New Faces

A Fangirl's Dream

*Taemin’s POV*

Jonghyun Hyung was really bothering me. Ever since Vanessa left and he was all alone, he’d been hanging around Carolyn and me a lot more. Now he wouldn’t leave us alone to dance. Carolyn and I kept trying to sneak away, but he kept following us. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Hyung, you should go mingle with some other people,” I told him.

“But I want to dance with you guys,” he whined.

“Look, go dance with that girl,” I motioned toward a pretty girl who looked just like Jonghyun’s type.

“Okay!” he lit up and hurried over to the girl.

“Finally alone,” I smiled at my beautiful girl.

“I’ve been waiting for this all night,” Carolyn smiled.

Our lips were about to meet when-

“Hey guys have you seen Key and Brianna?”

GO AWAY MINHO!!!!!!!

*Jonghyun’s POV*

I made my way over to the beautiful blonde and began dancing next to her.

“Um, what do you think you’re doing?” she turned to glare at me.

“Dancing; what does it look like?” I answered smartly with a wink.

“Well if you really want to know, you look like you’re having a seizure.”  

I stopped at the girl’s rude remark. Why didn’t she like me? I’m frickin Jonghyun of SHINee! Everybody loves me!

“I’m a celebrity you know.”

That had to win her over.

“Yeah, and I’m the president’s daughter,” she said sarcastically before turning away.

Thankfully the song ended at that moment and a slow one began to play.

“Dance with me,” I said, taking the girl by the shoulder and turning her to face me.

“Ugh, you just won’t give up will you?” She rolled her eyes. “Fine; one dance.”

As smiled spread across my face as I placed my hands on her waist, and she placed hers on my shoulders.

“So, what’s your name?” she asked me and we began to sway back and forth.

“Jonghyun,” I answered. “What’s yours?”

“Annabelle; but my friends call me Annie.”

“Cool,” I said, lower my hands.

“Get your hands off my .”

I immediately removed them.

“So where are you from? You’re accent is pretty strong.”

“South Korea.”

 “What are you doing in America?” she asked. “Just touring?”

“Like I said; I’m a celebrity. I’m in a Korean band called SHINee,” I explained again.

“Haha, what kind of a name is that?!”

“A good one! We’re really popular you know. We’re here to work on our English.”

“How’d you end up at our school dance then?”

“Well the five of us were each assigned a girl to hang out with for the three months we’re going to be here. Rebecca Doile won a contest to be one of those girls.”

“Oh, I know Rebecca!” Annie exclaimed. “We stand next to each other in chorus.”

“Cool,” I answered.  

When the song ended we found a table and sat down. We sat there all night talking and laughing with each other. 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~