Chaeyoung’s POV

I didn’t know that it’s possible for humans to not feel anything at all.

I can’t feel the pain.

I can’t feel the feeling of someone poking my heart with a stick.

I feel nothing.

Empty.

It was already a week after my Dad’s wake.

It was just a simple funeral. It was the first time I saw a lot of people sincerely sending their condolences.

Dad does a good job maintaining his image in my mind.

There are a lot of people whom they claimed was helped by him. 

Mina and Uncle was there too. The whole time. The Chous, and the Kims.

The first days after my dad’s death, all I feel is regret and Pain.

It hurts till I felt numb.

It feels like I’m falling into a never ending pit.

A bottomless ocean.

As usual, I was just staring at my ceiling, Thinking how I lost my dad, boyfriend, and bestfriend in one go.

*Knock knock*

I heard the knocks, but yeah, it’s better laying here staring at the ceiling rather than interacting with another human being.

Then the door swung open.

“The Chae!” The first thing Tzuyu said after opening the door.

She was holding plastics from convenience store.

“I’m not in the mood for sleepover…” I then turned my back on them.

“Don’t care.” Dahyun  then jumped on my bed making me almost fall.

“What the Dahyun!” I sat up.

“Chae.” Tzuyu called ever so serious making me focus my attention on her.

She was sitting on the floor.

I also looked at Dahyun, which was surprisingly looking at me with all seriousness she can muster.

I gulped. “What?”

“Do you even know what day it is today?” Dahyun asked.

“Don’t know. Don’t care.” I answered timidly and lay back on my bed. I closed my eyes.

The two sighed.

“Look Chae. I know that Mina has been here everyday. Do you know how she feels whenever she sees you all broken up like this?” Tzuyu asked.

“You are such a pain in the and we know you are going to be like this. We would have left you alone for another month cause this is what happens whenever you were greatly hurt. We know, we have been together for a decade. But please…” Dahyun sighed.

“Didn’t know all of our asses we’ll be under some japanese beauties” Tzuyu whispered.

Dahyun coughed.

“Aah. Right. Sorry.” Tzuyu continued

Then I felt someone sat beside me.

“Yah. You are really a pain in the . But this is not high school anymore Chaeng. We’re nearing senior year. We are the future CEO’s of some big company. We even got ourselves a girlfriend.”

I opened my eyes and found Tzuyu standing up.

“Our girlfriend carved it in our head that we have to approach now that you are in the middle of crisis.” Dahyun continued.

“We were not supposed to say that.” Tzuyu argued.

“And if I didn’t tell her, she wouldn’t know that Mina was crying and telling them how she was also hurt because of a someone.”

It peaked my attention.

“She wanted to treat the wound, all of the person around her wanted to help the heavily injured cub but she wont let them.” Dahyun continued.

I faced them.

“Even Jihyo unnie and Nayeon unnie are worried. Do you know how annoying it was to be asked how you were doing everyday? Were not your girlfriend what the heck, why ask us?”

“Good question. Why ask you?” I countered.

“Because Mina would cry. And that gesture is enough for us to know you’re not doing well.” Tzuyu amswered.

I sat up slowly.

“Yes! That’s right! Riiiiiiiiiisseeee-“ Dahyun suddenly getting hyped but was hit by Tzuyu.

“No time for jokes Dubu.” Tzuyu scolded

“Right right...” Then she coughed to regain composure.

“…….anyway. It’s true that our girlfriend annoyed us into doing this but….. we are also worried. Chaengie.” 

I looked at her and saw how sincere she is.

The nickname suddenly made me feel something again.

“We understand what you are going through. But…….. can you let us know? How you are doing?” Tzuyu added.

I also looked at her. Then back at Dahyun.

Suddenly, I remembered something.

“What day is it today?” I asked.

“Uhhhhh. Wednesday?” Dahyun answered.

“No! Idiot!” I sigh and looked at Tzuyu in hope she understood what I meant.

“It’s the 21st.” She answered nonchalantly.

I groaned. And dropped myself on the bed again.

Then only silence can be heard for a few minutes.

“I messed up huh.” I stated.

“No. You didn’t” a voice said. Coming from the door.

I looked at the owner.

“Mom…..”

She smiled softly at me.

She looks tired.

We look the same.

Timid and so tired of everything.

“Good thing that you’re already talking for more than 3 words.” She added.

“Im so-“

“No. Chaeyoung. It’s totally fine to be broken. Both of us didn’t go here to have you feel like you’re not allowed to grieve. We are here to lift your up so that you would not stay at the bottom forever.” Tzuyu then sat back at the floor. Taking the snacks out one by one.

“I will bring you some cookies from downstairs.” Mom then left.

She peeked one more time and said. “Thank you. All of you.”

I didn’t understand why she also thanked me. 

I looked at Tzuyu and had tears forming in her eyes.

“You two. Bring your asses down here and drown ourselves in pain and sorrow! It’s okay to break down, but all of us still need to function!” Tzuyu wiped the tears from her eyes.

I looked at Dahyun and already found her looking at me. She smiled.

“We also miss uncle you know. He-“ she choked. “He was also like a father to us. We are also hurt. Chae. Not as much as you, but we still feel pain.” 

She stood up and went beside Tzuyu.

I was processing all of the things they said. 

After feeling numb for a long time, I suddenly remembered what it feels like to have your heart get shattered to pieces.

A tear escaped from my eyes and I was too deep in my thoughts that I didn’t notice my Mom coming in my room and approach me.

“Hey.” She wiped my tears and smiled lovingly at me.

“Why did you thank me?”

“For being strong. I can’t even handle the pain that..... I want to……..” she sniffled. “But then, everytime I talk to you since that day, despite being broken, you still had the strong façade image. You look so broken, but at the same time, you still hold on. Like him.” She smiled wider. 

“If I had met you in the future and you’re not my daughter, I would have thought that you’re his reincarnation.”

I breath calmly. I never felt something like this in my entire life.

“I heard Mina’s turning 21 this weekend.” She then held my hand.

“What are you going to do?” She asked.

“I…… I haven’t thought about that yet.”

“Knowing you, you would want something grand. And knowing her, she would be fine with anything as long as she is with you.” She then patted my head.

“Tell her what you feel and wait for you. Both of us are not ready yet.” She smiled and stood up.

“Whatever your dad told you. I hope you engraved it onto your heart.” She added and left.

“What dad told me…..” I mumbled

All of us experience downfall, Chaeyoung. But I hope you don’t dwell too much when the time comes.

You have to move on okay?

She loves you as much as you do.

We are here for you.

I suddenly felt like huge waves hitting me as I remember all the words he told me. All the things he did to taught me about life.
I cried. For the first time in a week.

Tzuyu and Dahyun hugged me as they cried with me.

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We spent the night, just talking and doing things. 

It is now morning and I woke up when I heard rustles. 

I sat up.

I found Dahyun and Tzuyu quietly arranging my room.

“What are you guys doing?” I asked.

They stopped and looked at me. “Sorry, did we woke you up?” Dahyun asked.

“No. I’m sleeptalking.” I answered. 

Tzuyu chuckled and stated “We’re going to school. You want to come? Wait. You already finished this semester right?”

I nodded while rubbing my eyes. “It’s okay. I still had something to discuss with the Dean.”

“The Dean?” Dahyun asked while wearing casual clothes.

“Yeah. Apparently I was offered some sort of scholarship when I got knocked out.”

“Where?” Tzuyu asked

“I don’t know. Oxford?”

"....."

"...."

“Come again?” Tzuyu asked

“Oxford….?”

“Holy motherfreaking hell.” Dahyun agaped.

“What?” I asked.

“Yah! That’s big! Getting scholarship at Oxford!” Tzuyu excitingly exclaimed.

“I don’t know….. I’m still considering…” 

“How many years?” they asked.

“Well. I will only take special classes. So…….. it depends? 1 year at max.” 

“Wow. Just wow.” Dahyun awed.

“Girls! Breakfast!” Mom shouted from downstairs.

“You two go first. I’ll wash up first.”

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“Goodmorning sleepyhead.” Mom smiled.

“Goodmorning.” I replied.

We ate the breakfast while chatting here and there. 

The two updated me things that happened within the week I was gone.

And there is a lot.

Anyway, Dahyun is apparently driving a car now.
So she and Tzuyu went ahead to put their things in the trunk.

I tidied myself up and was about to go.

“Chaeng?” Mom called.

I hummed in response.

“They’re really are great, aren’t they?” she grinned.

“Yeah.” I looked at the two idiots outside arguing about something.

“You haven’t cried since his….. you know….. and last night you cried like a baby.” She chuckled.

I blushed.

“Never have I imagined that It will feel great to cry a lot.”

“I know……”

“....I’m going.”

“See you. Send my regards to Mina. Love you honey.”

“I will. Love you too.”

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Just a short update. Enjoy :)