xXVi. soft moments iiI

   Alex rubbed his forehead and sighed. A glance at the clock made him sigh even more, as the numbers 4:39am winked at him. He should sleep. He should sleep, but he couldn't. And he wasn't sure whether he was deserving of sleep. 

   The communication device was meant to be a weapon against Gemini. It also happened to be the perfect thing to use for negotiations with the government. To find out the truth. But Yongguk had sensed something was up. Not exposed him, necessarily, but nearly. He knew him well enough to see that his hesitancy in their exchange did not go unnoticed. Now it was likely he would pop down to Vidya himself in a day or two to make sure the device was being used for Wonderland purposes.

   He grinded his teeth. So close, yet so far. Getting the government off his and finding out the truth behind his parents. That was the reason he entered CARDS. Maybe he was part of an elaborate scheme cooked up by someone else at the moment, but he also had his own goals. Let's not forget about that, Alex. 

   Of course, there were other ways around it. Especially since the Gemini device was a key to a much larger goal - bringing down Gemini itself. That was right, the government likely wanted Gemini out of the way. Standing up from his bed, Alex headed to the shower, stripping off his shirt as he went, tossing it somewhere absent-mindedly. 

   Throwing the rest of his clothes into the basket in his bathroom, Alex started thinking back to the meagre information he had dug up, slowly making links between them as warm water splashed onto his face. 

   It was hard, but he had managed to look up information about Gemini and CARDS, though it wasn't anything he hadn't already suspected. In the files he obtained, CARDS apparently started off as a purely human organisation combatting the 'forces of evil'. It dated back to the Middle Ages (at least, the idea of harming Underworlders), though its beginnings as an actual organised organisation wasn't until WWI, where world powers assembled for the first time to talk about peace. 

   After the war, they formed the League of Nations, but decided that a counter-measure for the supernatural would be useful as well, because why not. The idea and foundation of CARDS started then, but it wasn't until after WWII that it took on a solid form. And then the rest was history.

   ...which was a whole load of bull, of course. Alex snorted to himself as he worked shampoo into his hair. As always, the victors wrote history, and judging from the handiwork, specifically the Europeans. Firstly, the practice of hunting Underworlders was only an issue in Europe in the Middle Ages. Underworlders had never been a problem to the rest of the world, mainly since Asian and African cultures had been co-existing with nature and the spirits of their ancestors since a long, long time. And besides, Underworlders never attack unless provoked. So the Europeans had screwed up royally for there to be witch hunts even in the Middle Ages.

   What else was there? Well, based on how CARDS or the 'advocators of justice' or whatever crap it is that CARDS call themselves was constantly on the side of humans, Alex supposed it was only natural to assume that CARDS are on the side of the human governments. Which was why he was there in the first place. 

   Scrubbing his body with soap, Alex pondered on the Gemini information he had. Arguably, Gemini had always been shrouded in shadow, even in Underworlder circles. But people talk. And Underworlder gossip always had a way of finding itself where it wasn't supposed to be, in which case, to himself. But even then information was scarce. And the most curious thing was, human information was completely different from that of Gemini's. 

   Again, history being written by the victors. 

  Government records state that Gemini was founded as an Underworlder organisation led by sixteen capable warriors as a means of taking over human territory, or something nonsensical like that. Honestly, Alex was surprised no one had called the humans out on their bull yet. It was so obviously propaganda that it was almost painful. 

   But then again, others didn't have the access that he had. 

  No, the human governments were known to be notorious liars. Alex was going to dismiss everything he had found, except he saw something in the CARDS records that caught his attention. 

  Apparently Gemini and CARDS were originally co-operating with each other. The two organisations joined hands (to achieve CARDS' goal, he assumed - to maintain the peaceful co-existence of humans and Underworlders), but then the Gemini people got too cocky and tried to take over. CARDS then had to deal with a betrayal from the behind, and was forced to stop Gemini before their amitions got out of hand. Because of the original merger, some of the Underworlder fighters decided to join CARDS instead and it turned into a horrible civil war. To this present day CARDS are still trying to stop Gemini's ambitions from exceeding what they were supposed to be. In that sense, CARDS was a supernatural police force protecting the people. 

   That was probably the more convincing explanation that Alex could stomach - he thought, as he turned off the steady stream of warm water with a sharp twist of his wrist, basking in the steam as he stepped out of his shower - mainly because CARDS actually, for the first time, decided to admit to their mistakes (shocking, yes) rather than obscuring, hiding, lying and hiding some more. 

   Yet he felt that there was more to it than the fantastical fairy tale that either the government or CARDS had constructed, because really, if only the world was that simple. Having lived for such a long time, Alex knew that 'history' was never objective - the version of truth was always presented in accordance to someone's agenda, be it hidden or revealed. Of course there was no 'real' version of truth, but finding out more always helped. And Alex intended to find out as much as possible.

  So how can this information relate to what he wants? By airing the government's dirty laundry, what could he achieve? Possibly nothing. History had seen how well that went, and that went nowhere at all. He supposed that the government would give him information in exchange for his own about Gemini, but he suspected that Wonderland was formed not due to the human government, but rather CARDS. As far as he knew, government records of communications with CARDS extended no further than the monthly reports that were sent and taken in for evaluation. 

  Turning to the mirror, Alex sighed audibly. Warlocks don't really need as much sleep as humans, but the dark circles under his eyes were definitely going nowhere. Daehyun was right - he should rest. 

   But rest, how? He towelled his hair almost too aggressively, before tossing the towel away to join the pile of his dirty clothes. There was no way Alex could relax properly before fulfilling his goal. And in the midst of fulfilling his goal - here his eyes lowered to the distinctive mark on his left chest, the brand that marked him as part of his brethren - he shouldn't lose sight of himself. Who he was. What he was. Where he came from. 

   Most of all, he couldn't afford to lose himself in the midst of humans.

CARDS HQ 
— turkey. 29.7.2017

   Morning. It was morning. Helena felt like she hadn't slept at all, but the monitor near her bed indicated that she had drifted off sometime around 12:30am and woke up at 9:00am, now, so she did sleep, despite the banging headache that persistently bothered her. 

   Groaning, she massaged her temples in an attempt to subside the pain, but it did nothing. She was about to raise the bed and order some breakfast, when her right arm appeared in her periphery of vision and she froze. 

   It seemed impossible that it was hacked off only a day - or was it two days? - ago, and that it was re-attached to her skin now. Granted, the nerves still haven't been fully fixed, and she still felt numb, nor do her fingers respond to her every mood, but given the current date and age, it was impressive enough. 

  Helena tried turning her arm around to scrutinize it more carefully. She wasn't sure what the medical team - and frankly, Alex - had done to her, but from the outside, it looked like any other normal arm, except for the tendrils of plants wounding themselves around it.

  Wait. Plants? 

  "It's faerie magic." Her scrambling to sit up due to alarm and shock had probably alerted Carcia that she was awake, since the nurse had whisked open the curtains and began bustling around. "We did manage to replant your arm successfully to your stump, but repairing the damage beneath the skin requires more time and more work. CARDS recently developed new technology with the help of faerie magic. It helps strengthen the structure of your bones naturally, and also repairs your blood vessels much quicker. Do you mind?" Carcia approached her, and Helena tentatively shook her head. The nurse adjusted her arm gingerly so it was lying across her chest rather than by her side. "It helps to keep the arm above heart level so blood flow is much faster. You'll heal quicker this way." 

  "Thank you," She mumbled. 

  "You're welcome," Carcia replied. "I assume you can't move your arm freely yet. That's normal. It usually takes at least three days before you can move your limbs freely, and three more before the numbness completely wears off."

  Instantly, frustration welled up within her. "That's too long. I need to get back onto the battlefield as quickly as possible." 

  "And I," The nurse retorted as she adjusted the bed so Helena could sit up comfortably. "Need to ensure that you're well rested enough to fight before you get something else hacked off again. I brought you breakfast," She added, almost as an afterthought. Exiting the ward, Carcia entered again with a trolley, on top of which sat a bowl of porridge and a glass of milk. "Since your dominant arm is out of commission, we brought you something that you can eat with just a spoon." 

   As the nurse put the tray on a desk across her lap, Helena accepted the spoon wordlessly, before diving in. She had always hated eating porridge, since it was tasteless and always reminded her of being sick, but somehow the kitchen seasoned it well enough that it stimulated her taste buds. Swallowing her first mouthful, Helena opened . "Is that...gochugaru?" 

   Carcia shrugged. "Don't ask me. I'm not a chef. After you finish call me." 

  "How are you feeling?" 

  "Could be better," Helena replied, and sighed. Alex was visiting, and while she was glad for the company, the woman didn't feel exactly...comfortable in his presence. Yes, Alex was comforting and reliable. But for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to trust him. "I don't see Saebin around," She noted.

   "Ah, she had something urgent to attend to. Family issues, apparently. Something about her mother? She's in Shanghai now. Requested a leave of absence." 

   "Oh." Helena wasn't sure how to respond to that. "I thought CARDS don't let you off that easily."

   "Well, no, not normally." Alex shifted in his seat. "Wonderland was especially on a tight leash since we're not...publicised. But the urgency of the situation was stressed repeatedly. And as you know, Carroll always has had a soft spot for familial issues. So the leader let her go. She'll be back in...two days?" 

   "I see." 

  A short silence stretched between them, and Helena took advantage of the time to look around, staring a bit further beyond where Alex was seated. Carcia had drawn open the curtains for better ventilation and better sunlight, so Helena would feel less being in a military ward and more in a hospital. This meant that she had a good view of the other occupant in the room - and his companion, of course. 

   Helena wasn't sure why exactly their magical ace was here, but it definitely put a huge dent on her plans to get to know Daehyun better. It was worse enough that they were segregated by the curtain around her bed, but now that she was somewhat rested up and healed, he showed up. Which was massively annoying; everytime her eyes landed on Shin Hyunwook, she could feel a sense of boiling fury well up within her, making her chest tight. Helena wasn't sure what emotion it was, but it was definitely unpleasant enough that she wanted to leap up from bed and put Shin Hyunwook in a chokehold - except, of course, it would put her in solitary confinement, since attacking allies was one of the worst crimes one could commit in CARDS. 

  Apparently Alex realised that Helena was staring daggers at Daehyun's direction, and turned to look around. Crap. "Something bothering you?"

  "Oh." A dull flush coloured her cheeks at the realisation of being caught, and she quickly changed tack, swallowing the annoyance in her chest. "It's just, I didn't realise Hyunwook was here. I thought he was in Corazones? Canada, was it?"

  "Well, yes, Hyunwook was dispatched to Canada a few days ago, but Gemini put a curse on Daehyun. Wonderland is a top secret project of CARDS' after all, so we had to send in our magical expert to get our ace healed up." Alex seemed visibly relieved at something to talk about, and Helena relaxed a little after his explanation, though the fire in her chest hadn't gone out yet. 

  "That's convenient," She said dryly, and he chuckled. "Not really, Hyunwook went specifically out of his way to come back."

  "Oh?" That made her raise her eyebrows, and she realised she was unconsciously clenching on her blankets. "I didn't realise how close they were."

  Perhaps it was the sharpness and harshness in her tone, or perhaps she had worded her statement weirdly, because Alex sent her a strange look, as if questioning something - almost as if she didn't know something. He opened his mouth and said cautiously, "Well yes, they're quite close. And besides, there had been a situation in Corazones. So Hyunwook was neded back anyways." 

  "I see." A pause. "You said a situation?" 

  "Yes." Alex seemed relieved for a change of topic, though there was still tension in his bearing. "They found an Unseelie portal in an abandoned closet." 

  "What?" She could hear the disbelief colouring her tone, and would have laughed if not for the serious expression on his face. "That sounds like a plot right out of a story."

  "Sadly not." He sighed, running a hand through his hair almost in frustration. "I wish that was the case - it would make it much easier to deal with."

   "So what are we going to do about it, then?" 

   "We're not sure yet," Alex admitted. "Mainly because I'm the main strategist and as you can see, " He spread his arms in an almost hopeless manner. "I'm occupied with patching up our members in preparation for the upcoming war." 

    Helena exhaled in frustration. She understood the need for secrecy, but Carroll was pushing it. It was too much work for one person to bear, and the exhaustion around Alex's eyes only affirmed her determination to help the man. "I'll get through to Carroll for you. He can't keep piling work on you - it's ridiculous." 

   A weary smile spread through his face. "You sound exactly like Daehyun. He ordered me to rest as my supervisor." At the sound of his name, Daehyun perked up, and Helena could feel her heart skipping a beat at his sight. "You guys talking bad behind my back?"

   "Yes, about what a wonderful human being you are," Alex replied sarcastically, and Helena bit her lip. She wished she had been the one to reply. "Anyways, thanks for the concern. I'll leave it to you then." As he prepared to go, an idea came across her. 

   "Can you delegate some work to me too?" She asked, almost pleadingly. "Anything bureaucratic or diplomatic, I can help out with. Especially concerning the higher-ups. I have amazing powers of persuasion." 

   Alex hesitated, but that hesitancy was instantly replaced with something else - an expression of relief? She couldn't read him. "Sure, that would be great. Thanks, Helena." 

Guess which indecisive is still hung up on university choices? Me!!! I really need to make a choice soon because rip my future, but yeah. I'm so goddamn done with life and I just want to,,,move on

Some more good news is that I'm finally getting therapy/counselling sessions - both with my school counsellor (technically not the school counsellor but an outside counsellor hired by the school) and possibly at home. So it's great because yes, anxiety and depression issues ~

Anyways I read y'all's replies to my announcement and I just want to say thanks for still sticking around?? I didn't expect there to be that many replies so I'll try to feature the characters as always but my main priority remains the plot. But...yeah. Hope you're doing well and all :D 

And no, I don't know how I named this chapter