Something’s wrong.

I hate having this gut feeling again without having the means to confirm it. Well, I do. I could ask her but I don’t want her to think that I’m doubting her. Most importantly, I don’t want her to think that I don’t trust her anymore and that’s something really crucial, especially in our relationship. She might get mad at me. This might start a fight between us and that’s the last thing I ever wanted. We still have to go through the wedding and I don’t want a crisis to arise before we finally settle down.

So I stayed quiet. I pushed down these gut feelings and ruled it as overthinking. Then I just watched her closely and observed because I don’t want to make rush decisions. I wanted to make sure I’m correct before bringing it up to her.

When she picked me up from the airport after being away for two months, her voice was slightly irritated when I asked her why she doesn’t jump on me anymore. This was so unlike her. She’d whine or pout at me but her tone wouldn’t be so dismissive like earlier. I just changed the topic and thankfully, it was effective.

We are now lying down on the bed, exhausted after doing our usual reunion activity. Half of her body was on top of mine while her arms were around me. I was holding her close to me with my arm around her waist while I was playing with the strands of her hair.

“Were you mad at me when I wasn’t able to call you during Christmas?” I whispered.

She pulled away from me and rolled to her side so she was lying on her back. She sighed heavily while I watched her closely. “I wasn’t” she whispered softly while my eyebrows twitched when she sounded like she’s lying. “Why did you ask that though?”

Now she sounded defensive, but maybe I was wrong.

I rolled to my side so I’d be facing her. “You didn’t respond to my texts the day after”

Her eyebrows slightly furrowed while her jaw tensed for a second like she’s irritated. I could still be interpreting this wrongly though. She sighed heavily, or maybe exasperatedly, before she closed her eyes.

“I was busy with work”

“Hmm…” I hummed in response as I leaned forward and kissed her shoulder. “Please don’t overwork yourself too much. You also needed to rest, my love”

“I know…” She lifted the blanket before she pushed herself up and climbed out of the bed. She started picking up our clothes on the floor while I slightly frowned at her. “I have to go to work. I’ll be meeting a client later”

“Aren’t you staying? I just got back from work”

She placed my clothes on the bed before she walked to the bathroom. “I couldn’t move the meeting. I’m sorry.” She walked out of the bathroom to walk back to the bed. She leaned down and kissed my forehead before she gave me a small smile. “I’ll come back for dinner”

I held her arm before she could walk away from the bed and sat up. “Let me drive you”

“You don’t have to. Your still tired from work”

I playfully glared at her and said, “And you tired me more when we're in bed”

She giggled as she nodded in agreement while I smiled and sighed in relief, thinking that everything was okay. Thinking that maybe she was just tired like me too. Anyone who’s tired could be easily irritated. Maybe I sounded too confrontational when I was asking her earlier. Or maybe she wasn’t irritated and I was just overthinking about her miniscule reactions.

“That’s why you need to stay and rest”

I slightly pouted at her while she leaned down and kissed my pouting lips. I smiled from the kiss before I went back to pouting at her. She snuggled her nose in my ear while she giggled softly.

Maybe I was just really overthinking.

“I missed you, love. Let me spend all the time I can with you”

She looked at me with a soft smile on her lips as she said, “How about this? I’ll drive to work then you’ll sit in the passenger seat so you only have to drive back here. Is that okay?”

“More than okay”

She kissed me before she started walking backwards towards the bathroom. “Deal then. You better change while I take a shower”

“Want something to eat too? I could make something while you prepare for work”

She smiled so wide and nodded excitedly. “Packed them. I won’t have time to sit down and eat. We took a lot of time in bed”

“Okay…” I said, laughing with her.

She gave me two thumbs-up before she blew me a kiss. “Best wife ever”

I laughed as I shook my head at her. “We’re not yet married, Whee”

“We’re getting there.” She entered that bathroom and closed the door. Seconds later, I could hear water from the bathroom splashing and Wheein humming while showering. I pushed myself out of bed with a huge smile on my face.

Yup. I was just overthinking.

I placed my clothes on the laundry basket before I headed to the closet to change. I also pulled out clothes for Wheein and placed them on the bed before I headed to the kitchen. I started the coffee maker because I know we both needed coffee.

There was nothing I could make faster than a sandwich as of the moment. The refrigerator seemed to be empty too. Maybe I’ll also drop by the grocery on my way back here after dropping Wheein. Wheein must’ve been eating outside most of the time because there was nothing but a couple of beer cans, about three eggs, and bread in the refrigerator.

I smiled when I felt fur on my legs and a soft purr coming from the orange and white furball. “Did you miss me?” I asked and smiled wider when I heard a response from our baby. “I missed you too, Ggomo. Are you taking care of your Mommy while your other Mommy is away?”

I softly chuckled when I heard another response from Ggomo. I poured coffee in a tumbler and mug, and packed the sandwich in a Ziploc bag. I sat by the dining table and drank my coffee while waiting for Wheein.

Ggomo suddenly jumped on the table, startling me for a little bit. He walked by me several times, trying to rub her body on my hand and trying to grab my attention. He kept purring and calling me while I laughed at him, finding him adorable.

“Did you miss me?” I whispered as I scratched his chin, hearing loud purrs from him now while his tail flicked from side to side. “Did you miss me, Ggomo? Mommy missed you so much.” I leaned down and kissed the top of his head while he shook his head and walked away, satisfied already, which made me laugh at him.

“He’s such a baby to you. He doesn’t care about me at all”

I looked up and saw Wheein pouting at Ggomo and at me as she stood by our bedroom door. “He loves you. He just doesn’t know how to show it”

She rolled her eyes at me before she pouted harder and walked towards me. “He doesn’t have a problem showing it to you though”

I stood up while she stood in front of me, still pouting and sulking about Ggomo’s unrequited love towards her. I fixed her scarf to make sure that she’d be protected from the cold, and so the marks I gave her would be hidden. “What he’s giving to you is a clear example of tough love.” I fixed her knit cap to make sure that her ears would be covered, knowing how she’d get easily sick from the cold.

“Tough love? What do I need that for?” she whined while I shrugged at her. She pouted at me again as she mumbled, “He’s still not over when I let him stay in the bushes in the park. I gave him everything already”

“But he lets you pet him, right?”

“Not as much as you do”

I shrugged again and smiled when I saw that the angel wings necklace I gave to her was worn on top of her sweater despite partially hidden by the scarf. I touched the pendant before I pouted at Wheein. “What do you want me to do?” I asked, using the tone that she doesn’t like to .

The pout was gone and was replaced with a glare. “Stop doing that” she said while I was taken aback because she sounded serious unlike before when I . She gets whiny but she never gets mad.

I didn’t show how flustered I was with her tone and just leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Stop pouting as well. I don’t know what you want me to do about Ggomo. I couldn’t ignore him as well” I whispered before I leaned back and silently sighed in relief when her eyes softened. “Should we go now?”

“Yeah…” She carried the sandwich and her tumbler before we headed to the garage. “Thank you for this”

“No problem”

We used my car and she held my hand as she drove us to her work. I didn’t ask Wheein about the sudden incident in the kitchen earlier because it was just a passing moment. I didn’t want her to think that I was making a big deal out of it. So I dropped the subject and told myself not to tease Wheein anymore by treating her like a baby.

I fed her the sandwich I made earlier while she drove us to her work. Her hand only left mine when she had to use both of her hands in steering. Then she’d interlocked our fingers again.

She parked the car when we reached her work before we both unfastened our seatbelt. She cupped my cheeks and kissed me before she said, “I’ll be home early. I only have one client to meet then I’ll spend the rest of the day facing financial reports”

“Okay… I’ll drop by the grocery on my way back home and I’ll cook dinner for us”

She smiled so wide while I poked her dimple. “I love that. I missed your cooking already”

“I’ll make a feast for us then”

“Thank you”

We both moved out of my car. She stayed by the driver side while I walked around the car to her. She held the door open and let me in but didn’t close the door yet. Instead, she stood closer to me and fastened my seatbelt, which made me smile as I watched her.

“Sleep a lot later. I know you’re still tired and I’m sorry I couldn’t resist this morning when I should’ve let you sleep”

“Even if you resisted, I couldn’t resist myself so I’d still be tempting you.” I fixed her scarf and her cap again as I whispered, “I had no regrets”

She suddenly leaned forward and whispered “Me too.” Then she cheekily smiled at me while I pinched her cheeks and laughed at her.

“Go now. You’re already late for work”

“I asked permission that I’d be late today. I missed my fiancée so much”

I stopped pinching and caressed my thumbs on her cheeks. “I missed you too.” I patted her head and tipped my chin to the building’s entrance. “Go now. I’ll be waiting for you at home”

She leaned forward and gave me a peck on the lips. “I love you”

“I love you too.” I waved my hand at her while she walked towards the building and waved at me. “Don’t stay out in the cold. I love you!”

She blew a kiss at me before she finally entered the building.

I closed the door and drove the car as I headed to buy groceries. The gut feeling was still lying heavily in me but I don’t want to ruin my first day off from work and our first day back together. I continued to stay quiet, ignore my assumptions, and just keep watching closely.

Wheein’s late.

It’s already past nine in the evening but she’s still not here. She said she’d come home early so we’d be eating dinner together. She was even excited for dinner because she said that she missed my cooking. She also said that she only had one client for today so it’s impossible if they’re not done yet until now.

I called her phone several times. Her phone would ring but she never picked it up. I texted her several times. She never texted back. I even called her secretary already and Ireh said that Wheein already went off from work hours ago.

So where is she?

I was standing in the middle of the kitchen, near the dining table. My hand was gripping my phone and my eyes were staring at the food on the table. I could feel Ggomo brushing on my leg, wanting my attention but I’m too distracted and worried and confused right now. Should I just clean up and place all the food I cooked in the refrigerator? Maybe she didn’t have dinner yet. What if something happened to her? Maybe her plans just changed. But why didn’t she inform me?

I closed my eyes and groaned from frustration as I ran my fingers through my hair. “Wheein, where are you?” I whispered to myself.

I grabbed my phone on the table and decided to call Hyejin. Maybe she knew something. I paced in the kitchen while chewing on the inside of my cheek as I listened to the ringing on her end. “Hello…” I said when the call connected, my eyebrows furrowing from concentration. “Hyejin, hello?”

“Yo—Yong?” Hyejin responded, her voice sounded like I just woke her up. “Are you back already?”

“Yes. I just got back. I’m sorry to wake you up, Hyejin. Do you know where Wheein is?”

“No… Why?”

“Oh, okay… Okay… I’m sorry for bothering you. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you that I’m back already” I nervously rambled.

It’s usually Wheein who’d tell them that I’m back. She’d tell them to come to the house so we could spend at least a little time because all four of us are close friends. It's surprising that Hyejin didn’t know that I’m back. I expected Byul didn’t know where Wheein was too if Hyejin didn’t know Wheein’s whereabouts.

“Something wrong?” she asked, hearing someone’s voice on her end, which I think belonged to Chungha.

“No. It’s okay, Hyejin. I’m sorry for bothering you again”

“You can always call me if you need help, Yong. We missed you”

“I missed you too. Thank you” I said and ended the call before I could further bother Hyejin.

I tried calling Wheein again but the call wouldn’t even connect now. I tried again several times even though the result would still be the same as the first try. It’s just comforting to have something to do because of how clueless, worried, and nervous I am right now. I breathed deeply and groaned when the call still wouldn’t connect. I left another text to Wheein, as if that could change anything.

I glanced at the time on my phone and saw that it’s almost ten in the evening. Wheein’s still not here. I still haven’t had dinner yet because I was waiting for Wheein. I was hungry before but now, I’m just worried if something bad happened to her. I don’t know where to look for her. I don’t know who I could call to ask for help. A heavy weight has started to settle in my chest that I’m one second away from crying already.

“Love… Where are you? Please be back home already. Please…” I whispered, closing my eyes tightly when I felt them stinging from my impending tears as I begged whoever could listen to me to bring my fiancée back here safely. “Wheein, please…”

My eyes opened so wide when I heard movements outside by the front door. I held my breath when I heard the sound of the passcode being entered. Then I sighed heavily from relief when I saw Wheein coming inside. It felt like a million burdens were lifted off my shoulders the moment I saw Wheein.

“Thank you” I whispered. I don’t even know who I’m thanking. I don’t even know why I’m thanking no one. I just felt thankful that Wheein’s back home.

I jogged towards her right away while she struggled to remove her scarf while kicking off her shoes. “Love, where were you? I thought we’ll be eating dinner together. It’s already late. Did something happen?”

She brushed my concerns with a flick of her hand and shook her head. She walked further inside the house and swayed immediately when she removed her hand on the wall.

Is she drunk?

I instantly held her shoulders to keep her upright. I stared at her intently and scanned my eyes all over her face. My eyebrows furrowed when I could see her face, ears, and neck were all red like she’s flustered. I leaned closer and saw that her eyes were red as well. Then my nose caught a whiff of alcohol coming from her.

She’s definitely drunk.

“Why are you drunk?”

“I was out drinking with my client” she mumbled, her words a little bit slurred but I could still understand her perfectly. She shrugged my hands off of her and continued walking towards the bedroom, still swaying on her feet.

“Did you have dinner already?”

“Yeah…”

“I thought we’ll be eating together. I cooked a lot, Wheein. Why are you out drinking with a client when you still have to work tomorrow?”

“It’s for work, Yong” she said, her voice rising a little bit when she suddenly got irritated by my questions.

I know she’s somewhat sensitive when she’s drunk. But she’s never irritated by me when she’s drunk. In fact, she’s the one who’d always seek for me when she’s drunk. She’s clingy to me when she’s drunk. She’d always ask for me to hug her or kiss her or even hold her hand when she’s drunk.

What’s wrong? What changed? Why did she change?

“You said we’ll be eating dinner together” I whispered, my voice shaking as I quickly wiped the tears that suddenly flowed down my cheeks.

“Plans change” she simply said as she went inside the bedroom.

I jogged towards her right away and saw her walking towards the closet, stripping her clothes and dropping them on the floor on her way there. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Didn’t have time. I got busy. I’m sorry”

“What happened, Wheein?” I mumbled, unable to stop the shaking of my voice now.

This caught Wheein’s attention. Her shoulders instantly tensed before she turned around and faced me. She blinked her eyes several times as she stared at me before her eyebrows furrowed, like she’s mad at me.

“What do you mean what happened?” she whispered between clenched teeth.

I was taken aback by her anger. My mouth hung open as I tried to rack my brain for a response but her sudden anger caught me by surprise and made me speechless. Why does it seem like it’s my fault now?

Her shoulder drooped as she sighed heavily and continued walking to the closet. “I’m tired already. Let’s talk tomorrow”

“Why aren’t you answering my calls?”

“Yong, I’m tired” she whispered exasperatedly and disappeared in the closet.

I walked further inside the bedroom and stood outside the closet, watching her wear her pajamas. “You could’ve at least told me that you won’t be eating anymore. You didn’t even bother to answer one of my texts or calls”

“I got busy, okay? I told you already. I’m busy too, Yong”

“Would it hurt you to just send a text that dinner plans would be cancelled? I cooked a lot for us since this is my first night back from work. Why didn’t you even tell me to cancel dinner? At least I won’t have to bother cooking for us”

“Yong, I’m busy!” she suddenly shouted as she glared at me. “Did I bother you when you never answered my calls or my texts? No! I respect the fact that you’re working so why can’t you do the same?”

I was once again taken aback by her burst of anger. I was once again speechless. She said that she’s fine and that it’s okay if I couldn’t answer her texts right away. I didn’t even know that she called me because my phone would always be on airplane mode because of work. Why is she suddenly mad at me now?

“I’m tired already” she whispered as she walked out of the closet and dropped her body on the bed, which made me angry because she’s acting like it’s nothing. Like she didn’t care at all.

“My circumstances are different from yours, Wheein!” I shouted this time because why not? “I am completely unable to answer your texts because I was up in the air. I don’t even know you called me because I couldn’t pick up calls. But you. Your phone rang several times and you just blatantly ignored me”

She only groaned in response while my hands fisted on either side of me.

“Answer me”

She’s either ignoring me or that she has fallen asleep already.

I wanted to drag her out of bed and shake the answer from her. I wanted to let my anger out but I don’t want to physically hurt Wheein. So I went out. I walked to the kitchen and stared at all the food I prepared for tonight. I prepared a lot for our first night together after being separated for almost two months.

I couldn’t sleep with pent up anger inside me and I wanted to release it. It’s the kind of anger and frustration that needs to be released or you won’t be able to breathe properly from suppressing it within. I’m really mad and I just wanted to relieve myself from that heavy weight that’s growing bigger in my chest.

Shouting wasn’t enough earlier. I needed more than that.

I picked up the plate of chicken and walked to the trash bin. I dumped it all in but the action wasn’t enough. It wasn’t relieving. So I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw before I threw the plate on the wall. The sound of the plate crashing and breaking slightly relieved the pain in my chest.

I picked up another plate from the table. This time, it’s a huge plate of pork slices waiting to be fried. I dumped all the contents in the trash bin before I hurled the plate on the wall. Adrenaline pumped in my veins when I heard the crashing. It’s so annoying that this is soothing my nerves. I hate it but I couldn’t do anything to stop myself from doing it as well. I could already feel more tears going down my cheeks but no sound could be heard from me. I could only hear ringing in my ears from the adrenaline.

The next plate that I picked up was filled with steak. This took me hours to prepare because this is one of her favorites and I wanted to cook it perfectly. The chicken was just easier to prepare and cook but this one wasn’t. The steak joined the chicken and raw pork slices in the bin. Then I planted my left foot on the floor before I threw the plate on the wall with all my might. Another loud crashing could be heard and I hate how it’s letting the steam off my body from my boiling anger.

The table was slowly getting cleared off of plates. The feast I prepared just for the two of us was now in the trash bin. Even the side dishes all went into the bin. It was annoyingly satisfying that I kept looking for something to break.

I picked up the glass next, my vision getting blurry and my face getting sticky from the tears that I ignored and let out. I gripped the glass harder on my hand. I released a heavy breath before I planted my foot on the floor again. Before I could swing my arm to throw the glass, arms suddenly stopped me from doing so. The ringing in my ears slowly died down before it went quiet.

“What are you doing?!”

I looked behind me and saw Wheein’s distressed face, tears running down her cheeks while her eyes frantically searched my face. “Don’t touch me” I calmly whispered as I tugged my arm from her hold.

She instantly wrapped her arms around me and pushed her face on my chest. She shook her head vigorously while her cries finally registered in my ears followed by the loud thumping of my heart in my chest and my heavy breathing. She hugged me tightly while I tried to free myself from her.

“No, Yong. Please stop already. I’m sorry. I’m very sorry” she mumbled, her voice shaking from her cries.

“Don’t touch me.” I successfully pushed her away from me but she threw herself to me right away and hugged me again. “Get away from me.” I pried her from me but she fought against me while she shook her head vigorously. “Don’t touch me. Get away from me or I’m going to hurt you. I’m sensitive right now, Wheein. I need you to go away from me”

“No!” she insisted and even tightened her hold around me. “I’m sorry, Yong. You can hurt me. It’s my fault why you’re mad. I’m sorry for making you mad.” She grabbed the glass and pulled it away from my hand. She hurriedly placed it on the table before she held my wrist. Then she started hitting herself using my hand. “Hurt me. Slap me. Punch me. I deserve it, Yong. I’m so sorry”

I fisted my hand and pulled it away from her, my jaw clenching as I continued to breathe heavily. Then I pushed her away from me while she didn’t bother fighting against me and even welcomed it. I reached for the glass on the table and threw it on the wall before Wheein could stop me. I reached for the remaining glass on the table but Wheein beat me to it.

She threw it in the trash bin before she threw herself to me. She wasn’t able to hold me this time because I stopped her from getting close to me when I slapped her. I slapped her so hard that my hand hurt and turned red. Her face whipped to the side and her cheek immediately turned red after I slapped her. She didn’t look shocked as well despite the steady streaming of tears flowing down her cheeks.

“Why?” I whispered between clenched teeth.

It was such a simple question but the weight of the question was so heavy, I had to heave a huge breath in and slowly release it. The anger in me suddenly dissipated and was replaced by pain. So much pain that it made me weak and left me incapable of standing upright. I collapsed as I sat on the floor. My hands went to my face when I started crying hard.

I felt Wheein move closer to me before she tried to pull me to hear. I dropped my hands from my face and saw her kneeling in front of me. Her cries had turned silent while mine became so loud. I pushed her and smacked her but my attacks weren’t as strong as before. And she welcomed every single one of them. She just held me close and didn’t allow me to push her away from me.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I said, hiccuping from my cries as I continued to weakly punch her. “Why didn’t you just answer my calls and texts? I was worried, Wheein. You promised we’d eat together. You told me you’d come back right away. It was already nine and you still weren't back. I called everyone I could call but they didn't know where you were. I was worried sick. Then you came back drunk and ignored me. You suddenly got mad at me. Why, Wheein? Why? What did I do wrong?”

She pulled me to her when I stopped punching her. She made me lean my head on her chest as she hugged me tightly. She showered kisses on my cheek and on the side of my face while I cried in her arms.

“I’m sorry… I’m very sorry”

“Why?”

“I was really busy, Yong. Things were piling up in the office and I had to go to several meetings. I only had one client so I thought I could come back home right away but one client called and wanted to meet up. I’m very sorry. It’s an excuse but I really didn’t have time to answer your calls because I got stuck with work and meetings”

“Then why are you mad at me?”

“I wasn’t mad at you. I’m just tired. I didn’t have enough sleep. I was also drunk and got stupid that I was irritated when you were just concerned and worried about me. I’m very sorry… I plan to explain everything, that's why I kept saying that we’ll talk tomorrow. I got so used to—” she paused to gulp hard and sniff back her tears. “I didn't… I didn’t realize I’m hurting you already”

I slowly wrapped my arms around her while she resumed planting kisses on my face. My hands gripped on her shirt while I hugged her tightly, afraid to let go of her. Afraid that she’d let go of me. I swallowed the lump on my throat and sniffed back my tears before I whispered, “Are you tired of being with me?”

“No” she answered right away as she shook her head vigorously.

“Are you tired that I couldn’t stay with you all the time? That I couldn’t call you all the time? That I couldn’t answer your texts right away all the time?” I asked while she continued to shake her head.

“I’m tired but I’m not tired of you, Yong. I’m not tired of being with you. I want to be with you. I always want to be with you”

I pulled back to look at her as I said, “And that’s the problem, Wheein. I couldn’t stay with you all the time”

“Not that…” she sighed, pulling me back to her. “I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that I only want to be with you and no one else. I love you, my angel. I’m sorry for being mad and hurting you but