Diary Entry 15.
Chasing the Wind
Your name rests on my lips, as if it belongs there. The sense of your touch lingers as I yearn for more. Your voice echoes in my mind, despite my attempts to tune you out of my consciousness. You are in me. Your existence is embedded in me. I cannot escape from you.
Why did you make me feel so special? I was happy to be there next to you. I was happy to be held by you. I was happy to have found a source of comfort and stability in you. I was happy.
But what do I do now?
My body is telling me to message you, to check up on you. My mind is telling me to stay away from you, to distance myself for now. My mind is telling me to act cool, pretend it’s all fine. My heart is bleeding, threatening to shred to pieces any moment. Why are you doing this to me? Why am I allowing this to happen?
I am torn, conflicted, confused. I want to direct this chaos inside of me towards someone, something. I want to unleash this awful need for destruction. But there is no target, no one for me to destroy. There is no where for me to direct this turmoil of emotions towards. I simply remain torn, conflicted, confused.
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