It was horrible. Not being able to talk, to speak the words so easily like I had once used to do. It was horrible. I hated talking through a piece of paper. It was easier being home and knowing Yunho still loved me. I felt so happy and relieved to hear those words.

I could stay still while I was home. I had the feeling that I needed to get better as soon as possible. I was working out. I wanted to push myself. I was eating large amounts that even matched to Changmin's limits. Being healthy wasn't easy to obtain but I was trying my best. Especially after Lee Soo Man announced that TVXQ would make a surprise guest appearance at a Christmas show which was less than a week away. I wanted my voice back. I wanted to perform too! However, at this rate it wasn't likely. Even if I did get my voice back, it would still be rusty and need a lot of work to get it back to what I was used to.

Now, the music peformance was tomorrow. Knowing this, I was disappointed. All I ever dreamed of...to keep singing with the members I loved, I couldn't do it. At least not tomorrow.

I sat at my keyboard last night. It was strange how the keys...every note was so easy to remember, but my own voice couldn't come back.

I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Junsu was smiling at me as he sat on my bed. I assumed he wanted to talk or at least he had something to say.

"Jaejoong hyung...is it ok?"

I tilted my head a little. He looked away from me.

"It feels wrong to sing without you, hyung."

I looked away from him too. I had been so sure at the beginning of this week that I'd have my voice back. However, I couldn't deny them the chance to sing. We were a family again. We were together again. It would be wrong of me to deny them this chance.

I grabbed the closest notebook and a pen.

'Junsu, I want you to perform. I want you to show me your best. Junsu hwaiting!'

I showed him the notebook. I could see the pain and yet the happiness that roamed in his eyes. I dropped the notebook onto the desk. I think I had gotten my point across to him pretty well.

"It seems like you are becoming your old self again Jaejoong. You are becoming strong again."

I thought about his words. I guess he was right. I felt a lot different this past week. I had motivation for the first time in a long time. My mind was going back to what it had been. I had been strong before and I wanted that feeling back.

"I worried about it a lot, you know? I wondered if you would ever heal."

I looked down at his words. I knew what he was talking about. Truth was I still wasn't healed. I wasn't complete. I still thought about him constantly. Without him, nothing seemed right.

"I...I never told you before, but I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry we couldn't do anything. I'm sorry we didn't do enough for you hyung."

I shook my head. Was he trying to make me cry? It was so easy when this topic was brought up.

I looked up at Junsu, making sure my tears didn't fall.

"Sorry for what?"

When I looked towards the door, Yunho was there. His arms were crossed and he was staring at me.

"Nothing hyung...let's get some sleep. We have a lot of fans to surprise tomorrow and a performance. It's going to be a long day."

Junsu walked passed Yunho obviously fleeing from the question that had been asked. I stared at Yunho who stared back. I wondered if he was expecting me to do something...to reply in some way to his question. I still wasn't ready though. Now that I knew his heart I wasn't willing to break it or hurt him further.

"Are you ok, Joongie?"

That nickname again. I never knew why I liked it so much, but it just gave the feeling of relief.

I nodded at him as he walked closer. He took my hand gently, holding it.

"What you were playing earlier was great, Joongie. Did you compose it?"

I nodded again. It had been one of the songs that I had worked on while I had been pregnant. I hadn't played it in a long time, but something about tonight made me want to replay it.

"I liked it."

I couldn't take it anymore. I stepped forward, pressing my face into his chest. He was so warm and gentle. The way he lovingly my back and the warmth in which he held me, I loved every second of it.

"Is it ok, Joongie? If I sleep here tonight?"

I nodded. I was so sick of that being my only response that I could easily give.

::Yunho P.O.V.::

Last night had been like a dream. Being able to lay beside my beautiful lover once again felt like a miracle. I was so happy that he was trying so hard to perform with us. I could see the determination in his eyes. It felt great to see him like that as a leader and as his lover. I wanted to see it everyday...that determined expression.

I felt apologetic to him. That we would have to return as Dong Bang Shin Ki again without him. I hated the idea. Performing without one wasn't DBSK. It was a subgroup. I held his hand as much as possible as we waited backstage, but I made sure he stayed close by.

I was sure it was strange for him to see old friends. To be bowed to by so many new Juniors as well...

We had always been close to Super Junior, and I was sure that it was a small relief for him to see them as well.

"Ok, it's time for standby." Lee Soo Man had shown up as well. He wanted to make sure everything went smoothly just as we hoped it would. I turned to Jaejoong, still holding his hand tightly.

He was smiling at me. I knew he was in pain, and I could see his desire to be with us. I his cheek for a second.

"Oh come on! We won't be gone that long!" Junsu and Changmin complained. I swatted my arm in their direction.

"I'll be back soon." I promised Jaejoong, kissing him lightly on the cheek. He just nodded at me and shooed me away. I followed Junsu and Yoochun to the curtain as we waited for the last performance to be done and for the venue to go dark.

As soon as it did, we went out onto the stage. Even after all our preparations, I couldn't be ready for this. My heart was beating. I wondered what kind of greeting we would get from our fans. Then suddenly the lights popped on with a red tint. They hit us just as the music started.

"At the start, you were sweetly and naturally attracted to me. You stepped up to me and told me that it would always be like that."

Yoochun started off the song in the place of Jaejoong. It didn't feel right. Jaejoong should be here, but my mind was slowly sinking into the song. Mirotic. It had been one of my favorites and I was slowly reliving it.

I could hear and see our fans going crazy with surprise and happiness. I was happy to give them this huge present so close to christmas. We did our best to perform perfectly for our fans...but most of all, for Jaejoong.

As soon as the song ended...only leaving behind the proud screams of Cassiopeia, I went off stage. I was surprised to find that the whole backstage was a mess, but worried me more was that Jaejoong was nowhere in sight.

I noticed that Lee Soo Man was on the ground, surrounded by a few people. I went to them.

"What happened?"

"He was hit over the head when the lights went out."

Something wasn't right. I quickly looked around the backstage. Even though it was crowded with all the celebrities, I couldn't find Jaejoong anywhere.

"Where is Jaejoong?"

Lee Soo Man stood up in that instant. He looked around the backstage as well before looking at me in horror.

I tightened my hands into fists. I couldn't let this happen. Not again.

I hurried through the crowd, not caring about how rude I may be. I needed to find Jaejoong. I needed to know who had kidnapped him. I ran downstairs. The first place I could think of was the parking garage...the vip parking for celebrities. I ran around the entire parking lot, but whoever this kidnapper may be had plenty of time to get away. I screamed in frustration and pain.

Jaejoong was gone. Again.