I flopped down on my bed.  “How can I be in love with my best friend?  He loves someone else, Lizzie.  You can’t possibly tell him.  But, he has a right to know your feelings.”  I sighed.  I was already going crazy, talking to myself.  I sat up and dialed Mir’s number.

          “Hello?”

          “I need to talk to you.  Are you busy?”

          “I’m free right now.”

          “This is important.  Can anyone hear me?”

          “Do you want me to come over?  I know you have Hoon there, but I can tell that something’s wrong.”

          “Please,” was all I said.

          “I’ll be right there.”

          “Don’t tell him you’re coming here,” I whispered.

          “I won’t,” he promised.

          “Thank you.”  I set the phone down and sighed.  “You idiot girl, falling for your best friend.  I can’t help it though.  He’s always been there for me when I needed someone.”  I got up and went back downstairs.  “Hey, Mir is coming over.  I have to talk to him about something.”

          “Is everything ok Li?”

          Everything but my heart, I wanted to say.  I faked a smile.  “Yeah, it’s fine.”  I halfway expected him to call me on my lie, but Hoon wasn’t like that.  I sat on the couch beside him, waiting for time to pass.  I jumped slightly when the doorbell rang.

          I stood up.  “Be right back,” I went to the door and pulled Mir in, hugging him.  “Oppa, I’m so confused.”

          He shut the door and held me.  “Tell me what’s wrong.”

          I sighed, pulling him into the kitchen with me.  I got a pill out of the prescription anti-depressants I was on and took it.  I sat at the table.  “It’s gotten worse Mir.”

          “What has Lizzie?”

          “My feelings about him.”

          “What happened?”

          “We were in the living room just talking.  I was stupid enough to ask him if he’d ever fallen in love.”

          Mir raised his eyebrow.  “What’d he say?”

          “It almost was like he didn’t want to tell me, but he said he is right now.”

          “Did you ask for a name?”

          “No.  I told him I was in love with someone other than Ji, and that it’s not Joon.  I didn’t tell him that it’s him who I’m in love with.  I couldn’t.”

          Mir wrapped his arms around me.  “You need to tell him Lizzie.  It’s the only way you’ll be ok with this.  You know that.  What’s the other problem?”

          “Just that.”

          “Are you sure?”

          “I just feel so bad for feeling this way and being with Joon.  It makes me feel guilty.  I don’t want to break up with Joon and have him assume it’s because I was using him.”

          “If you explain it, I’m sure he’ll understand.  Or, I could tell him for you.”

          I shook my head.  “Let me do it.  It’s not the right time though.”

          Mir my hair.  “It’ll be ok.  Oppa’s here for you.  Plus, you know Hoon will always be there for you, in love or not in love.  You’re his first priority.”

          I sniffled.  “I know, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt to think about him having someone else.”

          “I know it Lizzie.  Just trust yourself that everything will be ok.”

          I stood up and hugged Mir tight.  “I don’t know what I would do without you, Oppa.”

          “You’d be lost, admit it.”

          “I won’t, but you know I know that.”

          “Remember, just tell him.  It’ll be ok.  At least he’ll know.”

          “I won’t right now.  He needs to get better first.”

          Mir squeezed me.  “You know I’m always here if you need me.”

          “I appreciate it, Mir.”

          “I’d better be getting back.  I need to rest up before tomorrow.  I’ll be gone, but you can call me.”

          I nodded.  “I will if I need anything.”  I walked him to the door, feeling better.  “Bye Oppa.”

          “Bye Lizzie.”  He kissed my cheek.  “Take care of yourself.”

          “I will.”  I watched him drive away and shut the door, going into the living room.

          “Yeah AJ hyung, thanks.  I’ll talk to you later.”

          I sat beside Hoon after he set his phone down.  “Trouble at home?”

          “No.  I just needed to talk to hyung.”

          “You need anything?”

          “Not right now.”

          “Not even food again?”

          “That depends.”

          “I can order takeout, and we can watch NCIS.”

          He smiled.  “Ok.”

          “What do you want, the usual?”

          “Yeah.”

          I called the carry out place about two miles from the end of my driveway and ordered food.  I went back into the living room and sat on the couch beside Hoon, leaning against him.  “What’s her name?”

          “If I told you that, I’d have to kill you.”

          I smiled.  “Why?  You don’t want me to know?”

          “Not yet.”

          “Did you meet her before you met me?”

          “No.”

          “After?”

          “Maybe.”

          I smiled.  “Did she go to school with us?”

          “Yes.”

          “Same grade as us?”

          “Yes.”

          “Do I still talk to her?”

          “I don’t know.”

          I sat up, thinking.  “Does she have siblings?”

          “She has three.”

          I stood up when the bell rang and grabbed my wallet out of my purse, getting the money out.  “To be continued,” I walked to the door.  I opened it and paid the delivery guy, taking the food into the living room.  I set the bag down and went to get drinks.  I set down four bottles of milk on the table, handing Hoon a box of the Chinese food and a pair of chopsticks.

          “Did you lose your innocence to her?”

          Hoon raised an eyebrow.  “I haven’t even lost my innocence.”

          “Which is so surprising.  You could have any girl.”

          “Any one but the one I want it seems.”

          “She’s taken?”

          “She has a boyfriend.”

          “She’s insane for not wanting to be with you.”

          Hoon smiled.  “She’s been insane for a while.”

          “Like, medically?”

          “No.  Like how I call you insane.”

          I pouted.  “I’m not insane.”  I wiped his mouth with a napkin.  “You’re so messy.”

          “I don’t have to be neat while I’m eating.  Not with you at least.”

          “You know I’m probably going to spend the whole day on my treadmill tomorrow.”

          “You better not.  What else can I do?”

          “You can come in there with me and work on your abs.  I’m not calling you flabby, Hoon.”

          He chuckled.  “Not like Eli is.”

          “I’m telling him you said that.”

          “You’ve seen his gut.”

          “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.  He’s still got y thighs and arms.”

          Hoon pouted.  “Make me feel upset.”

          I elbowed him lightly.  “You know I’m messing.”

          “But you really think that about him.”

          “It doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re y, too, Hoonie.”  I kissed his cheek.

          “I should stop letting my friends meet you.  They always are drooling over you.  They all say the same thing to me.  ‘Hey Hoon, do you still talk to that y girl?  Is she single yet?’  It annoys me.”

          I smiled.  “It’s ok Oppa.  You know I wouldn’t date someone who likes me just for my looks.”

          “You better not.  I’ll kick his .”

          I giggled and finished my food.  “Hey, I made something this morning before you got here.  That’s why I was passed out.”

          “What is it?”

          “It’s a surprise.”  I took the trash into the kitchen and put the remaining takeout in the fridge.  I took the mochi ice cream I’d made and took a couple plates out.  I put some strawberry and chocolate mochi on the plate and drizzled hot fudge over the mochi.  I put the leftover mochi and fudge sauce up.

          “Yo, listen up.  This is my tragic story.  Just to break into my heart…”

          I picked up my phone.  “Hello?”

          “How’s the dongsaeng?”

          “He’s fine.  He likes your bear.”

          “Better than AJ’s?”

          “Maybe.”  I took the mochi into the living room and held it so Hoon could get first pick.

          “Oh my god, you made mochi!”

          Eli gasped.  “You made mochi without me being there to eat it?”

          “I see you’ve heard Hoon.”  I put the phone on speaker and set it down on my leg, taking a bite of a strawberry mochi.

          “I want some,” he whined.

          “But I didn’t make any green tea this time.”

          “What flavors did you make?”

          “Strawberry, chocolate, and cherry blossom,” I giggled when Hoon wiped my mouth.

          “You’re so messy.”

          “The powder gets on my lips.  I can’t help it.  It always does.”

          “Li-Li, will you make me some?”  Eli begged.

          “I will later Eli.”

          “I love you.”

          “I love you, too, but you owe me.”

          “I know.”

          “Eli!  Who are you talking to?”

          Hoon and I started laughing at Soohyun’s tone.

          “I’m checking up on Hoon, hyung.  That’s all.”

          Soohyun’s voice came out of my phone.  “Hi Hoon!  How are you feeling?”

          “I’m fine hyung.”  He wiped the side of my mouth again.

          I smacked his hand away.  “Stop Hoonie.  I can do it myself.”

          “I’ve gotta take care of my wifey, though.”

          I pouted.

          “Yah!  Yeo Hoonmin, you’re not old enough to get married!”

          I grinned.  “Too late Soohyunnie.”  I kissed Hoon’s cheek.  “He’s my hubby!”

          “You can’t have him.”

          “She already does hyung.”

          I giggled.  We loved messing with Soohyun.

          “What do you want for Hoon?”

          I grinned at Hoon.  “I want the pigeon.”

          “Yah!  It’s because he’s blonde isn’t it?!”

          “You’d rather have a pigeon than a bunny?  You’re crazy.  It’s a deal.”

          “I never said I only wanted the pigeon.”

          “You want Kevin too, don’t you?”

          “Nope, I want to keep Hoon.”

          “That’s not fair!”

          I giggled.  “You said it’s a deal.  I only want the pigeon for a night.  Not tonight, though,” I stretched.  “My cousin will be home tonight, and he’ll kill me.”

          “Is it the muscles or something?”

          “Hyung, it’s always the muscles.  You’ve seen her boyfriend.”  Hoon poked my side.

          “Well that includes you since I chose you, too, Hoon.”  I poked him back.

          “I’m not afraid to pin you down and tickle you.  Cast or no cast, I will do it.”

          I picked up my phone.  “We gotta go Soohyun.  Talk to you later.”  I hung up on him and laughed when Hoon pulled me back, pinning me on the couch.

          He tickled me viciously, causing me to scream with laughter.

          “Cheater, you got me off guard!”

          “I told you I’d do it!”

          I laughed until my sides hurt.  “Hoon, you made me hurt.”

          “I’m sorry.”

          “Liar,” I cleared the mess from the coffee table and rubbed the back of my neck.  “Maybe we should go to bed.”

          “I wanna take a bath.”  He pouted.

          I smiled as I helped him up.  “You can take a bath.  I’ll stay up for you.”

          “Li, you don’t have to.”

          “Hoon, you might need help.  Don’t argue.”  I went upstairs while he went up in the elevator.

          My house had been built for a woman who was handicapped, but she didn’t want the house after it was finished and instead went to live with her son instead.  The lady was my great aunt on my mother’s side.  She still lives with my mother’s parents to this day.  Instead of selling the house to someone unfamiliar, she let me buy it, seeing as she could ‘foretell’ that I was going to have ‘a big family’ in the future.  My mother came from a family of superstitious Japanese ancestors.  Aunt Xi is one of the few remaining superstition freaks, but she still is my favorite aunt due to the kindness she shows to everyone.

          The elevator was nice to have in the house, especially in the current situation though.

          I walked to my room, leaving the door open for Hoon.  I rubbed my neck, feeling the stress that was wearing on me.

          Hoon came in, propping one of the crutches against my closet door.  “I don’t know why I use both of these damn things.  I only need one.”

          “Are you sure?”

          “Yeah.  The second one is unneeded.”

          I moved the unoccupied crutch to lean against the bureau.  “I’m going to take a shower before I go to bed.  Go in the bathroom.”  I grabbed a nightgown and Hoon’s PJs as well.  I went into the bathroom and set his clothes on the wall that separated the tub from the rest of the bathroom.  I sat on the side of the bath and started the water for Hoon.  “Can you do everything else?”

          “I got it.  Thanks Lizzie.”

          I stood up.  “Mm-hmm,” I went to the shower, not looking over while Hoon undressed.  I got in and let the hot water rain down on me.  It made me melt the way the water wrapped around me.  Every time the shower was as hot as it was now made me think of making love with Ji.  How the water hit me and warmed me up made me think of how he wrapped his arms around me.

          The memories came to my mind as the water washed away the stress.  My head started to hurt and I turned the hot water off almost completely, now feeling the cold water hit my skin.  I turned it off once the cool water felt warm and got out of the shower.  I slipped on my robe and saw Hoon, head leaning back with his eyes closed while he laid in the tub.

          I looked away and started to towel dry my hair.  “Just don’t think about it,” I murmured to myself.

          “Are you talking to yourself again Li?”

          I pouted, throwing the towel into the basket.  “Hush.”

          “Your conscience is talking to you.  What’s wrong?”

          “You’re not my conscience, Hoonie.  It’d be scary if you were.”

          “Why’s that?”

          “Because I’m hopelessly in love with your crazy Korean , and you don’t know or realize it,” I thought to myself.  “No reason, Hoon.”  I sighed and went into my bedroom, lying on my bed.  I saw the light go off and glanced over at Hoon.

          He sat beside me on the other side and pulled me over close to him, my hair softly.

          I leaned my head against his chest.

          “Talk to me.”

          I shook my head.

          “Li, what’s wrong?  I can tell that you’re not yourself.  What happened to my silly best friend?  Hmm?”  He brought my chin up so I’d have to look in his eyes.

          I couldn’t help it.  I kissed him.  I didn’t make any excuse up to him when I pulled back.  I called myself a fool in Korean and looked down.

          Hoon laid me down on the bed and leaned over me, looking into my eyes before kissing me.

          I didn’t want to nor did I stop what we did together after the first hardly innocent kiss.

          The way Hoon was making me feel just killed me on the inside.  I figured he would regret what we did when he woke up because I was already feeling the guilt of taking his innocence away as I laid against his chest.  I didn’t regret what we did, though.  I felt a little strange because he was in love with someone like I was in love with him, but it didn’t matter now.  I fell asleep in his arms, feeling more loved than I ever had before.

          I had a dream exactly like my reality.  I was lying against Hoon in my bed with his arms holding me tightly against him.

          “I wish you would just realize it already Li.  I love you baby girl.”  He said before kissing the top of my head.

          It was almost as if he’d said it for real, but I knew he wouldn’t.  He had that other girl, whoever she was.

          I woke up and sighed.  I took a shower and only let cool water run down my bare skin.  I needed the relief after last night.  I dressed in casual clothes and picked up my iPod, putting it in my pocket after I turned it on.  I went downstairs and made breakfast so it’d give me something to do besides think of last night.

          A pair of hands covered my eyes as I washed the bowl that waffle batter had been in.

          “Ji, go away.”

          “How do you always know it’s me?”

          I smiled at him as he got a cup of coffee.  “You can’t hide things from me.  Besides, only you cover my eyes with both hands overlapping.”  I got a bowl of strawberries out of the fridge.  “Hungry?”

          “This morning, I don’t care if it’s not healthy.  I’m eating.”  He made a plate.  “It looks great.”

          “Thanks.”

          “What’s the waffle occasion?”

          “I haven’t made them in a while.”

          “Yeah, right.”  He chewed a bite.

          I giggled.  “You look like a chipmunk Jihoon.”

          There was a knock on the door.

          I raised an eyebrow.  “You expecting anyone?”

          My cousin shook his head.  “It’s your house.  It’s probably for you.”

          I shrugged and went to the door.

          “Are you Miss Lee Lizzie?”

          “Yes.”

          “These are for you.”

          I took the big vase of flowers the delivery guy had.  I thanked him and took them into the kitchen.  “These just came.”  I took the card out of the middle, smiling.

          Just thought these would help you feel better.  I miss you baby sis.  Your loving Oppa

          “Aw, isn’t he sweet?”  I set them on the windowsill.

          “Who are they from?”

          “Oppa sent them.”

          “Which Oppa?”

          “My actual brother, dummy,” I looked down, acting like I was messing with my iPod when Hoon came in.

          “Morning.”

          “Morning to you, too.  Feel any better?”

          “My leg hurts like hell hyung.  What do you think?”

          “Well isn’t someone snippy this morning?”

          I turned the device off.  “Like you are one to talk about being snippy Jihoon.”  I fixed some waffles for Hoon and set them down on the table.

          “Thanks Lizzie.”

          “Mm-hmm,” I got a plate for myself and sat down, eating quietly while Hoon and Jihoon talked.

          “Hey, did Grandma call you?”

          I looked up.  “What?  Did she call me about what?”

          “The twins coming home?”

          “Not unless she called after I came down here, or while I took a shower.  Did she call you?”

          “No, I saw her last night.  She said she’d call you to see when you were ready for Jae and Mi Young to come home.”

          “I’ll call her later.”  I got the plates and washed them off.  “Speaking of which, you need to go to your house.”

          “Why?  I could help with them.”

          “Ji, we’ve talked about this.  You need to go to your house and deal with your girlfriend.  It’s weird having you here all the time.”

          He pouted.  “Gee, I love you, too.”

          I wiped my hands and went to him, leaning down to hug his neck.  “I love you, Ji.  But I like my privacy.”

          “So you’re doing stuff you don’t want me to see or hear in other words.  What is it?”

          I grinned and kissed his cheek.  “If you can’t see or hear, then obviously you can’t know either.”

          “Personally, I think you’re lying to get rid of me, but I’ll go home.  My girlfriend had to go to the states for a month.”

          “She still begging you to marry her already?”

          “How’d you know?”

          “That’s the only reason you ever come here anyways.”

          “So, what’s going on between you and the injured one?”

          “Nothing.”

          He laughed.  “Yeah right, what’s really happening?”

          “Don’t worry about it Ji.”  I put my hair up.

          “Hey, I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

          “Ji, I’m the one who hurt him.  Don’t bring that mess up again.”

          “Li, just because you broke it off doesn’t mean you didn’t get hurt.”

          I sighed.  “I know.  Can we not go there, though?”

          He stood up and hugged me.  “It’ll be alright.”

          I hugged him back.  “Because I’ll always have my big Ji Oppa to be there for me.”

          Jihoon chuckled.  “That’s right.”

          I smiled, shaking my head.  “You are something else, Jung Jihoon.”

          “You should be talking Jung Lizzie.”

          I pouted.  “I know that should be my name and all, but it sounds funny.”

          “Jung Li.”

          “Better since that’s what my name was going to be in the first place.”

          “See how smart they were for listening to me?”

          “Yeah, if I ever once start disliking my name, I’m blaming you.”

          “Aw Lizzie, come on.  It’s a pretty name.”

          I smiled.  “Yeah but you named me.”

          “You love it, and you know it!”

          “Whatever.  I’m going to go in the living room.”  I took my iPod with me, slipping on my headphones.  I sat beside Hoon on the couch and laid my head on his shoulder.

          He wrapped his arm around my waist, rubbing my side gently.

          I paused the music.  “Hoon?”

          “Hmm?”

          “Just answer one thing.  Do you regret it?”

          “Why would I ever?”

          “Hoonie, I want you to be happy with that girl that you love so much.  Don’t waste your time on me, ok?”

          “I can’t promise you anything, Li.”

          I hugged his neck.  “I’m sorry.”

          “For what?”

          “Taking your innocence.”

          “I feel better having it being you than some strange girl.”

          “Really?”

          “Would I lie to you?”

          “I don’t think so.  Would you?”

          He chuckled and hugged me.  “No, I wouldn’t.”

          I sighed, relieved how he was acting.  I played the music again and held onto my best friend.

          “How am I ever going to tell you how I feel, Yeo Hoonmin?”  I wondered to myself.