Spaghetti and Jackets

A Fangirl's Dream

*Jonghyun’s POV*

Six days left. Yesterday flew by so quickly. In six days the girls would be leaving, and we’d be on a plane back to South Korea. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Annie had just come into my life; just accepted me. How was I supposed to just let her go? This wasn’t supposed to be more than a learning experience for us to get used to American culture and language. We all knew it was so much more though. These girls were all special to us. It wasn’t fake affection. It was real love.

“Oppa! You just got flower all over me! It’s supposed to be for the pasta, not my face!” I heard Brianna exclaim as I walked by the kitchen. I peaked in to see her and Key cooking dinner, though it looked more like a food fight to me.

“But it looks better on you!” Key laughed, blowing on his hands so a cloud of white powder enveloped his yeoja chingu.

“Here; I think you need a touch of blush for your cheeks,” Brianna said as she scooped up some tomato paste and rubbed it on Key’s face.

He looked at her in shock. Nobody ever did such things to the Almighty Key and got away with it. I watched as a devious grin spread across his face.

“Oppa…” she began to back away, but he grabbed her and pulled her in. “Oppa!” she scream/laughed as his hands roamed her body for her ticklish spot.

Spaghetti ingredients were flying everywhere and the two play-fought. I smiled at the sight of seeing Key so happy. Everyone seemed happy here, but it only meant that leaving would be even more difficult.

*Brianna’s POV*

“Key, I can’t breathe!” I cried as he practically tickled me to death. His giggles made my stomach do back-flips and caused my heart to race, even in this crazy state.

He stood behind me, both of us bent over (me in my attempt to get him to stop tickling my stomach, and he in his attempt to continue) with his arms around me.

Key finally stopped with the tickle abuse, but he didn’t let me go. Instead he held his grip around me, his hot breath hitting my neck, making my stomach-butterflies even crazier.

“Brianna?” His voice purred into my ear, making a giant smile spread across my face.

“Yeah?” I asked, breaking from his grasp and turning to face him.

“Do you remember our first date?” he asked, playing around with my hand and slipping his fingers around mine.

“Mmmm, I think I do recall that; when you pushed me off the bench onto my ,” I raised an eyebrow.

“Oh and what was it you called me? Was it a stuck up diva?”

“No I didn’t!” I said in exasperation.

“Oh but you did! But it’s okay,” he leaned in closer with a smile, “because I know that’s what drives you crazy.”

I rolled me eyes, but then became serious. “Key, when was it that you first started to like me? Like… REALLY LIKE me.”

“Hmm,” he thought for a second, spinning me around while doing so so that he could wrap his arms around my waist from behind and rest his chin on my shoulder. “I think it was probably when I had to rescue you from the fish.”

“Oh gosh,” I blushed at the embarrassing memory.

“When did YOU first start liking me?” he asked, rocking us back and forth.

“Well, something seemed different about you after that day at the lake, but I didn’t understand. That road trip to the dance though… that’s when I knew for sure that I had feelings for you.”

He gave me soft kisses on my cheek. “I’m so glad you won the competition to meet us. If you hadn’t...” he paused for a second, “I don’t think I ever would’ve found out what true happiness feels like.”

We rocked back and forth in silence for a little while longer until I turned around to embrace him.

“Don’t leave me Key,” I cried into his arms. “I don’t want you to go.” I was squeezing him tightly, as if it would somehow make everything better. It didn’t, because I still had to face the reality that this was going to end.

“Brianna,” he held me just as close as he ran his hand through my hair. “We’ll see each other again, I promise you that. I could- hold on a minute.”

He pulled away and slipped off his jacket (The one he’s wearing in this picture: http://i663.photobucket.com/albums/uu359/jane678s/key-1.jpg).

“I want you to have this,” he said, draping the piece of clothing over my shoulders. “This way you’ll still have a part of me, even when we can’t be together.”

I set a hand gentle on the side of his face and stared up into his eyes. Though my tears made seeing difficult, I could still see that Key’s eyes were red and he was on the verge of crying as well. This sight only made me want to sob harder, but I kept it down for his sake.

“Thank you,” I squeaked out as I hugged him.

He gave me a tight squeeze before stepping back, “Now how about we finish making this spaghetti? I bet everybody is starving!”

“Alright,” I nodded in agreement and wiped away my tears. “Let’s do this together.”

He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back, despite the sadness that hung over me.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~