"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness."

- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

CHAPTER 18

It was already 9 o’clock in the evening yet Yoona was still walking aimlessly on the streets. Her head was pounding from too much thinking. There were flashes of scenes in her head, those with Donghae, and those with Siwon. The things that Siwon had said earlier in the park kept on repeating from her head. She feels guilty and hurt. She was so confused now.

What should I do? She thought.

She stopped, brushed her loose hair away and sighed. When she turned her head, she realized that she was standing outside a street stall. It was half full. She stared at it, and without much thought, directed her heels towards it. She sat at the nearest empty table.

Her instincts warned her, she shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t do something reckless, something that might put here into harm. But she ignored them. She was so damn tired, mentally, physically and emotionally. If this would make everything go numb, even just for this time, she would gladly do it.

“What do you want miss?” a smiling, old man approached her.

She looked at the old man carefully, and then looked away. “Give me five bottles of soju.” She flatly declared.

There was a knot on the old man’s forehead. “Aren’t those a bit too much?”

She looked at him again. “Five bottles ajushhi”

The old man sighed and spoke in an undertone. “Kids these days...” he shook his head and walked away. He was carrying a tray of five soju when he returned, all sweating with cold. He put the tray at the table and left.

Yoona drank the first bottle. Ignoring the burning feeling on down to her stomach, she consumed the next three without hesitation. Four down, one more to go, but she still wasn’t satisfied, so she ordered another three bottles. She ignored the old man’s frown and disapproving look.

She was about to drink the sixth bottle when a fast, sharp object flew out on the corner of her eyes, she turned her head. To her horror, the sharp object was in fact a car passing by the store in an uncontrolled manner. In a swift movement of her eyes, she discovered that the car was going to hit a boy.

“NO!” she shouted, her knees heaved her up in an upright position without her realizing it. She stood, eyes bulged. There was a loud screech from the car’s tires, which made her cover both of her ears. “No... no...” her chest was beating so hard. Her knees were trembling violently. It made her loose her strength and sit at the chair again. Then all of a sudden, everything became silent.

“Oh my God” the old-man spoke, his hand covering his mouth. “Good thing the car stopped at the right moment, I can’t imagine what would have happened to the poor boy...”

But Yoona wasn’t listening. She was sitting at her chair, both of her hands in her head. She was shaking uncontrollably. Her eyes were wide with shock, her face wet with tears.

The event that she had witnessed brought back the memories she had tried to seal for the longest time. It was like she had travelled through time. She was there again, at the front of her old home, smiling widely at the two figures crossing the road towards her, her mom and dad, when a truck suddenly lost its control and hit both of her parents. She felt herself freeze when she saw the lifeless body of her parents...showered with their own blood...

When she looked up, the place had vanished; it was replaced with a sea, waves splashing at the shore rhythmically. And there he was...Donghae...his gentle smile directed at her...

She held her head tightly, as if trying to stop those memories that came gushing out from her...

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“I’m sorry Mr. Lee”

Donghae was lying on the hospital bed, frozen by the news the doctor had brought him. Yoona was also there, sitting at his bed, holding his hand tightly. She was looking at the doctor in utter disbelief.

“No, I’m sure you made a mistake doctor... it can’t be...” Yoona stopped when she felt Donghae’s tightened grip. She looked at him. His expression was unreadable.

He turned his gaze to the doctor. “How long...how long will I still be able to live?”

The doctor looked at him with sympathy. “We do not know...maybe a year, three months...next month...”

Yoona felt herself tremble. “No...No...” her vision became blurry with tears.

“I’m afraid the disease was discovered too late. It is rare, the disease you have. I’m sorry, but we can’t do anything about it now.” The doctor then left them alone.

Heart Cancer. Donghae was suffering from Heart Cancer.

Earlier, he was instantly brought to the hospital after the pain in his chest became too unbearable. He had been experiencing chest pains for years now, but today was different, he felt like he was ripped to pieces. It wasn’t a simple weak heart; it was cancer, in its rarest form.

 The realization that Donghae might left her, without so much as a last goodbye, made Yoona cry even more. She looked at him, stunned at how calm he was. “Oppa! why are you so quiet?!”

Donghae reached his hand out and pulled Yoona in a tight embrace. She was left crying at his chest. “shh...don’t cry please, I hate it when you cry...” he sighed heavily, tried to lighten his rather weak voice. “...I only have a little time left...let us not spend it in like this...”

“How can you accept it? Are you that ready to leave me?”

Donghae pushed her a bit and looked at her seriously. “What made you say that? I maybe like this, but I have never felt so scared in my life as I am now.” Yoona saw his strong facade waver. He was trying to be strong just for her. He looked down. “I am scared...not for what’s gonna happen soon...to leave you behind...that was the scariest thing I have ever felt...”

She touched his cheeks. “Oppa, please...” she pulled him this time, and hugged him.

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The next months were the hardest months Yoona and Donghae had ever experienced. Donghae’s condition had worsened. The pain in his chest was coming at shorter intervals; he would just suddenly pass out, his skin were marked with rashes, his breathing was laboured, and he was pale, so pale he was almost translucent.

Yet he still smiled brightly at her whenever she visited him at the hospital. And it would always break her heart.

Yoona was outside his hospital room, staring at Donghae through the glass wall. He was being checked by the doctor.

“Yoona...please make his last moments the most memorable.” Donghae’s mother was beside her, staring serenely at her own son.

Yoona looked at her. “...I will...where’s Henry?” she was talking about Donghae’s brother.

“he couldn’t muster the courage to see his brother like this, so he went out...”

Yoona nodded. “Mrs. Lee...I do not know what will happen...I am so afraid it’s suffocating me...”

Mrs. Lee sighed. “Neither do I...Yoona...Neither do I”

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Yoona went straight to the hospital after cleaning up. It was still early in the morning. But when she arrived at his room, the bed was empty. She looked around, but he wasn’t there. She panicked, her heart was beating rapidly. Where is he?

Her cell phone rang. Donghae was calling her. She answered it.

“Yoona-shii” his voice was almost a whisper.

Yoona felt so relieved. “Yah! Lee Donghae, where are you?!”

He laughed. “Don’t panic, I escaped from there. I’m at the sea. Come here, be with me.”

“What are you doing in there?”

“Playing”

“WHAT?”

He laughed again. “Just come okay? You know the place.” He then turned the conversation off.

Yoona ran towards the exit , called a cab and set off. She was really angry at Donghae. When she arrived, she saw Donghae’s figure, sitting on the sand, playing with a kite.

He did not saw her coming since he was turned away from her.

“Yah! Lee Donghae!”

Donghae faced her and smiled. “Yoona, come, sit with me...”

She sighed and sits beside him, fuming.

“Come on, I wanted to get away from those white walls, I wanted to breathe some fresh air.”

“You should have told me earlier, what are you thinking, coming here alone?”

He did not answer. He looked up, all the while manipulating the kite to go high up. Yoona put her head on his shoulder. “Don’t scare me like that, again...”

“I know...I’m sorry...” he then went sideways and kissed her on the lips. He embraced her and brushed his hand on her smooth hair.

He stood up, offered his hand to Yoona, which the latter readily accepted and went upright.

“I have a gift for you...”

She gave him a questioning look.

“But it’s high up on the sky.” He pointed at the sky. Yoona gazed at where he was pointing. The kite was flying freely towards the sky, when she looked at it closely; she noticed a piece of paper attached at the string.

“What is that?”

“You’ll see...” he gave her the string that was controlling the kite. “Go get it.”

The wind was blowing the kite high up. Yoona started to walk forward, eager to get that piece of paper. She pulled the string towards her, rolling it on her arms. She was a good distance away from where Donghae was standing, when he called her.

“Yoona...”

She looked at him and grinned.

“I love you...” he spoke those words so tenderly.

Yoona smiled sweetly. “I love you too...”

The pressure on her arm made her look away. The string was tugging her, like it wanted to catch her attention. She made a firm grip to it and mustered the strength to pull it. The piece of paper was getting closer now. Just a little bit more.

She shouted with glee when she had finally managed to hold the paper. It was an envelope, a white one. She was sure it contained a letter. For her.

She looked back at Donghae. “Oppa! I caught it....”

But her voice wavered upon seeing Donghae’s expression. He was smiling at her lovingly; his face was so...serene. She had never seen him so peaceful before.

“Oppa...”

She saw him close his eyes, the sunlight was illuminating his handsome face. She continued to smile, but it vanished when she saw him falling slowly towards the sand....

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Siwon was getting dressed in the gym’s changing room. He decided that it was time to go home. It’s already 11 o’clock in the evening.

He was walking towards the parking lot when his phone rang. He took it from his pocket, and swallowed hard when Yoona’s name appeared. He immediately answered it.

He coughed. “Hello..?”

“Hello...?” it was a man’s voice. He was suddenly engulfed with panic. Did something happen to her?

He tried to calm down. “Hello? Who is this? Why do you have Yoona’s phone?”

“Oh, don’t worry I’m not a bad person. I’m the owner of a street stall. Your friend here, Yoona was it? She’s so drunk she couldn’t even stand up. I’m closing down. I’m afraid something might happen to her if she goes home alone.”

“She’s drunk? I’ll be right there...tell me the address.” The man told him the address.

He turned his phone off. He ran, settled himself into his car and started the engine.

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Yoona was slumped at the table, eyes closed. Siwon saw the amount of alcohol she had consumed. Twelve bottles of soju.

“Thanks for calling me ajushii...” he took his wallet and handed the old man a few extra bills.

“Thank you... I was worried. I have a daughter too you know. Well, I’ll leave you now, I still have to finish cleaning.” The old man then left them.

Siwon kneeled beside her, gently touching her cheeks. “Yoona-shii...Yoona-shii...” but there was no response.

He stared at her sober face. What happened to her? Why did she get herself drunk?

He shook her shoulder. She stirred and slowly opened her eyes. She stared directly at him. His heart throbbed uncontrollably.

“Oh Siwonnie...you’re here?” she straightened up. She looked at him quite strangely. Her lips twisted into a smile. “pfffft....hey, what are you doing kneeling like that? Are you proposing to me?”

She was really drunk.

Siwon stood up, put her arm around his neck, supported her back and carried her. Princess-like.

Yoona protested. “Hey, put me down...I’m not drunk...I can still walk...”

They had already left the stall. Siwon, while carrying Yoona, was walking on the deserted street. “Don’t be such a stubborn kid; you finished twelve soju all by yourself. I doubt it if you can still walk.”

But she continued to struggle. Siwon put her down. She immediately ran and puked. Siwon followed suit and caressed her back. When she had finished, she looked at him.

Siwon was taken aback at the way Yoona was staring at him. It was odd, like she was both about to laugh and cry at the same time. When she stepped forward, she lost her balance. Siwon immediately caught her. Her face so close to his that he can smell the scent of her hair and alcohol. It was intoxicating.

She pointed a finger at him. “You know why I drowned myself in alcohol today Siwon?” she blinked numerous times.

“You’re drunk Yoona-shii”

“...do you know how painful is it Siwon? All the people that I had loved, my parents...Donghae...they all left me behind...”

Donghae? The name echoed through his mind.

“...Yoona-shii...”

She was sobbing so hard. It pains him, seeing her so miserable like this. Without much warning, she swayed again. Siwon immediately carried her.

They were a few meters away from his car when Yoona put both of her hands around Siwon’s neck, almost hugging him. She rested her head at his chest. 

“...Siwon..."

He looked at her face tenderly. Her eyes were closed. That emotion swelled into his heart again. He loves her, he really do.

"...I'm Sorry..." she whispered.

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