"Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love."

- Erich Fromm

CHAPTER 4

She turned, her eyes blurry with suppressed tears. She thought she saw her oppa smiling his sweet smile at her, but when her vision clears, it wasn’t him. It was a boy she did not recognize.

How foolish I could get. Of course it wasn’t him

She stared at the boy holding a black umbrella. He was still holding her hand.

“Here, take this” he the umbrella to her trembling hands. “You will get sick if you won’t shield yourself” he gently smiled, turned around and ran toward the direction of the gym.

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“Your late captain” Sungmin greeted siwon.

“I have to get out of my clothes; I was soaked to the skin” siwon explained. They’re at the gym.

“But if you just got here earlier you could have changed your clothes without getting late” sungmin seriously spoke.

Siwon laughed. “You know sungmin, you may be a part of the theatre guild, but you will never fool me I know you inside out.”

Sungmin pouted his lips. “I thought I can fool you now that I’ve enrolled in acting class.”

“You’re excellent in that field man, but I just know you very well.” Siwon shrugged.

“But really siwon hyung, it’s strange. You never get late. What happened? Did you help another damsel in distress? “ Kyuhyun chimed in.

“Or perhaps some animal got hurt and you took it to the nearest vet?” Sungmin added.

“Enough with that nice guy tease, it’s getting old” siwon chuckled.

“But you are nice, we’re not teasing you, we’re just stating some old facts. Right kyuhyun?” sungmin, faking innocence, looked at kyuhyun.

“Yeah, hyung” kyuhyun nodded, suppressing his snort.

“Or probably some girl has FINALLY caught his attention and tried to stalk her?” eunhyuk joined the club. He stared at siwon.

“Hey, quit talking flower boys. The new members are waiting.” Leeteuk interrupted.

They immediately broke from their talk and faced the new kids. While each of the new recruits introduced their selves, Siwon is busy with his own thoughts.

Earlier, half knowing what he is actually doing, he followed the girl outside. When he caught her hand, it was trembling. Probably from the cold. He thought. But he knew that it was perhaps related with the pain he saw in her eyes before she went away. When he spoke, he felt the rigidity of her hand. When she finally looked at him, her expression showed recognition, as if she knew him, but it died instantly. Her eyes were full of tears. He was taken aback, but he acts as if he wasn’t aware of it. He doesn’t want her to know that he noticed, for he thinks that she doesn’t want anyone to notice the tears, what with the way her eyes seemed to suppress such emotion.

The emptiness of her eyes before, the flicker of a seemingly painful emotion earlier, the tears, it bugged him to no end. Eunhyuk’s statement echoed in his mind. yes, he is interested. He recognized all that was in that girl’s eyes, because he was once the receiver of such emptiness, of such hollow eyes...

A tapped in his shoulder woke him from his thoughts. “earth to Captain Choi” it was leeteuk.

He looked up. “What was it again?”

“You’re really strange today hyung.” Kyuhyun spoke. “First you’re late, now your mind is in outer space. Did you eat something awful?”

“No...I just...I was thinking of something....nevermind...what was it?” he asked, perplexed.

“It’s time for your speech man. You know, welcoming them and such.” Eunhyuk said.

“ahh...yeah...I’m choi siwon, captain of this school’s basketball team. Let’s work hard together. All of us here...” the girl’s face flashed in his mind. He sighed. “All of us here must put there 100% effort. This is a team, so I hope everyone cooperates. Understand?”

“Yes” replied the newcomers unanimously.

Everyone then grouped themselves for the practice game. Siwon is lost in his thoughts again.

“I really think you ate something funny.” Eunhyuk tapped him on the back. “Let’s move.”

Siwon did not respond. He looked outside the gym, at the spot where he had caught the girl. No one’s there. The ground is empty.

“Why are you looking outside? Are you trying to take a glimpse of someone?” eunhyuk asked.

“No...It’s nothing...Let’s get going.” He kept his thoughts at the back of his head. Better to let it slip when he isn’t trying to focus at his team.

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Yoona lay in her bed, wide awake. She remembered the events which took place earlier. How delusional, she thought. How can she possibly see her oppa’s face in another person’s appearance? She sighed.

She slowly sat at her bed, opened the drawer next to it and took a small brown box. She was hesitant to open it at first, but mustered to lift the lid of the box.

The box is full of letters, pieces of scratched notes, plastic wrappers and pictures. Ignoring the pain that hit her upon seeing them, she took the picture on top of the whole pile. It was a picture of her and him, the last picture they took together. Attached to the picture was a letter, his last letter for me. Until now, she doesn’t know what the letter contains, for she didn’t want to open it.

Because for her, to open the last letter means the utter end of everything, the final confirmation that everything has really ended. And she doesn’t want it to end;I don’t want it to end.

 She put the letter away. When she lifted another paper, she saw something that made her heart shatter.

It was a small, decayed sunflower.

She lifted it up, and stared at it, her tears dropping like rain in the lifeless flower...

“Yoona, do you know the symbol of the sunflower?” yoona shook her head.

“It is the symbol of warmth, and adoration, since it always looks towards the direction of the sun” Donghae smiled. He handed the flower to yoona. He then lifted his hand, touched her cheeks and looked at her eyes.

“you are the sun, and I am the sunflower. You are the very object of my adoration. You showered me with your own brightness. Wherever you are, whatever direction your light might fall, know that I am always there, looking at you, adoring you. I will always follow you, and love you.......”

Yoona put the dead flower near her heart, and cried silently.