Diary Entry 16.
Chasing the Wind
Like an idiot I keep on rereading our old messages. Like an idiot I still have that despicable letter saved in my email. Like an idiot I am hesitating on deleting the photos of you, of us. I am hesitating because I am scared of acknowledging that I have lost you. I am hesitating because I worry. I worry that I am not strong enough to face you after all this.
Like an idiot I avoid anything that reminds me of you. Like an idiot I’d rather spend my solitude in silence, instead of finding comfort while listening to the melodies of the Arctic Monkeys they now bring me nothing but sorrow. Like an idiot I run away from traces of you that have become integrated in my everyday life.
Sitting on the floor with a tambourine
Crushing up a bundle of love
But it’s impossible. Like a curse they invade my thoughts. Without me realising it, I will be humming along. Without me wanting to, my body sways to the silent melody emitting from inside my mind.
How do I rid of something so deeply ingrained in me? My life? My soul? My body and mind? Ingrained into so many layers of me, whether conscious or subconscious. How do I rid of it?
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