After Lizzie was released from the hospital and arrived safely home, I went to the dorm with a heavy heart.

          “Why did you have to get with him, baby?”  I sat on my bed with a glass of bourbon.  I could’ve gotten Lizzie back if Hoon and her wouldn’t have gotten together.  Don’t get me wrong, I was very happy for them, but I still love Li with all of my heart and soul.

          I sighed and sipped my drink, refilling it when it became empty.

          There was a knock on my door.

          “Who is it?”

          “It’s me.”

          “Shut the door.”  I looked up when my hyung walked into my room and shut the door.

          “What’s wrong dongsaeng?  Heavy heart?”

          “Li’s engaged.”

          He sat beside me.  “It’s not the end of the world, Ji.”

          “I know it’s not.  It sure as hell feels like it though.”

          “You’re young dude.  You’ll find the right woman.”

          “I already did.  I can only hope her fiancé screws up as bad as Joon so I can snatch her back.”

          T.O.P. hyung grinned.  “Good luck with that.  I don’t think he’s as willing as Joon to give up.  Besides, they’re having a child together.”

          I looked at him.  “How’d you know?”

          “The maknae was freaking out earlier.  ‘My sister’s having a baby and she’s getting married! She’s too young!  I’ll kill Yeo Hoonmin if he hurts her.’  It was actually pretty funny.”

          “You know he still doesn’t know about Mason.”

          “Really?”

          “Hell I didn’t know about him until a month and a half ago.”  I finished my drink and set the glass down.  “If she would’ve had him, Lizzie and her parents were going to move back to America.  I wouldn’t have even been told about him probably.”

          “I’m positive that you would’ve found out.  The maknae would’ve told everyone everything.”

          “He can’t shut up about his sister.”

          “He’s a protective older brother.  Can you blame him?”

          “Hell no, I was jealous of anyone who looked at her when we were together.”

          He laughed.  “What are you talking about?  You still are.”

          “Hoon’s always had feelings for her.  He deserves her anyways.  He was there for her when she needed me to be and I wasn’t.”  I sighed and looked at a picture that I’d taken of Lizzie while she was sleeping.  I smiled when I looked at it, remembering when I did it.

          “You know you’ll always be in her heart, Ji.  You’re her first love.”

          “She’s mine, too.”

          T.O.P. hyung put his hand on my shoulder.  “It’ll be alright, trust me.  Eventually, you will find a woman who you think will be able to complete you like Li once did.”

          “I still doubt that hyung, but I trust you.”

          “Dŏ tasty hage y hage like it like it, dŏ groovy hage stylish hage like it like it.  Ishigan dongan da nawa hamkke shijakhae party tonight…”

          I picked up my phone.  “Hello?”

          “Oppa!”

          I covered my face with a hand.  “Hey Min Jee.”

          “Jiyongie oppa, I miss you.”

          “Jee, what did I say about calling me that?”

          “Why can’t I call you Jiyongie?”  She whined in that annoyingly high pitched voice of hers.

          “Oppa doesn’t like that name, that’s all.”

          T.O.P. hyung grinned and left my room, knowing I’d lied to my “girlfriend” about the nickname.

          I massaged my temple as I listened to her.

          “Oppa, don’t you miss me?”

          “Of course I miss you Min Jee.”

          “Can I come over?”

          “No, but I can come see you if you’d like me to.”

          “Come now Oppa.”
          “I’ll be at your place soon.”  I stood up and picked my keys up, sighing.  “You idiot, why’d you agree to that lunatic’s request?”  I left my room and started driving towards Jee’s house.

          “And I’m so sick of love songs, so tired of tears.  So done with wishing, you were still here.  Said I’m so sick of love songs, so sad and slow.  So why can’t I turn off the radio…”

          I picked up my phone.  “Hello?”

          “Ji?”

          I smiled.  “Hey baby.”

          “I’m alone.  I don’t like it.”

          “Want me to come over?”

          “Are you busy?”

          I remembered Min Jee.  “I’ll be at your house in twenty minutes.”

          “Ji?”

          “Yeah?”

          “I love you,” she whispered.

          My heart picked up and I smiled.  “I love you, too, baby girl.”

          “Forever?”

          “No one could make me stop, Li-Li.”

          “I’ll probably be in my room when you get here.”

          “I’ll see you very soon baby.”

          “Ok,” I heard her yawn softly.

          “Rest until I get there.”

          “I’ll always love you, Kwon Jiyongie.”

          I smiled as I set my phone down.  I parked my car and went up to my girlfriend’s apartment.  I really didn’t enjoy our “relationship” that much, but I went through it to be nice.  I didn’t feel sorry for Min Jee, but I did for myself.  I was hopelessly in love with a woman I once had, but could probably never get back.  It was painful to have to admit the truth, but I did.

          The elevator was the same as always.  There was an older woman who always rode it, acting like the operator.

          “Ah, it’s none other than Kwon Jiyong himself.  How are you?”

          I smiled at her.  “I’m fine.  Yourself?”

          “Never better.”  She pushed a button.  “Going up, third level.”

          I waved to her after I stepped out and walked towards Min Jee’s apartment.  I knocked on the door.

          She pulled me in and attacked my lips with hers.  “I missed you!”

          “I missed you, too.”  I always acted a bit distant towards her.  She thought it was my normal self, but it wasn’t.  I didn’t want to get close to any other woman than the first one I ever loved after my mother.  “I can’t stay but a few minutes.  I have somewhere to go.”

          She pouted.  “Why are you always leaving Oppa?”

          “I’m an idol, Min Jee.  What do you expect?”

          “I expect you to be my damn boyfriend.”

          What is with this attitude of hers?  “Jee, is something wrong?”

          She sat on the couch and started to cry.  “Yes, there’s something wrong.”

          “What is it?”

          “You make me happy Jiyong, but I did something so stupid.”

          “What?”

          Jee wiped her eyes and stared down at her hands.  “I kind of…cheated on you and got pregnant.”

          “Then make the baby’s father a happy one.  Jee, I can’t love you.  I’ve never lied about that.  I can’t love any woman.”

          “No one but her.  Who is that anyways?”

          I grabbed her shoulders and looked straight into her eyes.  “You listen to me, now.  The woman I love is not a .  Not once has she ever been.  You would never understand the hell we’ve both been through.  She lost our child when she was just seventeen, and she never even told me until about two months ago.  She left me the night she got pregnant, too.  I almost killed myself when she left…not just one time, but three times.  So don’t you ever ing talk about the woman I love in a demeaning manner.”  I stood up and walked to the door, stopping to look over my shoulder.  “If anyone is the , it’s you Min Jee.”  I left the apartment and ignored the woman’s pleads to come back.

          I didn’t take the elevator, I took the stairs instead, knowing Min Jee wouldn’t follow me down in those damn clunky heels she wore.  I left the apartment complex and drove straight to Lizzie’s house.  I didn’t even care when I saw Kevin and Kiseop of U-Kiss in the living room with the twins.  I found Lizzie in the kitchen, staring out the window.

          I hugged her from behind and pressed my face into her back.

          “Hey Ji,” she said softly.

          “Baby…”

          She turned and hugged me, comforting me while I cried against her neck and told her everything.  “Jiyongie, you know I hate when you cry.”  She took my hand in hers and pulled me upstairs with her.  Lizzie brought me to her bedroom and made me sit on the bed.

          I pulled her down into my arms and tucked her head beneath my chin, rubbing her back.  “Why is it so hard, Li?”

          “You know why Ji.”

          “I wish we could be what we once were.”

          Li put her arms around my neck.  “Ji, if I lost this baby like I lost Mason, I think I’d just give up trying to even have kids.  I don’t think I could look at Hoon the same either.”

          “Why?”

          “I’d feel so much guilt.  Ji, I’ve miscarried one child, and I’ve also almost lost this baby.  I can’t stand this.  I keep wondering if my life will ever get on track, and I can finally be happy for once.”

          I felt a wet warmth against my chest and felt the woman I love shaking against me.  I held her tightly and rocked her back and forth.  “Shh, it’s alright.  Ji’s here.”  I laid her down on the bed and moved so I could lie against her side.

          Li wrapped her arms around me.  “Ji, I can’t bear the thoughts.”

          I looked into her sad eyes.  “I know it baby.”  I pecked her lips softly.

          Her lips were in a pout.  “Ji, my head hurts.”

          “It does baby?”

          She nodded cutely.

          I kissed her forehead.  “Better?”

          Lizzie shook her head.

          “What’ll make it better then?”

          She pushed me onto my back and moved to lie her head against my chest.  She smiled and closed her eyes as she listened to my heart beating.

          I smiled and wrapped my arms around her.

          “I could listen for days.”

          “I’d let you if I could.”

          “If Hoon ever has to go on tour while I’m pregnant, can I call you over?”

          “Of course you can baby girl.”  I kissed the top of her head.

          “I don’t like when I’m alone,” she pouted.

          I pinched her cheek lightly.  “My baby,” I smiled.

          “Ji!”

          “Li!”

          She pouted more and hid her face in my chest.  “Don’t talk to me.”

          “Baby, saranghaaaaae.”

          “Not listening,” she covered her ears.

          I sat up and started to tickle her.  “What’d you say?”

          “Ah! Ji, quit!”  She giggled and tried to pry my fingers from her sides.

          “What do you say?”

          “I love you, too!”

          I smiled and made her lie down.  “Good girl.”  I pecked her pouting lips.  “You should rest.”  I gently rubbed her belly.

          “Mm, Ji, you have a magic touch.”

          “So I’ve been told,” I said softly and smiled when Li fell asleep.  I kissed her forehead and set Jasper in her arms.  “I love you, Lee Lizzie.”

          “I love you, too, Kwon Jiyong.”

          I smiled and pulled the blankets over her.  I left her house and went back to the dorm.  Seeing her for that short amount of time left me happy still.

          The other four guys were in the living room, watching the tv.  They looked up at me when the door shut.

          “You look happy,” Tae said.

          I smiled and sat down in the free chair.  “Why shouldn’t I be happy?”

          “You saw her, didn’t you?”

          “Of course I did.”

          Seungri pouted.  “Hyung, stay away from my little sister.”

          “Why should I?”

          “You know why.”

          “Don’t worry maknae.”

          “I don’t like it hyung.  I really don’t.  Then again, I don’t like her marrying Hoon either.”

          “There’s nothing wrong with him Seungri.”

          “She’s still my baby sister.”

          “She acts older than you maknae…”

          “Hey!  It doesn’t mean anything!  She’s still younger!”

          “The only thing baby about her is what she’s carrying in her belly.”

          “My niece or my nephew,” he pouted.

          “No,” Tae spoke up.  “Our niece or nephew,” he corrected.

          The maknae looked at him.  “What do you mean ‘our niece or nephew’ when she’s my sister?”

          “She said we all were going to be the baby’s uncle.”

          “When?”

          “When she told us she was expecting.”

          “SHE TOLD ALL OF YOU GUYS BUT NOT ME?!  AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME AFTER SHE TOLD YOU?!”

          “Whoa maknae, chill out.  This is why she made us promise to not tell you.”

          He stood up and got his phone, but I took it gently.

          “Don’t bother her right now.  She’s sleeping.”

          He looked at me with anger in his eyes, but it cooled and he sighed.  “I guess fussing at her wouldn’t be really good for her right now.”

          “Or for the baby,” I set the phone down.  “Chill out.  Just let her rest.  She’s been put through enough hell already this year.”

          “When did you get so nice?”

          I smiled.  “Since I fell in love with your little sister.”

          “You know hyung, I may not want Hoon to marry her, but I’m glad she chose him over you.”

          I put my arm around his neck.  “And why is that?”

          “It’d be awkward.  I don’t want you as my brother-in-law.  You and I would be fighting even more.”

          Daesung laughed.  “She’d be telling you both to shut up and quit fighting.”

          “What are you talking about?  She’d be telling the maknae to leave her precious Jiyongie alone.”

          I glared at Tae.  “You want me to put you in a headlock next?”

          “No hyung!”

          “Then shut the hell up.”  I let Seungri go and sat down.  “Min Jee and I are no longer together.”

          “What happened?”

          I leaned the chair back and relaxed.  “Apparently she had a one night stand or something and cheated on me.  I didn’t care about it until she called Lizzie a .”

          “What?!”

          “Calm down.  She knows I didn’t like it.”

          “Oh god, you didn’t hit her, did you?”

          I yawned and stretched.  “Nope.  But I let her know that I didn’t enjoy how she talked about the woman I love.”

          “I’ll bet she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.

          My phone made a noise, and I looked at it.  “I think it’s the exact opposite.  ‘Oppa, talk to me.  I’m sorry for what I said earlier.  It’s just mood swings from the pregnancy.  Jiyongie, talk to me.’  Hah, as if I would for what she said.”

          “I don’t blame you.  Anyone who calls my sister a to me shouldn’t even be allowed to be in the same country as me or her.  By the way, you didn’t tell my sister did you?”

          “I told her everything.  I can’t keep things from her.  I love your sister crazily, but I don’t like when she gets mad.  She’s scary.”

          “She gets that from our mother.”

          “I never once saw your mother get mad at anyone.”

          “We did.  It was never at us, though.  Eomma had the greatest patience, unless you said something bad about Li, Appa, or me.  It never turned out well for those people.”  He smiled sadly.  “I see the same fury in Li when she gets mad.  She doesn’t quite have Eomma’s patience, though.”

          I smiled.  “She never has.  She hated me at first.”

          Bae and Daesung sat in front of me like little kids hearing a story.  “Tell us!”

          I chuckled.  “I’ll tell you some of what happened.  Wanna stay maknae?”

          “Sure.”

          Seungri and I told the guys about how Li and I first met.  They were surprised to hear how distant Lizzie was with me.

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