Zee Last Full Dae~!

A Fangirl's Dream

Second to last day (last full day)

*Carolyn’s POV*

We spent the last full day packing, cleaning and organizing. The manager told us that we had to leave the mansion looking exactly how it did before we moved in. It was a lousy way to spend the last day, but I guess there wasn’t much else to do because it was raining outside.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Taemin asked. He insisted on assisting me in packing because I was still on crutches.

“No, I think I’m all set,” I smiled, hobbling over to him. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he smiled, taking my hand. His face then turned shy and he looked down at the floor. “So, have you thought about my proposition? You know; about coming to Korea with me?”

“I have,” I answered.

“And?” He looked up, biting his lip to hide his smile.

“Let’s sit down.”

His smile faded.

We hobbled over to my bed and took our seats. Neither of us spoke for what seemed like an eternity. Finally I opened my mouth.

“I can’t go with you Taemin.” I stayed facing forward, my face like a stone wall.

“Wae?” he asked. I could feel him staring at me. “You can’t go back to your uncle’s.”

“Taemin,” I finally brought myself to look into his pain-filled eyes. “You’ve been so good to me and you mean so much to me. But, I just can’t leave my life here yet. I’m not ready to go.”

“Oh,” he looked down at his lap, playing with his hands uneasily. “So, tomorrow’s it then.”

It wasn’t really a question. In fact he wasn’t really even talking to me. It was more of an empty statement to himself. I rested a hand on top of his to stop them from moving and to make him focus.

“You’ll still be with me in my heart,” I whispered.

“But it’s not the same. I want to feel your body in my arms, hold you close, kiss your soft face and lips. I need you,” his voice said brokenly.

“You’ll have me. When it’s time. I promise we’ll see each other again. We’ll stay in touch somehow. They have video chat now. Maybe I can find a computer with a camera and we can talk,” I said, trying to make him feel better.

“Alright,” he answered breathily.

“Taemin,” I lifted his face. “I’ll be strong for you if you’re strong for me. When I graduate from high school I’ll go to you, you hear me? I’ll come find you.”

He just nodded and wrapped me in a tight hug. Our bodies rose and fell together with our breathing, both of us trying to hold back salty tears.

“I guess we should probably finish packing,” I whispered, pulling away to look into his water eyes with my own.

“Yeah,” he agreed, taking my hand and helping me up off the bed.

*Jonghyun’s POV*

“Oh my goshhh honey; will you stop crying already?!”

“I can’t help it,” I sobbed to my beautiful girlfriend.

“Look, if you don’t stop crying then I’ll leave without even kissing you goodbye,” she threatened. I immediately tried to gain control of myself.

“Okay,” I squeaked. “I think I’m good now.”

“Jjong,” she laughed, taking my hand. “Let’s take a break and go somewhere; just the two of us. We’ve done enough packing for the day.”

“But it’s raining outside,” I pointed out.

She just smiled simply at me. “I’ve always wanted to dance in the rain.”

A smile found its way across my face. She giggled and we ran out of the room hand in hand.

We ran out the front door into the downpour. When we got outside I let go of her hand and she ran ahead of me down the driveway. She stopped and spun in circles, looking up at the sky with her arms out wide, laughing joyously.

“Come on,” she ran over to me, taking my hand again. “Catch rain drops with me!” She tilted her head back and stuck out her tongue, running around like a little girl while chasing her targeted raindrops.

I laughed and began to do the same. We skipped around laughing and catching the sky’s tears on our tongues. Since we couldn’t see where we were going, we ended up running into each other, making us burst out in laughter.

I took her by the hands and we began to spin in a circle, our faces titled back, letting the raindrops kiss our noses and cheeks. I let go with one hand, spinning her out away from me. With a tug of my arm she twirled back in toward me and I wrapped her in my arms. She giggled and turned to face me, a smile permanently planted across her face. 

I held her hands in mine, close to both of our hearts. My eyes wandered all over her beautiful face, watching the glittering droplets drip off her nose and eye lashes.

She didn’t start the kiss and neither did I. It was as if we both went in at the same exact time. I took her hands and put them around my neck, then pulled her body close to mine. We moved together in our kisses, neither of us out doing the other. It was more romantic than anything I’d ever read, seen or imagined. When we finally broke apart for oxygen our faces were covered in smiles from ear to ear.

“I love you,” I said above the roar of the rain shower.

“I… I love you too Jjong,” she replied. “…so much.”

“Aww oh my gosh!” We were interrupted by someone’s voice coming from the porch. We turned to see Rebecca jumping up and down. “Stay there! This is beautiful! I need to get my camera!” she shouted to us before running back inside the mansion.

Annie and I looked at each other, back at the porch, then laughed.

“I guess we are kinda cute,” she smiled.

“Of course we are," I smirked. And with that we continued our kiss.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~