Moving hurts.

Crying hurts.

Your head hurts.

Your heart hurts.

Everything just hurts.

“I didn’t know I was this weak,” You mutter to yourself, chuckling like a crazy person.

You truly didn’t.  Because of one person, you become, well, become the you right now.  Cursing yourself for it, you try to get up, only to feel a sharp stab of pain on the side of your torso and cry out, slowly lowering your own body down back onto your bed. 

“You okay?” A familiar voice says, the owner peeking through the door of your room.

“Ah, Baekhyun, hi,” You smile, trying to lift your body with your arms, which are trembling from weakness.

He quickly rushes over and helps you lean your back onto the pillow on your bed’s headboard.

“Sorry, thank you,” You quietly say, smiling at him who just took the seat beside your bed.

“How’s your head doing?” He lifts his hand towards your face.

You lean in into his hand and smile at its warmth.  “It doesn’t hurt that much anymore, thanks,”

He caresses your cheek with his thumb gently, concern lining his handsome facial features.  You stare back gently into his eyes, letting out a soft chuckle. 

“Don’t worry, I’m going to be fine,” You take his hand away and pat it reassuringly.  “I’m always fine, right?”

“Idiot, you weren’t this time,” Baekhyun mutters under his breath, very quietly but enough for you to hear.  “You have bad bruises everywhere, your ankle is cracked and the tendons are nearly torn, how could you be okay?”

“Wow, I didn’t know it was that bad,” You gape.

“No, I’m exaggerating.  But the bad bruises part is true and the slightly cracked ankle is also true,” Baekhyun shrugs.

“No torn tendons? Because that would be really bad,”

“No, none.  But doesn’t mean you can relax!”

You laugh at him as his own sentence backtracks on him.  “I already am relaxing, Baekhyun-ah.  Don’t worry,”

“You won’t be fine,” He clicks his tongue in irritation and stands up.  “Why do you do that; you never tell anybody how you really feel,”

‘I do,’ “Well, out of habit, maybe?” You pull him back down.  “Calm down and accompany me, Baekhyun,” You grin at him.  And when he was about to start speaking, you cut him off.  “In silence,”

He groans but keeps his hand on yours, staying with you in silence as you slowly close your eyes.  Starting to lose your consciousness calmly, images flash in your mind; how the crowd trampled on you, how they yelled at you and elbowed you, how the sharp pain twist your ankle and Jongdae.  His eyes.  His cold demeanour.  The way he paid you no attention.

Your eyes snap back open and your breath comes in irregular gasps.

No, it wasn’t supposed to be that terrifying.

You’re not scared, right?

Maybe you are.

Towards whom?

“It can’t be,” You cover your mouth with your trembling fingers.  No, this is not happening.

“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun takes your hand and tries to catch your attention.

“Baekhyun, no, tell me nothing is wrong, tell me everything has gone back to normal, tell me Jongdae returned and tell me the things I want to hear!!” You grab his hand back and stare back into his eyes. 

“B-but—“

“Why won’t you tell me?!!”

The door swings open and Rin barges in.  “What’s going—“

By then you’re curling into a ball, clutching at your head, fiercefully pounding with pain as your tears come out once again. 

“God,” She rushes towards you and pull your hands away from your head.  “Look at me,”

“No,”

“Look at me, I tell you!”

“I don’t want to!!”

“What the heck is your sight for when you won’t see the truth?!!”

The words ring in the silent room.

You slowly rise, ignoring every pounding pain in your body. 

“Jongdae changed,” Rin looks straight into your eyes, angry and sad at the same time.  “HE CHANGED, DAMN IT!”

Jongdae changed.

He did.

He’s no longer the ‘him’ you knew.

“He got a new life.  He became successful.  Whatever happened to him, it changed him.  It changed him to the Jongdae you saw yesterday.  Remember that and face reality, stupid.  All this crying, all this sorrow, it’s no use.  He won’t—“

“Stop, please,” You close your eyes and turn away. 

“But he really wo—“

“PLEASE DON’T SAY IT!!” You close your ears as tight as you can.  “JUST, just let me have that hope.  Let me hold on to it, so please, please, unnie, don’t.  Just don’t say what you were about to,”

She glances at Baekhyun and sighs, pulling your hands away from your ear.  “Alright.  Alright,” She pulls you into her arms and kisses the top of your head.  “This isn’t the little sister I know.  The one I’ve always known keeps her head up high no matter what happens,” Rin pulls away and looks at you with a tiny smile.  “Isn’t she?”

Rin, no wonder she’s the one you look up to all these years.

“Yeah,”

And thus, you’ve boxed up your tears and sorrow, locked it, threw the key away and buried the box as deep as you can, so that no one, even yourself, can open it or even touch  it.

You’re starting anew.

No longer Chen’s agasshi, but just agasshi, the second daughter of the Park family.

***

“Chen, you have dinner with Song Qian tonight,”

“Mm,”

“Don’t forget the report for today’s directors’ meeting,”

“Mm,”

“You have an appointment too with W Company’s CEO tomorrow,”

“Mm,”

“Chen, you’re crazy,”

“Mm,”

“Chen, make me coffee,”

“Mm,”

“OY!!”

“WHAT?!” I yell aloud.

“Good, you’re back,”

“So annoying, Yeol,” I sigh, flipping through the papers I’m on.  “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Yeah, I know, but whatever,” Chanyeol steals the papers away and drops them on the shelf, far away from you.  “It’s 7.  Dinner.  Now,”

“Being an assistant doesn’t mean you get to pester me all the time,” I stand up and don’t even bother to tidy myself up before going out. 

“Hey!” He grabs my shoulder and eyes me up and down.  “Darn, you don’t look so bad.  I thought you’d be having eyebags or something,”

I brush his hand away and roll my eyes at him.  “I’m not like you,”

Just when he was about to reply, my phone rings.  I laugh triumphantly and pick it up. 

“Hello?”

‘Chen?’

“Oh, yes, what’s the matter?”

‘I’m making my way towards the restaurant, just so you’d know,’

“Me too,”

‘Oh, okay, I’ll see you there,’

She hung up and I do too, tucking the phone into my pocket.

“Pretty pretty Song Qian calling,” Chanyeol singsongs, following me out the building. 

“Shut up,” I rush first into the car, trying to lock him out.

“Not working,” He sticks his tongue out, settling down on the front seat.  “You know where to go, ahjussi.  Step on it!”

Silence fills the way and I stare absently out the window, following the city lights with my eyes. 

“Speaking about girls, what about that one, the one from the past? The one you worked for before.  How do you call her; agasshi?” Chanyeol speaks up, looking back at me.

At the word, I frown, and quickly snap.  “Don’t even mention her,”