A Diva For Life

A Fangirl's Dream

*Brianna’s POV*

I’d never seen Key run so fast. Even I was having trouble keeping up with him!

“Key, slow down!” I shouted

“Can’t,” was all he could manage. He was wheezing, but kept running anyway.

I finally caught up to Key, only because he had stopped under a tree and was staring up at it.

“What is it?” I panted.

“Give me a boost,” Key demanded, lifting one foot up.

“Key, are you crazy?! Have you ever even climbed a tree before?!”

“There’s a first time for everything,” he stated. “Now help me up.”

I sighed and hurried over to help him up. I laced my hands as a step for him. He put his shoe in my makeshift stairs and boosted himself into the tree.

“Careful!” I shouted as I looked up at him, shielding my eyes from the sun’s rays shining through the branches of the big oak.

“I got it, I got it!” he hissed.

I held my breath as he climbed, not exhaling until he had the flag in his hand.

“Now careful coming down,” I warned.

“Brianna, I know what I’m do-ahhhhhh!”

Suddenly his foot slipped out from underneath him, and he came crashing to the ground. Thankfully he hadn’t been that high up.  I sprinted to his side.

“Oh, Key are you okay?!” I cried, kneeling beside him.

“I’m fine,” he snapped shrugging me off.

His words stung my heart. I backed of and looked away. Hot tears brimmed at the edges of my eyes.

*Key’s POV*

“Aw, Brianna, I didn’t mean to-,”

“No it’s okay. I’m fine,” she said, standing up.

I didn’t mean to snap at Brianna, I was just embarrassed. I wanted to impress her; show her that I could do outdoorsy things; but it totally backfired.

I stood up, took a deep breath, and rested a hand on her shoulder.

“No yebo, I shouldn’t have snapped. I just… I wanted to show you that I can do this stuff-,” I turned her to face me, but stopped when I saw tears running down her face. “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

I wrapped her tight in a hug and rocked her back and forth.

“It’s okay Oppa, really,” she finally said into my chest. “I don’t know why I’m doing this. It’s really fine. I guess I’m just feeling sensitive.”

“Well that just makes me even more determined to win this night in the hotel for you,” I pulled away to smile at her. “Because you know when this diva wants something, he’s going to get it!”

She giggled at my remark as she wiped away her tears, “Key, I love you as a diva. Please don’t ever change.”

“Haha, judging by my attempt today, I don’t think you have to worry about that. Now what do you say we go look for more flags? We already have four, and we still have an hour and…20 minutes left!” he said checking the timer.

“All right,” she smiled at me. “If it means I get to spend the night in a hotel with my happy diva, then I’m all for this. Let’s go!”

She scream/giggled as I scooped her up and ran deeper into the woods. 

 

 

 

I had to have my Carolyn Unni help me choose a picture for this chapter. I have such a problem with Key's beauty, that I couldn't decide. He's jsut so pretty!!! I could stare at that picture, and many others all day. c: But Onew's still my bias because I love him for EVERYTHING ;) <3

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~