xXii. soft moments ii

   It'd been a day since he had eavesdropped on Hyunwook and Patrick's conversation, and so far, he was still feeling guilty. 

    Yesterday, Hyunwook had went back to CARDS main headquarters in Turkey because he was called on an 'urgent errand', though he later found out that it was really because Daehyun had a curse on him that was hard to break - so Alex decided to call Hyunwook in. Using CARDS technology it was really just ten minutes' travel tops, but Adrian thought it was supremely extra to have someone fly halfway through the globe just because someone else couldn't do it. CARDS sure have a lot of time on their hands. 

   Anyways, ever since Hyunwook left (and still hadn't came back, he noted), Jaehyun hadn't spoke to him. Which Adrian couldn't understand, because the two had been up to all sorts of random all the time, and had got into trouble all the time, so he should be cool with the two of them being in trouble again. And yet Jaehyun was pointedly ignoring him. 

   Adrian felt absolutely miserable.

   For some reason or another, however, Patrick was really friendly to him. Maybe he took pity on him, but every afternoon the Branch Head called him in for a chat or whatever. While it did help ease up the uncomfortable clenching in the middle of his chest, it did nothing for his mood. Adrian felt like he was being lectured all over again sitting in that office, even though Patrick was nothing but kind. 

  Okay, it had only been one day, but still. It was driving him crazy.

  It was even worse because Jaehyun and him have training with Kaia everyday, and since there was two of them and only one of her, they were always trained together. It was really awkward yesterday, so Adrian decided to go down early to get some of his frustration out before they were stuck in a room together for four hours again. Strapping the training equipment on himself, he was throwing knives at a target ten feet away - mostly for the benefit of his mind rather than actual practice - when a voice broke through his stupor. 

   "At this rate you'll demolish the target before improving your aim, boy." After seeing the knife hit the 3 mark ring, Adrian's shoulders sagged with weariness. Kaia was leaning against the wall next to the target, and she went over and plucked the blade out. "Really, what had the target ever done to you to warrant this degree of damage?"

   "It's - It's not the target, it's - I don't know." Adrian thought he was keeping it in quite well up until this point, so it didn't surprise him when the moment he opened his mouth, his strength bled out of him and he sank to his knees on the wooden floor, eyes welling up with tears. Kaia was probably alarmed at his reaction, because she went over and crouched down next to him, with a hand gingerly on his shoulder - the most physical affection she had ever shown anyone ever since her arrival. "Hey, boy, you okay?" 

   "No," He mumbled between sniffles. "It's Jaehyun, he's ignoring me because of...a prank we pulled on Hyunwook sunbae-nim."

   "Oh, so that's what it is." Kaia's tone had visible relief in it, and he wondered what exactly she was relieved about, before she continued. "I thought you two - what was the term humans use? - broke up, or something or another." 

   Immediately he started spluttering because of how ridiculous the notion was. "Wha - broke up? Jaehyun and I - we don't have that kind of relationship - that's crazy - "

   Kaia handed him a tissue, then gave him a pointed look that made him regret what he said. "I'll have you know, boy, in the Underworlder realm homo relationships are the norm. Humans are ridiculous for thinking otherwise, and rejecting that notion. Why, in  my household - "

   "Alright, alright!" Adrian interrupted her before she could go onto another lecture - which, the last time it happened, caused him to stand there for almost half an hour before she let them go - and shrivelled under another glare. "I - My reaction wasn't because I'm homophobic or anything. It's just, Jaehyun and I are childhood friends. It's kinda weird to think of us in that way, you know."

   "You know what they say, those who know you best make the sweetest lovers." Pretty sure that saying is nonexistent but okay. "At any rate, I understand now. I thought something serious had happened, seeing as both your friend and that irksome Unseelie child were gone. Glad to hear it was something that could be solved easily."

   "Easily?" Adrian couldn't believe his ears. He had spent ages (one day, but still) worrying over how to talk to Hyunwook and Jaehyun about it, and now here was Kaia just brushing it aside casually. "Easily?"

   "Nothing a healthy amount of communication cannot fix, boy." The woman stood up and straightened her back. "Talking is usually the most efficient way to solve a problem." 

  "So they say," He mumbled back. He wasn't sure what to tell her, but apparently the conversation was over, because he was already being pulled to his feet.

  "Up, boy, up! You think you can go to the Unseelie Lands like this?"

CARDS HQ 
— turkey. 28.7.2017

   Alex supposed he should be glad that Hyunwook decided to go out of his way purposefully to come back to Headquarters and break Daehyun's curse, but honestly it just made him feel sentimental in the inside whenever he saw him sitting by Daehyun's bedside. 

    The two's relationship wasn't exactly the most open thing in the world, but it wasn't the best-kept secret in all of CARDS either. It was just that...a relationship, that if you knew, you knew. And if you made up your mind to spread it to the world, Hyunwook had a way of sneaking nasty curses in your bed if you weren't looking, so people have learnt that lesson. 

   Well, at any rate, he was glad that someone was keeping Daehyun company, but whenever he saw Hyunwook speaking to the patient in a low tone and keeping their heads together, there was a tight feeling in his chest that resembled discomfort. 

  Could it be? That he, Alex, was jealous? Out of all things? 

  Out of all people?

  He honestly felt ridiculous. 

  "Alexander, we have an issue - you okay?" Carcia's voice tore him out of his thoughts, and he shook his head a little to clear his head. "I'm fine. What's the issue?"

  "Helena just woke up." 

  "But what's the issue?"

  "Oh, she's just awake, and asked for you," She replied nonchalantly, and Alex sighed in relief. Carcia always had a way of making things more serious than they seem, and for some reason, downplaying things that were serious. "Okay, I'll go to her in a second."

   "She wants to see you now, though."

   Muttering something under his breath about people used to being in positions of power and ordering other people around, he tore his eyes unwillingly from the pair right next to him and went with Carcia. Inside the curtained-off area, he found Helena sat up, the exhaustion evident from her posture, though her eyes were alert as ever. When he entered and sat on the chair at the foot of her bed, Helena flexed her right arm, which had been fixed and reattached with surgery. "I see you're as competent as ever, Alex."

   "Get to the point, Helena." The tactician crossed his arms and propped his feet on the base of her bed. He didn't know her personally before Wonderland, but Alex certainly had heard things about her. Or at least, the gossip. He didn't want to form a judgement of a person before meeting them, certainly not a woman, but so far, everything about her had been negative. It meant she was either so competent jealousy was all over the place, or the rumours were true.

   "Alright, I'll get to the point." She rummaged in the drawer where they had put all of her things in, and retrieved a device Alex had originally thought to be the Wonderland communication device, and handed it over. He took it, and looked at her expectantly. "That's not a Wonderland device. It's from Gemini."

   Well, that certainly piqued his interest. Turning it over in his palm, he stayed silent for a while. "I got it when I searched that nasty Seelie agent," Helena provided. Examining it again, Alex finally pocketed it. "Thanks, Helena."

   "Consider it advanced payment for what I asked you for. And an apology for losing the Glyph." When she finally met his gaze, the tension bled out of her shoulders. "I'm sorry, Alex. I really tried. But the man - " She choked up, and Alex was alarmed to see her eyes tearing up. "The man with the axe - "

   In his line of work, he wasn't accustomed to comforting crying women, but in any case, there was one in front of him now and he had to do something quick. Rising from his seat, Alex placed a hand on top of hers. "You've done well already, Helena. For God's sake, you lost a limb. That's enough."

    "Not if it meant failing the mission."

  The tactician sighed internally, because he knew her type well. The strongest fighters were usually the ones who blamed themselves the most, and Helena was named one of the aces of the team from day one. The other one, of course, was Daehyun, but he had Hyunwook to keep his anxieties in check. Meanwhile, Helena had no one. 

   "I have something for you." Alex eased his chair by her bedside and sat down. Changing the topic as a means of easing the mood, he pulled up a blueprint of the weapons he had Vidya design for her. Her eyes widened in surprise. "For me?"

   He nodded. "Based on your training data. You're a skilled fighter, Helena. While you might be satisifed with your current arsenal, I thought an upgrade might be helpful." Alex eased it in front of her. "Though it might cheer you up a little, as well."

   The last part was, of course, a lie. Well, a half-lie. While Alex didn't ask Vidya to start working on weapon upgrades to make Helena happy, the decision to show it to her was because she looked as if she was in desperate need of cheering up. Judging from the emerging brightness in her eyes, Alex could see it was starting to work. He gave himself a small pat on the back for that. 

  "Thank you," She replied, with the ghost of a smile on her lips for the first time. Giving her a reassuring pat on the back, he ducked out of the room, but not before adding, "Call me if you need anything, alright?"

  Out in the main area of the infirmary, Alex discovered that Hyunwook was gone from Daehyun's bedside, which was strange - the two were practically cats, what with how often they were seen entwined with each other. The man seemed unfazed from his partner's absence, and merely continued on reading...whatever was in front of him on the holoscreen while Carcia was bustling around, busy as always.

  "Where's Hyunwook?" 

  "He went to blow off some steam in the training rooms," Daehyun responded without looking at him. Alex nodded absent-mindedly. That was typical of the Unseelie. "With Yongguk."

  That made him do a double take. "With Yongguk?"

  "Yeah. He dropped by earlier looking for you, but since you were busy, he went away. Hyunnie got restless, and dragged him to spar. That was..." Daehyun checked the time. "Half an hour ago?"

   "Half an hour." There was a sinking feeling in his stomach as Alex processed the rapid shift in time. He hadn't realised how long he had been gone for; he thought he was chatting with Helena for about ten minutes, fifteen at most, but it turned out he was gone longer than he had thought. As he chewed on his lip with a sinking sense of anxiety, Daehyun noticed his worry, and shifted his attention. "You don't look so good. What's wrong?"

   "Just didn't realise how much time flew." Alex meant to appear dismissive, but it didn't seem to work, judging from the look of concern still apparent on Daehyun's face. The tactician opened his mouth, intending to give a short lecture on how time must be kept when certain things needed to be completed, done and finished, but instead, one single word fell out of his mouth somewhat lamely, "Work." 

  Daehyun nodded as if he completely understood what he was trying to imply from that single word alone, and patted the seat parked at his bedside almost absent-mindedly. Unsure of whether the other man actually intended for him to sit, Alex lowered himself onto the chair gingerly. "I think by this point everyone pretty much knows how much you're overworked, Alex. Without you, I honestly don't think Wonderland would be running along so smoothly, nor would everything be so perfectly under control. Everyone in Wonderland appreciates that." Alex wasn't sure why Daehyun was speaking on behalf of everyone in Wonderland, but he wasn't about to interrupt him. "That's why, as your colleague and hopefully, friend, and possibly senior, I'm hereby suggesting a break. Failing that, a direct order."

   The seriousness on Daehyun's face completely contradicted the gravity of his tone that Alex found himself trying to hold in laughter, which ended up in a failed attempt of a choked-off chuckle. He was seriously not in control of his verbal capabilities today, was he. "You're not serious."

  Daehyun shrugged. "Sometimes it's worth abusing my rank to make someone laugh."

  At the mention of laughter, Alex grew sober again. He sighed, adjusting his posture to sit more properly. "Sometimes I forget how old you are, given your maturity."

   "Given my age? I thought we were equally old." 

  . Alex tried to mask his panic, but he had felt so relaxed in front of Daehyun that the moment he turned to him with a quizzical look, Alex was sure his expression betrayed him. Before he could scramble to come up with an excuse, the other man interrupted him, and nodded, as if in understanding. "Another man with his own secrets, I see." 

   "You aren't...You're not going to expose me?" In this situation, Alex wasn't sure whether that was the right thing to say, but at the moment his relief probably took rein of his emotions. 

   "And get what out of it? In this team, everyone has their secrets. I have my secrets. Hyunnie has his secrets. Helena has her secrets. It's only natural you have yours too. I have no interest to expose a person more than they are willing to themselves. Besides, spreading gossip ruins your reputation, and my reputation is already marred by Hyunnie's constant attempts up to no good. I'd pass, thanks." With that, Daehyun picked up the mug on his bedside table and casually took a sip as if he didn't just ease Alex's greatest fears in one single speech. "Just don't make any slips in front of certain other members in our team. They wouldn't hesitate on the chance."

  Alex nodded, though he wasn't sure if the other could see, judging from how focused he was squinting at the report in front of him. "Thanks, Daehyun."

   "No problem. But seriously, Alex, do me a favour and take a break, would you? No point in having our tactician collapse halfway through his duties."

  "No promises, but I'll try." Daehyun gave him a pat on the back for encouragement, and that was the end of it. Making his way back onto his comfortable doctor's chair a few steps away from Daehyun's bedside, Alex collapsed against it, at which Carcia gave him a weird look for. There was some wisdom in Daehyun's words, he reflected. He had been working non-stop in the past three to four days, which had stretched so far it felt like a whole month rather than a mere span of days. 

  Opening his schedule, Alex noticed that there was only one thing he was meant to do that night, and re-scheduled it to the following day. Leaning back and looking at his cleared schedule, Alex felt a sense of inner peace for the first time in, well, a long time. What should he do tonight? Maybe going to the spa would be a good idea.

   Yeah, going to the spa was sounding better and better. 

Hello I don't know what this chapter is but it's looking more and more like a filler chapter than something actually useful whelp

Also not to be that person but like, I was editing this chapter and I misread Carcia as Corona ohmygod

But yeah I'm so tired guys I'm so behind on all of my work and I have zero motivation to work, there's always distractions when working in the house, it's either my phone or my parents

I'm going back to the UK on the 10th March and they freaking rescheduled my flight from 23:55 to 15:10, which is the worst time ever - you board the goddamn plane while you're the most awake in the day and of course you can't sleep, and then just when you're getting tired you plop out of the plane at 20:15 or something ridiculous. By the time you get out of the mothering airport it'll be 10pm if you're lucky, or 12:00 am if immigration holds you up. Then you gotta travel 3 hours by bus back to your school. I hate my flight

And then it's 10 days quarantine and more being stuck in my room with existential crisis! Yay! 

Not to sound overly cynical but,,,man I'm so so tired 

Also listen to Lee Minhyuk's Interlude:Falling Blossoms because that's how I feel now. It was released like ages ago but it's still super nice ;w; 

And...yeah next Wonderland chapter gonna be Soft Moments III because I want an excuse to bomboard y'all with how disgustingly sweet Hyunwook is around Daehyun 

Honestly the only way I'm coping with my exhaustion is abusing my bank account to feed my stupid brain serotonin, but like,,,my mom keeps telling how we should manage our finances because she's not earning as much as she used to be and my dad's still working on starting his own business (for those worrying, I'm not poor, I come from a middle upper-class background, but because of covid and my mom's lack of a raise she's telling me to be more careful with my spending that's all). Alternatively, eating snacks and sweet stuff and stuff I like but my self-esteem is getting lower and lower because the number on the scale just keeps going higher and higher,so yeah. There's no way out of this except getting done but my motivation is below zero now

Also my very Asian parents' very Asian friends came by for dinner today and they kept talking about their children's achievements, especially how well they are in cooking their own meals; two of them are in uni and one of them is in the year below me. I guess I can cook?? It's just that I'm a perfectionist, but I also have zero time for cooking because, yeah, humanities. I guess I'm consoling myself that I don't have the time to cook because of my subject choices (i.e. three ongoing 5000+ word projects and a ton of essays every week doesn't make me very motivated to make my own food and my school's in the middle of nowhere so ingredients are practically impossible unless I order online, but then again there's my mom's issue so yeah). But honestly I wish people could stop bragging about their children all the goddamn time, I get they're proud but like, everytime my parents or their friends bring up their children or their friends' children I instantly feel very pressured because like, yeah you're telling me how well they are so you're instilling this expectation on me, I don't happy 

Anyways, yeah, in case you haven't noticed it's 3:30am here and I'm feeling like a massive sack of . Have a good day everyone :') I'll try and find a BAP album on eBay to cheer myself up weehey 

Also if you're still reading this my friend's going to translate a manhwa she really likes into English! The original (and most popular) translation was translated by a Korean person using google translate, and we all know how well that'll turn out. So yeah, if possible pls advertise it around :3