Diary Entry 25.

Chasing the Wind
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Diary Entry 25.

 

 

I am scared. I am scared to feel. I am scared to get attached to someone again. I am scared of losing control again. I am scared of being betrayed and disappointed again. I am scared of opening up to people again. Sure I can put up a fake front, I can socialise with people, I can play nice. But I cannot trust people anymore. I cannot show any weakness anymore. I cannot afford the luxury of opening up to people anymore.

 

More than anything, because of you I am more insecure than ever. I distance myself further and further away from those who care about me. I distance myself further and further away from that fantasy of finding someone. I chant to myself every waking hour that it is better off to be alone, that love is useless, that no one will ever love me anyways. Like a mantra, these thoughts perpetually march through my mind day in and day out, chaining me down, as I deceive myself into believe that it will protect me from further damage.

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kit_kat_rat
15th September 2020, finished editing!

Comments

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AiiSoo #1
Chapter 70: Aww. It’s a pity that their sweet moments are only in the last 2 chapters.
This is a good read too. Like all the other stories you’ve written here..! I seriously hope that more people will read your writings.
Daepits #2
God this is such a good fic because I can’t seem to move on from this. I shall reread this fic forever and ever :D thank you for writing such a wonderful story <3
cheonchoni
#3
Chapter 70: Your stories are my comfort place •́ ‿ ,•̀
cheonchoni
#4
Chapter 70: Your stories are my comfort place •́ ‿ ,•̀
cheonchoni
#5
Chapter 36: Eyyy mark, be careful dude.
cheonchoni
#6
Chapter 24: I think 'him' is jin. Might be wrong tho
NoraMyFics #7
Chapter 70: When I was suggested to read this story, I thought maybe I'll read it in few days, I certainly didn't expect myself to check it out immediately the next day and especially finish it in one go. It is really incredible and this makes me think of what kind of crap I've been after all this while, all these years, wasting 90% of time reading those many not so good stories just to fill the numb feeling that never goes away. This one is clearly, different one, at least to me. Makes me wonder if I would ever go back to reading those few silly ones I've been reading till now. Thanks for the story, even though this got me into lot of thinking, especially those diary lists, So full of life expressions, the longing, holding on and then realizing, moving forward towards serenity where the hope of living again stood. Simply amazing and wonderful and marvolus. Thank you for the story.
KimHyeJoo #8
Chapter 70: This story need more reader, seriously
This is wonderful!! :))
momoxia #9
Chapter 70: I loveee this story! I like the words and phrases you've chose, and the way you serves the plot, and the most important thing you did well by making the background of this story not-so-westernish (i mean the culture). Im sorry if I'm lacking in describing this :") but the thing is i loveeee this story!! You deserve the stars!