Aaah, sorry again for the late chapter update...I've been busy the past couple days, so it's kinda hard to find writing time. Umm...well, I'm not sure if this is a good chapter or not. I don't like this one as much as I've liked the other ones, but it explains a little more about Jonghyun's view on the things that happened. As you know so far, Onew's fears of having the band members not look to him as their support and not love nor trust him as much before, are not true for Taemin. Taemin knew that it was necessary and that Onew hadn't really wanted to do what he did. We're not sure about Minho though. Does Minho still trust him? Does he hate him now? Key, well...Key is a little in between. He understands what happened, but is still mad, mainly about the whole Jjong thing where Onew beat him until he bleed...And Jonghyun. Well in this chapter you'll see what Jonghyun thinks. He loves Onew (as a brother), but he feels that he can't trust Onew any more, doesn't know him as much anymore, and truly belives that Onew had intended to hit Jonghyun that much and that hard. But he's not sure what his feelings are for sure.

Enough explaining now for me. More reading for you. 

Dripping wet and shivering from the rain, Jonghyun found himself outside his parent’s door.

He had been un-able to find a place to rent for the amount of money he had currently with him, and it was getting too dark  to continue searching.

He had debated on coming here or not. He hadn’t seen his parents in about two years, and, honestly, he wasn’t sure how they’d react to seeing him so suddenly and desperately needing their help. He didn’t want to bother them for something he did to himself, he didn’t want to worry them, he didn’t want to show them that he couldn’t look after himself, and then the thing that worried him most – was if they didn’t accept him after he just through everything he had away…but he couldn’t think of anything else to do.

up your pride and knock on the door, Jonghyun, he told himself. They’re your parents.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door tentatively, then again, with more confidence.

It took a minute for the door to open, and Ms. Kim stood In the doorframe, peering down at her son, who was grinning at her sheepishly.

“J-Jonghyun?” She spluttered, clearly confused as well as surprised.

Jonghyun forced out a grin.

“Ne, it’s me, umma.”

Ms. Kim smiled largely, overjoyed, and gathered her wet son up in her arms, not caring that she was getting wet too.

“Oh, Jjongie! I’m so happy you’re home! But what are you doing in this weather? Are you insane? You’ll catch a cold or something!”

Jonghyun hugged his mom tighter to him, smiling largely, loving the fact that he was being scolded again by his mother. It had been so long since he'd seen her that it was wonderful to be able to just be chided for his being out in the elements.

“Umma! I missed you so much!”

Ms. Kim released Jonghyun and beamed at him.

“Come inside. I’ll make you something to eat.”

Jonghyun’s mouth watered and his stomach growled just at the thought of food.

He hadn’t eaten all day.

He followed his mother to the kitchen, smiling still, even though she was still mumbling about him and how: "You didn't even bring a coat! What am I going to do with you?"

He paused once they reached the kitchen and leaned up against the wide doorframe, looking around the house, a nastalgic feeling growing in his stomach, and also slightly lost on what to do now. She peered over her shoulder at him and laughed at how pathetic he looked standing there like a lost puppy, his hands in his pockets.

“Go upstairs and change into some new clothes. You still have some that might fit from when you were last here.”

Dinner was awkward.

Jonghyun, even though he was hungry, picked lightly at his food, wary of his father’s piercing gaze. His mother had tried to make conversation at first, asking Jonghyun about the other members of SHINee, mainly about Taemin, because, the last time Ms. Kim and Taemin had met, which was a little after they debuted, she had been astounded that he was so young and so skinny. She had done all in her power to make sure he was well-fed and comfortable.

Jonghyun had answered as politely as he could, but still felt the stinging regret, guilt, and slight anger he felt when they were mentioned. Well…he wasn’t really angry at Taemin, Key, or Minho…but….Onew…He wasn’t sure what had happened that night with Onew.

He knew the manager had forced SHINee’s leader to do what he did…but….the way his face looked, so blank and uncaring, when he beat them all, it made him wonder. Was Lee Jinki…really who they all thought he was? He had seen no remorse in Onew’s eyes, no sadness, nothing. It was like he didn’t care about them.

He was sure his parents could tell there was something wrong with his relationship with the others because the air around the kitchen table grew tenser by the second.

“So,” Mr. Kim broke the silence roughly, setting down his chopsticks and fixing his gaze on Jonghyun. “Why are you here, son?”

The question was unavoidable. Jonghyun had known it was going to be asked sooner or later, but he was still caught a little of guard with it.

He took a deep breath and, in a shaky voice, explained everything the best he could.

It was silent for a little while after Jonghyun’s story was finished, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

“Let me get this straight.” Mr. Kim broke the silence again. “You left the company and abandon your teammates, who rely on you and need you...just because a reporter touches a nerve and digs too deep into personal matters?”

Jonghyun flinched. When he heard it again from his father’s mouth, spoken so coldly, he had to admit, it did sound really stupid.

“What do you think the company is going to do, Jonghyun? You think they’re just going to let you walk away?! You signed a thirteen-year contract with them! What are your fans going to think when they find out that you left just because Jinki beat you and you’re sick of the company treating you unfairly?! Do you know what this will do to the rest of SHINee? Fans will stop supporting them! Did you even think before you did this stupid stunt of yours?!” Jonghyun’s dad had stood up rapidly in the middle of his rant, knocking down the chair and slamming his hands on the table, making Jonghyun wince when it reminded him of their manager. "You can't even go to school any more, Jonghyun! How are you going to support yourself?! Did you think about that either?"

“Jonghyun,” his mother’s tiny voice broke through the tense autmosphere. “What about the others? What are Onew, Key, Minho and Taemin going to do without you? Why would you just get up and leave them like that? Aren’t they your friends? Your brothers? You’re supposed to be Key, Taemin and Minho’s hyung, Jjongie. You’re supposed to look out for the-“

“I know! I know….you don’t both have to scream at me! I know what I did was stupid, but I’m not going back! I’ll go to a different company maybe, be a solo singer or something! Besides, they'll do just fine without me! Changmin and Yunho managed without Junsu, Yoochun, and Jaejoong! Why couldn't they?!"

With that he excused himself from the table, his fists clenched at his sides, and ran up to his old room, seeking comfort from his old bed and the large, stuffed, green, and cute dinosaur which had been given to him as a baby.

He slammed the door to his room, locked it tight, then fell onto his bed with a sigh, grabbing the dinosaur and hugging it tightly, not caring if it was childish.

He had never had a name for the dinosaur before, had always called it dinosaur in fact, until a couple years ago. He had named it Donghae, after his hyung from Super Junior, when he returned home for the first time since SHINee had debuted.

What the hell did I start? Why did I do all this? It was just a stupid reporter…why did I get so worked up?

But...I can't go back and do it again. I made my decision already. Besides...like I said to my parents, they'll do just fine without me. Taemin is an amazing singer, he just hasn't reached his full potential yet. He or Onew-hyung can take my spot. 

“Guys,” He whimpered, trying hard not to cry again. “Key, Taemin, Minho…Onew-hyung…I’m really, really sorry. I screwed everything up so badly…"

He swallowed hard and squeezed Donghae The Dinosaur tighter, hearing the animal's squeaker squeak in protest. 

"...I'm...I won't be coming back though. You guys will be okay, I know you will. SHINee," he choked back a sob. "SHINee fighting!"

He stared out the window and waited for sleep to come, even though he knew it was going to be a long night.