Diary Entry 9.
Chasing the Wind
But why? Why am I unable to shake away this desire? What is stopping me? What is preventing me from retreating to my shell of rationality and logic? Because of you I now know the pain that comes from feeling too much.
I have purposely pushed my emotions into a tight corner to protect myself. I have lulled myself to sleep while chanting that I was better off without you. And yet here I am. Here I am, biting back screams of agony because you are no longer by my side.
Was it really worth it? Why did I not just give up from the very beginning? Why can I not just cut off these emotions and move on? Lead a calmer life?
But it is too late now. The memories of you cling onto me, refusing to leave me alone. Why did you show me how to love only to abandon me? Was I not worth loving?
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