"I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable."

- Joseph Addison 

CHAPTER 16

The music room was located at the floor below the rooftop. After class, Yoona went out of the classroom and proceeded to the stairs, making her way up to the place Siwon mentioned in his note. Her steps were light as she strolled towards it. She would really tease Siwon to no end.

When she was a distance away from the music room, she heard a faint sound. Curious, she slowed her steps. She tried to decipher what the sound was and where did it come from, as it becomes louder as she walked farther. She stopped for a bit, as she did so, she recognized the sound. It was a tune produced rather skilfully by a pianist. The melody was melancholic, lonely, as if the person playing the piano was aching to be with someone. She continued to walk; her pace is similar to that of the tune she’s hearing, slow. Upon looking forward, she noticed a door that was slightly ajar. The music was coming out from that door. Then she realized, it was the music room. Is it perhaps Siwon? The one producing such sad music?

She peeked, but all she could see was a set of drums. She slowly opened the door, careful not to create any sound that might interrupt the person playing the piano. When she had successfully got herself in, she scanned the room, her eyes stopped at the back of a man, seated before the piano, attention so transfixed by the music he had so marvellously created.

Siwon was playing with such solemnity, such emotion that she stayed rooted at the spot and stared at him. She never knew that Siwon could play like this, heck; she never knew Siwon actually plays the piano. He never fails to surprise her up until now. She shook her head and smiled.

She did not dare disturb him. She stayed upright and closed her eyes, enjoying every note he created until it came to its end. She opened her eyes. Siwon looked to the window, she saw him smile a bit, and returned his gaze to the piano. He was going to start another song, Yoona realized.

He pressed a certain key, then another. He was prolonging the intro, as if trying to , the listener. He quickened his pace, expertly manoeuvring the keys of the piano, thus producing the melody. It was a lighter tune, one that expresses... happiness...contentment...adoration...and...

...Love....

She recognized the song.

Yoona’s eyes opened wide, her heart was beating mad. She put her hand on her chest, as if trying to restrain her heart from bursting...as bits of flashbacks and scenes from the past haunted her mind...

“Yoona, I’ve brought my guitar with me, this is my gift for you...happy 100^th day....”

Her body began to tremble as Donghae’s voice echoed in her mind...

“Did you like it? The song that is, sorry if it’s a bit unpolished...”

“I don’t like it oppa, I LOVE it. You composed it yourself? Its sooo good...thank you...”

“It’s for you so I’ve poured my heart out in making it...I’m happy...”

Yoona reached out and pinched his cheeks....

Her head was aching as the music created by Siwon engulfed her. Memories after memories came flooding back, and with it came the pain as well. She covered both of her ears, trying to block the sound away...but the music, the excruciating melody was repeating inside her being over and over again...

“oppa, where do you think you would be fifty years from now?”

Donghae was laying on the grass, his head resting at Yoona’s legs. “Hmm, me? Let me see...I will be at a modest white house, sitting in the balcony. My hair is turning gray; my skin full of wrinkles...and you will be there, all gray and wrinkled too, holding my hand...”

She was finding it hard to breath. Tears were streaming down her face.

“saranghe Im Yoona...”

“I love you too Lee Donghae...”

“Yoona-shii, how long have you been---“ Siwon stopped. He was stunned upon seeing Yoona’s wet, pain-stricken face. He bolted upright. “Yoona-shii, what happened?”

Yoona looked at him, her eyes seeing yet unseeing him. She then blinked and ran away.

Siwon was momentarily stunned, when he recovered, he ran and followed her.

Yoona ran as fast as she could. She didn’t notice where she was heading, neither did she care. All she could think of was to run, ran and ran, as if by running the pain will go away. But the memories were still there, the melody was still echoing in her ears.

A sudden force held her, making her stop .It was Siwon, he was holding her arm with so much strength Yoona couldn’t yank her arm away. He was panting, his expression puzzled and worried-sick. When he looked at Yoona, his face became extremely disturbed. Yoona’s eyes were wet, bulging and unfocused. She was clutching her head tightly, tugging her own hair in the process, her body was trembling. She was an utter mess.

“Yoona-shii...talk to me!” he shook her.

Yoona looked at him in the eyes, but she immediately turned her head away. Why is Siwon following her? Why couldn’t he just let her be? Why did he have to play that song? Why? Why do your memories hurt like this oppa?

“Let me go.” She commanded, her voice cracked.

“No.” Siwon flatly declared.

Yoona tried to yank her arm, but tough luck, Siwon’s grip is strong. “Let me go.”

“No.” Siwon’s voice was firm

She had enough. She went berserk. “Leave me alone! Let me be! I want to get away from you! From here! From that music...from those excruciating memories...  my chest is fit to burst! My head is on fire! Can’t you understand? Why don’t you just let me be?” she was sobbing so hard now. “Let me be...”

Siwon felt like he was ripped to pieces. Yoona’s words were like knives through him. He does not comprehend what was happening to him. He was puzzled, stunned, worried...but most of all, he was hurt. So damn hurt by her words. He loosened his grip.

Yoona, upon Siwon freeing her, she instantly turned away from him and ran. She did not look back, she couldn’t. She knew she had hurt him, but she does not care. She wanted to get away.

Siwon stared as Yoona’s figure became smaller as she ran away from the school, away from everyone else...away from him...

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Yoona did not go to school the next day.

Siwon had come to her classroom at lunch break, but she wasn’t there. One of her classmates told him that she was absent. He called, but she would not answer.

He wanted to talk to her; to ask her what’s wrong, what’s bothering her. He couldn’t even sleep last night because the events that had taken place between them keeps on repeating on his head. Whenever her face flashes, eyes full of tears, face contorted with hurt, he would feel a pang of pain as well. He does not want to see that in her, he wanted her to just smile, laugh.

He wanted to embrace her, to tell her it’s okay, even if he does not fully understand what was happening to her, what was making her feel so...grave. It pains him to see her like that.

When she had angrily asked to let her go, asked to let her be, Siwon did not expect that distress, that pain he had felt. It was like she wanted him to get lost, get away from her life, like he was nothing but a tiny, pitiful part of her with little importance. It’s as if everything they had shared, the conflicts, the laughs, the tears, the friendship, was nothing. It had started as a mere deal, but does it have to end in this manner?

No. he does not want to end it this way, heck, he does not want to end it at all. She had become a very important part of his life now, and to lose her friendship, to lose her was just unimaginable. Upon realizing his resolve, he felt a sudden surge of emotion, the same foreign feeling he couldn’t yet, up until now, identify.

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Siwon was walking at the hallway when he instinctively glanced at the school ground. Students in groups were strolling towards the school theatre. Class was cancelled this afternoon since they were going to attend the annual Student’s Career Assessment Seminar. The seminar was originally for the seniors, but the lower levels revealed their interest, so the administration allowed all students, regardless of level, to attend the said seminar.

However, Siwon noticed a girl who was going to the opposite direction. She was heading for the school gate. When he looked closely, his heart jumped. It was Yoona. She’s back.

Like a bolt of lightning, Siwon ran as fast as he could. His heart was racing. He wanted to see her so damn much, to talk to her. He missed her.

When he reached the ground, he immediately found Yoona, since the herd of students had thinned. He was absolutely sure that it was her, even if all he could see was her back. She was a bit farther away from him. In order to catch her up, he quickened his pace and called her.

“Yoona-shii!” but Yoona didn’t seem to hear him.

When he came close to her figure, he reached his hand and grabbed her arm. The girl stopped.

“Yoona-shii...” Siwon whispered. He felt her body stiffened.

Yoona slowly turned around and faced him. As she did so, he was taken aback.

She stared at him with eyes similar to that of a black hole, empty. It was the same expression Siwon had seen the first time they met. Her expression was blank, her lips unsmiling, and her eyes are not twinkling. It was like the Yoona he had known for the past month had vanished. There was no trace ofthat girl anymore.

Yoona had not changed, it is more proper to say that she had returned to what she was before she had met him.

She continued to look at him like he was a complete stranger; there was no recognition from her eyes. “Yoona-shii...what happened...?”

“What do you want?” her voice is flat.

Her tone was sending painful tremors down his heart. “It’s just that...well...are you alright? You were absent this past few days.” I missed you so much.

Yoona broke from his grip. “I am perfectly fine, you don’t need to concern yourself.” And with that, she turned away from him.

Siwon instantly grabbed her again and made her face him. “Did I do something wrong? Tell me...why are you like this so suddenly...”

Yoona brushed his hand off and looked at him coldly. “These past few weeks I have given you the liberty to annoy me, to irritate me, to whatever you chose to do, because we made a deal. But the one month duration of that deal had already ended Choi Siwon, so you do not have the right to chase me, to grab me and ask me anything. Just. Stop.”

Siwon felt like he was stabbed by a thousand knives upon her words. He was hurt by what she had said, but the thing that stings the most was the realization that what he had feared all long—Yoona seeing the deal as nothing but a past time, nothing but crap—was right. The agony was overpowering his bearings. He swayed a little; he felt the pounding of his head, the painful beating of his heart. It was hard to breath.

He exhaled sharply. “...so you’ve counted off the days...” his voice was almost a whisper.

“Yes” she answered firmly.

Siwon stared at her. He searched every inch of her face, hoping against hope that he may find a trace of deception. Wishing, hoping that everything was a trick, that she was just lying.

“...Yoona-shii...were you silently revolting my company...? Did you, even for a little, saw me as your friend...?”

Yoona looked at him, her eyes blank, and her expression unreadable. “Some things will never be the way you want them to be.” She turned and walked away.

Siwon was rooted to the spot. He stared at the girl’s retreating figure. She did not answer his question, yet somehow, he already knew the answer.

The words that Yoona had spoken the day she ran away crossed his mind.

  “Leave me alone! Let me be! I want to get away from you! From here! From that music...from those excruciating memories...  my chest is fit to burst! My head is on fire! Can’t you understand? Why don’t you just let me be?”

 My chest is fit to burst...

...My chest is fit to burst...

...my chest is fit to burst...that was what you had said back then...I feel that now...but it is a hundred times more... My heart had already shattered to pieces Yoona-shii...and I do not know how to fix it...

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I'm sorry for the long delay! >_<