Jinyoung had been playing with Mark’s hair, as he read a book he left on the coffee table. Mark had been holding Jinyoung and ending up taking a nap. Somewhere along the way of Jinyoung reading and Mark’s nap, Jinyoung had changed positions. He remained on Mark’s lap, but had turned so his back was resting on the armrest of the couch. He had unlatched his legs from around Mark’s torso and opted for placing his feet next to Mark’s thighs, he brought his knees up in order to have a place to rest his book. Mark’s body had unconsciously moved to adjust to Jinyoung’s new position.One of Mark’s hand slipped under Jinyoung’s shirt and rested on Jinyoung’s back. While, Mark’s body shifted to the side, to lay his head Jinyoung’s chest. Mark’s other slipped under the front of Jinyoung’s shirt, most likely look for the warmth from Jinyoung’s body. Jinyoung has gotten used to Mark’s overly touchy nature. It seemed to be more extreme when Mark slept, his hands would just wander in search of warmth. Which apparently could only be provided from Jinyoung’s bare skin. Jinyoung was using one hand to keep his book open and the other the ends of Mark’s hair, at the back of the elder’s neck. Originally, it was kind of startling and strange for Jinyoung, but it wasn’t uncomfortable for him as he thought it would be. It was more of an unfamiliar thing for him. While he and Bambam were extremely affectionate with skinship, this was more intimate. The way Mark touched Jinyoung was a line Jinyoung never crossed when he would use skinship, no matter how affectionate he was. Jinyoung at first wasn’t sure why it didn’t make him uncomfortable? When he knew he hated people seeing is body, much less touch it so freely. However, he is sure that because it is Mark doing it, was the only reason it was comfortable and acceptable to him.

  Jinyoung closed his book as he finished  up the last page. He placed it back on the coffee table and looked at the other. He ran his hand through Mark’s hair and massaged lightly, Mark hummed out satisfied. Mark only slightly stirred from his sleep and Jinyoung began to tugged at the older’s hair lightly, in order to wake the boy. Mark groaned out, but his eyes fluttered opened a few seconds later. “You really need have a thing with my hair. Who wakes someone else up, while tugging their hair?” Jinyoung only scoffed, “Please you like a puppy, you enjoy me massaging your hair and refuse to move, so I tug at it lightly to wake you up. Would you rather I slap you awake or pour ice water on you.” “Why must you use extremely unconventional methods, a normal ‘wake up’ would work.” Jinyoung laughed out sarcastically, “that’s a funny joke hyung, I thought Jackson was the funny one.” Jinyoung’s face quickly went to a deadpanned look, “If a simple wake up would suffice, I wouldn’t have to use other methods. I’ve called your name multiple times before, I would rather save my breath and save the atmosphere from the unnecessary CO₂ emissions. Plus now that we have song, as our method for our project. I should be conserving my voice to showcase a better performance.” Mark just looked like a displeased child at Jinyoung’s sarcasm and witty response. “However, while we are on the topic of our project. I think it’s time you stop procrastinating and show me your singing skills.” Mark was in disbelief at Jinyoung’s segway, “he really is something.  I didn’t realize we were heading in this direction. I should know better, than to think he’d forget.”

  Mark looked at the boy, who just looked way to smug and completely pleased with himself. The smirk, that less than a couple of hours ago was y to the older, was something Mark found intimidating and irritating at the moment. “Fine, I just need a sec. I don’t even know what to sing.” “Sing anything, something you are most comfortable singing. Or the first thing that comes to mind.” Jinyoung said calmly, trying not to show his excitement, in case it made Mark more uncomfortable than he already was. Mark took a deep breath and sighed, he looked at Jinyoung and sang the first song that came to his mind.

Ay, can I talk to you for a minute?

You new around here?

Girl ain't no way, I won't let you down.

If you let me I will show you how, (I like what I see).

Ain't no way (ain't no way),

I'm gon let you down (let you down).

I know it's hard right now (hard right now),

To say yes to me.

But I'm gon make you say you love me.

The way (girl the way), you look to me now (to me now).

We need to get down (let's get down),

You don't know but.

I'm gon make you say you love me girl.

I ain't never fell for a girl like you (like you).

With jeans and a body that curves like you (like you).

I don't really care what they say, when it comes to a difference of age.

I can show you all the things I'll do.

Break your heart, never raise my voice.

Girl let down your guard.

I know it's a lot to ask trust in me, but I can make a difference right now you'll see.

Shorty tell me why you tryna keep all the goodies from me?

Can't you see what you holding me, that does to me.

Everytime you walk pass,

Oh.

Ain't no way (ain't no way),

I'm gon let you down (let you down).

I know it's hard right now (hard right now),

To say yes to me.

But I'm gon make you say you love me.

The way (girl the way), you look to me now (to me now).

We need to get down (let's get down),

You don't know but.

I'm gon make you say you love me girl.

For a minute can you just think about us two?

Swerving in my 645 SU, me leaning over the seat.

I'm passing you your own set of keys, showing you just how the teen got you.

Trust and believe these words, from me been said before.

Tricking ain't my M-O.But girl you represent everything,

That Chris is about so shawty please.

Shawty tell me why you tryna keep all the goodies from me?

Can't you see what you holding me, that does to me.

Everytime you walk pass,oh.

Ain't no way (ain't no way),

I'm gon let you down (let you down).

I know it's hard right now (hard right now),

To say yes to me.

But I'm gon make you say you love me.

The way (girl the way), you look to me now (to me now).

We need to get down (let's get down),

You don't know but.

I'm gon make you say you love me girl.

For you girl, I'll buy you anything,

Just to have you close to me.

Cause you know ya loving is off the wall.

Can't nothing come about, we'll take it slow.

I ain't like the ones' ya know.

I'm gonna make ya love me all night long.

Ain't no way (ain't no way),

I'm gon let you down (let you down).

I know it's hard right now (hard right now),

To say yes to me.

But I'm gon make you say you love me.

The way (girl the way), you look to me now (to me now).

We need to get down (let's get down),

You don't know but.

I'm gon make you say you love me girl.

      Mark sang out the last line shakily and looked right into Jinyoung’s eyes. Jinyoung was mesmerized and in awe, and the way Mark looked at Jinyoung while the he was singing didn’t help Jinyoung’s rapidly beating heart. Mark voice wasn’t amazing and his voice wasn’t a talent to die for. Honestly, Mark was right he wasn’t a singer, he could barely sing on pitch and he definitely couldn’t hit Chris’s range. Though it wasn’t as terrible as the other made it out to be, because at least he wasn’t a tone deaf singer. His voice wasn’t displeasing to listen to, Mark had a shaky voice and you could hear the nervousness in his voice. Mark lacked confidence in his singing, the elder cracked a couple of times trying to keep up with the notes in the song. Mark voice was much deeper and not as smooth as Chris Brown. Despite the lack of proper singing techniques and talent, Mark’s singing was endearing to Jinyoung. Most, people might not share the same sentiments as Jinyoung, but even though Mark’s voice wasn’t necessarily what people would consider ‘good’. Jinyoung found himself wanted to hear Mark sing some more.

  Jinyoung liked the deepness and roughness in the other voice, Mark’s voice wasn’t as smooth as Chris brown. Mark lacked technique and talent, but Mark’s voice held something the boy couldn’t convey normally. Mark sang with emotion and passion, the way Mark looked at Jinyoung when he sang and the way he sang, captivated Jinyoung. Chris Brown was singing about this older girl, that he wasn't going to give up on. But, although Mark sang the same exact song as Chris Brown the message was different, the delivery was different. Mark said girl, but his eyes said boy. Chris Brown sang about this beautiful girl, but Mark sang about a beautiful boy, Mark sang about Jinyoung. A lot of people could sing better than Mark and imitate Chris’s style of singing, but Mark’s singing was special. Mark sang from his heart and put his emotion into the song. Mark voice wasn't as good as other people, but Jinyoung appreciated Mark’s voice more. Mark sang a in a way unique to Mark, he sang with his real personality and that resonated with Jinyoung. More than any other person who was just a good singer. Mark’s way of singing could touch people and make them believe the words of the song. Jinyoung knew from first hand experience, because all he wanted to do was kiss the older and tell him, he loves him and screw waiting for the both of them to fix their issue, he wanted to be with the older right now! Mark was full of surprises and Jinyoung could only feel himself falling deeper and deeper into love with Mark.

         Mark kept staring into the Jinyoung’s eyes, Mark could see Jinyoung thinking. The younger boy’s eyes was concentrated. He was looking at Mark, but Mark knew that the other wasn’t actually seeing him. Mark has come to notice the changes in Jinyoung’s eyes, the younger never let his emotions show on his face, and rarely let it show in his eyes either. However, there were times when Jinyoung would forget his eyes were showing his true feelings, not many people could really catch it. Mark never noticed when it happened, but at some point Mark was able to notice these intricacies in Jinyoung. Minute intricacies to say the least, but Mark noticed them and understood them. He could tell Jinyoung was in his mind, there was no way of knowing what the younger was thinking though. But Mark knew that whatever the younger was thinking about, was something that baffled the other, seeing at how long it was taking the other to snap back. Mark wasn’t as nervous as he initially was when singing, because singing to Jinyoung was not as scary as the elder thought. The words came out automatically, Mark didn’t have to think. When he looked at Jinyoung the song came out automatically, and Mark realized afterwards why it came easy. Because although Jinyoung was no girl, the song was still something that related to Jinyoung. Mark meant the words he sang, in that moment, Mark didn’t care about singing as well as he could. All he wanted was for Jinyoung to know he meant the words he sang, Jinyoung was beautiful and the younger made Mark into a crazy person. All he wanted was for Jinyoung to know that he was going to make younger say that he loved Mark and wanted to be with him. Mark wanted Jinyoung to know, that he’d fix any and everything that was hold back the two of them from being together.

  Jinyoung smiled sweetly, “You singing doesn’t but you aren’t that good.” Mark knew he wasn’t a good singer, but he didn’t expect the younger to out rightly say it to him. Mark frown, “Thanks for telling me what I know, I didn’t need you to tell me it to believe it.” Jinyoung chuckled at Mark’s face, he knew the elder was slightly hurt. “But you know hyung, you don’t have to make me say it. I love you hyung, i’m not reluctant to say it and I wish I could just kiss you senseless and make you know I want you to be mine, and mine alone. Trust me that’s all I want, but we aren’t ready for that yet. However, the way you sang to me made understand a little bit of how you see me. I saw every emotion you sang with and I felt the passion. You may not be the best singer, but your voice was the best to me. Your voice is more impressive than a person who can hit all the notes Chris does, because you sing like you mean it. You sing and you make people feel, not a lot of people who sing good can do that. They may impress people with their vocal ability, but a lot of them can’t do what your voice does, you can move people. That is much more significant to me, I love your singing, almost as much as I love you.” Jinyoung said lovingly as he placed his forehead on Mark’s forehead. Mark frown disappeared and look of determination replaced it, “I’m going to make it so nothing is stopping us from being together, and when I do that. I’m going to come to you and make it impossible for you to say ‘we aren’t ready yet’. I didn’t mean just wanting to hear you say the words. I meant making you mean the words, meaning them to the point where your rationale can’t come and its way in. To point where only your heart will be able to respond to me, you can’t say you love me to the that point yet,i get it . But trust me I will make you get to that point. Just you wait!” Jinyoung felt overwhelmed just by Mark’s words, the look Mark was giving him was too much for Jinyoung right now. Jinyoung needed to be strong and keep his resolve, but with Mark looking at him like that, It was making it all the more harder to listen to the rational part of his brain. “Trust me, I believe you will do exactly that. I think you are already halfway there hyung.” Jinyoung hid in Mark’s shoulder to get away from Mark’s gaze, it felt as if he was getting emotionally stripped with Mark’s gaze. He needed to shield himself before he did something that he promised himself he wouldn’t do.

  Mark wanted to force the other to look at him and break down his stubbornness, but he knew after seeing that Jinyoung’s initial reaction was to hide away. It meant the younger was still thinking with his rationality. Mark didn’t want to force Jinyoung and risk the younger having regrets later on. He wanted it to be Jinyoung’s decisions on when they move forward, Mark made his position clear. All he had to do was wait for Jinyoung to do the same, because Jinyoung was conflicted and Mark knew he had to wait until Jinyoung came to peace with the conflict in the younger’s mind. “Your opinion is honestly all that matters to me. So if you like my voice, even though I still think I can’t sing and I am still uncomfortable with my voice. You make me rethink my opinion, because I can’t be terrible if someone like you can love it.” Mark said smiling, and he felt Jinyoung smile against his shoulder. “If you’re right by my side, I guess I can do it. I can sing in front of everyone else.” Jinyoung pulled his face out of Mark’s shoulder, “There’s nowhere else I could possibly be, as long as you want it and in any situation, I will always stay by your side. It’s never a question. But I guess the singing is better left to me. I think rapping will suit you better hyung.” Mark chuckled, “You’re probably right your voice is the better one and you should probably do the singing, we don’t want the teacher forgetting the purpose of the project because of my not so great singing.” Mark said as a joke, but Jinyoung didn’t want Mark saying it even as a joke, Jinyoung didn’t like Mark talking down about himself. “That wasn’t my intention, It is for my benefit because if you sing to anyone else like you just didn’t to me. I won’t be able to control my jealousy.” Jinyoung said blandly, not even wanting to think about Mark singing like that to another person, it made his blood boil. Even though Mark just confessed that he'll wait and do everything within his power to be with Jinyoung.

  Mark smiled widely, the the sides of his mouth felt as if they were about to rip, from how hard he was grinning. Mark pulled Jinyoung by the sides of the younger’s hips, bring the pouting boy closer, only to close the little space left with his lips. Mark kissed Jinyoung with so much passion and a little bit of possessiveness, Mark pulled away after a good minute or two. “Wha-”Jinyoung attempted to whisper out, only to go unheard, seeing as Mark decided to place his lips over Jinyoung’s again. This time Mark planted a sweet and kiss on the others lips, it lasted less time than the first one. Mark pulled away and rest his forehead on Jinyoung’s. “You are so fricken adorable. You really don’t understand the hold you have over me. You can’t go and be all cute, and not expect me to react like this. It’s funny i’m always the one getting jealous. It never occurred to me that you are capable of getting jealous, I didn’t think angels could get jealous.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes, but stilled looked at the other’s eyes, lovingly. “I told I’m not perfect nor an angel” “Wrong, I think this is the first time that's ever happened. You are my angel, and in my mind everything about you is perfect. Your pretty face, plump lips, shining eyes, sweet voice, caring personality, ridiculous amount of selflessness, and your automatic maternal instincts. Even you faults are perfect because they make who you are. I wouldn’t trade all your faults for anything thing because all of those faults led you to me. I used to pine for my parents’ affection, I resented them and wanted their attention at the same time. I used to regret all my previous actions and wished everything was different, but I’m glad for it all because it brought me to you. I got to meet you and that makes up for everything that happened in the past. I never used to fight enough for myself in the past nor did I ever state what was on my mind or want I wanted. But I wouldn’t do them again, while I’m grateful my actions led me to you. I don’t approve of them anymore, i’m a different person because of you. You make me better and helped me to find my drive, I can’t lose you now. You are so close but still far, even like this kissing and holding you isn’t enough. I can’t say you are mine fully, I need the world to see it. I said your opinion is all that matters and it is the only thing that means more than anything to me. But, I need everyone else to now it. To know that I love you and it’s only ever going to be you for me. So they need to know to stop staring at what belong’s to me, stop lusting, stop imagining, and stop fantasizing.” Mark looked had that same look in his eyes when he pushed Jackson off of Jinyoung and his voice was oozing of primal protectiveness.

  Jinyoung found himself to be an independent person, and his own person. He never let anyone telling him what to do or how he should be. He lived his life according to his own principles and beliefs. He was also stubborn and would not never give into another person, if it went against his own personal decision or choice. What Mark was saying would be something Jinyoung should be defiant against. He doesn’t believe it’s healthy to be overly protective or possessive because it suffocates another person. Which is why he tries his best not to do that to Bambam. He would never want anyone to feel like they can’t make their own decision or have to changing themselves completely for another person, because then you become someone that other people want you to be. Jinyoung has always knew where he stood and never had conflict in his beliefs, but right now he was facing a stalemate with himself.

His brain is telling that he shouldn’t let Mark continue thinking like this. He needs to stop Mark now and let him know this over possessiveness is not going to work. But his heart won’t register those words, he held to be correct for so long. Because the rush of need to hold on to Mark and the want to submit to those were combatting against his own mind. He shouldn’t be happy or feel warm and incredibly loved from those words, because he knew that too much of those feelings no longer led to the definition love.

  “I want to keep you hidden for me only me to have, but I also want to show your greatness off to the world. I want you to stop caring about anyone who isn’t me, but the fact that you care so much for everyone is a reason why I love. The fact that people stare at you and look at you, like thirsty animals, makes me want to kill everyone single one of them. Because you aren’t a piece of meat, you shouldn’t be subjegated to such swallow and driven thoughts. You are a piece of artwork that should only be admired and looked at for it’s deeper beauty and meaning. People should only look and only those who can properly appreciate art’s value and who know how to properly handle and treat you, should be allow to touch or come in contact with you. As much as I want to whole world to know that, I know that it’s impossible because not everyone can appreciate fine art or care to it. But I do and as much I as want to shelter you from any and everyone, I can’t. As much as you resemble a piece of fine artwork, you aren’t that. You are person and amazing one at that, that shouldn’t be held back from being himself. As much as I say you are mine, you are still yourself and all I can wish for, is for you let me be there for you, side by side. As long as I can stay in that position, i’ll be able to protect you from stupid are thieves, who can’t see the real value you offer.

  Jinyoung was gone, so far gone, that nothing else mattered or registered to him in this moment. All his worries in his mind that were panicking over what was going on with all the warmth and tingling in his stomach was gone. If he wasn’t still alive, he would have thought he heart stopped because he wasn’t sure if it was beating anymore. Mark thought it was unfair whenever Jinyoung did something, but only thing that was unfair was how much of a hypocrite the elder was. How dare Mark say all those things and make Jinyoung swoon and feel completely and utterly love. Those words fill a part in Jinyoung, that he didn’t even know was empty. There was always an aching and a yearning in his heart for the love he missed, the pain that emerge when his parents left him. Jinyoung always thought his love for Bambam was the strongest tie he could ever feel, that it was all he needed to be happy. If Bambam was alright he would be okay, everything else didn't matter. Where they lived? How they got by? None of that had mattered. Until he met Mark, Mark reminded him of himself but that wasn’t all.

  Mark was different then everyone one else. Mark didn’t look at him and see the pretty boy on the surface. Ironic, seeing as that was what he ended up being nicknamed as by the other. Mark saw the broken Jinyoung and loved him, the flawed Jinyoung and love him. Mark love him, not the persona the he showed, not the refined idol-esque version of himself. Mark was the first person to hold him and tell it was going to be okay. Mark was the first person Jinyoung actually opened up to after his parents’ accident 13 years ago. Mark managed to make a presence in his life, in the short amount of time the elder knew him. Jinyoung’s only meaning for life was his brother, because that’s what he valued the most. Jinyoung valued his brother life before his own and lived for Bambam. After meeting Mark, his life found another meaning. Making sure he got his rude and misunderstood roommate to open up and love himself. But somewhere along the line Mark convinced Jinyoung that, Jinyoung’s needs and wants are important too, and that Jinyoung’s life should matter the most also. Jinyoung started to realize that being selfish wasn’t wrong and loving himself wasn’t wrong. Mark enlightened Jinyoung more than he realized and Jinyoung was thankful. Mark looked at Jinyoung and notice tears streaming down his face, but his eyes were lost in thoughts again.

  Mark wordlessly wiped the other’s tears, Jinyoung snapped out of his own thoughts when he felt Mark’s thumb on his skin and wetness. Jinyoung finally realized he was crying and he looked at Mark. Mark had a concern face, but didn’t jump the gun and waited for Jinyoung to speak to him. “You’re right I am wrong. I thought that keeping ourselves from jumping into a relationship would be the best thing, but it isn’t. Why should I keep punishing ourselves from what we know we want and what is basically a necessity for us at this point. I thought everything needed to be perfect and in order, that way we can both start a new and maybe in turn, we’d have a different type of luck. But that was ridiculous and cowardly. I was scared that if we got in a relationship, in the same exact states of minds as we previously had, that it would be poison to our a relationship. I feared losing you before I even got to have you. That was stupid because I let my rationality dictate my feelings completely, when I know that what I need to achieve is a balance of the two. I shut off my feelings in order to stop myself from getting hurt. Who knows when you’ll get to see your parents, I figured the longer I held out. the more of a chance I can control the situation and prolong our time together. Deep down, I thought if you got closure you’d realize how much better you can do, better than me.

You were trying to fix your insecurities and I was letting my own dictate my life. But I can’t do that anymore, no matter how much I hate the I fear of losing you. Because after hearing you, I realized I was only punishing the both of us for something that I can't predict. You can’t reassure we will be together forever because you can’t tell what the future holds, but all I know is i’m ready to risk it, because I trust you and I trust you won’t intentionally hurt me. This is the biggest gamble I could ever make. I’m giving you the power to hurt me whenever you choose to, whether you mean it or not, but you are worth the risk. Your love no matter how briefly or fleeting, it may or may not be. It will be enough as long as I get the chance to love and be loved by you, it is enough. Even if I end up with a broken heart at some point, I’ll be glad because I met you and I experienced a love that I’ve never felt before. So I’m making myself clear now. Mark Yien Tuan, I want nothing more than to be by your side for however long I can. I want the world to know that I am yours and that you are mine. I want to be the one to make you smile and wipe your tears, because that’s what you are for me. I want to show you the love you show me, unconditional affection and irrational displays of love. I love you to the point of no return, so please don’t break my heart and push me away ever, because I will be forced to comply in order to keep you happy. Please forgive me for holding us back. Will you please be the only person I call mine and my love?” Jinyoung gave Mark one last glance before closing the distance between them, Mark reacted automatically to the kiss. The kiss was soft, but meaningful, Jinyoung tried to convey his feelings he couldn’t speak in hopes Mark could feel it. Mark was submitting to the other’s kiss, let the other lead, the kiss was like Jinyoung’s speech it start out soft and gentle like his apology. Then the intensity gradually grew, explaining the confliction of feelings. Finally, it became passionate and raw, like the current emotions Jinyoung was feeling. Mark felt it all and followed every movement of lips and tongue, it was like a beautiful dance.  It lacked the structure of choreography, but held the passion in it’s movements and feelings.

After what felt like an eternity of bliss for Mark, Jinyoung pulled away from the kiss once he felt he conveyed all he needed to say and let out a pant. Only to get pulled back into Mark’s embrace and lips. This time Mark was much less submissive, he let Jinyoung have all the time the younger needed, to convey what Jinyoung needed to say. But Mark never planned on letting go afterwards. All Mark needed was the okay, permission to claim what already was his to claim. He need the permission, to finally break the wall of restraint and so he could show his love for the other. Now that Jinyoung gave the go, he wasn’t going to hold back, he meant it when he said the only opinion that mattered was Jinyoung’s. The fact that he was now able to hold Jinyoung’s hand and never let go was amazing. Mark liked the idea of holding  Jinyoung’s hand. It was an intimacy and luxury he never had the courage to do, even though he knew Jinyoung wouldn’t have pushed him a way, if he had attempted earlier. He knew before he didn’t have right to hold onto in younger's hands, as if that were his place, but now he does have that right and it will only ever be Mark’s rightful place. Jinyoung was way too elated and overwhelmed in his and Mark’s make out session to remember that Mark never answered him. Jinyoung knew the answer, but craved the confirmation because then it solidified the truth, it made them officially. Jinyoung pulled, “Ma--” Only to be cut off by Mark’s lips. Continued to pull away, “hyu-” he tried again only to have the same thing happen again. “Hyung stop” *kiss* “Nope” *kiss* “but hyung” *kiss* “hyung seriously I” *kiss* “I’m trying to tell you something!” Jinyoung barely got out, putting his hand on Mark’s chest to stop the other. Mark just held both of Jinyoung’s hand and intertwined them in his owns. “Fine. Go. Ahead. I’ll. Just. Listen. Mark said in between kissing Jinyoung’s lips and the moving to on the younger's neck. “Hyunggg~~ yo- you ahhh~ didn’t an- an- answer ughh~~ah~ah me!” Jinyoung moaned out as Mark nipped at his neck, it was Mark’s intention to mark the younger for everyone to see. “Really Jinyoung that’s what you needed to ask. Of course, I’ve been yours! It shouldn’t be a question that requires an answer or even a question you need to ask. Honestly, you should be putting your lips to better uses, like this.” Mark said before capturing the younger’s lips again.

Author Comment

Sorry for the late update! Hope you enjoy the chapter, comment belowe to let me know your thoughts. I enjoy reading your reactions, as always thank for reading and subscribing!