Getting better was the first step and the hardest. It wasn't easy at first. My body even rejected what I wanted to do most. I tried to eat more than what was possible. I tried to do the physical things that I had once been able to do so easily. I stopped pouting by the window, even though the memory of my child wouldn't ever be forgotten.

Day after day I spent my time building up my weight...my structure. I wanted to puke at first. I was taking in foods that my body hadn't known in way too long.

Junsu and Yoochun watched over me with wide eyes. They were surprised when I asked to take a walk. They were surprised to hear the keyboard early in the morning. They were surprised when I slowly began to work out. For a whole week, my mood continued like this.

I had been wrong before. I shouldn't have wanted to die along with my child. I should have wanted to live. Only with me will the memory of my baby survive. That is what kept me going, even though everything was tough at the beginning.

"Jaejoong. You look so much healthier. It is such a relief."

Junsu stayed close beside me. He had been worried to death since I had tried to commit suicide. After that day, he hadn't let me out of his sight. He had canceled all his schedules and stayed home with me. He watched me closely...everything I did. I didn't mind though. I had no thoughts of suicide anymore. I needed to live, even if there was only one reason.

"Ah! Hold on, Jaejoong hyung."

Junsu stopped walking so that he could answer his cell phone. I waited patiently beside him. Even though it was still cold...being outside was refreshing. It felt good to breathe fresh air. It gave me a glimpse of happiness.

"Hyung! We got to go!"

Junsu took my hand, pulling me back in the direction of our apartment. I wanted to ask the words so bad. I wanted to ask him why and what was going on. Even after healing this much, my voice still hadn't come back. I wondered how I had lived without it for so long.

"It's SM...they have managers at our apartment. Lee Soo Man is there as well."

I was alarmed at the news. Why were they there? What did they possibly have to say? I couldn't face that manager. I couldn't face him like this.

We entered our own apartment. Yoochun stood from the couch, watching the both of us carefully. I stood behind Junsu, and he was protecting me just as much. I held onto the back of his shirt. Just this once. Just this once I needed his support.

"Please! Take a seat."

Lee Soo Man was offering our own seats to us. I wouldn't move. From this position...I wouldn't and I couldn't move from it. I had never had anything against the man...but his managers. That was a different story.

He cleared his throat. He obviously had something important. Why else would he make the trip himself? I looked around the room, recoiling when I found that manager. There was more than hatred that I felt for the man. There was a lot more than that.

"Please...come back."

My attention was again grabbed by Soo Man. I stared at him, wondering what he was up to. I couldn't go back. As much as I wanted to be with Changmin...even Yunho. As much as I wanted to be known as Dong Bang Shin Ki again...I couldn't while that manager was there.

"Sir, I'm sorry. There are certain reasons why we can't."

Lee Soo Man smiled, turning to Junsu who had spoken up for all of us.

"And what might they be? Will you come back if I can fix them?"

There was a moment of silence. He seemed sincere, but I wondered if we could believe him so easily.

"Can we talk alone?"

Yoochun brought up the suggestion which Lee Soo Man naturally accepted. We followed him slowly into a bedroom. I was hooked onto Junsu...shaking.

"So...tell me."

Yoochun glanced at Junsu and I. I could only give a slight nod. He knew what he had to do and at a time like this, I couldn't stop him.

"First, we want different managers. We want those who will look out for our well-being."

"Done."

I raised my eyes to Lee Soo Man. Was it really that easy for him? Would he do it?

"There is one more thing. Our...Jaejoong hyung. He...he..."

"I've been wondering why I haven't seen him at all. What has happened? Tell me."

I closed my eyes. Hearing about my problem was more painful that dealing with it.

"He has lost his voice."

I hated the words. To say that a singer, an artist...has lost his voice. I wasn't either. A professional would never allow his voice to be lost. That is why I was desperately seeking it back now. For myself and for the child.

"Lost your voice?"

Lee Soo Man stared at me, examining me. He then smiled and nodded.

"Ok, I will have the best doctor in the country look at him. While Jaejoong heals his voice, I need all of you to heal your hearts. I need you to forgive each other."

I shook at the thought. Forgiveness. Could it really happen?

"I...I think it is best if we stay here. It is better for Jaejoong."

Junsu looked at me. His eyes pitied me. There was regret and remorse. I shook my head at him. We had to go back and face our fears. That is the only way we could heal...the only way we could forgive.

"Jaejoong is smart. He knows what needs to be done. I'll let Changmin and Yunho know that you will be back tomorrow."

Lee Soo Man ducked out of the room, leaving the three of us glued to our spots. We hadn't been prepared at all. To go back to Yunho and Changmin. However, maybe this was the best way. If we weren't prepared, we wouldn't have any idea what to expect.

The night was filled with packing. Packing everything we owned wasn't easy...especially in short notice. Getting up early to move wasn't easy either.

The ride was silent. Niether of us knew what to expect. We didn't know what to feel, how to react. We were going into a storm with our eyes blinded from what was to happen.

I'm pretty sure the last thing we expected was to find Yunho and Changmin outside. They were waiting for us. They helped us...and although it was in silence, they did what they had to. We weren't forgiven. No, we were far from that...but we weren't completely blamed either. They needed to be forgiven too. Living here again...it wasn't going to be easy.

I avoided contact with Yunho at all costs. Rather, I sticked to the room. The room that I had known as mine. All of it had been left unchanged. It was still my room. I felt happy and sad knowing that it was kept like this. They had been waiting for me just as much as I had been waiting for them.

"You don't think you've done anything wrong? Not one thing?"

I heard Yoochun's voice rise outside. I knew this was bound to happen. The yelling, the anger. It was bound to explode. It was so soon though.

I crouched by the door. I couldn't be out there. Not like this. I would still be weak in front of Yunho...in front of Changmin. I couldn't raise a word or a finger in front of them. I was already defeated.

"Jaejoong? Are you hungry?"

Junsu smiled at me. I didn't want to go, but he quietly forced me. He took my hand and all though there was screaming, Junsu ignored it. Rather he pointed at the food from the street market. I hadn't had food like this in a long time. I smiled at it. Somehow it brought a sense of relief. The fish cake looked especially delicious.

I noticed that the yelling had faded...even stopped but I was scared to look. Instead, I focused on chewing the tasty fish.

"Hyung? Don't you want hot sauce? You always ate fish cake with hot sauce before."

Changmin placed the bottle of hot sauce in front of me. I looked from it up to the younger man. I shook my head, lowering my gaze.

"He doesn't eat hot sauce anymore. He can't eat spicy food anymore."

Hope you enjoy! =)