Kevin couldn’t stand it, being around everyone when he felt so broken inside, so he went to shower and go into try and get some sleep. Of course none came as he just laid there staring at the ceiling, waiting for some relief. The door clicked open and Eli flashed on the light, making Kevin close his eyes quickly and turn away with a groan as sudden pain slashed through his already splitting head.

“Sorry, Kevinny.” Eli apologized, going to sit next to Kevin, “I noticed you’ve been acting weird, are you okay?”

Kevin thought it was ironic that Eli was talking to him about acting strange, “I think…” Kevin said in English, sitting up in bed. They always spoke in English about serious stuff, because it was more comfortable for Eli, and with the exception of Jaeseop, none of the rest of the members were fluent in English. “I’m…”

The speech Kevin had planned out suddenly flew from his mind and he sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Eli, I’m not so sure we should be together anymore.” Kevin sighed, closing his eyes tightly against the pain he felt stab at his heart, searing an irreparable hole.

“What?” Eli sounded shocked, but not hurt, Kevin noticed.

“I just…I don’t feel the same way about you anymore, you know?” Kevin looked up at Eli, trying with all his might to mask his pain, “It was good while it lasted, but I just…”

“Kevin…” Eli sighed, in something that sounded suspiciously like relief, “I feel the same way, I just didn’t know how to bring it up…”

A lump lodged itself in Kevin’s throat, making it hard to form his next words, “I figured we should end it before we get back to Korea, you know. Save the trouble of being together for our next comeback. Focus more on work. No use hanging on to something that’s obviously dead, right?” Kevin’s voice grew weak, and he hoped Eli couldn’t tell. But, at the same time, he wanted to be wrong. He hoped beyond hope that he had been wrong and that Eli still loved him.

Eli nodded, oblivious to Kevin’s pain and smiled at him. Smiled. It’s what hurt Kevin the most. “I’m glad you feel the same, it makes it easier for both of us.” Eli went out of the room to wash up before bed and Kevin curled into a ball under his sheets, sobbing silently.

It hurt so much Kevin wanted to rip his heart from his chest just so it wouldn’t be so painful. His heart was the cause of this whole mess, and it was his heart that would always hold on to Eli. Kevin’s heart tugged painfully as Eli flashed through his mind. His perfect, sweet Eli, who once upon a time, had loved him like Kevin still loved him. Eli, who once thought of Kevin as his only love, and now Kevin was alone, hurt, and with a heart that felt like it was broken into several million tiny pieces.

Kevin heard Eli come back into the room and instantly quieted himself even more so Eli wouldn't even suspect something slightly wrong. After a while, when he was sure Eli was asleep, he slipped out of the room, he couldn't sleep in there. Not with Eli. Instead, he pulled his blanket behind him and slept on the couch.

Still, no sleep came as he tossed and the couch. It hurt too much, much more than he ever thought it would. In the silence of the apartment, Kevin's mind made the most noise as he replayed everything he could have done wrong in his relationship with Eli. He could have been less clingy, less pushy for them to go out together. Less obvious, more...

More of what Eli wanted, instead of changing with Eli, Kevin had stayed the same. He didn't even change his hair color for the most part until just recently. Kevin flopped around on the couch, wallowing in self pity and regret. His tears, he seemed to realize, hadn't stopped in the slightest. As they wet his face and the arm of the couch, Kevin found he didn't much care. He had loved Eli pretty much since they met and now that he was letting it go, Kevin felt he had the right to cry.

Cry long and hard.

By this time he was sobbing and didn't care if he woke anyone up. He just wanted to let it all out. Maybe he would feel better.

….

"Kevin?" He heard Hoon's voice calling to him faintly from the other end of his dream world and swam his way back to reality through the thick haze. "Hey, Binny, wake up and get ready for the flight." Hoon shook him once more and noticed Kevin's eyes slowly opening.

"what time is it?" Kevin asked, rubbing his stinging eyes which he figured were bloodshot.

"7:15." We have to leave in 45 minutes so pack up, okay?" Kevin nodded as he sat up, wondering why Hoon had suddenly taken over Soohyun's job of waking them up. Kevin's back hurt, and his neck was stiff, making Kevin realize what a completely dreadful day this way going to be.

He wanted someone to talk to so bad, but he also didn't feel like he should unload his problems on his band mates and cause unneeded stress.

"Kevin?" Eli called, unknowingly shooting a flame-tipped arrow through the fragile pieces of his heart, "Your phone keeps going off, I think it's a text."

Kevn slowly made his way to their room where Eli was finishing up packing and went to his stand to retrieve his phone. Relief poured through him at the sender.

Kibum. His closest friend.

"Hey." was all the text said, but it made Kevin realize what he needed to and also feel stupid for not doing so earlier.

"Hi, Hyung." Kevin replied back simply, going to brush his teeth as he waited for a reply.

"I finally got some time off to just relax and thought I'd catch up with you~" Kibum replied.

"I have a flight in about an hour, what bad timing TT.TT"

"I have aaaalllll weekend off, I'll be here when you get off. ^.^"
"Good. I have to talk to you about something..."

"What is it?"

"Eli and me..." Kevin debated on whether or not to put more, but decided against it and just sent that message instead. Kibum would know soon enough.

"Is there anything wrong?"

Kevin didn't want to say that and then have to leave it at that until he got home and worry Kibum, but he couldn't say nothing and lie to his friend either.  "We...broke up."

It took a couple minutes for Kibum to respond, Kevin thought maybe it was due to shock. "what?!?!??!!?"

Kevin smiled ruefully, but felt like he wanted to cry again. Even though his eyes were red and bloodshot and he looked positively awful. "I bet you're shocked, right?"

"Of course, but why?"

"I'll talk to you about it when I get home. Eli's here and I don't want him to hear."

"I'll meet you at your place?"

"It would be really great to see you." Kevin thought it would be easier to tell Kibum in person rather than over the phone, because Kibum could comfort him properly. Right now, all Kevin wanted was a hug.

"Okay, I'll get ice cream and a few chick flicks then. Haha"

"That would be amazing, Kibum. Thank you. :)"

"No problem. Anything for my Binny ^.^"

Kevin smiled and put his phone away to take his luggage out to the waiting van and made himself comfortable in the back, already exhausted. Crying himself to sleep the night before took away all his energy. Leaning his head against the cold glass window, that also managed to help his splittng headache, Kevin fell into a light sleep.

.....

Kevin opened the door to Kibum, who pulled him into a tight hug at the sight of him, Kevin sunk into the warmth of Kibum's arms and felt all the emotions he had to hide while with s rush up and he began crying again.

Kibum his hair gently, whispering words of comfort, as Kevin cried. He didn't want to stop, he couldn't. And he didn't realize Kibum had relocated them to the couch. Trying to calm himself down, Kevin pulled away and rubbed his eyes free from tears. "Have you eaten?" Kibum asked, to which Kevin shook his head negatively, "I'll order some delivery." Kibum ran his hand over Kevin's hair once more and stood to make the call.

Kevin was glad Kibum didn't ask for an immediate explanation. And Kevin knew he probably wouldn't pester Kevin and just wait for the younger boy to explain himself. Instead of making Kibum wait in all his worry and concern, Kevin decided to just buck up and tell his friend.

"I broke up with him, Kibum." Kevin said as Kibum sat back down next to him, "because I felt he didn't feel the same about me anymore and was only with me for my sake. I didn't want that, because if he does...." Kevin paused, swallowing the lump in his throat at the thought, "if he does find someone he loves better, I don't want to be the reason he's not happy, you know. What hurt the most was..." more tears leaked from Kevin's eyes, "he said he felt the same when I told him I didn't love him anymore. He couldn't tell that I was lying, even though he's always been able to tell when I'm being dishonest. It all just proved to me how far we had grown a part, and..."

Kibum wrapped his arms around Kevin once again, "but, you still love him."

"I love him more than I've ever loved anything else before." Kevin admitted, "and it hurts so, so much that I can't be with him anymore."

"You're a good person, Kevin." Kibum sighed, knowing that if he were in Kevin's situation, he wouldn't be able to let that person go so quickly. He'd fight and try to make them love him again. Even though it was hopeless, he would have been selfish.

He squeezed Kevin tighter and waited patiently for him to calm down.

"And I have to be around them every day and pretend like nothing is wrong, Kibum. That's the worst part of it all."

"I'm here whenever you need me. I might not be able to text or call back immediately, but I'll definitely be here for you to talk to." As Kibum said it, the doorbell rang for the delivery and Kibum went to go take care of it.

It's so long..... But I guess it's not like you mind all that much.....?

It's so sad TT.TT Poor Binny....

All though I don't ship KeMaru, I did say I wanted to bring Xander and Kibum in at some point.

One down, one to go....

>.< Poor Binny!!!

I promise I'll try not to make him suffer long...