"Tenderness emerges from the fact that the two persons, longing, as all individuals do, to overcome the separateness and isolation to which we are all heir because we are individuals, can participate in a relationship that, for the moment, is not of two isolated selves but a union." - Rollo May 

CHAPTER 29

Tiffany and Sora were walking towards the girls’ room, talking and giggling at some private joke. They were to retrieve their towels as they were planning to go night swimming. Tiffany closed in, her back from the door, one hand holding the door knob. She twisted it, turned around then opened the door.

As her gaze bore through the room, she felt her jaws drop.

Two immobile figures were sleeping on the bed near the window. Siwon was lying down, facing the door, while Yoona was sleeping just as deep behind him, her one arm locked on Siwons’ waist, her face a fraction away from Siwons’ nape. The latter was holding her hand loosely.

After the initial shock, a soft giggle issued from Tiffanys’ mouth. She turned and saw Sora giggling too, her eyes mirroring the same understanding of what had probably happened, and what their friends on the bed had now become. Tiffany put a finger on her lips, signalling Sora to be silent. Sora nodded and giggled once more.

They entered the room carefully, then tip-toed to their consecutive beds. After retrieving their towels, they tip-toed again towards the door, but a soft grunt made them stop. They looked around, and saw how Siwon moved from his sleep, his back now on the mattress. Like an automatic reaction, Yoona moved a bit too, her face now on Siwons’ upper arm, her arm that had before slung on Siwons’ waist, was now placed atop his broad chest. She snuggled closer too.

Tiffany turned back, as well as Sora. When they hopped out a few seconds later, Tiffany slowly closed the door.

“Oh. My. God.” Sora exclaimed.

Tiffany softly laughed. “Well I guess they’re official.”

“Yeah unnie.” Sora replied, then giggled. “It’s about time anyway.”

Tiffany rolled her eyes. “Thank God. I sometimes wonder how are they gonna break the friendship barrier. It had been ages since the signs were crystal clear. Finally.”

Sora laughed at her remark. “Yeah. Finally.”

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A certain ray of light made Yoona woke from her sleep. She opened her eyes, and found that sunlight had streamed in through the window, faint yet clear enough for her to conclude that it was about 7 o’clock in the morning.

She turned her head and gazed to the man sleeping beside her. Eyes closed and breathing evenly. He was facing her, and his hands were tied just below his head. She sighed and then smiled, remembering everything that had happened last night. How mischievous she was for pretending to be asleep, and how her heart raced when he finally kissed her. but what made everything special was the moment he told her that he loved her, that he felt the same way as she did, even though she didn’t tell him just yet. She laughed at her own boldness, for kissing him. it was unplanned, yet she felt that it was the most desirable thing to do. It might be an exaggeration to say, but she is probably the happiest girl right now.

She stayed where she was, staring at Siwon like he was the most fascinating creature alive, which, for her, he was. More than twenty minutes had passed before he slowly woke up. Eyes still groggy, he smiled at her then put his hand on her cheek.

He yawned then spoke in a husky voice. “Have I told you that I love you?”

Yoona laughed. “Shouldn’t ‘good morning’ be the proper greeting?”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

The two of them fell silent, and was just contented in smiling and staring at each other. A while after, Siwon spoke. “I just cannot believe that you are mine now.”

“then, shall we pretend that last night didn’t happen?” Yoona teased.

“Nah. No can do. Last night was the happiest I’ve ever been.” He declared without even a hint of hesitation, it made her smile.

“Me too.” she replied. Then she snuggled closer, her forehead parallel to Siwon’s mouth.

He kissed her forehead then embraced her. “Can’t we just stay like this?”

She laughed. “that won’t happen. Any minute from now, I’m sure someone will come here and disturb us.”

Sure enough, light footsteps were slowly making progress outside the room. Siwon sighed in an exaggerated way. “Yeah. You’re right.”

Yoona broke from his arms and stood up. As she did so, she noticed that the other two bed were empty, it seemed that no one, except them, had slept in the room. “Where did unnie and Sora sleep?”

Siwon got up and uncaringly glanced. “maybe they didn’t sleep, or they slept on the boy’s room.”

“Maybe so.” Yoona replied. She then took Siwon’s hand and pulled him forward. “Let’s go and have breakfast .”

He held the hand which Yoona was holding and made her twirl once. “Can’t I just have you instead?” he teased

She smacked him right at his chest. She still couldn’t control her cheeks from blushing red. “Aish! Really oppa. stop saying things like that.” She then stormed away.

He followed her and caught her hand again. “I was kidding. I won’t say things like that anymore even though it’s the truth—ow!”

Yoona had punched him on the arm again, then she glared devilishly.

Siwon laughed out loud and hugged Yoona. “I’m sorry...”

“Hmph!” she pouted in a childish way. “really...”

At this, he smiled. His smile was perhaps so contagious that he saw her smile too.

“You have to be punished.” She said. And before Siwon could protest, she added. “Close your eyes.”

He sighed and followed.

Yoona tiptoed and gave him a quick peck on his cheek. She then ran away from him.

Siwon smiled after the so-called “punishment”. When he opened his eyes, Yoona was already on the door, and was giving him a victorious, mischievous smirk. As he was about to step forward, Yoona opened the door and vanished from sight. Siwon laughed and followed her out.

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As days gradually passed by, Yoona had grown to love Siwon more.

They were officially a couple now, but Siwon retained the qualities he had before. He still and made her angry for some petty reasons. He still waits for her and cares for her. He still smiles and laughs at her silly jokes and blushing cheeks. He remained to be her good friend, although he was more than that. Other people would change when they acquire the person they so wanted to get their hands on. They sometimes become possessive and obsessed, to the point that their partner could barely breathe. But with Siwon, it was different.

The changes that Yoona had noticed were special ones. Changes which made her feel special and cherished, and most importantly, loved. Outsiders would not notice it, but she had come to realize that when it comes to Siwon, every detail was apparent, every little quirk were obvious. Those, and a lot more, had made her feelings intensify.

He still comes by her house to collect her for school, eats lunch with her, and takes her home afterwards. But, he seemed to be more attentive, like he was just holding back when they were still friends. Now that it wasn’t the case, he gave everything flat-out. He hugs her and kissed her often, when people were not watching. He gaves her flowers every other day, ranging from the common ones to those she does not know existed. He gives her a call every night, a rather long conversation that she sometimes wish would never end. He took her to places she didn’t have the chance to explore before. When she’s tired, he’s there to support her, telling funny stories to lighten up her mood. They fought over small matters too, but it was always him who comes and says sorry. But the thing that made her feel so loved, was when students or people in general asked him if she was his girlfriend; he would smile in a very bright way and answered them in a tone of utter happiness. “Yes. She is.”

He respected her graciously, and took everything that she decides with sincere consideration. Being with him was the happiest she’d ever been.

He had done this and that, but for Yoona, the mere sight of him was enough.

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“hello madmoiselle..”

A soft whisper brushed Yoona’s ear as she was standing before a wooden bookshelf, holding a book open in her arms. Knowing very well the owner of the voice was, her lips curved into a little smile and snapped the book close. She then turned slowly around. Siwon was grinning sheepishly, leaning at the opposite bookshelf, his arms crossed firmly at his chest.

“What are you doing here madmoiselle?” he asked courteously. His class had ended early so he decided to come to the library and check some books out before heading to Yoona’s classroom. But as luck would have it, he noticed her lingering around the bookshelves before he took a step towards the exit.

Yoona closed the gap between them and playfully smiled at him. “I was just checking some scholastic details. What about you monsieur?”

He grabbed her one hand and raised it. He then kissed her fingers swiftly. “It was fate mademoiselle. I just happen to come by and saw you.”

She laughed at how unlikely he had spoken the words. “Stop it oppa. Pabo...” she turned back to the shelves then took out another book. “Oh by the way oppa,” she spoke again, her eyes still at the book she was scanning. “Aunt wants you to—“

A sudden embrace from behind wiped the words she was about to convey. There he was again, surprising her with his merciless backhug. He had been doing this for quite some time now, but it still makes her breathless. She struggled a bit. “O-oppa...we’re in the library...”

“Are we?” Siwon laughed softly at her uncomfortable tone then squeezed her. “Don’t worry. This part is rather deserted so you don’t have to squirm so much..”

Silence fell between them as Siwon stayed where he was and as Yoona ceased to struggle from his grasp. To control her racing heart, she gazed back at the book she was holding. But it was no use, she was reading and rereading a sentence for about thirty times. She sighed. The guy hugging her from behind was definitely a huge, yet beautiful distraction. She returned the book to the shelf and the spot, facing Siwon. Her arms went straight to his shoulders. “You’re a bad boy oppa.” she declared.

His eyebrows arched quizzically. “Am I?”

“You keep on distracting me. I should study you know.” She spoke playfully.

He smirked. “My, my, I didn’t know you were this easy to lure...Should I distract you even more? Should I...kiss you instead...?”

His question had yet again made her blush. Before she could open to protest, Siwon was already laughing. “You never fail to blush at my little provocations.”

Yoona smacked him hard on the chest. “I hate you.”

“I love you.” He responded suddenly, that it made Yoona turn her gaze towards his eyes. It wasn’t the first time that he said those words. In fact, he always says it whenever possible, in the most inconvenient time and place, and in the most smoldering look he has. It took her breath away. But as always, she couldn’t open to respond.

Siwon continued to stare at her. They have been together for almost a month now, but he never heard her say those words to him. He never gets tired of saying it, but she never responds. It had crossed on his mind, that she didn’t love him enough to say it, but the thought instantly vanished when he saw the way she smiles at him and acts when she was with him. He was a simple man. That was enough to relieve his growing anxiousness. Maybe she was just...shy.

He could read something in her eyes as she gazed through him. It was there, an emotion so powerful it devoured him whole. She did not say anything; like she let her eyes say it all. But for him, it was enough...

A ringing sound made Siwon come back to his senses. Yoona broke from his embrace as she took her phone from the pocket of her plaided skirt. “hello...yes..I’m going to tell him about it...yes aunt...bye...”

“Your aunt?” Siwon asked.

“Yeah. It’s her birthday today so she wanted to invite you to dinner tonight. It’s only the three of us. would you like to come?”

“Of course. I wanted to greet her personally.”

“then it’s settled.” Yoona took a book from the top shelf. “I’ll check this book out then we’ll be gone in no time.” She then started to walk forward.

Siwon followed her with his gaze, hit by a sudden, unexplainable form of uncertainness.

She looked back and called him out. “Oppa?”

“...Yes.” he then walked towards her. As he came level with her, she hooked her arm on his and leaned profusely. She smiled, and he smiled too, his feeling of unfounded hesitation disappeared in thin air.

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“Will you be alright here?” Yoona asked for the second time.

Siwon nodded. “don’t worry about me. Go and help your aunt.”

“Okay...” she agreed, then casted a swift glance at him before she went downstairs.

When she was gone, Siwon sat at the chair propped against yoona’s desk. They arrived earlier than expected. Her aunt was still in the middle of cooking, and seeing her predicament, Yoona went in and helped out. He wanted to help too, but Yoona’s aunt insisted that he shouldn’t because he’s a guest. Yoona agreed with her aunt, so they decided to keep him out of the kitchen. But instead of resting in the living room, the lady suggested that he should wait at Yoona’s room. The reason was that the living room was adjacent to the kitchen, while cooking, she doesn’t want to see someone waiting patiently in plain view, as it will make her quicken her movements resulting in what she calls as “food that couldn’t be eaten even by insects.” In short, Yoona’s aunt feels rather conscious.

He scanned the room. It was the second time he had the opportunity to see it, but it was the first time that he had seen it properly. The arrangements were the same as far as he could remember. There was a bit of a clutter, but in an organized manner. He turned and placed his arms on her desk, killing his time by looking at the various things placed atop her desk. Books were neatly arranged on one side, while on the other side were a cluster of used papers, exam papers, he thought. Notes were pasted on the wall, reminders of the things that need to be done as quickly as possible. Above the books was a single picture, the one he and Yoona took a week ago. He smiled upon seeing it.

He moved his arm a bit, and it caught something on the desk, making the thing toppled over and went straight to the floor. He swiftly went to the floor to retrieve it. Exam papers were scattered above the hard thing that he had touched. As he gathered the papers, he froze. His eyes focused on the papers lying on the floor, those that an opened box contained, the one that he had accidentally moved.

Little notes were scattered here and there, which contains neatly scribbled paragraphs. The penmanship was familiar, but he couldn’t yet identify who. There were envelopes which he was sure contains letters. But the thing that made him froze, was the pictures...the pictures of Yoona, together with a boy he recognized. Donghae. White hot pain shot inside him, but he doesn’t know why.

He recovered the box and placed the papers inside, all written by Donghae. He didn’t know that he was holding his breath, that he was holding the pain from surging through his over-all system. One by one, he retained them to the box, as well as the pictures, and a single withered sunflower. He took a deep breath to calm himself. As the last letter were placed above all the others, he stood up, his gaze still on the contents of the box, and at the letter, where he recognized Yoona’s penmanship.

It was dated just before the trip to Jeju Island. Before stopping himself, he read the first few lines...

Dear Donghae oppa...

I have loved you beyond everything else...

He did not continue further, as he quickly covered it, like it would somehow seal the things that he had witnessed. He slowly placed it back to the desk, staring at it, his heart continually beating painful throbs. He didn’t know about all this, didn’t know that she was still keeping their memories in a little box, he didn’t know that she still loved him, he thought that she had moved on, that she had let go of her past and was now ready to love again...that her heart belongs to him now.

Was he wrong?

What is he to her?

He gripped the edge of Yoona’s desk, supporting himself from slipping through the floor. For the first time in his life, he wished that he had been blind. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to make out of it. All that was obvious to him was how excruciatingly painful it was to his part, that the woman he dearly loves was still living in the past. Was his love not enough for her to let it go?

Light footsteps grew clearer by every step, a sound that had woken Siwon from his thoughts. Yoona then immerged in the open door, smiling cheerfully at him. “Dinner’s ready...”

He stared at her face. As he did so, the pain he had felt intensified. She is his girlfriend. He had done everything, loved her for all he have, but still...he couldn’t call her his.

“Are you alright?” Yoona’s smile vanished and was replaced with worry.

Siwon blinked and suppressed his feelings. He breathed out. “I’m alright...shall we go?” he lightened his voice, aware that inside him, he was breaking a thousand pieces.

Yoona was still hesitant. “...yeah...” she replied and saw him walking towards her. She could tell that something was off, but she didn’t press it. Instead, she held his hand and squeezed it. He then stared at her, but it wasn’t his usual gaze, it was something else. He was...sad.

“Are you really alright?” Yoona asked.

He smiled, a smile that did not reach his eyes. “Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?”

She studied him again, and convinced herself that was she saw was just a product of her imagination. “If you say so...”

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Siwon was driving towards home. It was the most tiring night he had for a long time. To pretend that everything was normal had consumed his energy. He wanted to hide whatever he was thinking in front of Yoona’s aunt, as it was her birthday, and that he does not want the lady to worry. But the pain did not subside; he just kept it and decided to release it when he had the opportunity to be alone. Like now.

Yoona’s aunt was unaware, and was gracious and welcoming all throughout dinner. But he could feel Yoona’s gaze on him too, studying him, finding hints of what was going through his head. He knew that his behaviour was unusual, and that it made her worry again. He tried his hardest to avoid her gaze, or simply put, to avoid seeing her face, as it would destroy the happy demeanor he had build up for her aunt.

When she walked with him towards his car, he had the urge to ask her about  the box, and the letter he had seen. He wanted to pour everything out, but decided against it. He was scared, really scared of what she might say, scared to find out the truth. He could bear the pain, but the thought of losing her, was unbearable. So he pretended that everything was alright, and waved her goodbye.

He a deserted curve, switching gears. His mind was occupied with the images before, of the pictures, of the letters and of Yoona’s message. Donghae had long gone from her side, but his memory was still fresh for Yoona. why? he asked himself. Why does it have to be like this?

He remembered everything from the day he confessed down to their last exchange. Everything was more that what he could hope for. Except that she didn’t say the words he had so wanted to hear...

Saranghae...

A sudden loud honking of a car’s horn made him jump. He realized that he had gone astray from his lane. The incoming car’s front lights had made him blind for a second. He quickly turned the car away from collision, thanks to his reflexes. He then hit the breaks before colliding to a lamp post. The car stopped with a loud screech.

“Hey Moron! Watch it!” the driver from the other car shouted as it passed him.

But he didn’t mind. He just sat there, in his car seat, seeing yet unseeing the deserted road in front of him. Realizing painfully that she, Yoona, couldn’t say those words because...perhaps...she was still unsure if she really feels the same way...as what he feels...

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“Why did you bring me here?” Siwon asked, as he sat before Yoona’s mischievous grin. They were at a small restaurant that was selling a large variety of sweet-flavoured ice cream.

“Well...I don’t know...to cheer you up?” she declared tentatively.

“to cheer me up?”

“Yeah...You seemed to be kind of depressed lately. Is something the matter oppa? you sometimes look grave...” she stared at him, like daring him to be honest with her.

It was a chance to ask Yoona about everything, but again, he was still very afraid to find out the truth. For him, if what he had been thinking all along would be proven right, he knows that she will no longer be by his side. And that was the last thing he wanted. He could still bear the pain, and he will continue to bear it as long as he could. He avoided her eyes. “I was just busy with college applications...”

Yoona nodded, unconvinced. She knew Siwon too well to actually believe his reason. “Okay...I guess it’s rather tiresome.” She took the menu from the center of the table and opened it. “what do you want oppa?”

He smiled. “whatever you want, make it two.”

“Okay.”

A waitress stood before them and asked what they wanted. “Two large cups of chocolate ice cream please.” She then wrote Yoona’s order in her small writing pad and walked off slowly.

When the waitress returned, she placed their order in between them.  She then courteously gave them a nod.

Yoona ate the ice cream with much conviction, while Siwon stared at her, amused. A slow drawl suddenly interrupted her from eating.

“You’re still the same as ever noona, you still like chocolate ice cream.”

Both Siwon and Yoona looked up. A boy was standing just before them, smiling sincerely. He owns a very innocent and kind face, youger than Yoona for a few years. Siwon stared at him, then transferred his gaze to Yoona. He saw how her face suddenly turned from meek curiousity to utter, and unexpected, delight.

“Ommo! Henry? Is that you?”

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to those who forgot ^_^ Henry is Dongae's brother in this fic.

sorry for the late update +_+