VERY VERY SAD! Might need tissue. Will need one or a couple if you're sensitive. Warning you now.

          “I always thought it was funny that first night.  Oppa came home to see us, sitting on the couch holding hands while we were watching a movie together.  He didn’t think it was strange because I tended to do that to him when we watched a scary movie.  You and I were watching a horror movie that night, and all the dead people that kept appearing freaked me out.  When I got really scared, I wrapped my arms around your waist and hid my face in your neck.  Oppa didn’t thing that was strange either.  I thought it was fun to act like a couple and have my brother think we were just friends.  But we both know I picked a scary movie on purpose.  I got up because I couldn’t take it anymore and went into the kitchen to cook dinner instead since our parents were gone.

          “My brother was in there with you, but you came into the kitchen.  I was heating water on the stove for tea to calm my nerves when you came in.  ‘Li, you ok?’  Your arms wrapped around me and I felt safe.  I relaxed almost immediately and leaned back into you.  ‘I’m fine Ji.  Now that you’re here.’  You chuckled and kissed the top of my head.  ‘I like the horror movie idea, but let’s skip it if it starts freaking you out early on, ok?’  ‘Ok Ji.  Are you thirsty?’  ‘No, I’m ok.  Thank you though.’  I let a deep breath.  ‘I almost don’t want the tea now.’  You rubbed my stomach softly in a circular motion, and I calmed down even more.  I didn’t know how, but I was feeling a sense of being high just from your touch.  ‘You have a magic touch, Kwon Jiyong,’ I said softly.  ‘So I’ve been told.’  ‘By whom and what’s her name?’  You only laughed and squeezed me.  ‘You’re funny.’  I only pouted.  ‘I was serious Ji.’  This, of course, was the start of your cheek pinching.  You pinched my cheek and said, ‘Aigoo, my baby is too cute!’  All I did was slap your hand away and rub my face, pouting more.

          “I got you out of the kitchen and started making dinner after finishing the pot of tea and setting it aside.  The evening progressed pretty quickly after that.  Before I knew it, Oppa was already making me go to bed.  I laid in bed, watching Mighty Joe Young while I was curled up with my giant stuffed white tiger I’d gotten when we went to Rainforest Café in Grapevine, Texas.”

          “And that’s exactly when I snuck into your room since your brother had fallen asleep.  I remember crawling into bed beside you and tossing the tiger over on the other side of you, and it landed on the floor.  I thought you were gonna kill me for that.”

          “I thought about it, but, since you were my boyfriend, I was nice and just didn’t talk to you.  I still let you hold me, though.  Then I fell asleep after crying to the end of Might Joe Young.”

          “It made me sad seeing you cry.  I gave you back your tiger though before I left your room.”

          “I know.  Then I remember you waking me up the next morning.  I wanted to kill you.”

          “That’s only because I was getting you up for school.”

          “You came in my room and jumped on my bed, bouncing up and down.  ‘Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby,’ is what you said.  Do you know how much that freaked me out?  To wake up and see my boyfriend bouncing on my bed repeating baby in English over and over and over at five thirty in the freaking morning?”

          I chuckled.  “Yeah but you are so cute when you wake up.”

          “I hid under my freaking blankets and tried to convince myself it was a dream.  It wasn’t a damn dream either.  I got up and hid in my bathroom instead, making sure to lock the door.  I knew I had to get ready and did quickly.  I was stupid enough to forget to get my clothes beforehand so I put on my robe and checked to see if you were still in my room.  I was glad you’d gotten out.  But, then I found you again once I came out of my closet.  It was an average morning, except you were there and took every chance you could get to mess with me.”

          “Not my fault, I was excited that you were my girlfriend.”

          “It is too your fault.  You could’ve left me traumatized!”

          “But I didn’t.”

          “I was just glad when I got to school, because I got away from you and found Hoon.  I told him everything instantly, of course.  He was happy for us.  I didn’t see you until lunch, but I didn’t sit by you.  I sat with Hoon at our lunch table.  Everyone was shocked when you came over after you were done.”

          I grinned.  “I remember that.  I sat right beside you, said, ‘hi baby,’ and all the girls near gasped and started gossiping.”

          “Ugh, the things some of them said.  They can never just believe a senior would take interest in a freshman.  It took a while, but people finally realized it about two months after we’d gotten together.  I remember telling my parents that you and I were together.  You were my first boyfriend, and I didn’t know what to expect from them.  I mean, here were the parents of two teenagers who got married when they were young teens themselves.  We were at home at the table on a night where Oppa was gone for studying with a ‘close friend of his.’  All of a sudden I just blurted out, ‘Mama, Daddy, I have something to tell you.’  They looked at me with suspicious glances.

          “My mother spoke first.  ‘What is it sweetie?’  I bit my lip, messing with my food a bit.  ‘I have a boyfriend.’  My mother went into hysterics.  ‘My baby’s growing up!’  Appa wasn’t very sure what to say about it.  ‘Who is it exactly, pumpkin?  Do we know him?’  I nodded.  ‘It’s Oppa’s hyung.’  ‘Which one baby?’  ‘Jiyong Oppa.’  I was surprised to see the grins on my parents’ faces.  ‘Why are you two doing that?’  Eomma got up and cleared the dishes off.  ‘Appa and I could tell you liked him, Lizzie.  Your parents see everything.’  I put my dishes in the sink for Eomma and looked up at her.  ‘You guys aren’t mad?’

          “Eomma and Appa both laughed.  She touched my face, full of motherly tenderness.  ‘Why would we be mad sweetheart?’  I only shrugged.  ‘Well it’s nice to see you follow in your mother’s footsteps.’  Appa said, kissing Eomma’s cheek.  ‘See Lin?  She does like handsome young men.’  I walked away.  ‘Too much Daddy.’  I went up into my room and got on my bed, taking all my homework out.  I put on headphones and leaned back with my legs up so I could start on my math for the night.  Then, I got a surprise.  Someone placed a red rose on my notebook.  I looked up and smiled, because I saw you there.”  Lizzie stood up and went to a vase on the back right corner of her vanity.  She pulled a dried up rose and held it gently, smiling.  “To this day, I have it, too.  It helps my memories.”  Lizzie set it back in the vase and sat back on the bed, leaning against the headboard of the bed.  “Our relationship grew, until it was my junior year of high school.  We were seeing less of each other as time elapsed.  I didn’t like it either.  That’s when I started thinking about us.  If we could really survive the relationship.  You debuted with Big Bang.  I not only lost my boyfriend from the schedules, but also my older brother, as well.  I didn’t have Mi Young or Sunjae to have around.  I had Hoon, but he was talking about becoming an idol, too.  It all overloaded me.  I really, really couldn’t take it.”

          I saw a tear run down her cheek, but she wiped it away swiftly.

          “So, that’s why, when you called me that night, I had a plan.  It wasn’t to break your heart.  It was much simpler.  Give you one night of pure happiness, the one night to top all of the dates and nights we spent together, and then leave you the note.  I thought about going back to America.  It was an idea in my head.  I knew afterwards when I got home that I could never do it.  My parents wouldn’t allow it.”  She bit her lip.

          “You called right after I got in my car to go home after school that day.  I heard the ringtone and immediately picked it up.  ‘Hello?’  ‘Hey baby.’  ‘Hey Ji.’  You asked if something was wrong, and I lied to you when I said I was tired.  Well, I was tired, but it was much worse.  You asked to see me and I asked where did you want to go.  I was glad when you said to just meet you at your place at six thirty that night.  I got home, took a shower, got gussied up, and grabbed some things to make the night the best.  I told Oppa, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and left the house.  I couldn’t believe I was actually going to do what would happen that night.”  Lizzie stood up once again and stood in front of the bureau, curling her hands on it.  Her nails pressed against the top part of the wood.

          “I got to your place early.  I tried to act like myself after you’d let me in, but I kept spacing out.  You finally got me to come back when you kissed me.  I made a bold move and moved onto your lap so I could straddle you.  I remember pulling away from your mouth because I was short of breath, and I laid my head against your shoulder.  ‘Jiyong?’  You were rubbing my back slowly, and only that simple intimate movement made me feel better.  ‘What is it Li-Li?’  I idly drew little circles against your neck.  ‘Ji, I’m ready.  I want tonight to be the night.’  Your hand stopped, and you brought my face up to look into your eyes.  ‘Are you sure?’  I nodded.  We went up into your room, and I made you lie on the bed while I went into your bathroom to change.  I came out with only my shirt on over my underwear.  ‘Ji?’  The way your eyes widened in surprise made me nervous.”

          I watched her as she leaned her head down.  I could see how remembering us together made her feel.  I got up and went to her, hugging her tightly from behind.

          “At first, I felt the biggest pain run through my body, like I was getting shots everywhere on my body.  But it didn’t take long for it to stop, and I felt amazing.  We practically devoured each other.  It felt amazing.  I hated how it felt afterwards.  I could feel the guilt start in.  I watched you fall asleep peacefully after we’d made love a third time.  I moved your hair out of your face, kissed your forehead, and slid out of the bed.  I was surprised to see no blood at all on the bed or on me.  I got dressed and sat back on the bed to write the note.  I laid it on the nightstand where you’d find it when you woke up and kissed you once more.  Then, like a ghost, I left.  I didn’t take the ring off, but I wouldn’t look at it.  I went home and cried till I finally slept.  I called Hoon as soon as I woke up.  I told him only that we’d broken up.  I asked if I could come to his house, and of course he said I could.

          “Oppa asked me where I was going so early in the morning, and I told him I would be back in a day or two.  I passed your car going towards my house a few minutes after I’d pulled out of my driveway.  I couldn’t just start crying, though.  I didn’t until I got to Hoon’s house.  I saw the look in his eyes.  They were filled with genuine concern and love for me.  I saw a slight tinge of anger in them, but I ignored it.  I broke down in his arms.  I couldn’t hold anything else in.  Hoon calmed me down and helped me to try and forget it.  He was my support system for two days.  He even went home with me and stayed for a couple of days at my house.  He put away anything that reminded me of you.  Mostly, it was our pictures.  I stopped him from moving one.”  She looked over her shoulder at the picture frame facing down on her nightstand.  “That lone picture of us stayed.

          “Eomma knew I was upset, so did Appa.  They came in the day after they got back from a trip.  Appa pulled me onto his lap, embracing me like he had when I was a little girl.  Eomma my hair as I cried on my father’s shoulder.  I told them everything that happened.  They didn’t judge me, but I knew they were concerned for my health.  I wasn’t wanting to eat that much food if any at all.  They asked Hoon if he could come over to help.  I’d eaten when he was around, because he forced me to.  I never said no to him.  About a week after the incident, I wouldn’t say no to Eomma either.  Oppa noticed I was different, too.  He’d come into my room and stay until I fell asleep.  He had no idea why I was so upset.  Oppa was oblivious to our relationship.  He never saw it.  He thought us dating was a rumor in school, but it wasn’t.  He didn’t know that.

          “About a month after everything happened, I was starting to get better.  But, I was starting to get sick.  Eomma, Appa, and I all figured out what it was from.  She took me to the doctor, and it was confirmed.  I was pregnant.  After we came home, I saw your car there, and I looked at my mother.  ‘Mama, I can’t face him.  I can’t do it.’  She just brought me inside, told me to go up to my room, and said she’d be there in a second.  I climbed the stairs, looking down at the sonogram printout.  I could barely see the evidence of pregnancy, but the little black speck in the middle was easy to see.  I sat on my bed after putting the picture up.  I slid under my covers and leaned against the pillows, looking sick from how I was situated.

          “Eomma came up with a bowl of ramen and some tea.  She fed me like she had when I would be stubborn and not eat before.  I ate now, though.  I finished the hot soup of the ramen and laid down after Eomma moved the tray.  Sleep came easily then, so I slept.  I got up for school the next day.  Eomma had packed me a lunch box, along with the vitamin I had to take.  I left and got into the car with Hoon after he pulled up.  I told him about what the doctor said after he’d parked in the school lot.  When I started to cry, he comforted me.  ‘Come on baby girl,’ he whispered.  ‘Let’s go inside.  Don’t worry, I’ll be here.’  We luckily had all our classes together, and we sat beside each other in every one of them, too.  School was easy to go through.  Everyone noticed how I’d changed, though.  I stayed with Hoon almost everywhere.  The only time we parted was when I had to use the restroom from the morning sickness.  I only went through it three times at school, but it was enough.

          “One day, I came home from school with Hoon.  We went into the house, and you and Oppa were in the living room, watching tv.  I noticed how different you looked.  I took one look at you and ran up to my room, wanting to get out of the living room.  I laid on my bed and put my face in my pillow.  Hoon came up to comfort me.  ‘Hey, baby, calm down.’  He’d rub my back gently.  I pushed his hand away because it was exactly like you do it.  I my back and looked at him with tears in my eyes.  ‘I just can’t get away from this, Hoonie.  He’s coming back to me in every way.  How can I ever move on?’  My best friend didn’t speak.  He pulled me up and held me against him.  After Eomma came home, Hoon left.  I didn’t want him to, but Eomma came into my room.  ‘Are you alright baby?’  I shook my head and stood up.  I went into the bathroom and looked down as I changed out of my school clothes.  There was blood on my jeans.  I got hit with a huge stab of pain in my abdomen, too.  I called for my mother, and she took me to the hospital.  Before walking out, you and I locked eyes and I couldn’t help it after Eomma shut the door behind us after telling Oppa she was taking me to the hospital.  I broke down from the pain.

          “She got me to the hospital, and I was admitted.  I had a miscarriage, and it was the most painful thing I’d experienced.  The doctors put me in a Recovery room and the first person who came in…was you.  I cried again and looked at my mother.  I couldn’t stand looking at you.  My brother hadn’t known about the pregnancy either, and Eomma just told him that I had an ulcer that had burst and bled out.  She told him to stay with me so she could go call our Appa and tell him what happened.  I cried again when she left.  I was stuck in the room with you and my brother.  I went home a few days later and was put on bed rest for two weeks.  Hoon brought me all my work from school and kept me up to date on the lessons.”  By this time, Lizzie’s voice had dropped considerably lower, and her shoulders shook.

          “I managed to stay out of depression since I had Hoon to help me through all that.  I graduated school and college in the same year since I’d enrolled in university courses to keep me busy after school.  I went and applied for a job as soon as I could and got the position.  I worked four days a week and stayed home with Eomma the other three.  When she had the twins, I helped take care of them when I was home.  Then, when they were three months old, the accident happened.  I lost my parents, and I thought I’d lost Oppa, too.  I took care of the twins at my own house.  The rest…is history.”

          I turned her around and put my hands on her shoulders.  “You had a miscarriage?  That’s why you were there?”

          Li couldn’t even speak.  She started to sob.

          I held her, her hair and let tears of my own.  “Li, why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

          She shook her head.

          I walked her to the bed and made her sit down, holding her still.

          “I’m sorry Ji,” she murmured as she calmed down finally.

          I her hair.  “I saw the small bump when I came to pick up your brother one time,” I admitted.  “I just thought you’d gained a little weight.”

          Lizzie sighed and opened the drawer on the nightstand, taking a little box out.  She moved to sit against the headboard.  “Ji, sit here.”  She patted the spot next to her.

          I crawled up the bed and sat next to her.

          Lizzie sat with her legs crisscrossed and set the box in front of us.  She used a key to open the box and pulled the lid open.

          I saw an ultrasound printout, and she took it out.

          “This is the last one I got before I lost the baby.”  She handed it to me.

          I took it and put my hand over my mouth.  It was obvious to see that it was a baby on the image.  I could see the head and the little body.  “Did they find out what the baby was?”

          “They ran tests on the DNA structure and said it was a boy.  I need to show you something, Ji.”  She put the sonogram into the box and locked it.  Instead of putting it back, she kept it in her hands.  “We have to go one more place.”

          “Ok.”  I stood up and followed Lizzie outside, stopping to let her lock the house up.  We got into my car, and I drove again.

          She directed me to the cemetery her parents were buried in.  Lizzie got out and sighed.  “Come with me Ji.”  She took my hand and walked into the plot, pulling me to her parents’ graves.  She didn’t stop in front of their graves, but a little one next to it.  She knelt in front of it and pulled me down beside her.

          I read the stone.

          Lee Mason was the name.  A blessed angel taken too soon was written beneath it.  No date was shown.

          “I didn’t want the date.  It hurts too much.  I come here on the same day every year though.”  She sniffled.  “He would’ve been two right now if he’d lived.”  She laid her head on my shoulder.  “Today marks three years Ji.  Exactly three years,” Lizzie started to cry again.

          I hugged her, her hair and crying with her.  I would’ve been a father if she wouldn’t have miscarried.  I more than likely never would have known about him.

          “If I had given birth to him, I would’ve moved back to America.  Eomma and Appa would’ve moved with me.”

          “Would you have ever told me?”

          “I don’t know.  I don’t think I would have.  It probably would take a few years.”

          I held onto Lizzie.  “Never leave me ever again.  Promise me.”