I'm The Animal

A Fangirl's Dream

*Rebecca’s POV*

“Penguins!” Onew exclaimed happily as we stood in front of the glass. He began to waddle like one, sending me into a fit of laughter.

“Aigoo, Onew! You’re too much!” I laughed.

Onew stopped and looked at me wondrously.

“What?” I asked, wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes and straightening up.

“You said ‘aigoo.’ You are catching on, ne?”

“Oh, I-I guess I did! Wow, I didn’t even notice,” I said, remembering back on what I’d said.

“This makes me really happy,” Onew smiled, slipping his arms around my waist.

“Well I’m glad I can make you happy. It makes me happy too.”

“Wae?”

“Because, I want to learn to speak your language some day,” I explained.

“Oh, because you love languages and cultures, ne?”

“Well, that… and I also want you to be able to talk to me without trying to hard. I want you to be comfortable,” I said, looking softly into his eyes.

“You’re so sweet,” he smiled, pecking me on the lips.

*Minho’s POV*

She knows I’m watching and she’s purposely acting like that to make me jealous. I concluded while watching Onew and Rebecca bond by the penguin exhibit.

“Ew.”

I turned back around to see Nicole staring disgustedly at the lion exhibit we were standing in front of.

“Ew? How can you say that? Lions are cute,” I smiled, gazing through the glass.

“Not when they poop right in front of you,” Nicole turned away.

My eyes caught sight of this and I quickly turned away as well.

“Um, let’s go look at something else, okay?”

*Onew’s POV*

My small peck on Rebecca’s lips turned into a full, deep kiss. Making out with my favorite girl next to the exhibit containing my favorite animal… yeah it was pretty sweet. I smiled as we pulled away to take a breath, looking deep into each other’s eyes.

“I love-,”

I cut her off before she could finish with another passionate kiss, cupping her face in my hands. I felt her smile against our kiss. I was about to open my mouth when I heard something that made me cringe.

“Onewie! I found youuuuuu!”

I started to pull away, but stopped to kiss Rebecca just a little longer. I didn’t wanna stop and look at the terrible, monkey-like girl.

“My turn!” Vanessa shouted in my ear, finally forcing me to pull away from Rebecca’s soft, tasty lips.

“What do you want Vanessa?” I sighed.

“The manager sent me to gather everyone up! We’re going on the safari ride!”

----------------------------- 

Once the tour guide explained all the directions and rules, it was time to board the vehicles taking us through the safari. Actually, the ‘safari’ was more like a motorized tour of the zoo. There was a track that went around the zoo on which charts ran. We’d be sitting in the carts looking at the animals while a recording sounded through the built in speaker in each caged-in cart. It was the oddest system I’d ever seen.

“I’m not going.”

I looked over to see Nicole standing with her arms crossed and a pout on her face. Minho was trying to convince her to go, but she insisted on staying because she hated animals and was positive that animals hated her.

“Here’s the first cart. Who wants to lead the pack?” the tour guide asked, opening the door to the first cart.

“We will!” Taemin piped up. He helped Carolyn into the cart and the guide locked up the door.

“Are we like trapped in here?” Carolyn asked nervously.

“Don’t worry; it’s for your own safety,” the guide said. Not even waiting for her response, he pressed the ‘start’ button, sending the two off on the ride.

Key and Brianna got on the next cart, then Annie and Jonghyun on the one after. Now it was only Minho, Vanessa, Rebecca and me. I was thankful that Nicole wasn’t going, because that meant Vanessa would be riding with Minho.

When the next cart came around I took Rebecca by the hand and headed toward the cart. However, Vanessa darted in front of us and climbed in before either of us could protest.

“Oh um…” I mumbled, not sure what to do now.

“Come on sonny, just get in the cart. You’ll see your girlfriend after,” the guide said, pushing me into the cart.

“But-,”

“Onewie!” Vanessa exclaimed, grabbing my arm and hugging it as the guide locked the door. I felt like I was the animal in the cage.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper called out of the cart to Rebecca just before the cart began to move. I watched her figure fade from my eyes. At least she had Minho. Those two were friends. But… Vanessa…

“Onewie, we’re locked in a cage together like animals. Isn’t it romantic?” Vanessa asked, cuddling closer to me. It took all my might not to gag.

“No, not really,” I said awkwardly.

“I can make it more romantic,” Vanessa smirked up at me.

“No, that’s okay-,”

Suddenly she grabbed me and smashed her face against mine. Instead of our lips meeting, our noses ended up colliding. We both grabbed our noses in pain. Though it hurt, I concluded that it was definitely less painful than the alternative.

“Sorry Onewie, want to try again?”

I cringed, glared at her, and squished myself up against the side of the cart, trying to get as far away from her as I could.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~