I refused to open my eyes and believe that this had happened. That god awful man. He had taken and killed my baby. I shook at the thought. I could still hear the nurses and doctors hanging around. I didn't want them to be here. I wanted to be alone.

Just a few hours ago, I had thought that I could bring Yunho a sweet baby. Our baby. I would never be able to do that. Our YoungJun.

"Jaejoong-shi?" I flinched lightly at the voice, feeling a warm hand on my own. I didn't want to open my eyes though. I didn't want to face the fact that I would have to forever give up hope on my baby. "Jaejoong?"

This woman was persistent. I slowly opened my eyes. It felt like they were fighting me. They didn't want me to face the truth either. I didn't want to cry anymore and I didn't want to make more mistakes. I didn't want to hurt myself or hurt others. I just felt sick. So sick.

"Good morning, Jaejoong!"

The woman's smile was bright and beautiful. It didn't fit my mood at all, but I kept staring at her.

"Jaejoong your fever is very high right now. Is something wrong? You should rest."

She patted my arm gently.

"I could tell you were awake...but I thought that you should rest."

I closed my eyes for a second before looking back at her. Why did she care? I looked away from her, ignoring her presence.

"You want to keep your baby healthy, don't you?"

I lifted my head slightly. What did she mean? My baby...he hadn't been able to survive. I hadn't been able to protect him. I was this kind of mother.

"My baby..."

"You're nearly a month into the pregnancy. Jaejoong."

I stared wide-eyed at her. What had she just said? She had to be kidding. This couldn't be...

"You have to keep your baby healthy, ok? You have to keep yourself healthy too."

I shook my head, sitting up right away. This was too impossible. I grabbed her. I didn't want to be joked around or fooled.

"He's pregnant?"

I didn't get a chance to ask any further questions. I sinked back into bed, laying down. I couldn't face him. Not like this.

"Jaejoong is pregnant! He is a month in. Please take care of him? Jaejoong could be in danger if he isn't careful."

I glanced at the woman, but quickly looked away when she left. It was just Yunho and I. There was no way to avoid what was coming.

"Jaejoong."

I closed my eyes. Trying to ignore him, even though it was impossible.

"Jaejoong."

I felt his fingers on my waist, forcing me to look at him.

"What happened? Why did you go to the orphanage?"

I averted my gaze as I thought about it. He had a right to know. It was his child too, but I had the feeling that I had to protect him. I had to save him from all this pain.

"Jaejoong. He is ready to know. Please hyung."

I glanced at Junsu who was now at the door. He was right.

I sat up, Yunho's hands gently helping me. I avoided his eyes as I shakily started.

"I found out I was pregnant over a year ago now. I was scared about whether I could stay as a member. I was scared if you would accept our baby. I was scared about a lot of things, but the thing that scared me the most was losing our precious miracle. That's why, even after the manager had driven me to the center, I couldn't abort our precious baby. He was ours."

I still couldn't look up. I didn't want to see the shock. The anger. The fear. Whatever was written on his face...I didn't want to see it.

"When I came home...I...well that is what the manager was upset about. I decided that I had to leave. I had to protect you. I didn't want anyone to be criticized or harmed and I couldn't give up our baby. I thought it was better for you not to know. I didn't want to hurt you."

The tears dropped one by one, until I was a complete mess.

"We went to Japan thinking we could hide well there. Junsu and Yoochun could get jobs too and stay out of the news."

"Why Jaejoong? Why did you have to leave me like that?"

I felt Yunho drop to his knees, but I couldn't react. I was still scared.

"I did whatever I could. I wanted to keep my baby happy if I couldn't keep anything else happy."

I had to stop for a second, the tears were flowing steadily.

"He was a scary person. He had mood swings and weird cravings. He loved spicy food so much that he would be grumpy if he didn't have it even for one night."

Junsu was recalling those times too. I nodded my head, wiping the tears.

"Then one day, we went to see a movie. I felt happy...but then it was time. Three months early."

I bit my lip. The poor child that I had sent into labor too early. He must have suffered so much.

"For a child to have a mother like me..."

I shook my head, closing my eyes. I was surprised to feel warm hands and kisses.

"Jaejoong, it's ok. It's ok. You did great."

"I woke up...and they told me...they told me..."

I was bitter and sad at the words that had hurt me so bad. The lie that had torn me into the way I had been for too long. I had been so lost because of those words.

"They said our baby. Our precious miracle had died."

I was sobbing again. Our miracle. Our YoungJun.

"Jaejoong suffered so much thinking about the loss. That is how he lost his voice."

I nodded again, agreeing with Junsu. It was true.

"When I was kidnapped...that bastard."

My tears dried up instantly thinking about that man. I was so bitter and angry.

"That manager had kidnapped our baby. He wanted to make me suffer. He told me that he had placed our baby in that orphanage. That is why I was there."

There was a short silence, before Yunho lifted my chin.

"And? Our baby?"

I searched his eyes. Even though I could see the pain, there was also sympathy and understanding. I shook my head, looking away from him.

"He was too small and sick. Our poor baby. He suffered."

I cried again as Yunho pushed me back into his arms.