Pregnancy wasn't easy. Nothing was. Every part about pregnancy was hard. I had to disguise myself as a girl so I wouldn't be found out except for the doctor. Everything had to be kept secret and it was like our entire identities had to be taken from us. Mood swings were the worst. I often lashed out at my two friends. The lashing out took the longest...it even lasted a full day sometimes.

Yoochun and Junsu took it all. They took all of it, knowing that it wasn't myself but rather the pregnancy. I cried a lot too. I asked for forgiveness from them...from Yunho and Changmin. I asked forgiveness from my fans too. I felt sorry. Disappearing all of a sudden, scaring all of them.  I was so sorry.

The cravings got worse and worse and even to the point of strange as I moved further along. It felt as though all I did was eat. I had always loved spicy food...but the love for spicy food turned into a need. I needed spicy food. I would put hot sauce or peppers on anything. I laughed everytime I found Junsu staring at me strangely. He was judging my food tastes, but I couldn't help it. It was what I wanted.

Morning sickness was hard on me. It was due to the spicy food that I puked so much, but I craved it so much that I couldn't stop. I was sensitive to certain smells. Even touch became sensitive. It was hard on me...but I think it was even tougher for Junsu and Yoochun who had to handle all of it. They worked too, so that they could support all of us. I really caused a lot of hardships on their life.

We fought a lot and we made up a lot. We fought about if we should contact Yunho or not. We all wanted to contact them, let them know we were ok...but we were scared. We were scared of being found and we were scared of them misunderstanding us.

"Jaejoong!" Junsu was home early. I struggled into the living room. I was huge. I was fat. I was ugly. I decided to accept all of this...because I was doing this because of love.

"How are you today?"

I shrugged my shoulders. It wasn't easy to say the least. The entire day I had the need to eat but the feeling of puking. There was also a strange pressure I felt in my abdomen. I still had two month though before my baby was due.

"What are you doing home so early?"

Junsu smiled at me as he spread groceries out, putting a few away...in the wrong places. He still hadn't learned any sense about the kitchen. Usually I did the cooking, but when I couldn't it was Yoochun.

"They let me out early. They weren't very busy today. How is your composition going?"

I glanced at the desk in the corner of the room. It was hard to compose without my Keyboard but I was able to do it through memory and laptop. I was composing two different songs. One was about the friendship between the five different members of Dong Bang Shin Ki, and the second was for my baby.

"It's ok?"

I didn't really know how to respond to his question. I wasn't sure how they were turning out to be honest.

"Junsu? You are home too?"

Yoochun entered the apartment only a moment later, surprising the both of us.

"What are you doing home?"

Junsu was surprised just like I was. It had been a long time since all of us had been home so early in the evening.

"I got out early..."

I smiled at the both of them. They were such a couple...I hadn't realized it before. It wasn't until we moved to Japan. That was when they had came open about it and that was when I had had enough time to focus on them. I was glad they had each other.

"We should do something!"

Junsu jumped around. He was too happy as usual. I wanted to make him happy. The past couple of months hadn't been easy and I had made him cry and he had been upset too many times. This time I wanted things to turn out differently. I wanted to make both of them happy, even if it was as simple as eating with them.

"Let's get dinner at the cafe and then go see a movie?!"

Yoochun glanced at me. He was asking if it was ok. I had no problems with it of course. I would be happy to get out of the apartment for once. I dressed up. The wig that I hated. It wasn't my style at all, but it had been the only thing we could afford at that time. The women's clothing was also distasteful. I had always liked my own fashion, but this was completely different. However, it was the only way. It was the only way I could go out.

Of course I ordered the most spiciest food on the menu at the restaurant along with water. It was too good. Spending time with my friends. For once we were happy. We weren't fighting and we weren't sad. We were content with being with each other.

After dinner, we watched a movie. Of course we picked a slightly childish romantic comedy. I was hooked on it the moment it started. I cried with the sad parts and laughed with the funny ones. The happy parts were the best. It reminded me about the happy times with Yunho and the happy times as 5.

"That was good! I hope we can do this again soon! It was so much fun!"

Junsu jumped up. He was mumbling about certain parts of the movie that he liked as Yoochun tried to help me. I was almost on my feet when I fell back into the chair.

Something was wrong.

"Yoochun! Get me to the hospital! Hurry!"

I could feel it. Something was wrong. I was scared and nervous.

"Jaejoong? What's wrong? Junsu! Get the car and hurry!"

My breathing was fast and unhealthy in almost an instant. The pain soon followed. It was like the baby was kicking in the worst places possible.

I screamed nearly the entire way to the hospital. It was too much to handle.

I screamed in fear and in pain as I was taken into the ER where I was immediately drugged and told that I would be going into labor.

I didn't stay conscious much longer, but rather fell into the dreams of Yunho and Changmin. The two members that I loved and missed so much.