Jinyoung and Mark laid there on the younger’s bed for a while, Mark had shifted from squishing is face into Jinyoung’s neck to gently resting his head on the other’s chest. Mark thought Junior’s neck was warm and soft, but he was starting to prefer his chest better. The other’s frame wasn’t as skinny as his own, Junior was slim but had a solid frame. The younger’s chest was broad and toned, but it was the most comfortable place to Mark. Mark honestly had much better sleep the other day, then any other sleep he has ever had and he was pretty sure that was because of Junior being his personal pillow. Jinyoung was waiting for Mark to finish “warming himself up” as the older called it, not that he minded. Jinyoung was naturally an affectionate person, touching and hugging other people without any real concern about how the other people would feel. However, Jinyoung was very natural when he would initiate skinship. So the people wouldn’t really mind, they even found Jinyoung’s affection cute and comfortable. Mark on the other hand wasn’t the type people would consider to be affectionate and touchy, feely. Not that Jinyoung could blame others for thinking that, seeing as Mark may it a point to make sure people knew he didn’t appreciate their presence. But, Jinyoung learned rather quickly that Mark was very much a touchy, feely type of person, the older just needed to be very comfortable with the person. Mark’s approach was very different from Jinyoung’s own though. Was Jinyoung was subtle and natural with his approach, Mark was more rash and imposing. They both approached people in a way the makes it impossible for the people to deny them. However, Jinyoung was hard to deny because he provided warmth and comfort. While Mark didn’t allow for you to deny him, he attached himself and stuck on, snuggling in until he felt he was a part of the other’s body. Jinyoung found it cute because it didn’t match the persona Mark showed other people. Jinyoung felt flattered and special, that Mark trusted him enough to be like this with him. Jinyoung liked being the only one who got to see this part of the older, but he also wanted Mark to be comfortable with others too. So other people can see the real Mark and notice the amazing person he really. Mark didn’t seem to have much confidence in himself and didn’t want to show he real self in case they didn’t like him. Jinyoung theorizes that Mark’s façade was a defense mechanism that he automatically put up after being hurt by someone he really cared for. Mark pushed people away and made himself unapproachable because that way people couldn’t see the real him for who he is. Mark made a scenario where no one could get close enough to hurt him or get to know him, in case they didn’t like the real him. It saddens Jinyoung to see how little the other thought of himself and had such little confidence in himself, because Jinyoung thought the other was amazing. Jinyoung feels himself automatically hating the person who made Mark like this. Whoever hurt him this bad didn’t deserve the older boy’s love and care, Mark was sweet and precious he deserved to be treated so. Jinyoung’s had his suspicion, after seeing how Mark reacted when he asked about the other’s family, that his family might be the source of Mark’s sadness and hurt. Jinyoung really wished that he could help Mark, he realizes how hard it may be, but he won’t give up.

                Mark’s breathing started to slow down and Jinyoung realized the other was near to falling asleep. Jinyoung sat up bringing the other boy up with him, Mark adjusted himself accordingly with the new position and his face went back to Jinyoung’s neck. But Jinyoung wasn’t letting the other go to sleep, Jinyoung hands were still in Mark’s hair and on his lower back. “Mark hyung, come on no sleeping we still have not eaten anything and we still need to talk. So time to get up!” Jinyoung said softy, lightly tugging on the boy’s hair. Mark just groaned and swatted Jinyoung’s hand to stop, but the other continued. “Not hungry. We can talk later. Right now sleep.” Mark said face still in Jinyoung’s shoulder, but Jinyoung could feel the frown starting to form on Mark’s face. “No hyung, you need to eat. You were sick the other day and still need to build back up your strength. Stop being stubborn and listen to me! Plus, you promised me something and so that means we are going to talk when I feel like it, whether you want to are not. Now be a good hyung and save your favorite dongsaeng from starving.” Mark sighed and reluctantly, very reluctantly, got up. “Fine. But don’t you think you’re the one now being too full of themselves. How can you just claim yourself as my favorite dongsaeng? Do you think you’re better than Jackson and Jaebum?” Mark said with raised eyebrows, smirking teasing the other boy. Jinyoung was relieved that Mark was feeling better, but didn’t give into Mark’s teasing. “Oh so then Jackson and Jaebum are better than me then?” Jinyoung said pouting only pretending to be upset, but deep down he really wanted to hear Mark say that he was the elder’s favorite. Mark felt a bit panicked thinking Junior was actually upset, with his cute little pout making a comeback. “Hey, stop with the face already. I was kidding!” Mark said quickly trying to pacify the younger. Jinyoung liked the panic in Mark’s voice and decided to play with the other some more. “Whatever hyung let’s just go and get some food it doesn’t matter. It’s not like you’re my favorite it either.” Jinyoung said with a fake passive-aggressiveness in his tone and attempting to leave the room, Mark didn’t like hearing that at all. Mark got really worried the younger meant his words and quickly held on to the other’s wrist and pulled him hard, turning him around in the process. Jinyoung went crashing into Mark’s chest, Mark stared at Jinyoung with an intense gaze. Jinyoung couldn’t decipher the look Mark was giving him, but the intensity of Mark’s gaze was intimating. It caused Jinyoung to unconsciously step back to get out of the way of Mark’s gaze. Mark didn’t allow him to get far, tightening the grip on Jinyoung’s wrist, and for extra measure he pushed the younger back against the wall, trapping the younger in between his arms. Jinyoung looked startled he didn’t expect Mark to react like this, he thought the other would just whine. Mark rested his forehead against Junior’s and stared into Junior’s eyes. “Listen, I figured you’d realize I was joking. You are my favorite; I didn’t think I needed to say It. I figured it was an obvious thing, but if I need to say to make it clear then I will. So, Park Junior you are without a doubt and uncontestably, my favorite person. Don’t for a second think that I treat anyone else the way I treat you. Jackson and Jaebum are my friends, and I do cherish them. But you are, for lack of a better term, my angel. So don’t pout because it will always be you, got it?” Mark said with more of that emotion that Jinyoung still couldn’t identify, but he did know he liked it because Mark’s words made in feel really warm inside. Jinyoung whispered out an okay, because Mark’s forehead never left his forehead during that little speech. Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Mark’s neck and Mark’s arms moved from the wall to Jinyoung’s waist. “You’re my favorite too. Out of Jackson and Jaebum, even if you think that I am flirting with Jaebum. Just remember that I don’t allow Jaebum to hug me like this or touch me like this, so stop getting jealous. I am not looking to get in a relationship right now. Okay hyung?” “Yeah okay.” And after a few more moments Mark released Jinyoung and went to go search for the shirt he discarded earlier.

                The two left Jinyoung’s room and went out to the kitchen, Jinyoung started to take out things to cook. “Do you like samgyetang, hyung?” “You know how to make that?” “Hum, yeah it isn’t as hard as most people think actually. So you like it? Or should I cook some western food, would suit your taste buds more?” “Oh no I like Korean food more so than American food, well except hamburgers, but I really like soups and meats. Actually, my favorite is Gablitang and yours was the best I’ve tasted since coming to Korea.” Mark said praising Junior’s cooking honestly. Jinyoung flushed at the compliment, “Ah I’m sure that’s an overstatement hyung.” “Ani, seriously it is why do you think I wanted you to cook for me all the time. Seriously how’d you get so good at cooking?” “Seriously hyung you really know how to praise people. Well when me and Bambam were in the orphanage he wouldn’t eat any of the food. My mom would make his baby food personally and that boy believe it or not is more stubborn than me, as a child it was worse. I used to help my mother make my brother’s food and dinner when I was little, so she would teach me some recipes and how to cook. I know how to cook a lot of different cuisines actually. My mom loved Chinese food, my dad liked western food, and my mom was learning to cook Thai recipes so we can keep Bambam’s culture.” “Wow! You really are like a mother. You’d make a good wife.” Mark said completely innocently, “hey, why would I be a wife? I am a guy!” “Please Junior, you let me hug you when I am shirtless and have no problems with it, plus you blush when I am really close to you sometimes. You can’t believe that I will think you’re straight, and you’d definitely be the more submissive one in a relationship.” Jinyoung looked at Mark completely scandalized, “excuse me, I will have you know I am neither straight nor gay. I don’t see people for their gender, but rather for them as the person they are and that’s what I find beautiful in a person so don’t go classifying me so lightly. Plus, you shouldn’t be talking honestly, you think I believe you’re straight. You are even more needy than some girls.” Jinyoung huffed indignantly.  Mark looked equally offend, “Hey! I am not needy. You’re just incredibly warm and I happened to be cold when I am around you. Plus, I’ve never been attracted to anyone so I can’t really say I am or not, but I really don’t care about gender either.” Mark retorted. “Okay Mark hyung.” Jinyoung said rolling his eyes, “hey! You’re just as disrespectful as Jackson. I am your hyung!” Mark said feeling patronized by the younger.  Jinyoung ignored Mark’s words and started preparing the raw chicken, Mark being the good hyung is, let it slip. “Hey do you need any help?” “You can cook?” Jinyoung said with a look of hesitation and caution. “Excuse me, I lived in a dorm for the past four years. I am not incompetent.” Mark said offended. Although, it was all a bluff, the boy has never even been in the kitchen for more than 10 mins. He and Jackson used to buy food all the time, but he thought how hard could it be if Junior started learning as a child. “Um okay you cut up that onion for me, just dice it.” Jinyoung said a bit apprehensively, so he gave the elder an easy job, Mark didn’t know what diced meant but he could hear the lack of trust in Junior voice. So he didn’t want to ask him and look like an idiot. “Okay.” Mark had no idea where to start and took a long time washing his hands trying to decide on a course of action, as if he was going to war. He cut the onion in half first remembering his mom doing that before and peeled off the skin. Mark felt proud after 2 mins that he finally got the peel off, he proceeding to chop the onion roughly in any kind of way. But he eyes started to water and obscure his vision, which led him to cutting his finger by accident. “Ow !” Mark cried out dropping the knife and holding his finger, Jinyoung hearing Mark turned around to see what happened.  He saw the other cradling his finger, “hyung are you alright? What happened?” “that stupid onion made my eyes sting and water, so I couldn’t see what I was cutting and I accidently cut my finger.” Mark said glaring at the onion, irritated that it made him look stupid in front of Junior. Jinyoung shook his head in disbelief at is hyung extreme childishness, “Hyung, burning holes into the onion won’t kill it. I think your chopping skills already did that. I mean honestly, I said dice not mince it until it is unrecognizable.” Jinyoung said in disbelief. Mark frowned at Junior’s words he only wanted to help the other, but the universe was really against him. “stupid onion, stupid knife, and stupid universe.” Mark muttered lowly but Jinyoung still heard him, and the younger felt a sweat drop. His hyung was extremely childish, He thought before going to get the first aid kit. Jinyoung took Mark’s finger and wiped the blood and put ointment on it, he placed a band aid on it and out of habit kissed his wound. Mark still blushed even though the other hand done it earlier when fixing up his hands, “okay.” Jinyoung said and threw out the maimed onion, and in less than a minute diced a new one. Mark felt stupid after seeing how fast Junior cut the onion, hmph he could of just said cut them into cubes, Jinyoung sworn he heard the other mutter. “Do you need any more help?” Mark said determine to redeem his hurt pride, “I think you’d be more help if you didn’t do anything actually.” Jinyoung said off handedly as a passing remark, but Mark still heard it and felt his wounded pride get a deeper wound. Mark’s frown intensified “I think I got it from here really, why don’t you go watch some t.v are something”, Mark didn’t like how the other was trying to get rid of him. “Fine. I won’t help you. I’ll just keep you company.” “That’s okay. You’ll be bored, why don’t you just go and relax. I’ll call you when I finish.” Mark just sighed and agreed, Jinyoung heard the boy’s feet move but it wasn’t out of the kitchen. Jinyoung felt Mark back hugging him. “hyung, what are you doing?” “You told me to relax that is what I am doing?”. Jinyoung was honestly at this point done with getting surprised with his hyung’s actions, and just allowed the boy to do whatever he wanted, it was simply much less work. Plus, it wasn’t like Mark was ever going to give him anything else, but simple answers. Jinyoung just hummed in response and continued on with the other like koala on his back.

 Jinyoung put the chicken and left it to boil, “okay hyung, I’m done. Now we can wait till it finishes cooking.” “okay, we can just sit on the chair than I’m comfortable like this.” Jinyoung walked over to the couch and Mark detached himself. Mark gestured for Jinyoung to sit, Jinyoung sat down, but Mark didn’t look satisfied. Mark turned the boy’s body and pushed him down to lay on the couch. “how are you doing to fit, if” but before Jinyoung could finish his sentence Mark slipped in between his legs and laid on his chest. “There that’s more comfortable, no?” Jinyoung just wrapped his arms around Mark in response, “okay, since we have some time till the food finishes. I think it is time we have that conversation about what happened today.” Mark shifted uncomfortable, he knew that the other was going to bring that up sooner or later. As much as Mark would have preferred for it to be much later, he knew Junior wasn’t going to let him slide. So Mark sighed, “alright, what do you want to know?” “Well, let’s start with what got you so angry?” “I don’t really know. I just was sitting there thinking about…… something.” Jinyoung sighed, “Hyung this won’t work if you don’t tell me everything.” Mark knew that but he was just embarrassed to tell the other about what happened earlier today. “Hyung you promised me.” The other pushed on, “yeah, yeah I remember” Mark sighed out. “Okay?  You have to promise not to get mad or laugh.” Mark said “You know I won’t do either.” “Just promise me.” “Okay fine, I promise.” Mark took a deep breath, “Well I was only teasing you earlier today, but you took it seriously and thought I was serious and walked around all day with a frown, looking like a depressed puppy.” Jinyoung wanted to protest that we wasn’t, but he didn’t want to interrupt the other. “And so I was flustered by your reaction and didn’t know how to tell you I was joking.” Jinyoung was annoyed he suffered all day worrying over Mark being mad at him. “You could’ve just told me that.” Jinyoung said with a hint of annoyance in his voice and he felt Mark flinched, and stopped speaking a bit apprehensive at Junior’s reaction. Jinyoung calmed himself “I’m sorry, just continue. I promise I will keep my comments to myself.” Mark was a little unsure but continued after a while, “yeah so I was worried about telling you it was joke. I thought you would get upset, but your mood was getting worse. I felt really bad, I kept trying to think of ways to show you that I wasn’t mad. Though everything I came up with all seem to be a bit obscure, so I finally realized I was being ridiculous. If I just told you I was mad and I was joking this would have been done with. So I was going to go just do that, but then I just thought you were going to ask why I wanted to tease you. I didn’t know how to tell you that you looked cute when you were irritated, because it was embarrassing. So I just sat back down and hit my head on the table, in frustration. That’s when I heard you talking to Suji and I got angry.” Jinyoung still confused at why, “Why?” “I don’t know. I just was sitting there worrying about you and then you talk to Suji and your frown was no longer on your face. That made me mad because I was sitting there worrying about how to make you smile again and there you were just giving it away so easily. Then I heard her flirting with you and you weren’t stopping her advances and you agreed to going out on date with her later. Then I just going really angry, you were telling me the other day how you weren’t going to leave me and there you were flirting. So I felt betrayed because I thought you were going to leave me for someone better and then I’d be right back to where I was again. So I said all those things out of rage and couldn’t stop myself. Then you told me what really happened and I was angry that I didn’t listen. And you slapped me, hard and that stopped me. But I was stubborn and couldn’t help but think about my perspective and then that’s when everyone else came and I just didn’t want to deal with anything. I was mad and said those things to Jaebum because he kept pushing me for answers I didn’t have. Then he was telling me about how you were only good to me and you didn’t deserve that, and I got more annoyed because I knew that already. Plus, Jaebum and you looked close earlier and I thought about how many other people you could be giving to your care and attention to and blew up at him. Then I got to my room and let out all my anger, but then calmed down and looked in the mirror and realized everything I did and said. I was wrong and mean, and hurt everyone. I couldn’t stand looking at myself so I punched my reflection and then, well you know the rest.” Mark said feeling ashamed and vulnerable, so buried his face into Jinyoung’s chest and refused to move. “oh hyung.” Jinyoung said sympathetically and hugged the boy tighter and cradling him close. “Mark hyung, it doesn’t matter if I talk to other people and wanna hang out with them. I will still always make time for you, I already told you I am making you my priority and I will help you.  You don’t have to be jealous of anyone else, because that what you were today. I Like you the best over everyone else, you’re really nice to me and nice to cuddle. Don’t think you so easy to replace, I don’t know why you think so little of yourself. When I think so highly of you, you’re amazing and adorable.” Mark blushed heavily and refused to look up at the other, even if the urge to do so was strong. “Hyung just tell me when you’re feeling like this or when I do something that hurts you, because I won’t always be able to understand you otherwise. I will work on be able to understand your intentions better and you try to talk things out with me, okay?” Mark nodded, “Good because I don’t want you to feel like this ever again. Just talk with me and I will reassure you of things because I don’t want you hurting yourself like this again. I was really worried today, don’t do that to me ever again?” Jinyoung said seriously, which finally got the boy to look up from his chest, “Okay Junior, I won’t. I’m really sorry for worrying you. I didn’t think you’d get so worry.” Mark said shyly, “Listen here I’m getting tired of having to say this but I will repeat it a million time if I have to, if it gets you to understand. I care for you because I want to and because I believe you’re worth it. So stop thinking so lowly of yourself, you’re nothing short of amazing. You are my precious friend and I don’t like you all depressed and self-hating. So if you need to me to remind you how amazing you are come to me anytime. Be it when I am at work or even 3:00 am because it is important to me you know it.” Jinyoung said frustrated that Mark didn’t love himself as he should. Then he bent down and kissed the boy’s forehead and left his lips there for a while and sighed contently when he felt that his message was conveyed. Mark just held him tight and Jinyoung knew he understood what he meant.

They were silent for a bit, Mark just taking comfort in Jinyoung’s embrace and calming presence. Jinyoung just holding tightly onto Mark, hoping his hold would convey the message he had told the other. Jinyoung knows that words don’t mean that much to the older, because Mark has relied on actions to get his intentions across for the longest time. Jinyoung on the other hand has always been the one to comfort and talk for him and Bambam, that it comes easy for him to talk out things. The two fit each other quite well, they balanced each other, Jinyoung doesn’t need Mark to talk to understand and Mark doesn’t need an unnecessary amount of words from the other. The silence was enough for them right now, it healed them both, whether they knew it or not. “Junior?” “hmm” “I’m worried.” Mark said tone calm, but Jinyoung could feel the nervousness radiating from his body, Mark seemed as if he was having troubling getting the rest of his words out. So Jinyoung the boy’s head as if to say, I am here and take your time, Mark took a breath before continuing, “I worried that Jaebum and Jackson won’t forgive me, I mean I don’t even know how I should apologize to them.” Mark said in a distressed tone, “Well I think you can do it. You did a just fine job apologizing to me.” “That’s different!” “How so? I believe the situation was quite similar actually.” “that’s not what I mean!” Mark said sounding stressed. Jinyoung still remaining calm, despite not fully understanding Mark’s dilemma, said “Well if you don’t tell me exactly what you mean I will have to infer from the information given. Which by the way isn’t all that much, so why don’t you try this again and be a little more specific with your dilemma.” Mark sighed, “It is different because you’re different from them it is easier to apologize to you than them.” “Why is that?” “because you’re you. I don’t know how to explain it!” “Yes, you do. Just tell me why it’s easier.” Mark was getting frustrated because he really didn’t know, Jinyoung could see Mark getting frustrated. “Okay, take a breath and don’t get so worked up. I am not asking you to give me one of your kidney’s.” “I rather give you a kidney and I am not getting worked up!” Mark said indignantly, even though it was quite obvious he was, Jinyoung shook head and sat up. He brought Mark up with him and then turned the boy to face him pulling Mark in his lap. Mark readjusted himself so he was in the other’s lap with his legs behind Jinyoung’s back. “Listen hyung and look at me! Take a deep breath.” Mark did so “now release slowly.” Mark followed his instruction. “Good now that you are calmed down. Listen, you don’t have get frustrated just tell me what you feel and I will make sense of it to the best of my abilities, okay?” Mark nodded “Good now why is it easier to apologize to me?” “I feel a need to make sure you know that I didn’t mean the words I said, I physically feel myself needing to apologize. It is not that I don’t feel sorry for what I said to Jackson or Jaebum because I do, it is just that the urgency to apologize to them isn’t as pressing as it is when I think about you. Plus, I feel safe when I talk to you and I am not as worried about you seeing me like this. I don’t think I can do that in front of them, you don’t need to hear certain things from me, you just get what I mean with minimal words. I been with those two for 4 years and they don’t get what I mean when I do things, like you do. I mean Jackson tries to be understanding even if he doesn’t understand, but Jaebum just doesn’t understand and misunderstands. I can’t blame him though because I don’t give him anyway to understand my feelings or intentions.” Mark sighed. Jinyoung took in what Mark said then gathered his thoughts, “Okay, I get it. You’re comfortable with me enough to open up, I don’t know really know why it’s just me because I am sure Jackson and Jaebum have tried hard like me. But it is okay, it not your fault that you can’t easily open up to other people. You want to show them you care, but you don’t know how to and they don’t know how to help you either. I guess because I can notice your intentions you feel a greater urgency for me to understand you. Seeing as I am the only one who gets the meaning behind your actions, you’re more scared of losing that. It is okay to feel like this. You just trust me more, it is not bad, I’m sure if you allow yourself to trust them it will be easier.” Mark listened to Jinyoung and was able to get what he meant, but was still in dilemma. “Okay, I get that, but I don’t know why I can’t just trust them. They never gave me reason not to, but I still get that feeling of not be able to talk to them properly.” “It is not easy to trust people, especially for you. It will take time; I am not saying that you need to fully trust them immediately. However, you need to allow yourself to be able to take the risk of letting them in, just answer this. Do you want to Lose Jackson and Jaebum as friends?” “I don’t think it is my choice, they will leave me regardless of whether I want them to or not.” Mark said sullen, “that’s exactly why they don’t know if you value their friendship or not. You think that you wanting their friendship is not important, because they will leave anyways. Mark hyung you need to show them if you can’t tell them, that they mean something to you. You don’t have to explain all this to them, they just need reassurance that they are important to you. So I’ll ask you again, do you want to lose them or not?” Mark bit his lips, “I don’t want to lose them. But” “No, no buts. If you don’t want to lose them then make the effort to keep them from leaving.” “What if they still want to leave?” Mark said worriedly. “I understand it is hard for you to believe that they will choose to stay with you and not hurt you, because of whatever happened in your past to make you so self-conscious. But if they mean something to you, you’ll have to take the risk for getting hurt. Can you take that risk for them?” “I I I don’t I mean; I am not sure.” Mark stammered out, “why not?” “What if they don’t care anymore. I am scared they will say that I am not worth it again.” “again?” “Jaebum said that I was not worth it. When I told him to leave me alone and that I don’t need them.” Mark said sadly. Jinyoung took a deep breath to calm his anger because Jaebum didn’t know that was the worst possible thing to say to Mark. “Okay he didn’t mean that though” “How do you know?” Mark said “Well did mean what you said about me being a ?” Mark flinch at the words he said in anger, “Of course not, you know that!” “exactly my point, but Jaebum doesn’t know that you said what you said out of anger, not meaning it. So he had to hurt you like you hurt him, as a defense for not getting hurt, and said that not meaning it either.” Mark didn’t look completely convinced, “look Jaebum and Jackson stayed with you four years, no one stays with someone that long if they didn’t mean anything to them. Friends fight it is all a part of growing up. It just takes a lot of strength and care for each other to resolve it and you get closer and understand each better when you do. So do you think you can risk getting hurt, in order to save your friendship?” “I don’t know if they will forgive me, but I want them to. I don’t want to lose them, so I will try for them.” Mark said finally deciding, he was still worried but he didn’t want to give up Jackson and Jaebum. “Good. I will be there with you, for support don’t worry and if they say they don’t wanna be your friend I’ll still be there for you. However, I am 100% sure they won’t say that. I would tell you don’t worry but you’re going to anyways, so just I’ll just ask you to trust me instead. It will all be alright.” “I trust you.” “good, now get up I need to check on dinner. I think it is done.”

Author Comments 

I'm sorry I decide to take break yesterday, here chapter 9 enjoy!