Jinyoung left the dorm, heading out to his football tryouts, he was so annoyed with Mark he couldn’t talk with the other in this state. Jinyoung knows he might be overreacting, okay maybe not might, he is definitely is over reacting. However, he can’t help it, he can’t believe Mark can just get so wrapped up and agree to fight with Mino without a second thought. He understands that in Mark’s mind it is a way of defending him, he would want anyone to treat Mark like that either. But, Mark needs to think about the consequences of his actions. This the longest Mark had gone since without getting into a fight and getting kicked out. By fighting with Mino, Mark would ruin all the efforts he has made so far, Mino isn’t worth that. Jinyoung would never want Mark to throw away everything he has done just to defend his honor. He appreciates the thought, but he’d much have Mark prove to his parents that he isn’t an incorrigible screw up. He knows he shouldn’t have gotten so upset, but Mark already thinks so low of himself and if he were to make a mistake like this, no matter the reason, it will only make his parents think he is incapable of being the good person he is. He really hates that Mark needs to prove himself like this to his parents because Jinyoung knows how incredible the elder his. However, Jinyoung knowing it and Mark knowing it are two different things. Jinyoung wished he was enough to help Mark to believe I his self-worth, but he knows that the only way Mark can believe that is if he gets some closure from the people who caused him to feel like this. Jinyoung sighed, he should apologize when he gets back, it’s not Mark fault, even though Jinyoung wished he was more aware of things.

                Jinyoung got to the tryout and went through all the drills set up and then there was a scrimmage match and Jinyoung was grateful for it because he was able to take out all his anger from Mino, Mark’s obliviousness, and the annoyance of Mark’s parents not showing the older the proper love he deserves and needs. However, not so luck for the other team in the scrimmage match, Jinyoung was ruthless. He was cutting people off, stealing the ball before they even had a chance to think about scoring, tackling anyone in his way, and scoring with enough force to break the net. He ended up ripping the hit with his last score and Junho had to call a  timeout and change the net, he also changed Jinyoung’s position to goal because he was not letting the other players display their skills. However, Junho’s reposition didn’t work seeing as Jinyoung as a goal was amazing, he didn’t let a single shot pass him, we even when the other team had tried to score 4 times in a row. His focus and reflexes were amazing, it was like he is body automatically reacted. Junho ended up having to take Jinyoung out of the game completely because the boy was making it impossible to gauge the other people’s skill with Jinyoung in the game.  All the team members watching were in awe in Jinyoung’s displayed they forgot the had to watch other people too because they had to get recruits for other positions when the older members leave. The people trying out on the team opposing Jinyoung’s and even his team members cheer when the boy left the game. Not only could the other team not show their skills, but the people on is team was unable to show anything with Jinyoung doing everything himself. Ravi came over to Jinyoung and gave him a bottle of water, “Well, wouldn’t like to be on your bad side.” Ravi said sitting next to the boy, “huh?” Jinyoung said panting while wiping his sweat. “You were obviously anger at someone, your play is not this aggressive from what I saw in class.” Jinyoung to the bottle and down in one go, “Oh, I guess took out some frustrations from today in the game. I guess I was a bit overboard seeing as I got kicked out of the game.” Jinyoung sais feeling bad about the other team, tat they were the victims of his release of emotions. “Ah11 don’t get all mopey now. Coach Junho only took you out because you make it impossible for anyone to show off their skills, not because were overboard. Actually, if you  play like that in a real game trust me he’d never take you out, I guess I’ll just have to piss you off before every game.” Ravi said lightheartedly, “Yeah, I guess.” Jinyoung said chuckling.

                “So, what’s go you so pissed off?” Ravi asked, “I just got mad for a reason that isn’t entirely the person fault. I was over reacting, I’m going to apologize later because I should have gotten so mad.” Jinyoung said truthfully, “Ah, you and your boyfriend?” Ravi said.  “what, I don’t have a boyfriend.” Jinyoung said getting fluster, “Ah maybe that’s your problem, you and Mark should just make it official.” Jinyoung blushed, “what-I-How?” Jinyoung asked, “With the way, he was glaring at me earlier in the library and later at your dorm, it didn’t really take all that long to figure out.” Ravi said smiling at the other boy, Jinyoung sighed “yeah, that seems to be what everyone who's knows thinks I should do?” “You know maybe he won’t get so jealous if you were to make what you feel official. It may not seem that important as long as you love him, but that will make him feel more secure with your feelings and I'd have more trust in you.” Ravi said thoughtfully. “I did weigh that option, but it is more complicated than or I’m just making it more complicated. I really don’t know a lot about dating, I’m good at understanding people's emotions and feelings, but this is different I’ve never experienced this type of relationship before. “ Jinyoung ruffled his hair frustratedly, Ravi just patted the others back and waiting for him to continue, “That’s not even the reason I was mad.” Ravi was a bit stunned he figured it was due to Mark’s jealous, “hmmm okay then. Let’s go!” Ravi said standing up, Jinyoung looked up at the older from his sitting position, “where? Tryouts are still going on.” Ravi scoffed at the others words, “Please, they is no way you did make it, the coach won’t mind. Plus, you owe me my dinner date.” Ravi said with his voice filled with finality, Jinyoung knew there was no point in arguing with Ravi and got up. “Hey coach I’m done here I’m leaving and taking Junior with me!” Ravi yelled, Junho looked at Ravi and just nodded, “Junior-ah make sure to pick up your training schedule in class tomorrow!” Jinyoung nodded, “see told you, you’d make it.” Ravi said smugly and Jinyoung rolled his eyes, “Yeah, okay thanks for the confidence Hyung.” Ravi just laughed at the other reaction and they got their stuff and headed off to the locker room. They showered and got dressed and then headed off to eat, they went to a barbecue place. They sat and ordered some meat and ramen, “So, tell me what’s got you so upset with Mark I going to assume.” Jinyoung sighed and explained what happened today in the library to Ravi.

                “I know it isn’t that big of a deal and he only did it to protect me.”Jinyoung said, Ravi nodded. “that’s exactly why he did. You are too passive and don’t like confrontations, he did want Mino to take advantage of you. That boy is really something walking around acting like a thug with his friends, it is ridiculous. Mark probably know how he is and knew that fighting with him is the only way to get that idiot to stop. However, I do understand why you are mad at him.” Ravi said causing Jinyoung to raise and eyebrow. “You do?” “Yeah, you remember me telling you bout my boyfriend N.” Jinyoung nodded his head, “yeah well we had a fight because of a situation quite similar to your.” Jinyoung listen to Ravi, “Really?” “Yeah, there was a guy in my second year here that was like Mino. He is actually a friend of Mino’s cousin, Seungri. He was picking on N, who was waiting outside the locker room for me and I came out and let’s say I was happy. I was ready to break this guys limbs, he was rude, disrespectful, and lacked manners.” “So, another Mino” “Basically”.   “Anyways, I was about to kick his . When one of N’s friends Himchan, who is best friend with the senior on my team at the time came over. He told Seungri to back off, which of course he did because Himchan’s friend was Bang Youngguk Sunbae-nim. Despite, his rep he is actually a really nice person. People see his face and his tattoos and think he is some kind of thug, he is really kind he even does charity in his spare time. However, he is quite protective of his friends and doesn’t like when people get bullied. No one really dares to report him because he only beats up people when they really deserve as an at resort, but those who get beat really know better than to say it was Yongguk.” Ravi said explaining to Jinyoung, “Who Youngguk hyung really shows up everywhere.” Jinyoung said shocked at how similar their stories were, Ravi laughed “Not everywhere you just happened to know Zelo. Trust me, Himchan is one of his best friends and only beat up Seungri because he was asking for it. However, I really surprise he didn’t kick Mino’s , he doesn’t even have any repercussions since he no longer goes to this school.” “he didn’t need to Mino seemed to be really scared of Yongguk Sunbae-nim,” Jinyoung explained. Ravi shook his head, “Of course Mino was but that still doesn’t explain it. If it was Himchan or Daehyun, he’d probably let it go and show mercy, but Zelo is a different story. Messing with Zelo in any way is an automatic death wish, that kid is the only thing that would make Yongguk hyung forget about fight as a last resort.” “Ah, so he likes Zelo back then.” Jinyoung said, “you knew” “it hard not to see how different they are when they are with each other, they seem like they only noticed each other.” Ravi chuckled, “yeah, poor hyung that man has too many morals. He is waiting to Zelo is 18 to make his move, he is 6 years older than him.” Jinyoung was shocked now, “I knew he was older, but 6 years.” “Yeah, Zelo is quite mature you’d never really notice the . Especially, with that boy towering over all his Hyung.” “yeah, they are cute though the age doesn’t really matter.”

                “Back to the point of my story, N also got mad at me afterward. I was so confused, I was only trying to protect him, I love him so much he was all calm and it was killing listening to this guy talking about him and no seeing him do anything. However, he explained his point he knew fighting with Seungri would have stop Seungri from picking on him, but he also knew he’d get in trouble and his scholarship revoked. On top of that, I would have gotten kicked off of the football team if I fought with Seungri, he knew that and held me back. That’s why he was so mad at me, he was like I don’t think I just react and it isn’t good. He realized I had good intentions but was like sometimes that isn’t enough, he understood me, but I didn’t understand him. He taught me how to cool down and become a better and more collected person. I didn’t think about the repercussions, he told me it would hurt him more to see me lost something that means something to me because of him. I didn’t think about his perspective because I assumed I was protecting him, I didn’t really think that me getting hurt because of him would be worse than Seungri disrespecting him.  I was immature and to reactionary, my emotions got the better of me and I would’ve only have proven that I was a thug and a gangster like everyone thought if I fought him. I didn’t care about things like because the only opinions who matter were my loved ones, but he was like it annoyed when people cast assumptions about me that were untrue, that’s when I finally could understand is view points. I was upset with Seungri because he wasn’t treating N on the way the way he deserved, because of the assumption that Seungri had of N. I don’t think they way N does, and Mark doesn’t  think the same way you do. Just understanding him isn’t enough, I know you are trying to understand, but you must voice your own qualms or he won't realize that his way isn’t necessarily the best way. He is a good person but when you both share your own views and find a way you both can deal with your difference, you will both grow and make your relationship strong. It is harder to find someone who tries to understand you and also makes you better. Don’t apologize, understanding is a key but never apologizes for feeling the way you feel because it will stop his growth as a person.”Ravi spoke seriously and knowingly, “you said that N is the jealous type. How did you get him to trust, when you guys don’t see each other as often anymore.” Jinyoung asked because Ravi seems to be wiser than himself in this aspect. “Jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it makes the other feel wanted too much is the problem. That is when it becomes a trust issue, with N is was more like I got so many fans and they made him insecure with himself and he’d compare himself. Regardless, if I told him no one could compare to him. That’s when I realized communication, while it is key it is always the best answer. N needed to be shown that I only cared for him, and we were official at the time. So, after I won a big game I ran up to him and kissed in front of the whole school. I not a PDA person and I still am not, but I  do try to do some PDA occasionally to make sure N knows that he still owns my heart. It not enough for a person to say I love you, you need to make sure they understand it. It also depends on the person, N is needier than most so I make sure he knows in actions and words that I love him.” Jinyoung thought about Ravi’s words, “It not that I don’t want to make it official, I mean I know Mark is the person I love. It is just more complicated than that.” “why?” “huh” “Why is it more complicated? You love him don’t you?” “Yes, but” “and you don’t want anyone else to be with him?” “yes” “So I don’t see the problem,” Ravi said sipping his drink. Jinyoung sighed, “There are other personal issues that come into play.” Jinyoung said trying to get Ravi to understand if it was just that easy he would’ve done been with Mark, “Listen, just explain it to me without revealing things that aren’t personal.” Jinyoung sighed, “first off, I have Bambam to think about. He only has me I don’t want to do anything to make him feel like I am leaving him or abandoning him. He has had it hard and I don’t want to be like everyone else who hurt him, his is my baby brother and I promised to take care off him. Plus, Mark also has issues that make it hard to trust me fully. I don’t want to get into relation with him with all these outside factors that will more than definitely be a problem in our relationship. I don’t want to go into a relationship with things that will try and ruin it. It could harm the relationship we have now and I’d rather have Mark by my side than not at all.”

                Ravi nodded thoughtfully, “I see so you are just a coward, here I thought it was something more serious.” Jinyoung looked at Ravi baffled, “c-coward?” “Yup, it sound like your to scared to take a risk with Mark and you have so many reasons to say no and you let them dictate your life. You are young you have to take a risk and do things that make you happy or you’ll be unhappy.” Jinyoung blinked, “Yes, if that makes me a coward, then yes I am one.” Jinyoung admitted, and Ravi was the baffled at this time, “I don’t have the luxury like you to take that kind of risk because I have people who depend on me. Bambam is my life and as much as Mark makes me happy and loved, I can’t just throw away my brothers feelings. The only person he has in the world to depend on is me because everyone else decides that he wasn’t worth their time or was too much of burden. I will not do that to him, he is my blood brother but he is my real brother and I will not make him feel like he is a burden. I don’t have the luxury of being a young because since I was 4 years old, I had to be his parental figure and his hyung. I can’t take risks that will affect more than just me. I can’t hurt Bambam and I can’t hurt Mark also, I will not get into a relationship and then have him feel like he is second to Bambam. Mark deserves to be loved by someone who isn’t willing to give him everything. I wish I could so that, but if Bambam gets hurt for me being selfish and wanting to be happy alone, I won’t be happy. Parents sacrifice a lot for their kids and Bambam doesn’t have that, Mark has more people than he knows supporting him. Bambam doesn't have that, but Mark doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship that doesn’t make him the utmost priority. It is selfish of me to what him because I don’t deserve him, but I can’t- I don’t have the strength to let him go because I know I can treat him the way he deserves if things were better. Which is why I don’t want to make us an official thing!” Ravi felt bad for calling Jinyoung a coward, he wouldn't have condemned the younger for his decision, “I’m sorry coward is not the right word to use. I don’t mean to be judgemental of a decision it is your right and I don’t know your life to make such assumptions. However, I do think that you are too cautious.” Ravi said apologizing, but stilling hoping Jinyoung would see his original point, that he was intending to get across by calling the younger a coward. “It’s okay, I’m sure it seems like that, I probably I am one.” Jinyoung couldn’t really blame Ravi for thinking he is a coward, he is one.

                No, you are not one. I used the wrong choice of words, you are actually stronger than you give yourself credit for. I didn’t realize that until you explained you reasoning to me, but you are selfish enough. I know you feel like you do have the right to be selfish, that where you are wrong. You are trying to do the best course of action given your situation, trying not to hurt the two people you care about the most. I don’t think you realize that you need to also be happy, in order for Bambam to be the happiest he can be you also need to be happy, would want you to give up your happiness for him.  Mark also would never let you relationship harm your relationship with your brother. You are taking everything on your own and maybe before you had to, but you need to allow yourself room to breathe. You did everything for Bambam, but now you have to let him learn to stand on his own two feet. You can always be there for him, but if you can’t you have to be able to trust he can take care of himself and trust other people than you. You taught him well, now you need to let him experience things on his own even if it mean it will be hard and hurtful. Look at you have gone through all the pain and hardship you could and you can stand on your own. He may not have had parents, but he had you and you did everything you could for him. Now, you need to do something for yourself because your parents wouldn’t want you or Bambam to give up what makes you happy. I know you are also wanting to protect Mark, but let him protect you too. You trust Mark don’t you?” “Of course, I trust him.” “Then trust that even if things get hard he will be able to fight through it with you.” “it’s not that” Ravi looked a Jinyoung, “then what is it?” “what if I am not good enough for him?” Jinyoung looked at Ravi, with scared eyes it almost may the older cry at the boy. Ravi got up and hugged the boy, “hey, everyone is insecure but don’t let them stop you from living your life. The only one who gets hurt is you and Mark if you allow your insecurity to rule your life decision. You are strong because despite your insecurities you still stay by Mark side and try to be with him if you really want to fight them and care for Mark take a chance. You can try enough it harder and you might get hurt because if you love him isn’t he worth the risk?” Ravi said still hugging the younger. Jinyoung collect his emotions and hug the older back, after while he pulled back.

“Thank you hyung, I think you are right. I have to risk getting hurt, I should stop thinking I am not enough for him because I will try my hardest to be everything he needs. He is worth they hurt.” “Good. No more upset and sad Jinyoung-ah. I like my cute dongsaeng better, go and talk to Mark because I think he is the only one who can help you sort out your mind. If he hurts you then hyung will beat him up.” Jinyoung laughed, “hyung!” “okay, let’s go! I’ll walk you back.” Ravi said getting up. “hold on, I need to get pay.” Jinyoung said and Ravi said okay he’ll wait outside, Jinyoung went to the ajumma and tried to pay. “Oh, you boyfriend already paid.” “Boyfriend?” “Yes, the guy you were with, I’m sorry I thought you were together.” Jinyoung blushed, “No, he already has a boyfriend his is just my hyung.” “oh, my bad.” “no, it is alright.” Jinyoung left, “Ready?” Jinyoung hit Ravi’s arm, “Yah! I was supposed to be pay.” Ravi rubbed his arm, “ow! That hurt and I’m your hyung I can’t let you pay. I just tell you that so we can go out, otherwise, your over protective almost boyfriend, won’t let us hang out.” Jinyoung blush, “He said it was okay, he is a psycho person,” Jinyoung said defending Mark, “aww, that’s cute he is trying for you and yes he actually is you obviously aren’t on the receiving end of the glare to know. He probably doesn’t even glare at you te same way, he looks like he’d end my life if I try to touch you.” “You  exaggerating!” Jinyoung knowing full and well that is true, but It Mark and he will still defend the boy no matter how true Ravi statement is. Ravi smiled he knew exactly how Jinyoung felt, because he does the same for N, and the older is far worse than Mark. The were talking as they walked to Jinoyung’s dorm, “no, I  really am not but it’s refreshing to know I got my point across seeing as you didn’t correct me on the almost boyfriend thing. Jinyoung blushed but didn’t bother replying seeing as he couldn’t deny the truth and he didn’t want to anyway. Jinyoung has asked about N along the way and it turned out to be quite amusing to watch Ravi talk about him. The other turned into love struck puppy, it was cute, the elder obvious really loved this N guy. “So, do you guys still get into arguments.” “not, as bad when we first go together. However,  appreciate that we did because we'd never last as a couple for so long if we didn’t. Our fight made us work out our difference and now we learned what is worth having a fight over and how to deal with our differences. The only thing about fighting is that you should never go to bed mad at each other, the longer you leave the problem to fester the worse it gets to fix it. However, with that being said you shouldn’t try to push each other's buttons when you getting to that point you both need to cool down or let the other person calm down a bit. Saying things out of anger isn’t uncommon, but you also shouldn't reason out that it is okay to say t because you were mad and they didn’t mean it. It is never okay to hurt the person love, you can’t help it sometimes but when you are angry you definitely can help it. You have the ability to calm down and walk away or defused the situation. It is easy for me to say now because N and I have gone through it all, but you and Mark need to go through you own fights to understand. Just don’t think fighting is always a bad thing, it is a necessary as keeping the peace, especially if you guys are different from each other. You just need to remember during every fight, is he worth this fight, is your relationship worth this and you will always get through your fight. Though if you ever find yourself hesitant trying t answer it, then you guys need to have a serious talk and evaluate your relationship. Jinyoung listen to Ravi’s words carefully and they both reached the Jinyoung’s dorm, “thank hyung!, I really appreciate it.” ‘No problem, I’ve been there. You two remind me a lot of N and me. If, you ever need anyone to talk to I’m here.” “thank hyung, you too, you don’t have to keep lying to get me to hang out with you too.” Ravi blushed, “I will remember, don’t forget about hyung when you get you a new boyfriend.” Jinyoung blushed, “Of course not!” Ravi chuckled and ruffled Jinyoung hair, “Cute, don’t forget to tell me how it goes. Make sure you guys talk and sort everything out.” Jinyoung nodded and waved goodbye to Ravi.

Author Comment

it is a bit shorter than usual, but if I added the next part it'd be too long and i really don't want to shorten the next part. Anyways, don't forget to leave your comments, i love reading them!