So I used the idea or the theme/translation from Jaejoong's: To You It's Separation, but to me it's waiting and HoMin's: Keep Your Head Down. In no way do I own either of these songs/lyrics or the people who sing them...even if I wish I did!

I was happy to be back with my family. To be surrounded by my beautiful sisters and my parents. Who could ask for more?

I felt so selfish, because I did want more. I wanted Yunho. I wanted him to comfort me and I wanted him to be there when I went into surgery. That's why the few days that passed were such a torture. I could only think of the past.

Looking back, I realized how heart broken I had been. I had been completely lost, confused and scared because of Yunho.

Now I couldn't accept the truth myself. I couldn't except that I had been the one that sent our love away. I had been the one to send you away when I had been the one that left. It seemed like our love could never be possible now. Even as much as it hurt to admit it, how could you learn to love me again after all I had done?

I had been the one to send you away. Send our love away, but I was the one who had been waiting. I was still waiting. I was scared that if you had given up our love than I would never be able to see you again. It seems like I still haven't truly been able to see you. It wasn't the same anymore...our love.

"Jaejoong, you are healthy enough to have the surgery. We'll plan it for tomorrow, ok?"

I nodded. The past few days I had been in and out of the hospital. They wanted to do tests. They wanted to make sure that I was physically strong enough to have the surgery. I really didn't know what this surgery involved...what they would be doing, even though they tried to explain.

Now that I was without Yunho. Without Changmin. Without Junsu and Yoochun. I was completely lost. I felt weak and scared. Could I do this by myself?

I had once hoped that Yunho would come find me no matter how tired or discouraged he had been. Even now I was still hoping he would come. I wish he would help me and be with me. I just wanted him to come back. When I had been pregnant, all I could think about was that Yunho would always be in my heart even if I could never see him again. I began to think that again. Even if he never truly saw me or the person I had become or the person that I was...he would always be in my heart.

"Jaejoong? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I had left the hospital, meeting my mother right outside the entrance. I shook my head at her, trying to smile.

"Don't be scared, okay? You have your entire family that loves you. Be strong, ok?"

I shook my head. My own mother had never known that I had been pregnant. I couldn't tell her either, even though she had accepted the love between Yunho and I. I was so grateful to her that I didn't dare mention anything. I didn't want to make her more upset. She had been scared when I had disappeared.

"I'm so glad you are back, Jaejoong."

She hugged me tightly and I held her. She always knew how to make me feel better, even if it was only slightly. I had missed her so much.

It made me think that Yunho should give up. I used to think the same when I had been in Japan. I shouldn't hope that Yunho will find me. He should be happy, so he should forget me. Until the day he knew the truth, he should forget a person like me and be happy.

Don't hesitate to forget me, Yunho.

Yunho P.O.V.

It felt like everything had ended once again. My world had stopped when it had barely begun to start again. My days were passed in loneliness, and even though I wouldn't admit it to the others...I was scared. I didn't like that Jaejoong had been separated from us. It worried me even more that no one had even contacted us...especially Jaejoong.

In the past, we had been separated. I hadn't once heard the reason why he had to leave. Why they had left without Changmin and I, I hadn't once heard an explanation. Was I supposed to except them back just like that? Even though I thought like this, I couldn't deny that Junsu and I were beginning to bond again. He was just as silly and crazy as ever. We talked a lot, but he still refused to tell me about Jaejoong. Yoochun  was a different story. I had the feeling that I had to make a lot up to him and he had to make a lot up to me. We were prideful and we didn't forgive easily. We had been close in the past because we were similar, but it was harder now that we were angry.

When three of my members had disappeared without a single word of an explanation, people always asked me why I was angry. Why was I upset? Why had I fallen into depression so easy. They liked to talk against Jaejoong, Junsu and Yoochun, but I couldn't hear a word of it. Even though they had been the ones to leave, I couldn't be angry. At least not easily. I was scared. I wondered if something really bad had happened. They had to have a reason to leave...

I felt as though I had turned into the bad guy. After falling into depression, I clawed myself out of that shameful lifestyle. I tried to continue living on with Changmin even though my very heart had died. Inside, I was nothing but memories. No matter when or what had happened, I could never forget him. I could never forget Kim Jaejoong.

I wondered if it had been a sin to love Jaejoong. Was it a sin to think of Jaejoong everyday? To still want him to return so that I could hold him. I had the feeling that if I ever saw him again, I would never let him go. Was it a sin to love?

I had kept my head down too many times. I knew Jaejoong was pretty. He was pretty inside and out, but I had often thought that maybe he was different. Maybe it had been my love for him that made me think that way. I often regretted it afterwards. Jaejoong had always been kind and pure. It was wrong of me to think any differently of him.

I decided that after a few months that I needed to let Jaejoong go. I loved him, but I needed to let him go. I needed to give him up. I also wondered how he had been able to leave me so easily when the loss of him was tearing me up like crazy. I wondered if I had looked easy to him? Was I easy to hurt and was I easy to make a fool of? My heart was ripping to shreds. In public I did my best to look happy, normal. Inside I was depressed. I made a mess of myself because all I was holding onto was the memories of Kim Jaejoong. It was because I loved him. I wish now that I had the time to set things right. I could have prevented him from leaving, but I had overlooked his feelings and his gestures. The only thing I could pray for was that he was happy.

"Yunho? Aren't you going to the Hot Springs with us? You have barely moved the past couple days!" Junsu pouted. He talked to me so easily now...as he had in the past. I just sat stubbornly on the couch. I was waiting for a sign. I wanted to know that Jaejoong was alright. I wanted to hear from him.

"You know that Jaejoong will be fine, right? He is strong and passionate. He'll be ok." Junsu's words sunk in, but I refused to move. I wasn't going to give this up.

In the past I had been satisfied to have him by my side. I was happy to share the same dreams as him and I didn't care what anyone else said. I was happy and I refused to let anyone hurt us. So even though I had decided that I needed to let you go, I couldn't. You were always there. You were always in my heart.

I wondered if there was a time that you wanted to come back. Was there a time you wanted to change your decision and come back to me?

I had been afraid when we first met. I fell in love so easily. You were slightly older, but I was more mature. I wondered if you would fall in love with a bad person. I had been scared for you. I never wanted to see you hurt or cry because of another person. I decided to love you unconditionally.

When you left, it felt like someone had driven a nail into my fragile heart. You had been the one to make it so fragile. It had been easy for you to make it flutter or hurt as much as it did. I had fallen into the trap of your love. I wondered why you had to play someone like me so easily. How could you let someone fall so easily for you?

I tried my hardest to protect our love. I didn't want you to hurt because of it and I didn't want our feelings to turn from a crystal-like feeling to an opaque one.

I repeated the words: 'our love is over. I've let you go.' My heart had been empty, hurt. However, I had to get up and smile because that is what my future looked like. I was still living the dream that you and I had once wished for. I decided that because I was letting you go, you could live happily. I wanted to be able to truly smile one day.

Did you ever wonder if I worried? I did.

I wondered if you knew what you let go of?

Even now, you could never disappear from the heart that belonged to me. Not once.

"Young master! Hurry!"

I was surprised when the young woman from the other day rushed into the room. Was this it? Was this what I had been waiting for?

"Where are the other young masters?"

The woman looked worried and her shifting eyes was enough to make me stand up.

"We are here, why?"

I glanced behind me to see Yoochun and Junsu.

"Kim Jaejoong...he needs you. He is going into surgery today. He wants...no he needs you to be there! You must hurry to the hospital in Seoul!"

I darted towards her. What did she say? Jaejoong and surgery? I shook my head.

"Hurry, young master. The car is ready for you outside! Please hurry!"

I ran out the closest exit with Yoochun and Junsu close behind. My heart raced from the fear. How could he go into surgery without telling us?

I sped along the empty highway. I needed to get to Jaejoong. I needed to be with him.

'Jaejoong just hold on! I'll be there soon!'