I Hate You

A Fangirl's Dream

*Minho’s POV*

“Will you hurry up?!” I shouted through the bathroom door as I rapped my knuckles against it. “Everyone else left over an hour ago!”

How can a girl be in the bathroom this long?!

Nicole hadn’t even come down stairs to eat breakfast yet. She’d been in the bathroom for hours now. I didn’t care that I was in her room. She was taking too long and she needed to hurry up!

“Why the heck are you in my room?!” an angry voice shouted from behind the door, which swung open harshly. In front of me stood an angry Nicole with a mascara brush in her hand.

“Well maybe if you didn’t take an hour to smear that junk on your face I wouldn’t have come in in the first place!” I shouted back. “By the way, it doesn’t help.”

“Ugh, you sicken me.” *Eye roll*

She put her makeup away, cleaned up her bathroom then followed me downstairs.

*Nicole’s POV*

I wanted to kick him in the balls; over and over and over. He’d never have children. I wanted to smash his face into the wall so nobody would ever want to look at him. But I couldn’t. I…was scared. I’d never hated someone this much (and believe me I’ve hated a LOT of people), but I’d also never been so scared of someone. I didn’t understand it. It just wasn’t fair.

“Where are we going?” I asked as I climbed into the passenger seat of the rental car waiting in the mansion’s driveway.

“You’ll see.”

Gah I want to kill him!

I hated when people teased me. When I wanted something, I wanted it right there and then!

“No; tell me!” I shouted in his ear.

“SHUT UP YOU PREP!”

I immediately sat back in my seat and faced forward.

Stop! What are you doing? Why are you obeying him? He doesn’t own you!

But I still just sat there silently.

*Minho’s POV*

You might be thinking that I’m totally mean and over doing things, and, I mean, I might me overacting a little, but seriously; she was terrible! She had no patience, yet expected me to wait five hours for her to put junk on her face that she was just going to wipe off tonight, then slap back on tomorrow. Her shutting up this time was the first ounce of respect I’d seen from her, and it satisfied me. I put the car in drive and headed down the long driveway to the main road.

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*Nicole’s POV*

When Minho pulled up in front of the spa, I was overjoyed. The spa was basically my second home; no wait… my FIRST home! I was about to thank him, but then I remembered… it was MINHO.

“Wow, a spa for bonding time? Really?” I rolled my eyes at him as we exited the car.

“Hey, be glad I didn’t bring you to a football field.”

“Ugh, I guess you’re right. I at pitching.”

*Minho’s POV*

That was another thing I hated about her. She could never get anything right. She was a complete airhead, but would never admit that she was wrong. The fact that she thought she knew everything about sports irked me too. Sports were MY thing. Don’t mess with them!

When we entered the spa building, Nicole started toward the aqua massage room. Before she could even take a second step my hand was wrapped around her wrist.

“Excuse me what do you think you’re doing?” She asked, annoyed, and ripped out of my grasp.

“You wanted bonding time, so I’m giving you bonding time,” I replied as I steered us toward the private Jacuzzi room I’d reserved.   

We changed our clothes (me keeping on a t-shirt with my swim trunks), then met back up in the room.

I wasn’t going to lie; Nicole looked really good in her pink polka dot bikini (http://www.stylebop.com/grafic/product2/128/900/128362.jpg). I watched her climb into the pool of heated water, admiring how toned her thighs and stomach were.

Ewe, Minho what are you doing? This girl is a stuck up, snotty brat. GET OVER IT!

I shook my head to clear my mind, then climbed into after her. 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~