::Junsu P.O.V.::

It was hard. Even though I was active in musicals and I was composing new songs constantly, nothing felt right. Yunho and Changmin avoided almost any contact. Jaejoong was still unable to speak from the shock. It was just Yoochun and I trying to build ourselves up once again. It felt wrong doing it without Jaejoong, but as soon as we had come back to Korea it had been unevitable.

We received a lot of questions about Jaejoong. About his 'disease' and if he would ever make a come back.

I wondered too. I wondered if Jaejoong would ever heal enough or ever get his voice back. Even if he did, could he ever sing again? I was scared for him. He had such a brilliant talent...it was a waste to give up on it. I tried to get him to talk...or even try. He would just stare at me blankly.

It was pretty obvious. His mind was on his child. On the past. It would take a lot for him to look forward.

Never once had I regretted my decision. I was happy to have taken care of Jaejoong...to be there for them. After all, what were team members supposed to do? We weren't even a team anymore. We were family. We had a bond that could never be taken easily from us. I just wished that Jaejoong would come back to us. The only thing that I regretted was that I didn't work harder for Jaejoong and his baby. I hadn't worked hard for his relationship with Yunho. I had done nothing to protect him from the dangers that could occur. I hadn't protected him enough, and I felt remorse and regret.

All I wanted was to help Jaejoong. I wanted him to move on...to allow himself to heal and forgive himself.

I figured that there was only one way that Jaejoong could forgive himself. There was only one person who would be able to help him. No doctor would ever be able to get through to him.

I had no other choice. I had to do whatever it took to get in contact with Yunho. I had to get him to look beyond his own anger so that he would at least look at Jaejoong.

I went to their apartment. The same apartment we had used to live in. All five of us. The memories were so clear. I had missed them so much.

I knew that they didn't like it very much. Showing up out of the blue to confront them. What else could I do? I didn't have their phone numbers. They didn't want to be seen in public together...this was all I had.

Greetings weren't exchanged and they weren't needed. Yunho and Changmin definitely weren't amused.

"Look...I know you aren't happy with us."

"Damn, you are smart Junsu."

Changmin shot back immediately. I never expected that he would be the first to respond. I glanced at him. We had always fought before, but it had been good naturedly. We did it as teammates, but this time it was completely different. I sighed, glancing back to Yunho.

"I came here because I wanted to explain...and I need a favor."

There was a moment's pause in which Yunho glared at me, crossing his arms over his chest.

"A favor? You can ask a favor, but you can leave so easily without a word."

I shook my head. They weren't understanding at all.

"There was a reason behind why we had to leave!"

I screamed at them. It was unfair of them to judge us before they even knew what had happened. It was painful.

"Oh yeah? Then why couldn't you tell us too?"

I stayed silent. It had been Jaejoong's situation. He had been the one to decide not to tell Yunho...even I hadn't understood why.

"Yunho, if you would visit Jaejoong. If you could just look at him once, I think he will tell you. He will explain! He'll explain everything."

Yunho turned away, huffing. I could see the anger boiling.

"Why should I be the one to go to him? Cut the bull, Junsu. I have no reason to help you out."

I dropped my hands into fists. We were a family. I didn't care how long we had been separated or how angry we were at each other. We were a family and we didn't deserve to be treated this way.

"Then let me ask you. Did you ever truly love Jaejoong? Did you ever have any feelings for him?"

Yunho whipped around to face me. There was fire shooting from his eyes. I had my answer though.

"If you loved him, why didn't you ever try to find him? He was waiting for you."

I could see the curiosity. The doubt. They were in his eyes. I huffed, turning toward the door.

"Just once. Yunho, I know I don't deserve to beg anything of you, but just once...could you please visit Jaejoong? He needs you now."

I left the two in silence, leaving the apartment. I wondered if it had been enough. I wondered if it was enough to get Yunho to listen to me.

::JaeJoong P.O.V.::

It was lonely being alone, but I knew Yoochun and Junsu had their new lives. They also had their own family. I sat, staring outside at the rainy sky. Both Yoochun and Junsu had their own schedules. Both would be away for two nights. This just happened to be the second night.

Junsu had worried a lot. He wondered if I would eat at all or even move. Of course I had to move. I mean no person could prevent the natural happenings of the body, right?

However, nothing could prevent me from thinking of my baby. I wondered what he would look like. Would he look like Yunho? I smiled at the thought. I had always wished to have a baby that looked exactly like Yunho. Wouldn't it be the cutest baby ever? A baby similar to Yunho. I cried at the thought. I wish I could have seen him...at least once.

I glanced away from the window for the first time in a while. The room had been completely silent, so it was easy to hear the knock on the door. I struggled to my feet. Looking down at myself, it seemed as though an alien had taken over my body. My legs were skinny, barely able to take the weight of the rest of my body. I was bony and disgusting. I wasn't fat anymore, but I was pale and my veins stuck on more than normal.

I refocused when I heard the knock again. I slowly walked to the door to open it.

I stumbled backwards slightly when I saw who it was. I hadn't seen him in a long time, except for on tv or in a random magazine. Yunho had always been able to catch my eye...ever since I met him.

We stared at each other for the longest time. I could see the shock in his eyes. I must have looked just as strange to him as I did to myself. I looked away from his eyes. I didn't want to see the repulsion in his eyes or the disgust at having to stand in front of me.

There were so many things I wanted to ask him. So many things I had to tell him and wanted to say. Most of all I wanted to cry and beg forgiveness. They were all things that I couldn't do. I just stood in front of Yunho as he stared at me. I couldn't say a word. I hadn't been able to speak for who knew how long now. My voice was completely ruined along with my heart.

"Even after all this time, you can't look at me?"

I heard the anger in his voice. I turned to him slowly. I could look at him for hours, but when he returned the look with disgust...it was unbearable. Who was I? Why did I deserve to look at something that I loved so much?

"I came here. I came here because Junsu said you had something to say."

I met his eyes again. Junsu? Junsu had brought him here?

I felt sad and happy at the same thing. He had done something very dangerous, because he knew it might make me happy. Once again he was suffering because of me. Junsu was right. I had to talk to him. I had to tell him.

I glanced at the kitchen. We had usually kept a notepad in the kitchen...in cases I needed to say anything. Unfortunately the paper had been blank for a long time.

"It was a waste to come here."

I could hear him mumble. As I looked back to him, he had turned his back on me. He was leaving. I shook my head. He couldn't leave yet.

I stumbled forward, grabbing his hand. He threw it off. That's right...he would be repulsed if I touched him.

"Who said you could touch me?"

I took a step away from him, lowering my gaze. That's right. I couldn't forget that he was angry. That I had betrayed him. I had left him. He had every right to be angry. I met his eyes once more.

"Why do you look at me like that? I want you to hate me as much as I hate you."

I was surprised when he grabbed my arm, pulling me into the living room. It hurt. How rough he was...it hurt.

I nearly fell onto the white carpet when he released me, but I managed to keep my balance. I took a deep breath, the effort of keeping up with Yunho had already taken most of my strength. It had been the most exercise I had done in the longest time.

"Hate me, Jaejoong."

He grabbed my shirt, pulling it over my head before I could protest. I struggled away from him. I didn't understand. My mind had been happy for a second. I had been happy to be touched by him...but now. I wasn't strong enough to wrap my mind around what he was saying or doing.

"Come here! Isn't this what you wanted? You just wanted to use me in the past."

I shook my head, stepping away from him. He was too fast. He grabbed me. Forcing me to the ground. I didn't have the strength to fight him. Even as he pulled on my shorts, tearing them from my body. Even as he bit and whispered horrible things. I didn't have the fight or the strength in me anymore. I was dead inside.

Even as he ed in me without preparing me at all. I couldn't make a sound, no matter how much I wanted to scream. No matter how much he bit me or me. No sound was able to come from me. My voice was dead. I couldn't yell for help. I could yell in pain. I didn't have strength either.

He me time after time. Each time he got a little softer, but it was still .

"Why haven't you made a single sound? You don't like it anymore? But you don't want anyone to help you?"

I panted at the effort. The effort of staying awake...of staying conscious through all of this. It had been hard. I sobbed silently, hiding my face from him. I didn't deserve to cry in front of him. Even after he me. He mistreated me. I was happy to feel his arms around me. He was still comforting me. Why?

We fell asleep not long after. However, I woke up alone. I cried again. I didn't understand what it meant. Why had he come here? Nothing had been solved. I couldn't shower though. Not when even a little bit of Yunho's softness had made it's way into my heart. Instead, I shakily dressed myself in the clothes. The living room was a mess now. Blood had been shed last night, and now it was all over the white carpet. I worked my hardest all day. I tried to erase the blood...the evidence of . I tried to erase all of it. I didn't want to believe it. I just wanted to believe in Yunho's love.

"Jaejoong?"

I looked up tiredly. I hadn't managed to clean up much of the blood before Junsu and Yoochun made it back. I smiled tiredly at them. The fumes of the cleaner made me dizzy, and I hadn't eaten anything. I struggled to my feet only to fall back on my knees.

"Jaejoong? What's wrong? What happened?"

I shook my head at them, but I couldn't hold back the tears just before I out.

In the end, I deserved everything that had happened anyway.