Trigger warning--reference to  r drugs

“ID please” the bouncer said.

I fished my student ID out of my clutch and he looked it over. That’s right sir. 24 years old. Still in Korea. Still no job. Just biding time.

“Thank you,” he handed it back and I walked down the stairs. The EDM blared from inside as it got darker and smokier. I tripped on my heels and grabbed the railing. Why am I even here I laughed to myself.

There’s our old spot. Over by that pole. Now taken up by a bunch of Korean guys teaching foreigners how to dab. Please stop.

I grabbed a stool at the bar and pulled down on my dress. Seriously what the hell am I doing here.

“Wanna drink sweetie?”

I didn’t look up.

“No thank you. I don’t drink.” I stared at my fingernails. Please just…let me sit here and contemplate my life.

“An orange juice and vodka on the rocks please,” he chuckled. 

I brought my hair in front of me.  

Vodka. Remember that one time Sav grabbed someone else’s vodka off a table thinking it was water. The next hour consisted of her running around showing random men Kai’s “Baby Don’t Cry” video on her phone.

“What’s so funny sweetie?”

I took out my phone. Why when I need a distraction the most, are there no messages.

Two clinks on the table.

“Just leave me alone please.” A few seconds passed and he pushed the orange juice towards me.

Dressed in camoflauge, buzz cut. I don’t trust military guys in Seoul. Not after what happened to Sav.

“I bought you an orange juice, not a Long Island Iced Tea,” he said laughing.

Long Island Iced Tea. Hampton is from Long Island.

I brought it closer and took a sip. Tastes a little strange. Probably a special korean off brand.

“So what’s a pretty girl doing in Hongdae, on a Friday night, at a club like this, not drinking or dancing.”

What an excellent question.

“I’m thinking,” I looked down at the juice.

“Thinking is what bookworms do at home. Not what babes do at clubs,” he splashed down more. 

He’s right. You know it’s time to go home when a tipsy guy has more sense than you.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Oh you know…just…memories,”

“Good or bad?”

“Good,” I smiled slightly. 

“You have good memories from Korea? I try to drown out my memories as much as possible.”

He thew his head back.

“Evidently,” I sipped through the little umbrella straw.

We sat for a few moments in silence as I finished the juice and he ordered another shot. 

Who turned up the music. I cupped my ears. This song. Remember when a guy dressed as Where’s Waldo came and grinded on Kimmy and she just went with it because she’s Kimmy.

“Are you sure you don’t want to dance…?” he a pushed a curl behind my ear.

“You know what, you’re right,” I said standing up and pulling my dress down. “I’m going to go home and think.”

“But you just got here…” 

“Yep. Thankfully girls get in free before 10,” I giggled. 

“Just stay a little longer,” he grabbed my wrist.

“Don’t touch me,” I wrenched it away. I fell a bit, grabbing the stool behind me.

Why are the lights brighter.

Something is wrong. With me. Or with this place. I shouldn’t be here alone. It was a stupid idea. Should have gone to Sam’s place and watched a movie and eaten popcorn like he suggested. Why do I keep wanting to relive the past. Why don’t I just go back to America.

I stumbled up the steps. The line of guys waiting to get in oooed as they saw down my dress. This is a lot more fun when you’re with your girlfriends just wanting to dance.This is not fun. This is the antithesis of fun.

It’s 10 degrees cooler outside. I took a couple of deep breaths and started walking. Walking anywhere. Anywhere is better than my apartment. Alone. Is it too late to call Sam? Never. He’ll always accept me in any state. I don’t deserve a friend like him.

It really is louder than I remember. Or maybe I’m just getting older.

The bouncer from FF shoved a flyer in my face. 

FF. That’s where Hampton met Preston. And look how that ended.

I pushed the flyer away and kept walking.

I’ll just go sit by the playground and watch the street performers for a while. 

Actually no. I’ll just sit here. Next to this homeless guy. 

I put my head in my hands. Don’t cry. 

Something is seriously wrong. My head is so…light.

The homeless guy cracked a five toothed smile at me. How cute. I wonder what it would be like to kiss a homeless guy. Probably the same as kissing a rich guy.

Not that you would know.

What the f Ellie.

I pulled out my phone. 9:46. 9:49? one of those. No messages. Why is the contact list so blurry.

I looked closer and tapped on Sam’s icon. Maybe it’s best that he just come and get me. He hates Hongdae but he doesn’t hate me. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, what’s chillin homeboy?” I slurred

“What?”

“Will you come walk me home? I’m not feeling too great.”

“Converse?’

“What?”

“Um…I’m a little busy.”

“No you’re not. You’re never busy.”

The homeless guy scooted closer. He’s kind of adorable.

“Yeah so…never thought I’d hear from you again.”

“Oh don’t be mad. We can watch the movie tomorrow.”

Silence on the other end. 

Tall foreign guys walked some Korean girls towards FF. They’ll have a good time.

“Where are you Converse?”

“I’m in Hongdae.”

“Hongdae? It’s not even 10pm,” he laughed.

“Why are you calling me Converse? You’re right, I do need new ones—“

Silence.

“…where are you exactly?”

“Um…sitting by a cute old homeless guy? By FF.”

“I’ll be right there.”

“No it’s ok take your time. I can find something to do while you’re on the subway. You don’t even know where FF is.”

“Just…stay right there.”

Shuffling on the other line.

“No I’ll meet you at the subway.” I went to stand up and fell back against wall. 

“No. Just—don’t hang up. How are you? Tell me about your life. I don’t even know your name.”

A door slammed in the background. Muffled voices. “I’ll be right back” Heavy breaths.

“Hey there you are.” A handsome guy in camoflauge and a buzz cut came and sat beside me. He kissed my hand, took out my phone, and slid it into my clutch, leaving his other hand on my lap.

“I knew you couldn’t have gotten too far,” he whispered. "Let's just pick up from where we left off." Wow he has really nice eyes. Even in the dark you can tell that they are blue. 

“What’s your name sweetie?” he slid his hand up and down my leg.

“I’m Elena. But YOU can call me Ellie.” I bopped his nose.

“Ellie. What a pretty name.”

“Thank you.” I fluttered my lashes. 

“Where are you from Ellie?”

“America.” A spark in my head. There’s something wrong with this situation. Everything but his face is blurry, and there’s a nagging notion to run. But why? We’re both adults. He’s cute. I’m lonely. It’s early. There’s a first time for everything. Why not have it be right now? Tonight? Why freaking not.

We chatted a bit more. I'm not sure what he's saying. Not sure what I'm saying.

I patted his thigh. A packet of powder fell out.

“What’s that?”

“Oh it’s nothing,” he smiled sliding it back in.

Someone grabbed his wrist.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing man,”

My legs were pushed off his lap as he stood up. What the f. A kid much shorter than him in penguin pajamas was saying words very forcefully at him. I know this kid. I do. What’s his name. Starts with an H. He has nice hair. Oh my god. It’s that kid from the subway. Of course he was in Hongdae on a Friday night. I knew it.  He was breathing heavily and sweating and yelling at this guy 5 inches taller than him.

“…because I’m her…boyfriend”. The words came out seconds after his mouth moved. What. No he’s not. He’s not going to ruin this for me. I tried to stand up again.

“Oh,” the guy ripped his wrist out of H’s hand. “Well. You should keep better track of her.” He gave me one last look up and down before laughing and walking around the corner.

H boy slipped on the flyers running towards me. 

“Are you ok?” he asked kneeling down to my level.

“Here hold her purse,” he picked it up off the ground and handed it to someone else standing behind him.

“what the f- are you doing.” I hit his shoulder multiple times

“ow stop hitting me why do you always hit me,” he winced.

Those lashes though.

“Who do you think you are? My dad? Go away” I smacked him again.

“COME BACK” I shouted towards the corner. “COME BACK” I yelled again, struggling to stand. Ugh these stupid heels. I started to yank them off, the strap ripping at the seem.

“What the hell are you doing,” he had one hand pushing down on my shoulder, and the other struggling to keep my shoe on.

“Come…back…” it suddenly became difficult to speak. Something is wrong. Lashes looked at me, eyes full of concern.

And then it was dark.