+ Karma +

 

Sehun is now in the worst state of himself. He didn’t smile anymore, he didn’t open up like he used to be, far away from being the energetic maknae that always goes around and tease s. He was no longer the same Oh Sehun that everyone knows. He had changed— definitely not in a good way.

 

He tried everything. Looking for her, trying every possible way to get in touch with her, even when he need to kneel in front of Rose and her brother to get the information of his ex girlfriend, nothing works. And in another year of tormented period for him, he finally realized, that he have lost Hwayoung. 

 

Suddenly he felt like it is hurts to breathe because every breath he take proves that he can’t live without her. He isolate himself from everyone. Even moving away far from the boys. He come back to his apartment and cry again. He cried again until he fall asleep, too tiring with his emotion. Sehun thought that crying is the only way his eyes can speak when his mouth can’t explain how broken his heart.

 

If this is some sort of punishment for him— he might deserved it. Even when it gave him too much pain that he once thought that giving up on his life will worth everything he has done. But sometimes he just wish that he can see it sooner that by regretting his previous decision wouldn’t make any different; she is gone from his life.

 

Sehun is selfish. And he admitted it. It was one time when he sneak around his dorm to met Hwayoung, that their management found out. They caught him as a Korean tabloid blackmail them to spread Sehun and his unknown girlfriend to the public with the photos that they took secretly. EXO was in their highest popularity at the time and SM Entertainment wouldn’t take a risk for one of the most popular member of the group to get caught in scandal.

 

As Sehun himself wouldn’t ready enough to let go his career that blooming tremendously at that time; he decided to follow what the company want. He did tried to discuss it with Hwayoung, but knowing that she will be the one who back off from the relationship, (he knew that she love him so much that she will not let Sehun disown by his company, much more to leave something that he dreamed of), he decided to be the one who will parted away.

 

He did broke her heart on purpose. He started to give her silent treatment, growing some distance between them and he started to look for distraction. Being a by looking for someone else while he’s in a relationship with Hwayong is not an excuses. But he thought that by acting like a complete could make her leave him. She need to leave him first before he could do that; because Sehun knew that he just can’t do that in any circumstances.

 

Up until now, he still think of her everyday. How is she right now. If she is doing fine somewhere out there. Deep down, he knew that he should just accept his fate— they were over. And it just that he truly hope she finds the healing she needs. She may never come back, Sehun knew that. But he miss her a lot, and he knew that she needs to be alone for awhile. Hwayoung needs time. Time really does heal all wounds.

 

When he thought that he finally get over her, he was wrong. Someday during the night when he get more lonely, he remembered her again. As if his sins comeback to him, he found that he put all the blames into him again. That resulting Sehun to rebel, to show to the world that he has lost everything. And this is just a beginning.

 

“Stop creating a trouble out there, will you?” His manager massage his temple releasing the stress that he had while handling him.

 

“I’m just looking for fun, hyung. Can you be more relax?” Sehun casully said. He don’t really mind that the fact his manager is scolding him at that moment.

 

“Isn’t enough?!” His manager started to yell. “I had enough cover for you when you making fuss at the club every night! What do you want to be?!”

 

Sehun hissed. “I don’t know......” Then he laughed. “My life is ruined already. Why everyone bother about me...”

 

The rumors had gone around the industry for quite sometime. A year after he heard nothing from Hwayoung, he changed. He started to create troubles, going clubbing every night and making a scene grabbing everyone attention. Sehun the trouble-idol; he had the best reputation of that.

 

He will goes drunk everyday, going to the schedule in the next day while still having hungover. He come late and never cooperates with the staff; he did what he thinks that right for him. If anything, he will just said one thing, “The management who made me like this. They took away someone I love. They ruined my life”

 

“It’s your fault, Sehun. Not them, not anyone. It’s yours” A voice come from behind interrupted them in the living room. 

 

“What— what do you mean?” He surprised that Baekhyun was there to say the same thing as he keep hearing all this times. And the fact that his best friend finally decided to spoke something about her, after this two years. 

 

Eventually he has stopped talking to him about Hwayoung. He did, back in two years ago when he punched Sehun real bad when he got home from visited her at the hospital. Baekhyun was informed every single things that his best friend said to the poor girl, and the fact that she almost killed her self pissed him off.

 

Hwayoing has always been someone that Baekhyun cared most; apart of Sehun. In fact, he has been the one that been the bridge between those two when they are still in relationship. He adores her as his family just like Sehun. He loves both of them equally but seeing Hwayoung suffer because of his best friend, it’s not something that he can accept.

 

Since then he decided to not interfere in their relationship anymore. Baekhyun spent the good 3 hours just to swear at Sehun about everything he had done, even though he saw how broken Sehun was, Baekhyun knew that he have to be the one who will make him realized his mistake. That he just lost someone that he loved most.

 

“Destroying yourself is not a way to punish your past mistakes Sehun” He said as he come closer to younger member to comfort him. “I know how you love her. But she’s not yours anymore. You should move on”

 

Sehun sobbed more when Baekhyun hugging him. “Nothing matters for me anymore. I have lost everything”

 

His ego fight him to ignore his best friend, for anyone. He has been done that in two years; pushing away everyone that want to pull him out of the misery. Sehun himself afraid to let everyone to see this side of him— even in fact he knew that he will loose nothing in change of companionship. Sehun was too broken to let anyone heal the pain.

 

Sehun knew that s never on his side for the mistakes that he has done, but deep down he knew that they will actually open their arms for him anytime. But he’s afraid; afraid that he will drown more once he’s open up to them. It will remind him again how everything was his fault and that he can’t turns back time to change it.

 

“How about your career? How about EXO?   “ Baekhyun added. “Did you still remember how you sacrifice everything just to be where you at now, how Hwayoung convince you that you deserved to have all this?”

 

“You have to change, Sehun” He pleads with sincerity on his words. “Please, I’m begging you”

 

Baekhyun knew that the whole thing was never be easy for Sehun. The regret, the sorrow, the longing, it cause him the pain. But he have to make him wake up from this nightmare. It’s hurt for him too to see him suffering like that. Behind his smile is a broken heart, behind his fake laugh he’s falling apart. Behind his eyes are tears at night and behind his body is a soul trying to fight.

 

This man was broken. Baekhyun heart goes out to him. He want to be mad about it, how he hurt Hwayoung. His pride wants to say well screw him then. But he knew the truth, that he is operating from a heart that’s broken. He needs time. He may not know it yet, but Baekhyun do. He says he doesn’t like being alone. And he get it, he don’t either. But alone is where he needs to be right now.

 

So that Sehun can find himself again.

 

+++

 

“This will be the last time that we will tolerate with your attitude Sehun” His manager scold him on their way to the appointment. 

 

“I don’t know if they will still clean up your mess if you are in trouble again” He added when received no respond from Sehun.

 

This is not the first time that he caught up in troubles involving police and media. The last time he caught driving under influences, and now he once again dragged to the office of lawyer to settle up his case. At this point, Sehun himself had no idea why his management still managed to put up with him. He had done so much troubles up till now.

 

It happened that he went to the night club in Hongdae last week. For fun, he said. That it would be the only way to distract him— he believes that alcohol can eliminate the lump that he felt in his heart, as the shortest way for him to move on; that’s what everyone told him so far.

 

He went there, having drinks, checking some random girls that could lessen his loneliness but sadly none of them can satisfied him— not in ual way (he didn’t go around to some random girls). He can’t stop reminisce. But the he saw most of the woman suddenly seems dull or not enough. He search for Hwayoung in everyone he met but none of them like her. And it will never be.

 

“Please give some cooperation this time. We can’t afford to let another lawyer bailed out from the case just because they can’t handle you” His manager remind him again as they entered the building. 

 

Wang & Co building is not just famous on its name and reputation, but one of the legal firm that most of the big names including VIPs and celebrities come when they need legal services. The building itself was proudly built in the golden area of the city, showing the grandness of the empire.

 

Unlike in his entertainment agency that he visited every day, this building however and more quiet and have the corporate vibe once the visitors step into it. Most of the workers wore suits and holding a briefcase, reflecting the title of job they they holding.

 

Pressing on button on the elevator, Sehun quietly followed his manager for their appointment on the third level. Upon arriving, he saw that there was a few pairs of eyes are watching him. He is a public figure after all and having him here along with his manager can only meant one thing; the artist surely in trouble.

 

They were welcomed by the administration secretary when they arrived. Walking around the rooms of possible lawyers, it reminds Sehun that his ex girlfriend probably now a successful lawyer, considering that she must have graduated at this point. He wonder how her life would be.

 

“Hello Mr Oh” A guy on his early 30s greet them. “Hope that you didn’t wait too long. The lawyer that is supposed to handling your case unfortunately unable to come today. But don’t worry because we already have a replacement, she is one of the best in our firm”

 

To be honest, Sehun wasn’t really paid attention on his speech. Not until the newcomer come. “Hello everyone” His eyes widen when he heard the familiar voice. 

 

“Introducing our new ‘weapon’ in this firm, Miss Min Hwayoung” He introduced her. 

 

“You can call me Lawyer Min” Sehun couldn’t register everything that happened as for now. It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be real— his ex girlfriend will be his lawyer. “Hello Mr Oh. I hope that we can work well together”

 

As if the world has been collapsed on him, Sehun can’t believed that the day the always dream has comes true. Even when they met not under a good circumstances, but he glad that he can see her face. It was glowing with confidence and radiant with a stronger presence. 

 

It’s hurt to see that she stand in front of him but he can’t hold her. She did smile to him, but why he felt it too painful. As if she smiles to torture him, to make him feel that she is now happy without him. Sehun felt the worst when she act like they didn’t know each other. While Hwayoung can maintain her professionalism, Sehun on the other side on the urges for the tears to drop. 

 

It was hella awkward situation in the room, considering the manager, the owner of firm had no idea what’s is going on between them two. Especially when Sehun had his eyes glued to the woman in front of him. Knowing that he might need some spaces with his new appointed lawyer, his manager signaled for them two leave they both for awhile.

 

“Have a sit, will you?” Hwayoung pointed on the couch for them to start their discussion. She is not the same Hwayoung that he left two years ago. But she has come back with a better version of her, her overflown confidence make her more stronger.

 

“Isn’t it funny?” She prompted for talks. Her eyes keeps on the file that she hold. “The one who you kicked out of your life will be one who clean up the mess”

 

Hwayoung is being sarcastic and surprisingly he didn’t flinched on that. If that’s the way she ventured all her pains and angers, he deserved it. “I heard that you are not doing good all these years”

 

He sigh. 

 

“I’m sorry Hwayoung. I really am” His head now lowered, looking down into the floor.

 

“You don’t have to” She said expressionless. “You are bound to leave me anyway and I’m glad that you ended it sooner, who knows what is going to happen with me if I was lied longer than that by my own boyfriend....”

 

“You know that I was forced to break up with you Hwayoung! I lied to you that I don’t love you anymore so that you can be the one who leave me....because never in my life that I’m going to leave you!”

 

“This is all bull Sehun!” She started to form tears on her eyes. “You could fight for me, for our relationship. But you didn’t! And you keep blaming your agency while the cause is actually come from you!”

 

She shed the tears that comes from her eyes quickly before Sehun able to catch it. Hwayoung has come back stronger and she doesn’t want him to see as a weak, incapable and longing for his love again. The day that Hwayoung decided to come back is where she had promised herself that she will not letting herself destroyed again by the name of love.

 

The pain is bearable. Nobody ever knows how it felt like that. Surely everyone had experienced in heartbreak; but she felt the worst. Getting stabbed in her heart just to found out that the person that she put all the soul into were actually fell out of love with her. Two years isn’t enough for Hwayoung to heal the pain. 

 

“I’m sorry Mr Oh but I would appreciate if we could maintain to be professional on our next meeting”

 

“But—“ He don’t want to stop. It was hard enough to not know where she went after all these years, Sehun would not let her go  just like that.

 

“I guess that we are done for today. I will contact your manager to update about the case. I will take my leave now”

 

+++

 

Her breath was heavy and her knuckles almost turned white when she headed to her superior office. Hwayoung is a new transferred lawyer in that office, but it seems like anyone already know how she is when it comes to work. She have the strong vibe that will scared people off by only a glare— resulting her coworkers to behave accordingly every time they bumped into her.

 

Knocking on the door with a sign of ‘Vice President’ on it; Hwayoung entered it with an anger in her eyes. “Come in” The voice inside greeted her.

 

“Jackson!” She screamed almost yell. It’s quite surprising to the workers in the cubicle outside on how she managed to talk casually with the Vice President himself.

 

“Yes, my lady. What can I help you?” He smile mischievously.

 

“Why me? Why did you assign his case for me? What you’re trying to do?!” Her words are faster than bullet train at this point.

 

“Wait—“ He stuttered. No one can escape the fierce Lawyer Min. “I can explain”

 

Dragging the chair in front of it aggressively, she crossed her arm to confront her best friend boyfriend in his face. “Well, you do have a lot of explanation to do”

 

“You know that this is for your good too Hwayoung. He is the famous celebrity and surely you will get a lot coverage if you handle this case. You already have a famous reputation and can you imagine if you manage this one? It will be more baaaam!” 

 

Jackson smiles faded away when Hwayoung sent him death glares. “Does Rose know about this?” That guy shakes his head nervously. “Urgh! I hate you Jackson!” She said while leaving him in the room.

 

“I love you too my best friend!” The sounds of playfully boss a.k.a her best friend just annoyed her more.

 

She had a long day in the office and the traffic isn’t help her either. It was 8pm in the evening when she finally reached home to called it a day. Stumbling into the security code on the door, she throws everything in the kitchen island once she got inside. It was a hectic day and she knew that this is just started.

 

Looking around her apartment, it has becomes more quiet than before. Everything still the same like before she left Seoul. The arrangement, the vibe everything still the same. What make it different is she just feel lonelier without him. 

 

Sehun spent most of his free time together with her in the apartment. Every corner of this place always remind her about him. The good times that they shared together, how he will comfort her when she was down on the couch, when he made her breakfast in the morning. Truthfully, she missed it more than everything.

 

Hwayoung was about to leave for her bedroom when she heard her door bell ringing. She never expect a visitor especially at this hour; making it more curious. Cautiously, she peek on the hole of the door to see who’s coming. Surprisingly with the result, she took few seconds before open it for the uninvited visitor.

 

“What are you doing here Mr Oh?” She asked. To be honest, she didn’t wish for her ex boyfriend to come to her house at midnight. 

 

“I’m here to give you the file. We just find more information about my case” Sehun said while handling her the file.

 

She sigh. “We can discuss it tomorrow in my office” Hwayoung was about to close the door but then her stopped her. 

 

“Wait....can...” He stuttered. “Can I come in for awhile?”

 

Inviting your ex boyfriend into your house is surely not a wise decision. Especially when he was the one who cause her heartbreak and by bringing him inside, it only make her recall all the memories with Sehun. The moment that they shared together, the joy, the downside, and also those time when she sobbed so hard because he hurt her heart, she remembered it clearly.

 

“It didn’t change much....this place” He said, recalling the memories. She just hummed on the other side. Hwayoung knew exactly what he meant. He used to live here and she didn’t have intentions to dragged the conversation about their past.

 

“So what happened to you...I mean after....” Sehun said nervously.

 

“After we met the last time at the hospital? When I was trying to kill myself because of you?” Her words stabbed Sehun directly into his heart. Not to be that rude, she offered Sehun a cup of tea, “Drink it” 

 

“Well...” Hwayoung started. “There was too much happened to me at that time. So I decided to move back with my parents in Australia, completing my degree, all that and come back stronger to Seoul”

 

She then continue. “I was looking for myself for 2 years. I was trying to let me love myself. Well, try to forget you.....” 

 

“Did you?” Sehun interrupted her. “Did you actually forget about me?” 

 

“You broke my heart Sehun. You destroyed what I believe, what I dream. There is no way that I could forget that easily” One thing that made him realized, Hwayoung is not the same girl that he used to know. She has changed and it is worst as he was the caused that she become this cold.

 

“You have changed Hwayoung” He is more into blaming himself instead of her.

 

“This is how we live, Sehun. We changed and then we adapt. I believe that you can understand it” 

 

“But I still love you Hwayong. I never stopped” His voice is cracking at the moment. It’s been a while since he hold it. Sehun really meant it, he never stopped loving her.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it. I see you at our next appointment” Hwayoung quickly went to the door, gesturing her visitor to leave.

 

And now Hwayoung realized that it will never be a good decision to meet up back with your ex boyfriend. It will never be. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: Haven’t post in awhile I’m sorry :( but I will force my lazy to update again don’t worry lol