I felt uncomfortable. Everything felt horrible… I myself felt like trash. My mind was playing a horror movie over and over again: blood, tears, sweat… It was all I saw. And at the end of the movie, LuHan’s face appeared with the most tragic expression possible. Then the movie started from the beginning again. I didn’t want to keep seeing it. I just wanted to run away from it. I felt scared; I wanted it to end. This time around, the movie had a different ending. After LuHan’s faced appeared, he slowly closed his eyes and got shot in the head with a gun.

MJ: LUHAAAAN!!!!

I automatically sat up. I had been lying in the hard, rocky floor of the valley. The sun was setting already; some time had gone by. I was sweating like a wild beast. I looked around and found HaeRi sitting next to me, examining me with her wide eyes. Lay came running up to me and kneeled in front of me, looking me directly in the eyes. Kai was nowhere to be found in my eye sight. Right then I felt Lay pass a cloth through my cheeks: I was crying, and I hadn’t noticed. I touched my eyes, and found they were still full of tears. HaeRi hugged me, and I just let my head fall on her shoulder. Then I began to cry consciously.

I began to call LuHan. I cried like I had never done so, especially in front of people. These were the feeling I had been holding in the last few days. All the fears I had tried to keep at bay, they all flourished in an instant… they all became true. I felt as the hot, dense, copious tears went down my cheeks and into HaeRi’s clothe. She patted my head while silently crying with me. Lay just stood there looking at us. That’s when I heard it: Kris’ voice.

KS: I…I didn’t know you would react like this… No one has ever had the courage to stand up to us like that. And people usually try to run away after seeing their first video. But you…You really are different. Your attitude, your way of thinking, your believes!... It actually frightens me… heh

He spoke in a low tone, as if he were meditating. I controlled myself and turned around to face the man. He was sitting in a rock, legs separated and one elbow in each knee. I don’t know why he was saying all of this, but it was a surprise. I had been unconscious for quite some time now, and he was still here. Could there be anything else he wants to show me? I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him, let alone see something. I glared at him the most disgusting way I could. He noticed.

KS: I know you hate me, but you’d be surprised if you knew the truth. I just waited for you to wake up to make sure you weren’t dead. Then I’d have to take you back to the prison and end the game… a lot of work you know. Well, now that my task is done I’ll be heading back.

He got up from the rock and began to walk towards the open valley, passing right by me. Even though I didn’t want to talk to him, I had to. I still needed to know.

MJ:…wait…. Tell me… Why do you did that to LuHan?... Are you going to keep doing it?... What will you do if …he dies…?

KS:…Remember, while you play the game your friend is our prisoner, so we treat him like one. This video was just supposed to be a ‘Status check up’ for you to see how he was doing. Every player gets to see one. But apparently, your making way to much progress per day, and the council is worried… you know… that you might actually have a chance to win. So, Chen voluntarily gave the idea of …well, what you saw. He said you would get all emotional and take some time to recuperate, slowing your pace down. I guess he was right. You left a REALLY deep impression on him, so he was more than happy to take advantage of this opportunity for revenge. And well, if LuHan were to die… you wouldn’t know until you got captured or you finished the game. So, at any moment you could be playing the game in vane…

His words struck me like a lightning bolt. I just wanted to die right there. LuHan could be DEAD and I would still be praying for his safety… I couldn’t take it. I began to cry again. I covered my mouth with my left hand, as HaeRi held my right one. I couldn’t see anything with such a blurry vision. All I did was feel afraid, and somewhat guilty: if I hadn’t been so carried away, Luhan wouldn’t have been treated like that. Maybe if I hadn’t taken so long getting lost, fighting, or taking care of wounds, maybe I could be half way there already! But Lulu wouldn’t like it if he knew I turned down a needy hand just so I could search for him.

I felt a presence in front of me. I wiped my tears and saw it was Kris.

He was crouched in front of me, with his hand extending me something: it was a canteen. He seemed concerned, somehow I wanted to believe he really felt sorry for the situation, but after so many doubts and fears, I didn’t want to have fake hopes. He saw I wasn’t taking it, so he just placed it next to me on the floor.

KS: I know you don’t trust me, and that’s fine; it should be that way. But I’m sure you need this. It’s not poisoned or anything… just make sure none of the other Exotics find out…. I’ll be leaving now. I’ll see you again for another update…

Kris got up and walked into the valley, crossing over shadows and Non-shadowed areas. He walked into the distance until he disappeared between the woods. At the same time, Kai walked into the mountain groove we were in. But he was sweating, and he was holding something in his hands: it was a dead goose. A bloody, white, big goose. Lay got up upon seeing him and checked-out the animal. The both passed by to the back and laid the thing on the floor. Lay began to start a fire with some wood and flint stones he had found. Kai took out a knife and began to take the feathers out of the bird.

HaeRi was still at my side; she smiled at me, trying to make me feel better, but it didn’t work. There was nothing in this world that could take away the pain I was going through. I stared at the water canteen. It was quite peculiar: it looked like a little bomb.

I was thirsty, but I didn’t have the strength to drink. All my nerves and organs forgot to work properly. I just had my brain, and it wasn’t even in working conditions. I knew I couldn’t let this get to me; we need to keep moving, especially now that the sun is about to set. We can run all night, that way our progress will be better. I got up, staggering a little but finally standing straight. I walked towards the boys, HaeRi behind me. I gave out some orders, plus a few questions. I was feeling like a spineless worm; my voice was emotionless, poker face on.

MJ: Where did you find that animal? And what are you doing to it?

Kai somehow didn’t hear me… or did he just ignore me? Lay was the one that explained to me: apparently the shot gun we had heard earlier had come from Kris. He had killed this goose in the woods thinking it was a wild animal. He left it there. After I fainted he told them to get it so we could eat. Kai went for it while Lay and HaeRi stayed with me. Kris even left behind one of his knives so we could take care of the beast.

MJ: I see… Well, eat as much as you can. Drink all the water Kris left. Get ready for a long trip… Tonight will be traveling the mountains, since there isn’t another way out.

Kai stopped mutilating the main dish, HaeRi seemed worried, and Lay stared at me in disbelief.

MJ:… what?.. You guys didn’t think we would spend another night doing nothing, right? We need to keep moving… Look what’s happening because we keep lagging behind…

Lay scratched the back of his neck while RiRi just looked to the ground. Kai on the other hand stopped doing what he was working on. He threw both the knife and bird to the ground and stood up in a flash. He glared at me with blade-like eyes, turning around and leaving the area, towards the valley. Shadows were big and frequent now, so it was easier for him to move. He walked away from us and into the unknown. I don’t know what just happened, or why it happened, but I really didn’t care either. It was a feeling that hurt and made me unconcerned at the same time; I didn’t like it.

I went to the farthest back part of the groove and laid on the ground. I closed my eyes and tried to decipher my feelings and thoughts. I heard as HaeRi took a few steps toward me, but Lay stopped her: he knew I needed some time to myself. Instead, he put her to finish Kai’s work. About an hour went by and the goose was almost finished cooking; Kai hadn’t returned. I stood up and went over to Lay. My conscious told me something was wrong, and I couldn’t dodge it any longer.

MJ: Lay, why hasn’t Kai returned?....Why did he leave so suddenly?

Lay sighted and looked at me with a somewhat serious face. He explained that Kai was still shocked by the video, but above all, by my reaction. He was afraid… afraid of losing me..

MJ:…what?...Loosing me?

HaeRi joined in the conversation to see what Lay had to say. Lay gestured-out that JongIn had helped many players before me, but they all ended leaving him, thinking they could do a better job themselves, or not trusting him due to his “exotic” appearance. At that pace he was never going to get out of here. So apparently Kai thinks I’m going to abandon them just so I can go after LuHan faster…

MJ:…I…I would never do that… Kai has helped me oh so much… I couldn’t bring myself to do something like that even if I didn’t have a heart…. How could he think something like that?

HaeRi interrupted and exhorted that maybe it was due to my behavior. After all, I put their lived in danger by just talking back to Kris. And on top of that, I fainted because of LuHan, so he could easily think I would do anything to save Lulu, even if it meant leaving them behind.

MJ:… I thought you knew me better Shin HaeRi. I acted like that because that’s just who I am… I didn’t think it through… And it’s only natural to react like that when you see your loved one being hurt…

I felt a rock in my throat and decided to stop talking. One more word and the tears would pour out once again. Lay and HaeRi looked at eachother and then at me; pity faces on. I just turned around and viewed the prairie: it was one big shadow; it was finally night. I walked out of the groove and into the open area, taking in the cool breeze. I walked towards the rocky cliffs we would climb in a few hours. They weren’t as high as mountains, but it would take time and strength to pass it, and what better moment that at nighttime after a meal.

I kept walking alongside the mountain road, passing my right hand against it. About half an hour had passed already. Finally I came a few feet away from Kai, sitting with his back toward the mountain, knees bent, face looking forward. I stared at him for some minutes, until I saw he wasn’t going to do anything. I started the conversation.

MJ: …dinner’s almost done… you should return… You need to eat something before we leave.

He kept looking forward; not responding. I sat next to him on the ground. Now he turned his face to the other direction, completely evading me.

MJ: …Kai… why are you ignoring me?...

He didn’t make a sound or gesture. I guess it was my call to clear everything up.

MJ… Lay told me what you’ve been thinking… It hurts to know you would think that about me… I may be emotionally unstable right now, but that doesn’t mean I’ll lose my reasoning. I wouldn’t leave anyone one behind. You’ve all helped me so much. It would be inappropriate for me to do such a thing to you…

Kai got up in an angry movement and finally faced me. He was serious… worried, but above all hurt. He panted a few times before trying to walk away from me. I stood up and took him by the wrist. He tried to let go, but I didn’t let him: my emotions right now were far stronger than his physician force. I finally made him look at me directly in the eyes and I confronted him.

MJ: What is the problem JongIn? I told you not to worry. Trust me…

Kai angrily started to mouth at me what seemed a testament. No gestures, just hand swatting.  What I could make out of it hit me hard…

MJ: Wait… you’re hurt because I recognize you by your work…and not because of who you are?...I don’t get it… what are you trying to s..

Then I understood. I’ve been telling them that I won’t leave them because they’ve HELPED me, not because I consider them SPECIAL to me.

MJ: Kai… is it because you believe I don’t think of you as a friend?.. is that it?

Kai nodded, still with a stern expression on his face. He looked at the ground. I felt like the worst human being in the world. First, I let LuHan get hurt, not I find myself mistreating others… And I call myself a mother, the one that protects everyone… I started to cry…

MJ:… I’m sorry Kai… I’m really sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you… I wasn’t thinking things thoroughly… I wouldn’t leave you because your helpful… I would always have you with me because… you’re my friend…

Upon hearing these words Kai raised his head and looked at me with a surprise. He seemed lost, but amidst all, he wanted to verify that what I said was true. If I knew any better, I’d say he had a quivering lip.

MJ: You’re my friend Kai. You’ve been with me for the last 3 days. You’ve told me your story and I’ve told you mine. We’ve helped eachother and cured one another. You’ve sacrificed yourself for me, and I’ve been trying to do the same for you…. If that’s not a friend… what is it then?

I hid my face in my hands, crying out all the bad impressions I had left on this poor soul. It was a weakness I had: I opened up to people very easily, and Kai had been the best listener yet. I felt JongIn’s hands on my shoulders. I looked up and found a serious, yet gentle Kai looking down on me. Without expecting it, he closed in on me and gave me a hug. He held my head with his right hand, making me rest it on his chest. It felt comfortable. I wrapped my arms around his waist, hiding my face completely in his clothes, and finishing the tears that I still had within. He patted my hair, and kissed the top of my head…

MJ:…that supposed to be…my job..

I said between sobs. Kai laughed, making me smile. He looked at me and wiped away the tears with his rough thumbs. Finally, he mouthed a “Kamsamnida”.

MJ: No Kai…No… Thank YOU! Thank you for being such a brave young man. For taking care of me. For giving your all. For making me see clearly. But above all, for being my friend.

Kai smiled like a sunny sunshine morning. Somehow being with him made me forget my pain a little. He gave me hope… He was definitely an important piece in my life.

MJ: Come on you brownie, let’s get back to the others. They might get worried if we both disappeared.

He seemed amused by the new nickname. We both laughed at it and made our way back. When we arrived, Lay and HaeRi were more than happy to see Kai and I were safe and getting along. I made my way towards Lay.

MJ: Lay oppa… I’m sorry if I made you feel used, saying I wouldn’t leave you because you’ve helped me out. What I meant to say was I would never leave you behind because, you’re a very special person, and I wouldn’t want to lose you. I actually want to get to know you better…

Lay smiled, revealing those cute dimples that I just wanted to pinch...but I didn’t. I gave him a hug instead. I could see HaeRi wiping a tear… she’s was such an emotional girl. Finally, it was time to sit down and eat. I was still blue, and didn’t feel the urge to eat, but Kai persisted so much that I ended up having some. I have to admit, after 3 days with barely anything, drinking water and eating roasted goose was a 5-star buffet.

After dinner we quickly got on our feet and made our way out of the groove and into the wide open prairie. It took about 20 minutes to finally arrive at the bottom of the cliff. Now came the real deal… The Climb…