You never drone.

You have never droned over anything in your entire life.

And yet your thoughts about Jongdae (where he is, what he’s doing, how he is, whether or not he’s fine, blah, blah) drag your mind down, slowing the pace it usually works at.

It’s frustrating but at the same time, it releases you from the cloudy thoughts you usually have, from the confusion that jumbles your thinking when it comes to Jongdae.

Now that you realize that you love him, everything just seems clearer.

Every night since you broke down, you would read the letter he left for you over and over again, wondering when he’ll be coming back, wondering for how long you should wait. 

You hope he comes back soon, so that you could just wrap your arms around him and have him around you as soon as possible.

But the wait continues.

For weeks and months, you never cease to wait and think of him, and yet he does not send word that would indicate his arrival home.

Occassionally, you’d still forget that he’s not there beside you.  During work, you would look behind you and ask for the supplies to the Jongdae that wasn’t there, only to shake your head in embarassment and fetch them yourself.  During the designing process for new clothing lines, you would look over to request his assistance just to see that it wasn’t Jongdae standing beside you, looking over your shoulder, but Eun, or Jihoo, Kyoungmi or Yoojoon.  The four of them, including Hyosung who paid regular visits to the shop has been extremely understanding to your situation.  They never bring him up in conversations and act as usual around you.  Even though it leaves you empty, keeps that chunk of heart hollow, but you’re thankful for their sensitivity.

You see the video commercial you shot with Woonha back at the rainy day.  You’re amazed by how real the sorrow was, how choked your voice sounded and how the rain helped the atmosphere.  Well, duh, you were literally, without a doubt, fully crying because of your longing for Jongdae and how similar the commercial filming’s concept was to your life then.

But now, you’re being strong.  For Jongdae.  He wouldn’t want you to be strong; he would demand for you to be strong.  He would scold you for droning over useless things for too long which doesn’t solve anything.

As much as you miss him, you hold it all inside.

It was Jihoo’s birthday, a year, 10 months and 28 days since Jongdae’s ‘disappearance’.

Yes, you’re counting.

You enter the shop with a flower pot in your hand and immediately rush to the back door, opening it with a flourish.

“Ta-da!” You lift the pot with a unique plant embedded in the soil, grinning at the shocked Jihoo.  “Happy birthday!”

He takes the pot from your hands and looks at it, no doubt registering the type of plant into his head.  “Lovely.  Thanks, agasshi, I’ll be sure to get you a present too for your birthday,” He sets the pot outside the shop’s window, beside a series of other pots. 

“Mm.  I want a chocolate cake with a filling that melts in my mouth and iced with colorful, pretty sugar icing and candles the same amount of my age by then as big as that tree!”

“Aigoo, this kid,” Jihoo hits your head gently and pushes you into the shop.  “Go wipe up that snot, kid.  You’ve got work to do,”

Before you could throw something back at him he closes the door and laughs aloud.  Chuckling at both of your silliness, you come to greet Yoojoon and Kyoungmi, who had just arrived in the shop.  It was a Sunday and as usual, they don’t have school.

“Jihoo’s at the back.  Do me a favor; throw the box of present you’re giving onto his head.  And don’t miss or well, we’ll see where the box ends later on,” You pat Kyoungmi and Yoojoon’s head, the two of them laughing at your mischeviousness.  “Oh, wait!”

You rush to pull Eun into the shop, and she, too, brought a gift for the co-worker.  “Throw this, to Jihoo’s this,” You point at your head and grin, pushing the three of them towards the back door.  Backing away to the furthest shop wall, you nod at them and the three of them open the back door and throw their boxes at Jihoo, laughing and giggling while doing so. 

The four of you high five each other and when Jihoo bursts into the shop glaring at everybody, you scatter around, whistling to yourselves and hiding your hands behind your backs. 

“I don’t care if you’re my boss or if you’re my friend,” He grits his teeth and grins widely before he starts chasing the four of you around the shop.

“Birthday or no birthday, Eunbok always starts like this,” Hyosung says as she enters the shop, clicking her tongue and shaking her head. 

Everybody stopped running and glances at her.  Jihoo frowns.  “How did you—“

Hyosung tosses her own box of present towards Jihoo, and being taken aback, the box hits the corner of his eyebrow with a quiet thump.  “Happy birthday, big guy,”

Laughing, you, Yoojoon, Kyoungmi and Eun high five each other again. 

Everybody’s birthday have passed but yours.  You have it in about four months, right at the end of the year.  You always have a cold birthday because it’s always during winter time, but it doesn’t matter.  As long as you have these people around you, the cold would definitely turn to warm.

Opening hours starts as usual and everybody gets to work, you, Yoojoon, Kyoungmi occassionally leaving your posts to attend Woonha’s accidental photoshoots or shootings.  Hyosung even actively participates in helping the shop now, tending to the cashier and even giving fashion advices to people her age.  She’s a pretty cool CEO.

Hours pass and work ends as it always does, and you settle in the studio with everybody, on the rug laid at the center.  You drink canned drinks with everyone, counting your earnings for the day and doing what you guys always do after work is done. 

As you finish your drink, you toss it into the trash bin and walk out of the studio, remembering that you left a roll of cloth at the shop. 

Without your knowledge, Hyosung slips her hand under the rug. 

“Hey, look,” She says, lifting it as everybody got off.

There, etched into the wooden floor, were scrapes; tidy, arranged ones, grouped in sevens, continuously etched visibly.  Their eyes follow it to the end, where the last group had another scrape to go.

“Agasshi has been counting,” Eun lifts her hand towards her lips in surprise and everybody’s eyes are painted with the same expression. 

“A year, 10 months and 27 days,” Jihoo quietly counts.

“Today makes the 28th day,” Hyosung points at the incomplete group.

Everybody quickly settles back onto the rug as you enter the studio, bringing the roll of cloth with you and dumping it on the table. 

Noticing nothing, you glance at the watch and grin at all of them.  “It’s getting late, why don’t you all go home and get some rest?”

They all nodded at each other and stood up, waving at you and leaving the shop, leaving you in silence. 

“It’s really quiet without them, don’t you think, Jongdae-ah?” You chuckle to yourself and turn your head.

That’s right.  There’s nobody there.

“Ah, right,” You shake your head, your smile disappearing.  You lift the rug with your hand and pull a knife from one of the drawers, etching a line that grouped the last 7 lines to one bundle.  “A year, 10 months and 27 days, Jongdae,” You drop the knife and hug your knees, staring at all the lines you’ve been etching.

“When are you coming back?”