, it was losing strength; my heart ached at the thought that maybe the missing boys were going through something similar. We all went after the sound, going at a quick pace, still trying to take in every aspect of the nightly desert scene. Without having to go some distance, we encountered a sudden drop in the sands, as if it were descending. We continued as the slope went on. The sound came one last time before fading into eternal disappearance; it was coming from beside us. We quickly looked to our right, and so we understood why we hadn’t been able to see our friends. Not only were they in lower land, but they were sinking into thick quicksand.

MJ: JUNMYUN!!! CHANYEOL!!! KAI, DO SOMETHING!!!!