Pairings

A Fangirl's Dream

*Author’s POV* 

The group of ten got to know each other more over the next two days. Not all of the bonding was good however. There were fights between the girls (mostly Vanessa and Nicole and occasionally Key). EVERYONE grew to hate Vanessa’s annoying… everything! Finally it was time to find out the pairings. Everyone was scared because they liked who they had already; everyone, that is, except Onew, who was more ready than ever to hopefully get rid of Vanessa.

*Onew’s POV*

Come on; just say the pairings already! I hate when people stall!

I held my breath as our manager began reading off the list, whose name went with who.

“We’ll start from the bottom up.”

Wow; not cool.

“Taemin, you will be with Carolyn. Minho you will be with Nicole. Key you’re paired up with Brianna. Jonghyun you’re with Vanessa. And Onew… you’re with Rebecca.”

Nobody was looking at their match. Instead Taemin was looking at Brianna and Brianna was looking at Taemin. Key and Carolyn exchanged sorry glances. Jonghyun stared at our manager blankly while Vanessa jumped up and down, shouting like a crazy woman. I could see Nicole watching Jonghyun out of the corner of her eye, but otherwise she showed no emotion. I finally looked over at Rebecca, the girl I’d be “dating” for the next three months. She and Minho were staring longingly into each other’s eyes. I knew their bond was close since the first day when Minho had helped bandage her sprained ankle. Now I’d pretty much be taking her from Minho. I couldn’t help feeling bad.

“What are all of you looking at?” asked our manager.

“We kind of already paired ourselves up,” Taemin spoke up shyly.

“Well that’s cute, but here’s your new pairings. You’ll each be going-,”

“I’M NOT GOING TO BE STUCK WITH HER FOR THREE MONTHS!!!!!”

We all turned to face Jonghyun. His face was boiling red with anger.

“Oh come on Oppa, it won’t be so bad!” she exclaimed as she buried him in a giant hug.

He scraped her body off of him and marched up to our manager.

“Get me a different girl; now!”

“Jonghyun, if you don’t calm down and do as you’re told, I’ll send you back to Korea; all alone for the next three months…”

“NO! I-I’ll behave,” he answered quickly.

Jonghyun and his loneliness issues. I thought, shaking my head.

“Now as I was saying: Today you’ll be going on your first dates with your new matches. I trust that each of you boys did as you were told and picked out your locations yesterday?”

“Ne,” we all nodded.

“Good. There are five limos waiting out back that will each couple to their destination. Have fun, and please… get along.”

We filed out the door to the back parking lot where five sleek, black limos were waiting for us.

*Taemin’s POV*

I opened the door for Carolyn and she stepped into the limo, blushing while doing so. I didn’t mind being with Carolyn, but I had really been wanting to be paired with Brianna. I found Brianna with my eyes and sent her one last longing look before climbing into the limo.

We road along in silence for a little while; awkward tension filling the air of the vehicle.

Finally I spoke, “So um, were you and Key close?”

She glanced over at me, a blank expression on her face, “Not really.” It was a simple answer, meaningless in every way possible.

Of course they were close! They spent all of the past three days together; just the two of them!

“What about you and Brianna?”

“Nahh,” I answered.

We rode the rest of the way in silence. Finally we made it to the place I had chosen for our first date. 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~