Everything Is All Right

A Fangirl's Dream

*Brianna’s POV*

“What’s all that noise?” I asked.

“Probably Minho beating up Nicole,” Key said calmly.

“Beating her up?! Why-,”

“She tried to break up Taemin and Carolyn.”

“But still-,”

“And a few minutes ago she tired to break up you and me.”

“Oh,” I said. “Well, then let him carry on.”

I snuggled closer to Key and took a handful of popcorn from the bowl he was holding. We were in the den downstairs watching a Korean movie together. I didn’t understand much of it, but I wanted to watch it to be fair to Key. He’d been speaking in English so much I figured he might want a break.

“So, what did they just say-,”

“OH MY GOSH!! SHE’S COMING HERE!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!”

I was interrupted by shouts coming from a crazy Jonghyun as he ran by.

“Jjong, what are you screaming about?” Key shouted after him.

“Annie is coming hereeeeee!” he danced into the room. “The manager said that she could be my match since we got along so well! She’s coming tomorrow!!!!”

“I’m so happy for you!” I yelled after him as he skipped out of the room.

“It looks like things are beginning to work out after all,” Key smiled.

“I knew they would,” I answered.

“Riiiiiight,” he rolled his eyes at me jokingly.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Haha, nothing yebo.”

I pouted and crossed my arms. But Key knew me too well. He kissed me softly on the cheek, forcing a smile across my lips.

*Taemin’s POV*

“I knew we should’ve brought an umbrella!” I shouted through the downpour.

“How was I supposed to know it would start raining again?” Carolyn yelled back at me.

I laughed as we ran through the puddles, hand-in-hand, becoming fully drenched from head to toe.

“You just HAD to have your banana milk, huh?” Carolyn teased.

“Hey, don’t knock banana milk! I can’t believe that store actually had it!”

She just laughed at me as we ran down the country road.

“Look!” I shouted, pointing to a barn up ahead on our right. “Maybe we can take shelter in there until the rain lets up a little bit.”

“Sounds good!”

Thankfully the door of the barn was unlocked, so we slipped easily inside. I shut the door behind us, plunging the building into complete darkness.

“T-T-Taemin?”

I felt Carolyn’s hand brush past my leg in its search for mine.

“I’m right here,” I said as I wrapped my fingers in hers.

“Did I ever mention that I’m afraid of the dark?” she whispered.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of yebo; I’m right here.”

I wrapped my arms around her, in the most comforting way I could, and began to sing (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLhgyRVijTQ).

I rocked her back and forth to the rhythm of the song, listening to the rain beating down on the roof of the barn. I stopped after about a minute.

“Don’t stop,” she pleaded. “Your voice is so beautiful.”

A smile spread across my face as I continued to sing; meaning every word I said. 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~