The Truth

A Fangirl's Dream

*Minho’s POV*

I stormed down the hall and burst into Nicole’s room; not even bothering to knock. She was in the middle of powdering her nose.

“Gosh, don’t people knock anymore?” she asked in exasperation before turning back to her makeup.

“You sickening !” I screamed at her, crossing the room in three big steps and knocking the compact right out of her hand.

“Excuse me; just who do you think you are?!” she shouted, standing up to face me.

“Who do I think I am? Who do YOU think YOU are?! Hurting me is one thing, but messing with my friends is where I draw the line!”

I pushed her down. She was lucky that her bed was right behind her!

“You can’t push a girl!” she screamed as she kicked at me.

“Well you can’t hurt my friends!” I shouted, pushing past her flailing feet and pinning her down onto her bed.

“They’re not true friends!” she screamed as she flipped us over so she was above me. “Nobody is a real friend! Nobody can be trusted!”

“What the heck is wrong with you?!”

I threw her off me, sending her backward until she hit the wall.

“It’s not me! It’s people!”

She slapped me across the face as I approached her.

“You have some serious issues!” I yelled, throwing her to the floor and leaping on top of her.

“You would too if… if…”

“If what?!” I shouted in her face.

“If you spent your whole life not knowing!” she flailed under my grasp, but it was hopeless. She was growing tired, and I was too strong for her.

“Not knowing what?!” My hot breath danced on her neck.

“What it feels like to be loved!” she finally screamed. “I’ve never been loved. My parents don’t even love me! Nobody cares about me! Why do you think I act this way?! You think I like pushing people away?!”

“I don’t know; it sure looks that way!”

“I just… it’s not fair that other people get to be happy and I don’t!”

She used her last bit of strength to shove me off of her and crawl on top of me.

“Who says nobody loves you? Would you even recognize if someone did love you?!” I asked, twisting her arm, forcing her to let go of me. I took the opportunity to reclaim my position on top.

“Ouch!” she screamed. “I don’t know. But… but…”

I looked deep into her eyes. She was no longer the tough, preppy girl I had come to know. Her eyes told her real story. She was just an innocent girl that had never experience love; not even from her parents. Her whole life she didn’t understand what it was like. She was scared.

In that moment, some sort of understanding passed between us. I found myself feeling sorry for her. I breathed my hot, heavy breath down her neck. She looked different now. She looked… beautiful. My mind hurt. I was confused.

How could someone this beautiful and innocent act how she does?

In less than a second my eyes were shut, and my lips were smashing against hers, passionately.   

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~