You're Fired!

A Fangirl's Dream

*Carolyn’s POV*

As we walked past the zebra cage Taemin slipped his hand into mine. I loved the feeling of his fingers in the spaces between my own, but I couldn’t forget how angry I was at him.

I pretended like his hand didn’t even faze me and just continued to walk on. I hadn’t spoken to him all day, besides the necessities. The memory of seeing him with Nicole lurked in my mind. Finally I couldn’t take it. I slipped my hand out of his and held my other arm with it so he couldn’t take it again.

*Taemin’s POV*

When Carolyn took her hand out of mine, I felt like crying. I loved her, but why did it seem as if she didn’t love me. Honestly, it seemed like she HATED me. This practically broke my heart.

I noticed her beginning so shiver. It was a chilly day for being summer, and she wore only a tank top. As the sun moved behind the clouds, she hugged herself to keep warm.

“Here,” I said taking off my leather jacket and draping it over her shoulders.

She didn’t respond at first, then finally said, “You didn’t have to do that. I’m fine.”

“But I wanted to. Plus it’s my job as your boyfriend.”

“Oh, I get it. You only did it because it’s your job! Well here!” she shouted, taking off the jacket and whipping it back at me. “You’re fired!”

I stood staring after her in shock as she ran off into the crowded zoo. I felt pain fill my chest.

Did Carolyn just fire me from… being her boyfriend?? Can she do that? What does it matter if she can do it or not; she just left me in the cold!

I should’ve been absolutely furious at her for acting the way she had. She’d totally gone off on me for nothing! Yet, the only thing I felt was pain; and it consumed my whole being.

I left the zoo and waited in our limo parked in the parking lot until she finally came out as well. She climbed into the vehicle without a word, and sat as far away from me as she could with her arms crossed. Her music was blaring in her ears, which was typical of her when she was angry.

I looked at her with sad, forgiving eyes. If she apologized, I would take her back in a heart beat. I still loved her so much. She ignored my stares and resorted to looking out the window. Finally I gave up and asked the driver to bring us home.

-------------------------------- 

*Onew’s POV*

We sat in silence as the movie played before us. It was a stupid movie, but neither of us complained. In fact, we didn’t even talk. I stole a glance at Rebecca. She was zoned out, staring straight ahead. I couldn’t help wondering what she was thinking.

She looks so beautiful. Why can’t I just say I’m sorry? But what would I say sorry for? Why are things so awkward between us? I should seriously start expressing my feelings more.

*Rebecca’s POV*

I couldn’t understand why I still felt nervous around Onew. He wasn’t what I wanted, but why did I still care about what he thought of me?

I was relieved when the movie finally ended and we returned home. It was the most awkward date of my life; especially considering we’d managed not to say a WORD to each other the whole time.

I wonder if there’s a record like that; longest date without talking? 

 

 

 

*Shout out to Banapple195 who earned you guys this chapter! &Yes, my dear sachon, I try to treat them as well as I can, because they make me so happy :D

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~