memories. pain.
I need you, my other half.
Suho dragged me to my room. He sat me down on my bed and he locked the door. I was shaking, I was so stupid, I know. Chanyeol doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, to be hurt like this. It was all my fault. My stupid fault, stupid emotions!
Suho sat next to me as he sighed. He was looking at me, but I refused to look back. I can’t. I was crying again, but I tried to control myself. Suho hold my hand tightly, and all of a sudden I sobbed harder.
“I’m sorry….,” I said in my tears. “I’m soo stupid.. I shouldn’t..,” “Ssshhh..” Suho cut me off and hugged me tightly. I cried in his arms, and he himself cried too. He patted my back as he whispered to me in tears, “It’s okay, Hyung..”
“Why.. why did you cry too??” I asked as I let go of his hug, seeing his eyes were red. He wiped his tears after he wiped mine. “I can’t stand seeing you cry, Hyung..” he said. I laughed a little, seeing Suho’s real personality. Suho is a weak hearted person, he can cry with you, or sometimes cry more than you.
As both of us stopped crying, Suho asked me. “What’s going on, Hyung?” I looked on the floor, I knew he was going to ask this. “I was.. a bit emotional..” I answered as I looked at him. “Sehun, wasn’t it?” he asked again. I sighed as I nodded. He’s the only reason, the only reason that can make me act like this.
Awkward silence. Suho sighed, as he stood up. “Calm yourself down, Hyung.. I won’t force you tell me why.” Before he walked away, I grabbed his hands, making him turned around. “It’s Kai.”
He sat back next to me, and he looked confused. “K..Kai?” I nodded. “Sehun, the person he liked was Kai..” Suho nodded, showing that he understood what I was saying. “I guess, you’ve known about it all along, don’t you?” I said as I saw Suho wasn’t surprised at all.
“No, Hyung. It’s not that..” he said as he hold my hands tight. “I know Sehun.. he and Kai had strong bonded friendship, although there were some ups and downs. He liked Kai, like a brother that he can depend on, that’s what he said. But Kai..” I looked at him, trying to get things clear. “What..what do you mean??” Suho cleared his throat as he started to talk again.
“Kai once liked Krystal during our early trainee days. Krystal liked him too. We thought that they will be dating, but they don’t.” Suho was looking at me, and I think he knew I still don’t get the point. “So…?” I asked, clueless.
“When Sehun first entered our company, Kai seemed like hating Sehun. We thought it had to be because of Krystal or what, but it’s not. It turned out to be that..” I was too absorbed in Suho’s story, and Suho laughed at me all of a sudden. “WHATT?!” I asked as I smacked him. “Sorry, Hyung! But your eyes were totally like marbles as you listened to me..”
“Anyways, it turned out to be that Kai liked Sehun from the very first time he met him..” “Wait.. Kai’s gay?” I asked. Suho shooked his head, “Biual.”
I nodded. “But then, why did Kai hated Sehun?” “at first, he was on denial about his feelings towards Sehun. He was afraid to acknowledge his own feelings. He pushed Sehun away. He even said that he hated Sehun right in front of Sehun.” I nodded again, and Suho continued. “Sehun did everything for Kai to like him. You know the necklace that Kai wore every day, right Hyung? He made it himself. But Kai threw it away in the rubbish. Sehun took it back, and he cried the whole day, not knowing the reason why Kai treated him like that. He decided to drop out, but then Kai stopped him as he felt stupid for hurting Sehun, even though he liked him. Since then, Kai treated Sehun nicely, like how you see every day. He helped Sehun a lot, and I guess Sehun treasures their friendship dearly, you know. After all the ‘I hate you, Sehun’ thing..”
“So..does Sehun knew Kai likes him?” I asked, curiously. “Nah. That kid is clueless about everything. He thought Kai hated him on the first place because he was a new trainee. Kai never told him the real reason, so we kept our mouths shut too.”
‘So that’s why he cared a lot towards me..’ I thought to myself. He was afraid Kai would hurt me, since he thought Kai hated new trainee. It’s not because he had feelings for me. I’m such a fool, to actually think I got a chance.
“I don’t really know if he likes Kai, like Kai did..”Suho said. “I’m sure he liked him a lot..” I said weakly, Suho patted my back. “Sehun’s unpredictable, Hyung. Don’t give up..” ‘I gave up, Joonmyeon. I don’t stand a chance.’
“emm.” I replied shortly. “let’s go and take a look at Chanyeol, Suho.” I said calmly, but deep inside, I was crazily hurt. Suho grabbed me, trying to stop me from walking out the door. “Hyung, just..just stay here..” I looked at him, and I guess he knew I was too weak to go on. “let Kris Hyung and I settle this, okay.. just rest..” he said. “Baekhyun?” I asked, as I thought of Baekhyun’s crying hard because of me. “He’ll be fine. He cared a lot about Chanyeol, he’s the nurse that’ll take care of him.” “And Hyung, I hope you change your habit of throwing things, you know..when you’re angry..”he added as he left me alone, once again crying as I tore my diary.
Sehun was the name of the guy that helped me a lot on my first day today. He was running towards me on accident, but it was a beautiful accident, as I finally met my guardian angel. a beautiful guardian angel.
Sehun took me to a Chinese restaurant today. I was so moved. He held my hand the whole time. We’re like having a date, a candle light dinner~ Gosh. I wish I can tell him how much I loved him since the very first time I saw him. He’s just.. too special for me.
Sehun.. Sehun kissed me on my cheeks today! KYAHHHH! I’m going crazy in joy~~~ I really wanted to shout!!! KYAH KYAH KYAHH~~ I think he likes me too. God, please let him love me too~ I’m sooo in love with him. I can’t imagine my day without him. God, please…~
I cried hard, my diary, full of memories, but now I must throw it away. All of it.
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