He was forced into being stuck in the hospital for three whole days. The doctors wouldn't allow him to leave so soon, not until they were sure he fit enough to do so.

They were the most borning and stressful days of his life.

The morning of the third day, he had watched all the good shows on television, had played a quick game of 'on a scale of one to ten - how hot do you think I am?' with the nurse, talked to Ryewook on the phone - he couldn't even find anything else to do on Sungmin's laptop.

So now he was really bored. 

He decided that he hated hospitals. Their white walls and ciellings and curtains and bed sheets. What the hell was this? A mental home? Why was everything white?! Only Leetuek would be happy in this place!

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. 

I wish one of the Super Junior hyungs would visit me...

All the Super Junior members, except for Kyuhyun, had come to visit him when they had the time, sometimes in small groups, sometimes in pairs, but mostly one on one, which was nice for him. He didn't particularly like loud, crowded hospital rooms; especcially when said rooms were so small he felt like he were in a small, cardboard box.

He wished Kyuhyun would have visited him. He completley understood why he didn't, but he wouldn't lie and say that it didn't hurt him.

God...I really don't blame him. I was such an .

He wished Kyu would walk through the door right now and give Jonghyun the chance to apologize. 

He also wished that, if he did, Super Junior's GameKyu would be true to his name and bring along his laptop so they could play Starcraft together. He really hated how boring this place was.

Onew walked into the hospital, not really knowing what to feel. 

He didn't know why he was doing this.

It was stupid. 

He was stupid.

There was no way Jonghyun would want to see him.

Onew adjusted facemask around his mouth and pulled the cap he was wearing downward, looking around somewhat nervously.

He couldn't allow anyone but Jonghyun to know that he was here.

If he did, then there would surely be trouble. 

Since Jonghyun left the dorm a few weeks ago, their manager had not allowed them to even step foot outside the house without calling him first and telling him exactly where it was they were going. He was getting more and more paranoid and stressed as each day passed without a sign of Jonghyun's return.

It was driving Onew and the others crazy.

Onew his lips nervously, tapping his foot impatiently, as he waited for the elevator door to open. He sighed in relief when it opened, not wanting to stay in the lobby any longer than neccesary. 

An old lady in a wheel chair, a nurse standing behind her, gripping the handle bars, smiled at him, revealing gummy teeth. Onew smiled politley back and bowed to her as the nurse pushed her out of the elevator and past him.

He stepped through the doors and leaned up against the mirrored back of the elevator, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the tension headache he was getting.

Why was it so tough to see Jonghyun? 

Is it because he hates you? Or is it because he's in a hospital and you don't want to see him in such a state?

Onew grimly suspected it was both answers.

Onew found himself outside the door of Jonghyun's assigned room and felt his heart-beat quicken rapidly.

I can't do this...I can't - 

"Yes you can." He whispered to himself, clenching his fists in determination. "Hwaiting."

He took a steadying breath and forced a shaking hand to rest on the metal doornob.

"You can do this."

Just as he was about to twist the door handle, he stepped away from the door rapidly, suddenly getting cold feet. He leaned his head against the wall, shaking.

"I can't." He whimpered to the empty air around him. "I just can't."

Onew locked himself in the bathroom stall, determined not to come out ever.

"Come on, hyung. Please come out. We have to be on stage in ten minutes. Please, hyung." Jonghyun's voice came from the other side of the stall door. Onew heard the younger boy's fingers rap softly against the metal. 

"I'm not coming out, Jonghyun!" He fought hard not to cry. The stylist noonas told him not to cry. They said it would ruin his makeup.

He didn't want to make them do all their hard work over again. He also didn't want them to be dissapointed in him.

He hated when people were disappointed in him.

"Onew-hyung," Taemin's small voice came from the other side as well. "It's going to be okay, I promise! We'll do great, hyung!"

Onew felt bad.

It was obvious that Taemin was just as scared and nervous as he was, yet he was ready to give it his best shot, he was trying his hardest to be brave. And here Onew was...hiding in a bathroom, his whole body screaming nervousness.

"Yah! Jinki-hyung! Don't worry, we'll do fine! You'll do fine!"

There was no need to guess who that was. 

But Key's words didn't make him feel any better either.

"We're all nervous, hyung." Minho said quietly. "But we can't let that get to us. We have to prove to the world that we have what it takes, and I know we do! This may be our first ever live performance, but we know Replay like the back of our hands! You shouldn't be worrying so much!"

"Yeah," Jonghyun said. "Besides, since it's our first performance, people are a lot more forgiving if we mess up. They understand we're rookies and that we're nervous."

"I don't care..." Onew mumbled, wiping at his eyes. Instead of just leaning on the door, he resulted in frantic pacing across the small stall, avoiding the small puddle of - he didn't know what - on the floor with a grimace. "I'm not coming out. You guys go perform w-without me."

He heard shocked whispering come from the other side. 

"B-but hyung!" Teamin protested. 

"How can you even think that way!" Key voiced everyone's thoughts. "We've trained so long and hard for this and you're just going to give it all up because you're nervous?!" 

He heard Key scoff in frustration and then heard the quiet sound of fading footsteps, telling him that Key had left the room.

He then heard someone sigh.

"We can't perform without you, hyung." Jonghyun whispered. "We need you. You're our leader."

Onew relucantly undid the lock on the stall and stepped out, his eyes lowered.

"I just can't do it, guys. What if I mess up? What if I trip on stage? What if my voice cracks? What if I forget my lines or the dance moves? What if -"

He felt Taemin's arms wrap around him.

"No more what-ifs..."

He felt another pair of arms wrap around him. Minho.

"I know you'll do great."

Jonghyun hugged all three of them.

"I can't do it," Onew bit his lip, trying really hard to keep back the waterworks, but not able to. He cursed quietly at himself. The noonas were going to kill him. "I just can't."

Minho squirmed free of the group hug and went to grab Onew a paper towel to dab his eyes with.

"Yes. Yes you can." Jonghyun stepped away from Onew and took him by the shoulders. Taemin's arms remained around Onew's waist. "Don't ever say you can't do anything, because you can. I believe in you, hyung. Taemin and Minho and Key believe in you. SM believes in you. All our fans believe in you. Besides, if you doubt yourself, it's likely to become true. So don't doubt yourself. Because you will do fine, hyung."

"You will do fine. You can do it. Believe in yourself." Onew nodded at the words taken from his memory of the moment before their debut stage. 

Thank you, Jonghyun.

He placed his hand confidently back on the doorknob and opened it slowly, peeking his head inside. He felt butterflies settle in his stomach the second he looked inside - but they blew away in the wind when he realized that Jonghyun was asleep.

He sighed in relief. 

Onew sat down beside the bed and just stared at Jonghyun for the longest time, mixed emotions swimming in his eyes and on his face.

He wasn't sure what to feel again.

He hesitantly reached up and brushed Jonghyun's black bangs from his eyes. Jonghyun hardly even twitched.

A smile found it's way on Onew's face for the first time in weeks.

You must be so tired...

Normally Jonghyun would wake up at the slighest touch at the dorm. Onew guessed he was tired or had already gotten accustomed to his new sleeping patern which didn't require him waking up at random times in the morning for schedules.

I've missed you so much.

Onew then reached over and slipped his fingers through the spaces in Jonghyun's hand, the smooth skin of his palm with his thumb.

"I miss you, Jonghyun...I miss you so much."

He brought Jonghyun's hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. 

"I can't tell you how scared I was when Leetuek called and told me that you were in the hospital. I tried to come as soon as I could but...you know how it is. I wanted to bring Key, Minho, and Taemin with me, but there was no possible way I could. They were all in schedules and the manager would for sure know something was up if we all were missing. I'm not even supposed to be here in the first place...I know that I'm increasing your chance of being found by being here, but I just had to see you and make sure you were all right." He whispered aloud everything that came to mind. It felt so good to be near Jonghyun again and to talk to him, even if he was asleep.

Unfortunatley, their time together was short. Onew couldn't stay, even though he wanted to. He had to be back in the dorm as soon as possible. Every second he spent at the hospital increased his chance of the manager finding out he was gone.

Onew reluctantly placed Jonghyun's hand back on the bed beside him, untangling his fingers from Jonghyun's long, warm ones. He leaned over and kissed Jonghyun's forehead, feeling tears well up in his eyes, and turned away from his dongsaeng reluctantly, rushing to the door as quickly as he could. If he spent two more seconds in the room, he was sure he wouldn't ever leave. He paused just as he was about to open it though, not even trying to hide the tears dripping from his eyes. 

"I'm so sorry for everything, Jonghyun. I hate myself for what I did to you...to all of you...and...I hope you can forgive me for that one day. I love you, Jonghyun-ah."

He slipped out of the door as quickly as possible, sobbing loudly as soon as the door closed behind him.

Jonghyun blinked the sleep away, hearing the door to the room close. 

He turned his head to the side, smiling and ready to greet which ever Super Junior hyung had come to visit him, then frowned, not seeing anyone.

"I wonder who it was...?"