I hate myself. To the point that I don't want people to see me, even look at me. I hate myself so much! Because people hate me too! I am this insecure and I am a bad person. I don't deserve everything and the life that I am living at the moment. I really want to take my life away. 

Sadly, it's not mine to take. But my life felt so miserable like this. This is really hard but I have no tears to cry. I don't get to cry. I can't do that. If I cry, that means I'm weak. I have to stand up against myself alone. 

Someone please help me. 

"Hey, what are you reading there?" Jeonghan's voice snapped her mind that is wandering. 

Jeonghan took a seat beside her as he saw what she was reading intently. Jungchae closed the book. 

"You still write in there? Did something happen?" Jeonghan grew worried and that is the last thing that Jungchae wanted to see. 

"No. I just bringing back my memories down the lane." Jungchae smiled as she put the notebook away in her drawer. 

Jeonghan slowly caress her head and pulled her head onto his chest. He might never show it but he is so so thankful that his twin sister that he hug right now is like a whole different person than who she was. 

"Are you happy, sweetheart?" 

His question made Jungchae smile sadly. His question holds so many different meanings in it and she is very sure that she heard a tint of sadness in it. 

"Wherever I am, as long as I have you, I'm happy. I have the world under my feet, whenever I have you." Jungchae wrapped her arm around Jeonghan's waist. 

Jeonghan smiled at that as he kissed the side of her head. Despite the attitude and personality change from Jungchae, it didn't affect how much they love each other. Mainly Jeonghan. 

"Want to watch movie together?" Jeonghan asked and Jungchae nodding. 

The two made their way to the living room before scrolling down the Netflix. It was two hours after the movie marathon that Jeonghan realize, Jungchae is asleep with her head on his lap. His fingers dancing by her hair as he rub her head softly. 

"Chae, you are so precious to me. Whoever did you wrong will have to face me. I don't want anyone, or anthing to hurt you. Not even a fly. I only have you. You always said that you only have me. Chae, it's all the way round. I am the one who should say that. I only have you Chae." 

Jeonghan leaned down to kiss her temple as he whispered those words. He's not the type to cry easily but whatever involves his twin sister, it is like damn water work. He carefully wipe away his face when he heard the door being opened. Turning around, he saw Johnny by the door, with Kun. 

"Hey." Jeonghan greet them as they make their way to him. 

"Ooohh..you two are watching-.." 

Kun's words stop there as he saw Jungchae sleeping on Jeonghan's lap. 

"Seriously. If I didn't know you two are siblings, twins in fact, I would've thought that she's dating you." Kun deadpanned as Johnny grinned, knowing that the two are that close. 

"Apparently, she's my girlfriend, minion." Johnny playfully quipped, making Kun strangle his neck jokingly. 

"Did something happen?" Kun asked as he saw Jeonghan's tired expression. 

"You cried. What happened?" Johnny is worried when he saw a trace of tears on Jeonghan's face. 

"It's nothing for you lot to be worried about. It's just the movie." Jeonghan grinned but the two seems to know better. 

"Just so you know, we're here. You can come to us." 

Being thankful for them both is an understatement. If he could, he would do anything that he could to show how much he is thankful to them both. 

"I'm fine. We were just recalling our memories just now. It's nothing too serious. And Suh, mind taking your girlfriend to her room? I need a moment." 

Johnny didn't hesitate to pick his girlfriend and walk over to her room, leaving Jeonghan and Kun in the living room. 

-- 

"Like I said, you can always talk to me." Kun took a seat in front of Jeonghan who looks sad. 

"I love her. So much." 

His eyes following Johnny who opened his sister's room door and he saw a glimpse of Jungchae putting her arms over Johnny's neck. Before the door closed, leaving no trace of the two. 

"Obviously. I'm not blind. Everyone around you that is not blind can see that too. It's given," Kun snorted. 

"I was very protective of her before. Now that I can see, she's a total different person when I didn't do that. Now I understand why you said my love for her is toxic. I am the one who cut her wings." 

Kun was about to disagree, but he saw that Jeonghan isn't finish. He let him continue. 

"Unlike me, she was very different. I can only protect her that way. That was the only way I know that could protect her." 

"I understand but you shouldn't blame yourself for that. It just happen that way. It was neither your fault, nor it was Jungchae. You both suffer through the same from the same pile." 

"I know. And the more I think about it, I think I need some help from you too. Maybe a little bit easier from Chae." 

Jeonghan turn his head to the anticipating Kun. The little guy smiled. 

"You need one, sure. But don't think too much about it for now. You deserve a happiness with Jungchae." 

Jeonghan smile and walked to the kitchen when Kun called him. 

"Oh and Jeonghan..." 

Jeinghan turn around as he saw Kun opening a can of coke. 

"I'm sure you're aware of self-love. You might want to do that, for now." Kun adjust his glasses as he look over at Jeonghan. 

Jeonghan smile as he open the fridge and open a can of beer. 

"A love for life. Cheers." 

They made a toast from afar. 

-- 

It was chaotic but it's never handful. At least she can handle that. Jungchae is standing by the coffee machine when Joshua came over with her favourite drinks. 

"A cup of booster. Want some cake?" 

It was a peak hours so they got busy. Everyone didn't have a rest yet so they decide to rest at once when the time ends. And it is now 8 o'clock and people had come in lesser and lesser. Much to their reverie when Joshua decide to flip the closed sign early tonight.

The other four of Jungchae's colleagues decide to call it quit and slammed themselves over the couch at the corner. 

"Don't you ever get tired? I feel like my leg is gone." The tallest guy, Mingyu sighed as Joshua smiled at Jungchae. 

"I've done this so many times. I'm used to this." Joshua laugh when Mingyu gave him a distorted face. 

"You need to at least work for six month to get used to this peak hour. Chae seems to handle these better now. It's been 4 years now, right?" The boyish looking girl called Sera piped from the side. 

"I thought I was the est of a person, until I became a food server and I met bunch of s. Probably a little more y from Jihoon." Another colleagues called Jeon Wonwoo slide in the conversation while pointing at their part timer, Jihoon. 

"At least I was being y at the right thing." Jihoon throw a plastic cup at Wonwoo playfully. 

Jungchae watch her colleagues playfully biting at each other with a small smile. She realize now, how much she had been keeping up to herself before. Her colleagues are literally very nice to her. It was her who avoid them and making them think that she's cold. 

"I love it when you do that." 

Joshua piped from the side. He was watching Jungchae all the time. He admit that he has a soft spot for Jungchae. He loves her, as a sister. Jeonghan is so adamant on not having any of his friends get close to her. Simply because he can't trust them. He knows that most of the time, it was only a playful jab from Jeonghan. But deep inside, he knows Jeonghan meant it. 

He always wanted the best for his twin sister. 

"I know you love it but apparently, that's my girlfriend that you're loving to look at." 

Another sets of voice come to scene and both Joshua and Jungchae turned their head around to see Johnny leaning against the door with a lazy smile. 

"Can I say ew? This human here is almost my sister